Some people are shocked that xxxchurch.com even exists. With a tag line like, "The #1 Christian Porn Site" I’m certain they rub many Christians the wrong way. Yet their ministry is extremely relevant, needed, and changing lives in the name of Jesus. I’ve been an observer of this ministry for a long time since I’ve long had a passion for reaching people for Christ using the internet. From the moment I heard about them in 2002, I’ve been curious. These guys clearly do a great job at connecting virtual reality with reality. I don’t have any stats but it’s safe to say that porn is easily accessible to anyone in the world and it is extremely dangerous for people to look at.
Their ministry has two specific arms.
1. They help anyone, but especially Christians, get free of porn. They talk about porn in churches, they appear on talk shows to talk about porn, they’ve created great software for helping you get away from it, they help restore your relationship with Christ. That message is pretty simple, "Jesus said lust isn’t good and we know porn is degrading to women, we want to help you stop."
2. They minister to porn stars and pornographers. This is brilliant in its simplicity. It is effective in its strategy. Pornography degrades women and makes pornographers rich, right? (Though many argue that it’s needed or that a legal porn industry is better than an illegal industry or that the women aren’t degraded since they are compensated, blah blah blah. Porn isn’t lifting anyone up, is it?) So xxxchurch sends women, most of them former porn stars themselves, to porn conventions. They don’t protest outside, they rent a booth right in the middle of it! There they provide information and express the love of Christ (not preaching condemnation, sharing truth that we are all sinners in need of a Savior.) to the men and women "in the biz." But they don’t stop there. They also reach out to the men and women who shoot the movies and own the studios.
The true test of a ministries worth (for those of us on the outside of it) is to discover what God is doing through the ministry. I agree with these guys theologically and metehodologically in theory… but is God blessing it?
Enter Donny. Donny is a pornographer. Or was a pornographer until the other day. This week, he came to know Jesus through the ministry of xxxchurch.com. I’m going to post his testimony and a note he wrote to his friends in the business. (For obvious reasons, no link and I’m slightly editing his post for more obvious reasons.) Donny is from Chico, California. Just up the road 20 miles from where we used to live… for some reason it’s a porn hotbed.
Don’t you hate it when people politicize things and make grandiose
speeches to get across even the most mundane topics of conversation? So
do I. So let’s see if I can avoid that for you. I’ll really, truly make
an honest effort and try to cut the crap and be straight forward with
you. After all, my constant readers, you’ve stuck with me for so long.
You deserve to hear what I have to say without the extra serving of ******.
I’m scared. I really, truly am. Terrified. Petrified. All of those things. Why is that? I’ll tell ya:
I’m quitting the adult business.
I’m
weary. This has been a tough year. Mostly because I’ve been struggling
with some "personal demons" (as Hollywood so artistically puts it)
within myself. Perhaps, over time, I’ll reveal more of those details as
the others involved in my life grow more comfortable with my apparent
need to speak publicly of private matters.
I’ve always
questioned the faith my father tried to teach me. There are so many
things about Christianity that just make no sense to me. Right here in
this blog you’ve seen me ridicule various aspects of it. But, like many
of you probably do, I still pray from time to time. It just feels good
once in awhile, doesn’t it? Even if you’re not entirely sure anyone’s
listening. It’s a psychological thing, ya know?
This past week I
finally decided to stop fighting some of the turmoils I’ve had inside.
I prayed the following prayer, almost word-for-word:
"God,
you know that I have trouble believing the sacrifice was ever truly
made. But I want to accept it anyway and hope that you somehow help me
reconcile those doubts. I’m inviting you back into my life."
At that point I turned on K-Love (Christian radio station) in my car. This song was the very first song that played.
I am not really sure why I mentioned that part of the story because, to
be absolutely honest with you, I’m a bit embarrassed by so many parts
of it. I’ve ranted against Christianity for so long now that it feels
almost hypocritical to be talking about Donny praying and listening to
Christian radio.
Part of the "blame" for me coming to this decision must be layed on the Pastors of XXXChurch.com.
In fact, JR flew out from Michigan to spend a day at my house and is
currently sleeping in my guest room as I type this (more on that in a
future blog entry).
I feel a huge sense of relief and happiness
for the first time in a LONG, LONG time. This blog’s not going
anywhere. I’ll have to change the title to "Diary of a FORMER Pornographer"
or something similar, but I’ll still be blogging. And I don’t intend to
remove any prior entries, as I think that would take away from my
story.
There’s a lot more detail to share with you, but right
now I’m dead tired and need to get some sleep. Earlier in this blog
entry I mentioned being scared, and I still haven’t told you exactly
why. Here it is:
At this point I don’t know where I’m going, what I’m doing, or what the future holds.
That terrifies me.
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