Today, as I sit at my desk and work on endless website edits and all the litany of crapolla that was piled up for me to work on when I got back from vacation… I have a deep thought and conviction?
Why am I doing this?
I don’t mean “being in ministry” so much as I mean “what I do in ministry.” So much of my ministry isn’t really ministry… It’s tedium. Planning. Communicating. Following-up. Pushing a mouse. Reading articles. Registering participants. Yada yada yada.
How much of what I do really effects people for Christ? I really wrestle with this… Especially coming off of a vacation and especially coming off of seeing our missionary friends.
I wonder, does any of this stuff I do really matter? Wouldn’t these bored teenagers just be bored teenagers if I weren’t here?
And while I’m at it
I wonder if anyone really cares that I’ve done all of work day without taking the time to open my Bible, spend time in prayer, or really connect myself with God at all. (Of course, it is funny because most of what I have done today has been to help others connect to God! Figure that out, OK?)
At the end of the day, at the end of it all, at the end of my tedium… I, PA… Need Jesus. I hunger to know him as closely as I have in the past and I sometimes get so stuck in “doing Jesus” that I forget who he is.
So, that’s what’s been going through my mind this first day back from vacation. Humph.
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shay added these words on Jul 08 05 at 3:28 amI’ve often thought this question over the past couple of YEARS… on and off when things are most tedious or incredibly busy. “Does it matter”? What we do? I can’t honestly say yes or no. There are definitely those students whose lives have been impacted while I have been at POP - yet there are still the crowds of ‘bored teenagers’ who show up week after week and complain about the same things. Will they EVER CHANGE?! (insert screaming and gnashing of teeth here)
Thanks for the post, and it’s always good to know we’re never alone in our struggles.
–Shay
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