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Yes, your wife is hot

I’ve got a bone to pick with men who describe their wife as “hot” all the time. To me, it’s in the same category as the “I heart boobies” bracelets. It makes me cringe every time I see it or hear it.

A few reasons why I don’t like it:

  • It’s demeaning to your wife. If the first thing you can think about to say about your wife is that she’s hot than that says a lot about what you think of her and women in general.
  • It’s immature. No one is going to hear you say that or see it on your Twitter bio or Facebook profile and think, “Now that is a man worthy of respect. Look at how he talks about his wife!
  • It shows off your insecurity. I think it’s in the vein of thought of, “My wife is way out of my league.” While it seems like a compliment it is displaying your insecurity. It’s comes from a place of, “If I can’t say nice things about her publicly, maybe she’ll leave me?
  • It’s not getting the joke. For a lot of people it comes from Talledega Nights. I get it. That’s a funny movie. But that’s not how you talk to or treat a woman.
  • You are sleeping with her. It’s implied that you think she is hot.
  • There’s nothing appropriate I can say about your wife in return. I mean, what am I supposed to say back? “Yeah, I heard she makes a mighty fine meat loaf, too.

My new response when I hear this or see it:

“Yeah, I was just thinking the same thing.”

Still funny?

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21 Responses to Yes, your wife is hot

  1. Shawn Michael Shoup January 3, 2012 at 8:25 am #

    Yes! Thank you. I agree. :)

  2. the_snuffy January 3, 2012 at 8:37 am #

    I have used that comment long before Talledega Nights, so it has no influence on my saying it about Kimmy. I do not only say she is hot. I also say she is beautiful, pretty, gorgeous, lovely, etc. I understand that people can overboard with saying their wife is hot, but I do not feel that it is demeaning to them.

    I think it is good to say those things to our wives, because the Bible tells us in Proverbs 5:18, “Rejoice in the wife of your youth.” When we were young and in love we said those things. I don’t ever want my wife to feel that she is an old maid. Instead I always want her to know that she is hot, beautiful, pretty, gorgeous, lovely, etc. I never want her to forget that and I want to celebrate her everyday of our married lives.

    You asked at the end the question of it still being funny when someone else agrees and Kimmy had two teenage boys tell her as she was walking into Target that she was hot. I thought it was great. My response when she told me about it was, “yeah, and you are all mine!” I think it was great.

  3. Hilary January 3, 2012 at 8:48 am #

    I think the difference, in response to the_snuffy, is whether you’re telling your wife or or someone else.  If your wife is the kind of person who likes being told she’s hot (I wouldn’t, but I don’t like that term, I think it’s demeaning – that’s just me), and you tell her all those other things too, then great.  If you’re saying that randomly to others, it comes across as insecurity or something.  And makes other people uncomfortable sometimes to boot.  I agree with Adam….  But that’s just me.

    • Tony Myles January 3, 2012 at 9:04 am #

      Just a thought here – what are we taking our cues from on this? Personal comfort? Or the Bible? Case in point, Song of Songs. Public or private?
      My marriage is going to make people uncomfortable… either because I
      put my wife down with jokes and labels like “the old ball and chain,”
      because I blend in with the world and don’t show them what a
      God-centered marriage is all about, or because I love my wife with every
      ounce of my public and private life. Yes – some things should
      remain private, such as constructive criticism and intimate moments
      where the two become one; and other things should remain open – such as
      the kind of affections that add to one another. Song of Songs
      is in the Bible for a reason… it’s public praise about character and
      body for a reason… I like that reason, and I’ll take my cue from it.
      In doing so, I hope it makes the world uncomfortable in all the right
      ways.

  4. Tony Myles January 3, 2012 at 8:52 am #

    Nothing wrong with it… it’s rejoicing in the wife of your youth, which has nothing to do with Will Ferrell and everything to do with letting my wife know that in a world that is trying to steal my attention with the next Victoria’s Secret commercial I only have eyes for her. My wife is hot… yeah, I was just thinking the same thing.

  5. Matt Johnston January 3, 2012 at 8:57 am #

    I tend to shy away from describing my wife as “hot” because it is how jr high boys describe Megan Fox and my feelings for and intimacy I experience with my wife is much deeper than their gross Hot Topic posters. I do use descriptors (specifically while preaching) such as “beautiful” and “gorgeous” when describing my wife but only after mentioning her godliness, work ethic, sense of humor, and leadership. My concern is that it reinforces that the #1 thing a female contributes is her appearance. I HATE that. Obviously, it’s important to find your wife attractive and to think extremely highly of her, but it’s the expression that we need to be intentional about.

  6. Brian Smith January 3, 2012 at 9:24 am #

    It annoys me! I think my wife is hot, and she knows I think she is hot, but the world doesn’t have to hear me say it. There’s nothing more annoying to hear a speaker talking about his hot wife. I also think my wife is creative, smart, funny, an incredible Mom, etc. I’d rather tell the world about those traits and keep her hotness as our conversation. So yes I do tell my wife she is hot. But she is all I need to tell because she is all that matters.

    I agree Adam, I think it’s immature.

  7. Lars Rood January 3, 2012 at 9:54 am #

    My wife has a great personality.  Ok I get your point it’s ok to say those things to our wives but why would we say those things to the world hoping they think we are so cool that we say them publicly about our wives.  I’ve seen people that I know are struggling in their marriages constantly affirm their wife on twitter. It’s the whole “If I say it enough we’ll both believe it”

    Good post. I fully agree.  Also I think you are Hot.

    • Adam McLane January 3, 2012 at 9:55 am #

      It’s the belly, isn’t it? I knew that if I overate long enough that I’d get to a “hot” status. 

      • Carl January 3, 2012 at 10:33 am #

        If that’s the criteria, then I’ve so got you beat, Adam.  I must be sizzling!

  8. Andy Gill January 3, 2012 at 9:57 am #

    “You are sleeping with her. It’s implied that you think she is hot.”- sitting in Starbucks this made me laugh out loud.

    But I personally don’t mind it when people say “my wife is hot” I’ve just begun to accept it as something youth pastors commonly have to randomly add into conversations…

    But all in all if I were to think a little deeper about I can definitely see what you’re saying and agree with your points of it being immature, and there is really nothing to say in response back, but I like your ironic/uncomfortable response in return, “Yeah, I was just thinking the same thing.” haha.

    • Adam McLane January 3, 2012 at 10:01 am #

      Also… what if I don’t think your wife is hot? Am I supposed to lie? Talk about awkward moments in a friendship…

  9. Matthew McNutt January 3, 2012 at 1:04 pm #

    Whoa. Bunch of comments! I totally agree with everything you wrote. It’s been one of my pet peeves about youth pastors for a few years now. I don’t get it.

  10. Katie Reams Dupuis January 3, 2012 at 1:54 pm #

    I agree Adam.  I’ve always really appreciated the discretion my husband shows in this area. To me it’s akin to wanting your wife to dress sexy at your work party to up your status.  It’s more selfish then it is empowering for your wife.  Yes, I want my husands friends to think that he did well.  That I’m nice looking.  That’s more about presentation and being well kept.  What I do not want them thinking is what I look like naked.  “Hot” is a sexualized term.  It’s very different from saying “my wife is so beautiful.”  Why would you want your friends picturing your wife naked? 
    I think youth pastors say this because our society is so about looks and age and so disrespectful of marriage that kids are constantly told that once you get married you won’t get to have sex, your “hot” girlfriend will turn into your prudish, too busy, hates to have sex wife.  I think youth pastors are just trying to counter this by letting kids know they are still hot for their wives.  There’s gotta be better ways though.  Especially since the age of the person you say it to is probably directly proportional to the odds of them picturing your wife naked :)

  11. Andrew Latulippe January 3, 2012 at 2:54 pm #

    Crap. I just realized that I’m immature. Oh well, at least I have a hot wife. ;)

    • Doug Fields January 4, 2012 at 9:12 pm #

      Very funny! 

  12. Melanie January 3, 2012 at 3:04 pm #

    I agree. It’s demeaning, even if it’s well-intentioned. Like it or not, the day that a woman is no longer “hot” comes flying toward her at 100 miles a minute from her 20s. And if the thing that is most valued is also the most momentary, what does that say about a woman’s hope for worth in the future?

    I want to be described by my virtues or my humor—things that will still be a part of me in 10, 20 or 30 years, or if I get disfigured in a plane accident, or whatever. I want to hear my husband value me for things that are uniquely me, not because I’ve successfully synthesized the preferences of the average locker room.

  13. Emily January 3, 2012 at 5:19 pm #

    I hate it. I really do.

  14. Brad M. Griffin January 4, 2012 at 9:30 am #

    Reason #1001 why I like you a lot. 

    Can we move on from language that assigns value to women only based on certain standards of culturally-acceptable beauty? I’m ready to move on.

  15. Tracey January 4, 2012 at 1:33 pm #

    I HATE THE TERM”HOT” to describe women.  It is immature and demeaning.  And that terminology is basically all about sex, and it really is gross. I don’t need to imagine that. UGH! When I tried on a dress to show my daughters what I might wear to church on Christmas, one of them exclaimed, “You look like a present!”  She meant I looked pretty (presents at our house are always creatively and beautifully wrapped) and the dress was a holiday green.  It is like all women should apsire to be told they are hot, like all teenagers should aspire to be cool.  It is cliche and overused. I never want to be thought of as “hot,” because that means someone is only looking at me as a sexual object and nothing else.  PLEASE MEN, even if your wife does have a beautiful face and body like Megan Fox or any other seemingly beautiful woman, don’t call her hot. Now stunning, that works for me.

  16. Ruth January 14, 2012 at 6:31 pm #

    I am a former ‘hot’ wife.  The truth is, I’m going to spend more years being the former hot wife than I was the hot wife.  I confess, it was a sad day when I realized I wasn’t being described that way by my husband anymore.

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