I ran across this and thought it was worth thinking on some more. (Thanks to Todd Rhodes for finding it) It’s written by a pastor who is not currently pastoring, but healing:
“many people have asked me why i am
stepping out of pastoring, at least for a while. there has been a great
deal of conjecture on my behalf. some think it has a subversive twist
to it. others imagine that i am absolutely distraught with life and
cannot cope anymore. neither extreme really addresses the central
issues i have faced. here are a few of the reasons why some of us tend
to fade away:we are tired of pretending that we cannot be hurt.
people assume ministers are available for their criticism 24/7. people
say things to clergy they would not say to their worst enemies. for
some reason they feel at liberty to delve into every aspect of clergy
life. they have an opinion about everything we do. they believe it is
their god-given right to critique your personal life, your professional
life, your emotional state, the way you dress, your use of
colloquialisms, your kids, your personality, how much you spend on a
car, your friendships, how you drive, how much you fart, the list goes
on and on. pastors live their life in the limelight. they, therefore,
constantly disappoint people. it is hard to disappoint people all the
time. as a pastor, and maybe it is just me, i seem to let people down
all the time. recently i was at a small group where several complained
that i was not their close friend. besides the obvious fact that i do
not have enough hours in the day nor the emotional energy to be friends
with everyone, let alone friendly, how can you assume i would would
want to be your close friend? ministers spend their entire life
pretending to like a portion of the population that they really cannot
stand…pastors tend to build up that insecurity the longer they
work. they feel the pressure to put numbers on the role, they also
realize that people leave the church because of them. that is a heady
responsibility to bear. they understand that people don’t like them but
it still hurts when they have people they have invested in leave the
church because of them. this life can be an exercise in guilty and
humility. everything that happens which is good is "to god be the
glory" …they know who is to blame if things go bad. add to this that
for some reason many churches rise and fall on the health and
exuberance of their pastor. after a while pastors tend to jump from one
quick fix solution to another in a desperate bid to patch holes that
are systemic and often metaphysical. they attend conferences and
clinics designed to point out their flaws and obvious solutions. they
quickly conclude that they are the problem, the issue, and the
solution. they develop a messiah complex. they develop an insecurity
complex…ministers are normal people who struggle with laziness
and workaholism at the same time. no one knows what they do during the
week so they tend to strive too hard to be noticed or duck out when
they can get away with it. they realize that some volunteers do more
than they do and it drives them crazy. they vassalate between the drive
to do everything and the need to let others do the work of the church.
they are control freaks, often out of necessity. sometimes out of ego
need.oh ya, and we love to be compared. compared to huge
churches with massive budgets and incredible bands. compared to tv
evangelists who spend more on dog food than we will see in a year.
compared to amazing speakers, incredible entrepeneurs, and holy monkish
nerds who can pray more than we can. that kind of stuff makes us very
content.ya this is a whine but it’s my blog and you don’t have
to read it. perhaps, though, there may be a grain of truth in what you
have read. take a look at your pastor if you have one. listen to his or
her brokenness strewn in amongst the exterior confidence. let them know
you don’t need anything from them. shut up about them when others
encourage you to spill. tell someone else to shut up occasionally.
don’t phone them on mondays. don’t critique the way they dress when
they go to the bank on their day off. don’t act amazed when they stumble. we all stumble.but for God’s sake, don’t feel sorry for them. they chose this life and it has incredible rewards. just pay them more.
and
oh ya, they won’t believe you when you praise them but they will obsess
when you criticize them. sounds like quite a great life huh? makes you
want to join right up i bet…as for me, i’m just taking a
break to get out of the fishbowl for a while. it’s a calling – a
blessing and a curse. of course now i have to get a real job where
people have to get up every morning and put in 8 hours and pretend to
care about stuff i never imagined caring about before.”
This is about the best description I have ever seen of "life in a bubble."
One of the first commenters on Todd’s blog said "How did you get in my
journal?" I think these are thoughts most of us have had, are having,
struggle with, etc. I have a lot of thoughts, maybe I’ll share them
later. I just wish people understood the "pressure." Pressure
to please. Pressure to be creative. Pressure to perform. Pressure to
reform. Pressure to encourage. Pressure. Pressure. Pressure. Like the
author said, "Don’t feel sorry for them. They chose this life and it’s
incredible rewards."
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