Month: October 2011

  • Sticky Faith Book Club, Chapter 4

    This is part 4 in an 8 part series on Sticky Faith. Join our book club by signing up here. (part 1, 2, 3)

    Yakety yack. Don’t talk back.

    Kara opens chapter 4 with an interesting question. “If we planted a microphone in your home, what would we record?” I’ve been chewing on that for a week or so. I’d like to think that you’d hear some significant stuff as Kristen and I lead our home. But, in truth, you might not hear much more than what Kara asserts– logistics.

    That’s hardly living the Shema.

    Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

    Deuteronomy 6:4-9

    As I reflected on chapter 4 and the Shema one thing popped out to me that I can change right away: I can have significant teachable moments with my kids while going about the logistics of the day. 

    Connect the Dots

    I’ll never forget having a conversation with Megan a few years back. We were packing the moving van to move from Michigan to California. I was so lost in the logistics of trying to move 4 people, 2 pets, and a semi-load full of stuff 2200 miles that I don’t think we ever really talked to our kids about WHY we were moving.

    She said something like, “I know all about San Diego and all the fun things we are going to do when we live there. But I don’t know why we can’t live here anymore.”

    She was compliant and happy about the move. But she just didn’t get it.

    And we had a powerful conversation about following God’s call.

    Don’t be a religious leader, be a parent

    I’ve had to get over myself with my kids. They could care less that I work with high school students. They could care less about all of the things I do for the Kingdom of God. Doing all of that stuff outside of the home doesn’t automatically translate to sticky faith in my kids. They don’t care that I taught at youth group or wrote something a lot of people liked.

    But they care greatly when we go for a walk and talk about what they learned at Awana or talk about the Bible verse they posted on our fridge door from church. In truth, the idea of a family devotional wouldn’t be true to who we are as a family. But we can (and do) have important discussions as we go about our day.

    Discussion questions

    1. How do you bring up tricky topics with your children?
    2. The book emphasizes the importance of listening over lecturing, how have you put that into practice in your home?
    3. What’s the best conversation you’ve had recently with your kid? Why do you think it went so well?
    4. Which conversation ritual from this chapter are you going to try? Or what is one you thought of while reading this chapter?

  • 3 Recent Writing Projects

    • I’m a regular contributor at Slant 33. Here’s my latest post on knowing when to leave your current ministry position. I’m turning in one today on social media boundaries.
    • On Thursday, Relevant Magazine published a recent post of mine called, “What to do when you fail.” It was fun to see my work on their front page. I love that post and I hope it gives some people going through hard times some hope.
    • I wrote the theology piece for the November/December issue of Immerse Journal. The article is called, “Open-Source Theology: Re-embracing the priesthood of all believers to become Good News in the Neighborhood.” This article takes the time to unpack and provide theological context for some of my more popular blog posts. I’m super excited about this article.

  • POLL: Do you have to be paid to be considered a youth worker?

    Context: My last paycheck from a church as a full-time youth pastor came in May 2008. Since that time I’ve worked full-time at a youth ministry organization and volunteered through a local church youth ministry. (Technically, two organizations and two churches.)

    Every so often I hear from a youth worker, usually at a church, who says something like, “As a person who used to be a youth worker…” or “You’re a youth ministry influencer and not a youth worker anymore.”

    That’s the context of this poll. It’s not just about me, though. Think about all of the people you know who used to be on staff at a ministry and are now in a different role. Are those people youth workers in your eyes? I’m trying to understand if you consider a youth worker to only be a paid person from a church/youth ministry organization… or do you define it wider than that?

    Be honest. The poll is anonymous.

  • Learn from me on December 3rd

    If you live in Southern California (or are willing to come visit) I am hosting 2 classes on December 3rd through a brand new website, Skillshare.

    Growing your business with Mailchimp

    How to get started with Mailchimp, set-up and grow your lists, and grow your business

    Mailchimp is an amazingly powerful tool. Whether you are a small start-up, a restaurant, a band, or a non-profit– Mailchimp can help you grow your business. In this 2-hour class we’ll quickly cover the basics of the service and quickly dive into unleashing the power of this amazing email marketing webapp. We’ll talk about lists & groups, templates, integrations with tools like Eventbrite, Facebook, and Salesforce, and email marketing strategy.

    Cost – $25 Register here

    Blogging 101

    Learn how to start a blog from scratch, build an audience, and have fun while doing it!

    This class will be laid back but full of experience, practical application, and practice. As a full-time blogger and blog coach I’ve helped countless bloggers get going for their own blogs and even launch small businesses.

    Topics covered: (But not limited to)

    • Getting started for free
    • Choosing the right platform
    • Customizing your blog
    • What to write about
    • How to write for response
    • How to build a tribe
    • Intro to analytics and other measurement tools
    • Principles of social media interaction

    The class will be two hours. But the format is loose and I won’t leave until I’ve answered all of your questions. My goal is that you walk away with a firm understanding of what to do AND ready to get started. In true McLane Creative form, after class the teacher is buying the first round next door at the Mission Brewery.

    Cost – $25 Register here

  • To keep them young

    Jackson is 8 months old. He crawls around on the floor. He pulls himself up on things to stand up. He coos, squeals, grunts, and makes endless raspberries. He’s the perfect size for Megan (10) and Paul (8) to pick up and play with. He loves to cuddle with mom and dad.

    Eight months is one of those ages you wish your kids could just freeze and stay… forever.

    This is the tension we live in as parents, isn’t it? We want them to slow down so we can enjoy each stage of development.

    But they are in a hurry to grow up

    Jackson wants to use real words to tells us exactly what he wants. He wants to not just stand up, but walk. He wants to run with his siblings. He wants to eat what we eat.

    He wants to get big and we want to keep him small. 

    It’s cute when they are babies. Certainly understandable and easy to justify.

    But this tug to keep them young isn’t always good for them

    The other day I hung out with Ryan McRae, a resident director at CSU San Marcos. He sees this same phenomenon every day with 18, 19, 20 year olds whose parents have done their best to keep their children young. Many of them are ill-equipped to live on their own. They lack basic judgment skills. Lots of them can’t even cook for themselves or do their own laundry.

    Young adults who can’t take care of themselves. They can’t resolve conflict among themselves. He has to tell the parents to leave their adult-aged children alone.

    I’m not a psychologist… but when I hear these things my mind wonders, “Are these young adults developmentally delayed?” Yes.

    It’s cute to keep a baby young. But its not helpful to them beyond toddlerhood.

    As parents we want to hold on to that cute baby who crawls around on the floor and coos. But, to be a good parent, we need to own our role in raising our children to become responsible, respectable adults. The goal of your parenting can not be to hold onto the past. It has to be to prepare your kids for the future.

    Let’s explore this more. Join me in Atlanta for the Extended Adolescence Symposium on November 21st.

  • The Power of Today

    As I sit here this morning, looking out of my window onto my street, I have a single thought:

    Today is powerful. 

    One single day could change everything.

    No, there’s nothing significant about this Thursday.

    I mean that every day is powerful.

    And you have one shot to get today right.

    Each day I have the opportunity to do something… in this moment… or let it slip away.

    It’s a simple thought. But perspective adds to the realization that today can’t be just another day.

    So often we get lost in the busyness of doing what we need to do today that we forget that Jesus Christ has empowered his believers to measure each day differently.

    Jesus measures your day differently than you do.

    Today might not seem significant. But it is.

    Today is a gift. And what you do with this day matters deeply to the one who made the hours we describe as a day.

    “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

     Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’

    Matthew 22:36-39

    What are you going to do today to Love God? What are you going to do today to Love your neighbors as yourself? 

  • Straight out of Bowling Green, Yo

    This video is right on that line between ridiculously self-gratifying and hilarious.

    What say ye? 

    ht to ESPN Blog

  • Understanding & Reaching Wireless Students

    Whether you are a high school teacher, a high school pastor, or the parent of a high schooler we all have the same problem. How do we understand and reach the teenagers in front of us with messages that matter? 

    I’ve found that this lead in question is often the problem.

    1. We are a generation of adults who likes to talk and pretend to be experts on things we don’t understand, we over-assume.
    2. What matters to you isn’t necessarily something that matters to the students in your life.

    That said, there is plenty of research available which will help you better understand what’s important and how to reach those in high school right now. Why is there so much research done on this age group? Because bagillions of dollars in spending are influenced by them! (What? You thought researchers just liked them? Maybe so?)

    Here’s what’s on the menu for understanding those who just graduated high school:

    • Soup of the day – The Beloit Mindset List for the Class of 2015. We start things off by recognizing the world they have grown up with. They’ve never had a home phone, they’ve never dialed up the internet, they’ve never known a world without terrorist plots or going to the gate to pick up a friend at the airport. This list provides context.
    • Chef’s salad – The cost of college is on the forefront of their minds. Most high school students live with the adult assumption that they need to attend college. They are marketing savvy enough to ponder, “Do I need to go to college or do adults depend on me going to college?” They are asking good questions to count the cost like, “Is college right for me? Why do I want to go to college and spend all of that money if I don’t know what I want to do? Am I going to make enough money in the long run to afford the debt it will take to graduate?” This is why the gap year is so intriguing to them. (This is a massive opportunity for entrepreneurs)
    • Featured entree` – 5 Ways to Friend the Class of 2015. Research start-up Mr. Youth has published a powerful marketing whitepaper which dove deep into the forces that move them. The five ingredients of this dish include: Help them express their personal brand, Integrate organically into their world, Get in good with their friends, Become an on-demand brand, Get to know them before assuming what they want.
    • Dessert – Millennial Donors 2011 Executive Summary. Today’s students are motivated to change things. According to the second year study called Millennial Donors, 93% of those surveyed gave money to charity. 79% actively volunteered their time. But 90% of those surveyed said they would stop donating (time & money) if they didn’t trust the leadership.

    What does this have to do with my role in students lives? 

    • To reach students we have to understand what makes them tick instead of trying to get them to understand our point-of-view.
    • The world they have grown up in is vastly different from the one you grew up in. They already have a million adults in their lives that lecture to them, your best opportunity for reaching them is through listening.
    • Instead of asking students to get on your team you’ll need to help them see how your team and their team can collaborate. The concept of personal brand isn’t narcissism, it’s an opportunity.
    • Understand that a recommendation is their most powerful motivator. They simply won’t go somewhere or do something that’s not recommended to them.
    • They are hard-wired to give back, volunteer, and contribute their fair share. But the key component is trust. If you aren’t transparent and honest they will just move on.
    Do you work with high school students? Do you agree or disagree with what I’ve pointed out? What are areas you’d like to explore more? How could this research impact your day-to-day interactions with high schoolers? 

  • Desert Man Trip

    I’ve been around a few types of “manly men” in my lifetime.

    1. Dude’s who hang out at country clubs, play sophisticated sports, and have sophisticated tastes.
    2. Dude’s who smoke big cigars, enjoy fine beverages, and gamble big bucks. (Either gambling or on business deals)
    3. Dude’s who shot guns, kill things, and could live for months self-sustained from things in their garage.
    Not a good place to sit

    I wouldn’t consider myself firmly in any of those camps. And I’d hardly consider myself a manly man. I’m more of a floater man who likes all of those things but never enough to go all in.

    This past weekend I spent 3 days with group #3 while serving at the Encounter mens retreat. All told there were 57 young and fully grown men in the desert for 3 days of playing hard, eating good, and playing with fire. (Bonfires, flame-throwers, explosions, shooting range, paintball, and more explosions.)

    As we were packing up I told Brian… “This is clearly the most red neck thing I’ve ever done.” I’m a city slicker whose idea of country boy is a bike rack on his car. I’m not really a big fan of guns– much less teaching young men how to shoot them. There was lots of irony in that I spent the last three years in an urban high school ministry trying to show young men that loving Jesus meant putting guns down (gangs) and now we were going to do just the opposite.

    I had convinced myself to come into the weekend with an open mind. I have huge respect for Brian- a top 5 nominee for the brightest youth ministry veteran I’ve ever rubbed shoulders with. On top of that Encounter is a ministry to high school students in East County of San Diego. (For those not familiar with San Diego, anything east of La Mesa is referred to as “East County.” East County San Diego bears more reflection on ranching than it does big city. If we go 10 miles from our house you quickly get into horse, cactus, and big pick-up truck people.)

    This kind of trip made me nervous from a city slicker perspective but was completely culturally relevant to the young men Encounter ministers to.

    To the desert

    Getting stuck on the way in

    We drove out to Ocotillo and quickly got off paved roads and into the back country. (Map) Just getting back to the canyon was an adventure. We got there about 30 minutes before it got dark and quickly established camp. You can’t even call this area a campsite as it was completely undeveloped. (No electricity, no cell services, no water, no toilets… just a cool canyon in the desert.)

    It’s all about the content

    In reality, while this trip is über manly man it really is a youth group retreat about calling these young men to follow Christ. Our culture does it’s best to emasculate young men and treat them like boys. This was a wake up call for them that becoming a man is up to them. We are ready to look at them as men… maybe the first time they were told that?

    The content for the weekend was wrapped up around this central thought: You are dangerous and you can use that danger for good or evil. Topically, we reenforced that with lessons (and sweet object lessons!) about danger, their mouth, sexual purity, their choices, and perspective. It was a great chance for them to wrestle with the reality of their personal decisions.

    It’s all about being hands on

    Where is Starbucks?
    Where is Starbucks?

    We live in a world where we are in community only when we choose to be in community. Moreover, we can walk away from anything that makes us uncomfortable. While that is safe and lawsuit conscious it is leading to the neurosis of a generation.

    God never intended us to be lone wolves, the enemy did. (Look at Genesis 3, it’s always been a divide and conquer strategy) Satan builds strongholds as we delve further and further into isolation. We don’t think our actions have consequences. We want to talk about blowing things up but not the people who are harmed. We want to say nasty things to other people through a video game. We want to look at pornography and pretend that doesn’t hurt anyone. We want to focus on our friends and not our community. On and on, culture pushes us into being alone while God calls us to something more complete.

    Isolation is the enemy of communion. Jesus’ call for communion was never a call for individuals to come to Jesus as individuals on their own terms. That’s a perversion of our individualistic culture. Faith that lasts is almost never “just Jesus and me.” Our culture lies about that, our church culture lies about that, and youth ministry (too often) preaches that.

    Sharing communion in community under the hoppa

    So 57 men of all ages went to the desert for an encounter with Jesus. To be communal, to live in commune, and to commune with their Creator.

    My prayer is that as we shot, burned, and blew things up that those were symbols of the battle against the enemy. Three days per year of communion is not enough. I hope that for some of those young men they walk in communion with one another, in rejection of individualism, for the rest of their lives.

  • Sticky Faith Book Club, Chapter 3

    This is part 3 in an 8 part series on Sticky Faith. Join our book club by signing up here. (part 1, 2)

    Kristen – Chapter one hit me hard as it exposed several weaknesses. I admitted that I while I had a ‘sticky faith’ parenting goal in mind, I had lost sight of important steps defining ‘how’ to get there. I knew that I needed to respond to what God was saying to me during the first chapter. In the past two weeks I’ve made progress towards that end. I’ve been consistent and intentional about praying out loud with the kids (note, I’ve never stopped praying for my children but I’ve not been consistent in leading them in prayer). I’ve helped Megan and Paul complete their church take-homes sheets – looking up, reading, and discussing Scripture. We’ve even had “God Talks” (as the book calls them). Specifically, talking about justice and how God calls us to act and stand up against people who are mistreating others (using the example of a current event). I started including this situation in our prayer time at the beginning of the week and updated Megan and Paul each day. Interestingly, it wasn’t until their Sunday school teacher talked about the situation that they really started asking questions. We had a great conversation that probably wouldn’t have happened if we hadn’t been praying all week. As we all move into chapter three, I’d love to know what kind of actions (if any) you have taken as a result of this study.

    Adam – Last week, I ended the book club with a question for parents about goals. I asked, “Have you ever stated goals for your children’s faith development?” and most of us kind of winced a bit in responding to that question. (Myself included) It was an easy question to write but the fact is that it’s really hard to articulate what we would like our children’s faith to actually look like at specific life stages.

    I reflected on that tension as I read chapter 3 of Sticky Faith. As a parent I have a hard time defining what faith development looks like at specific life stages of my own kids. But when it comes to my professional life? That’s like standard operating procedure in the church! I remember working on a document called “A description of a discipled person” and reviewing that with high school parents for years. How is it that I can run a parents meeting and describe in detail what a students faith should look like upon high school graduation but I can’t even articulate what that looks like in my own home?

    For me, that revelation gave me a lot to reflect upon.

    Identity formation, intentional friendships, the power of ritual

    Our kids are 8 months, 8 years, and 10 years old. Each is full of personality. And it’s fun to imagine what they will be like as adults. Chapter 3 was a great reminder that my role as a parent has great importance in their identity formation process and I shouldn’t take that for granted.

    We aren’t quite at the point where they wrestle with “Who am I?” questions. But I know that the words and actions we pour into them help them know that they are God’s beloved child. As Kristen referenced above… we can begin things in them today which will help them not only know who they are in God’s eyes, but also know that God’s Word is bedrock for figuring out who they are and where they fit in this world. It’s one thing to guide my child towards whom I want them to become. It’s an entirely different thing to help guide them on a path of discovering who God wants them to be!

    Rituals and relationships are so important to this process. Ministry has lead us geographically far from our physical family. And yet God has, in His benevolence and providence, provided families and friends who deeply impact our kids. I love surrounding them with people in our life and saying, “Yes, I hope those adults rub off on my kids!” We have a lot of rituals in our house. From Saturday mornings at the Farmers Market to going to ball games to hiking Cowles mountain, we have established things that we, as McLane’s, do. But as Kristen mentioned above, we need to be more intentional about helping them connect the dots between what we are doing and why we are doing it. Megan and Paul could each tell you that we go to the Farmers Market so that they can learn where their food comes from. But I wonder if they would so quickly articulate why we worship Jesus at church?

    For discussion

    1.  What are some ways you identified yourself growing up? How were they helpful to you as you grew older? How were they harmful?
    2. Of Nouwen’s three answers to the question, “Who am I?”, which of these are you most prone to rely on? Describe what that looks and feels like. Which of these does your child rely on? What does that look like?
    3. On a scale of 1 to 7, 1 being easy, 7 not so easy, how hard is it for you to see yourself as the beloved child of God? How easy is it for your child? Describe what you mean.
    4. Name some ways you can emphasize who your child is (a beloved child of God) rather than what your child does. How would this emphasis change your approach to your child’s extracurricular activities or academic achievements?