I don’t think I mattered

Written by

Adam McLane

in

I’m not sure I even want to talk about this. But it has to come out somewhere and I think it has a good purpose.

Last night, I took a bad trip down memory lane. Through the power of Myspace.com
it was pretty easy to find some former students Myspace profiles. In
the last several years life seems to have gone downhill for the vast
majority of them. If Christian Smith labels most American teenage "youth group kids" as believing in Moralistic Theuraputic Deism,
(MPD) than the ones I saw last night believe in Theuraputic Deism.
Their faith in Christ may make them feel good about themselves… but
it doesn’t lead them to make wise decisions, and it certainly doesn’t
look like Christ is reigning in their lives.

In the space of five minutes I was right back there, serious flashback
time. Kids who in one comment have a "see you Sunday" comment and the
next comment is "we’re partying, and you are the wildest we’ve ever
seen." From "I’m praying for you" to "I moved in with my girlfriend."
Their friend lists have 2 kids from the youth group and 20 porn stars.
On and on it went.

It was really shocking and depressing.

Defensively, my thoughts started to justify myself… I was only
there a short time, their parents were blind to the dualism when I was
there, it’s been a long time, they make their own choices… I
guess what hurts me so bad is that I know their parents. I know that
their faith is real. I know that they truly hoped their kids would
chose the right path. I know they are in pain. I know that they looked
to the church to help their kids navigate adolesence. And I know that
in a lot of ways it appears the church has failed the students and
their parents. Even though I am just a distant memory… it hurts
because I really care about those people.

And so I went to bed wondering, "Did I matter at all?" "Do I matter
now?" Will the same things happen to my current students? Is there
anything I can do now that will really make a difference? Am I pointing
kids to a life where Christ permeates everything they do?

Comments

7 responses to “I don’t think I mattered”

  1. Andrea Avatar
    Andrea

    Well, I think you’re making a difference in Romeo. In case you care to know. So there.

    Reply
  2. Autumn Avatar
    Autumn

    You matter. You’ve made a big difference in a lot of the students here in Romeo, me being one of them.

    Reply
  3. LisaBee Avatar
    LisaBee

    if you weren’t making a difference in studnets (aka me), well then, i’d be screwed! thanks for sticking with us. just know you are appreciated! 🙂

    Reply
  4. Dave (not norman) Avatar
    Dave (not norman)

    look man.. it goes that way… many of my friends have gone that way.. i look at there profiles and their lives and it really upsets me… its my wound, my thorn… it kills man.. and the way i deal with it is not the best way.. i ignore it.. cos ive tried it all and i pray and thats all i can do.. cos if i dont it affects my walk with God and thats exactly what the enemy sets out to do…. he may have them for a time… but he cant have me

    Reply
  5. Raya Avatar
    Raya

    Adam,
    You may not think of yourself as making a difference. You may not have made as big of a difference as you wanted to, to your friends, but you know what? Reading what you said challenged me to think that it doesn’t matter what people may think of me if I take a stand for Christ. People out there are hurting and going in the wrong direction. Continue praying 4 them (like Dave said he was for his friends) and continue living strong. I think if we stick with our close Christian friends and continue to encourage each other and not give up, that would make some what of a difference.

    Reply
  6. adam Avatar
    adam

    Thanks all for the comments. I’ve also received some very encouraging emails and those types of things. Thank you for encouraging me.

    I just want to add two thoughts:
    1. I didn’t post this to solicite responses. I’m not shutting that down, but I don’t want anyone thinking I’ve got low self-esteem and I need to have my back patted. I was just talking about my feelings. This is first my personal journal and second my blog.
    2. It’s not OK with me that to those kids (in another state, not referring to anyone in Romeo) I didn’t make a life-altering impact. That sounds so weird… but I just wasn’t the person they needed. It makes me really sad to see them fail morally.

    There is a guy there now that I think can/will make a kingdom difference. It’s my hope that he’s God’s man for the job for the long-haul.

    As for the task here in Romeo… man, what a difference it makes being somewhere God wants you! It’s been a great 3 years and I’m looking forward to what God has in the future, God-willing… I’ll be around for a long time.

    Reply
  7. CG Avatar
    CG

    When they get a little older, some of them will grow out of this stage of their lives and come back to the church. That’s when you’ll see the results. I can say this from personal experience; I’m someone who spent my twenties & most of my thirties angry at God and sick of what I saw as a patriarchal church structure & services. A couple of years ago, I was ready to come back.

    Reply

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