What a load of crap that slogan is!
I’m preparing a talk in our series The Wild World of Relationships and I was reminded of this mentality. The idea is that somehow dating in high school makes you a better mate in marriage.
Example: You’ll hear “How will I know what I like if I don’t try a bunch of different people out?” There is some truth to this, but this comes with a lot of baggage. This idea becomes the excuse for a performance and “me based” mindset to relationships. Quickly this turns into a list of likes and dislikes. Some of the loneliest singles I’ve ever met keep lists that are treated like the inspired Word of God. “No one over 6-4 or under 5-6, no one who has ever smoked, no one who has pulled a prank on their sister, someone who is a good kisser, someone who is white, someone who is funny, someone who is loaded, on and on and on.
Result: People date like mad. They are so in tuned to look for the perfect spouse, or just have fun, that they are willing to self-inflict great wounds on themselves. In the name of “testing things out” students will fall in and out of love. They get hooked up with bad apples. They want to be accepted so they do anything it takes. They give of themselves emotionally, lose friendships, give of themselves physically and sexually, and give of their time and dedication… All in the name of “you don’t know what you want until you’ve shopped around a bit.” What a crock!
While it rarely kills, it does hurt deeply. There are so many walking wounded among us that we don’t even see them anymore. It saddens me that more adults don’t share their pain from adolescence to help those younger than them along. They chose to mask it into terms like “I really was foolish” or “I didn’t walk with the Lord all the time.” Why don’t they just tell the truth?
I for one made mistakes as a high school student that have scarred my life. I don’t desire to hold that as a candle over my students, but I do want to warn them.
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