Sunglasses and Beach IQ

Having just spent 8 days on the road in SoCal with the family, we ate out and went to a lot of public places. I made a couple of observation/over generalizations — OK, they are just Adam-isms. Here we go:

1. I think there is a link between the lens size on a woman’s sunglasses and her IQ. The smaller they are– the higher her perceived IQ. I promise you, we saw some women who may be hovering in the low 80s. Those big satellite sunglasses aren’t cute on Paris Hilton, imagine how “fabulous” people look with cheap imitations. If you aren’t picking up CSPAN with those bad boys… get some smaller ones and you’ll look so much more fabulous.
2. What’s up with the ugly tube top deals? I don’t know what they are called. But they are like this lampshade looking shape with no straps. We were in a place in Old Town and I promise you, 2 ladies near us had to adjust themselves 2-3 times per minute. A little advice, either pin those suckers so nothing ever could pop out or get some duct tape. This is almost as odd a fashion item as the low cut jeans/g-string thing. Blech. A side note, these should not be sold in sizes larger than large unless in the maternity department. Under no circumstances should number 1 & 2 be combined. Low IQs and elastic based tops shouldn’t mix.
3. There are some swimsuit styles out there which should be banned. I don’t mean the teenie weenie or the yellow polka dot bikini as that is fine and normal to see. It seems most women in the 300 lb and up radius have figured out bikinis aren’t for them. But there is a new style that has like no back and this weird swoop thing to about half way across the stomach. Basically, there is a small bit of fabric that connects the bottom of the suit to the top. This shouldn’t be worn by women with rolls (and I’m a dude with rolls, I know how to hide some fat!) and I don’t think that style of swimsuit would look good on anyone. Seriously, the cast from Baywatch would look pretty nasty. It’s the cut, it’s not you girl.
4. At the end of a long day at the beach, please don’t cover up #3 with #2 and pop on #1. It just confirms the whole IQ thing.

Speaking of Baywatch, I think I saw The Hoff at Coronado Beach yesterday. Either that or this was one tan dude who looked just like him. We checked the parking lot and Kitt wasn’t to be seen. So I must have been confused.