Is this some sort of commentary on my desire to reach people? If so… I didn’t know you were a sociologist for the Northern suburbs of Detroit.

Sorry if that sounds snarky but…. it is what it is.

1 And Jesus and the disciples headed out from that place into the wilderness. 2 Suddenly, Simon-Peter realized that the crowd was getting thin because the journey ahead didn’t seem favorable. 3 Speaking up, he asked, “Master, why are our numbers down? Should we do something about it? Something a bit more seeker-sensitive”

4 Jesus looked at him and loved him. 5 “Sounds like a great idea, Pete. Go out and put on an outreach event. See if you can get that one cheap Christian band that sounds like the more expensive Christian band that sounds like Coldplay (but not when they were successful because we couldn’t afford them since Judas keeps helping himself to a portion of the offerings). I can build something pretty awesome on that pebble.”

6 So the disciples went out and passed out flyers advertising the iPod giveaways and Mountain Dew that would be consumed. 7 When the people heard that pizza would also be provided, a great number of them came out. 8 Eating the food and drinking the Dew, they stuck around long enough to hear if their name was called for the iPod. 9 Soon after, they left.

8 Then Andrew said to his brother Peter (as only brothers in Christ can do), “Told you so.”

9 When the disciples came back to Jesus, Thomas (called Didymus) spoke up. “I doubt this approach is going to work. It’s too modern an approach for such a postmodern audience.”

10 Jesus loved him, too. 11 “T-Diddy, take those doubts and come up with an alternative.”

12 Thomas withdrew to a quiet place.

13 “I don’t get it,” Matthew said.

14 Philip replied, “Contemplative ministry.”

15 Then the Pharisees came out and grabbed the flyers, asking, “Is this the best use of paper? Don’t you know what this stuff costs a package? And why all this clip art? Too much use of black ink, I say. This isn’t being a good steward of finances at all.”

16 Jesus loved the Pharisees, too, even if it was a little harder.

17 Matthew stood up at this moment, declaring, “We need to get back to our Jewish roots! Just like they did in the first century with the Torah and all that dust of the rabbi stuff.”

18 All the disciples looked at each other, rather confused. Meanwhile, Matthew started jumping on a trampoline that was safe to jump on because it had bricks underneath its posts.

19 Jesus loved him, too, by the way.

20 Finally, John spoke up and asked, “Could I share an idea?”

21 Jesus loved the disciple whom he loved… which goes without saying.

22 “I know I’m the youngest and all, but could I take leadership of this ministry? You know, like a student-led sort of thing?”

23 His brother James asked, “Why you and not me?”

24 John replied, “Because you got to lead last time and it’s my turn.”

25 “Fraid not,” said James, “I’m more mature.”

26 “Fraid so,” said John, “because student-led ministry is the next wave and since I’m younger I’m better.”

27 “Fraid not,” said James.

28 “Fraid so,” said John.

29 A little later, Luke and Mark came by and wrote this all down. Zonderdale and Tyndervan are still competing for the rights.

30 Meanwhile, Jesus kept on loving them all. Not too many people got saved that day, though.