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Stardate 73714.2: Eighteenth day of social distancing

Is this a cruel joke? Are you all having fun and living life and just convinced those around me to participate in a grand ruse? A few months ago I had Jackson convinced that he was the star of Jackson TV, a 24/7/365 TV show about his life. Sadly I think both are false. Today I watched a man stand in front of a lectern and on live television try to convince us that he is doing a fine job despite the fact that, if we are lucky, he estimates only twice as many Americans will die in the coming weeks from his mismanagement of COVID-19 than were killed in action during the entire Vietnam War. We are supposed to congratulate him that millions more didn’t also die? I realize that’s not funny, you came here for funny, but we cannot make light of what happened today. In lighter news, the Pingüinos are safe. Everyone in McLandia is healthy and fine. Megan started her classes again, at dinner we had a good laugh about the out of state students who are paying $60,000 a year to attend online classes. Some international students are attending class in the middle of the night in their time zones, hardly what they were envisioning when they cheated on their English proficiency exams to get in. I really love jelly beans. Not as much as coffee but I’m really liking them. Don’t buy the imitation ones, either. Generic ones taste like sugary wax and Jelly Belly’s are just trying to hard. The only real ones are from Brachs. But before you buy them you have to check for freshness by squeezing them. Don’t do this with Peeps, they are always fresh. But for Brachs jelly beans it is essential to make sure they are fresh. I’m enjoying this documentary about Margaret Atwood. Not as much as Kristen is, but she is a fascinating treasure of a woman. I wonder if she thinks Carole Baskins fed her husband to a tiger? I wonder if she liked Tiger King? I wonder what her guilty pleasure is? I hope it’s MMA. Tonight we had BBQ. I wish we had tacos. 

Current body temperature: 98.1
Rolls of toilet paper: Plenty but not too much. 
Number of times I touched my face: Lots
Supplies: We are doing well.
Dollars received from the government: 0 of 3400
Social distancing grade: A-

By Adam McLane

Adam McLane is a partner at The Youth Cartel, co-author of A Parent's Guide to Understanding Social Media, blogger of 10+ years, and a fan of all things San Diego State University Aztecs.

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