• The argument clinic

    Oldie, but a goodie.

  • Jesus Calls the Ordinary to Do the Extraordinary

    Tonight I have the fun opportunity to talk to a group of interns from our churches New Heights Project.

    Basically, we hire high school students from our community to a month-long leadership development internship in which they go through a couple weeks of preparation and a couple weeks of doing children’s outreach. It’s a bit funky, which is what I like about it, but one aspect I love is that we don’t just hire students from our youth group. Ultimately, the group is made up of both Christian and non-Christian students alike who spend weeks learning and telling other kids about the Gospel. And in the process we hope that they have ample opportunity to explore a relationship with Jesus and perhaps trust Christ with their lives.

    Yes, we really do have students who don’t even profess Christ asking other people to profess Christ! Hey, if God can talk through a donkey… [See Hyde’s Dedication and Leadership for more on this principle.]

    At any rate, here’s the notes for my talk. Feel free to use this as a jumping off point on your own talk from Matthew 16. (Um, please let me know if you plan on publishing these somehow. Didn’t think I needed to say that… but then I find my words in weird places!)

    If you don’t know me in person, this is kind of a home base talk for me. It communicates a lot of my story and my vision for what God is calling each of us to do.

    Download File[download id=”7″]

  • 5 Ways to Encourage Your Church Staff

    One thing I learned when I was on church staff— rarely does a person really want what they are presenting what they want.

    In other words, when a parent wants to come in and talk with you about some ideas for the summer youth group schedule, that’s only the presenting issue. I know that with enough time and a couple “How are things going?” and “How can I pray for you?” type of questions you can usually get to the real reason they drove 20 minutes to come to my office.

    I’m finding the same is true with church staff.

    Satan has a very active and special ministry with church staff.

    We have an enemy. Not a metaphorical one. Not one who wears a red cape and pulls some cameos around Halloween. No, Satan is real and he is active and he is effective.

    And he knows when, who, and where to tempt your church staff. He is sneaky and he thrives on discouraging them. Satan loves a sucker punch so he gets them when they are really, really high and really, really low.

    As a youth pastor, I hated the end of our youth group time on Wednesday nights because I knew what was coming. I called the hours between the end of youth group and when I finally fell asleep, “The dark night of the soul.” I went home and questioned everything. I relived every moment. I wondered why I was a youth pastor since I clearly sucked at it. My heart criticized everything I said. I’d often stay up late and re-write everything.

    Logically, I knew that Jesus wasn’t the author of that. But emotionally, I just couldn’t flee it.

    And I’m not alone. The staff of your church likely experience the same things.

    5 constant temptations for all church staff

    • Evaluate the wrong things.
    • Make brash decisions and abuse power.
    • Do it your their way with their own talents.
    • Comparing to other ministries.
    • Leading more and serving less.

    5 ways to encourage your church staff

    • Translate evaluation questions into affirmation of calling. They are asking, “Am I doing the right things?” And you need to tell them, “You are the person God is calling. You are in the right spot.“
    • Communicate to your staff that you love them by praying for them. “If you won’t pray for the staff and their families find a new church.” A long time ago I went to a membership class lead by Ray Pritchard. He said that and it kind of shocked me. I thought he was being arrogant. But its true. If you don’t love the staff God has placed in your church enough to pray for them than you better take that up with Jesus. He’s way smarter than you are. Get over yourself.
    • Only say nice things on Sunday’s. I know that sounds fake. (Maybe you need to be more fake and less mean?) But your staff has laid their hearts on the altar in ways you will never see. Right after they have finished their ministry time they are most open to Satan’s attacks. They will pick up on the slightest slight and amplify the words you say. Just save it. Sleep on it. Put it in your pocket. Instead, look your staff in the eye and tell them thank you, that you are praying for them, and you think they are doing a great job.
    • Act as a shepherd and guardian for their family. Not the cute, cuddly shepherd who leads sheep to still waters. No, the defensive one with the rod. Smack people in the forehead when they attack your church team. In case you didn’t know, your church staff isn’t paid all that well. Help them take care of their relationship with their spouse by offering free childcare so they can go on dates! Grab a gift card at the grocery store “just because.” When you hear people pick at or about the pastors spouse or kids, get angry and defend them. When you hear a staff member squirm with embarrassment at their kids behavior, grab their arm and say, “Stop it. They are kids. It’s OK for them to be kids.“
    • Think about their schedule and send notes at the right times. Find out when your pastor is preparing the sermon. Or when the worship band practices. Or when the youth pastor writes the talk. Or when the kids worker is photocopying curriculum. That’s when you want to drop them a text, Facebook message, or email. That’s when you want to leave a voicemail just to let them know that you are praying for them, that you love how they are ministering to them, and that you are thankful to God for bringing them to your church. 8:00 AM on Sunday morning, that’s not the right time. Friday afternoon or Saturday morning… bam.

  • Guest Post: Be the Church

    T.C. Porter and his family, connect with T.C. at http://www.facebook.com/tc.porter

    Yesterday, T.C. Porter of Adams Avenue Crossing shared this as a comment on my June 15th post, Churches Don’t Reach People…

    It’s such a good comment, and it’s almost like a 95 theses calling me out, that I asked him if he minded if I posted it as a stand-alone blog post. I’ve been getting to know T.C. and his unique view on what the church ought to do/be. Adams Avenue is not your typical church. My own description of their ministry would be that it is a Christ-centered unchurch. Unlike me, T.C. is more of a do-er than a talker and he’s someone I’d label as “Crazy enough to change the world.”

    Be the Church:

    another good post and now i’m praying we can move past theory and see more practice, everywhere, every city, as adam envisions.

    i/we’ve been doing it for 2 years now: no building, no long sermons (7 minutes max); lots of conversation; no music, except on a couple occasions with a guitar and singer unplugged; lots of picnics, meals, coffee, picking up trash, tutoring kids, walking around, volunteering with organizations. it’s actually very confusing much of the time so i am not speaking as a paid expert or anything (ah yes that’s another thing, this does not attract a whole bunch of money or people, by the way). there’s no guidbook, other than maybe hirsch’s forgotten ways handbook and a few others; lots of material out there on theory and many ideas but indeed the workers are few and the enemy is dead set against the kind of movements that adam is inferring.

    a few interrelated opinions as i work this out for myself in collaboration with people like you who i love and appreciate so much:

    – do it. stop talking about it. leave your church and do what you are saying. that’s the message i keep getting, and increasingly i have less time writing about church reform because there is, as you say, so much work to be done. people want this but we are on the leading edge and it is hard work. nonverbals are the message – what is our message – go out and get it done and build it; know that it will take a long time so you have to start now, stop writing about it folks.

    – remember that jesus resisted the temptation of feeding everyone. it’s about more than just feeding hungry people. it’s about feeding some hungry people, but it is about more than that. man does not live on bread alone. there is a ministry of the word. how do you do that in the context you are imagining? don’t answer, do it. let me see how it looks. this becomes the riddle to solve once you jump out of the building. you have to create things, against people’s comfort and habit; how do you minister the word out there in the world? this isn’t haiti, this is the usa – how do you preach, when only 5 percent as adam says, are listening to the preacher? go for it. get it done. it’s possible. hint: the people who need the word are not reading this blog.

    – can you really go to a church and not give money? like NOT giving money will cause them to do what you say? perhaps, but why are you following a pastor who won’t listen to this message without such coercion; when will he get it? you are feeding the problem just by being there; your vote is your butt in the chair, more than your money. … this is just devil’s advocacy. i know the line about reforming from within. yet we really need more people who flee from their church and see it as more than an opportunity to just go to the beach. we need warriors building this new kind of thing. reform from outside.

    – a big trend that has to be bothersome is this rising chorus of critique against the church without a rising army of folks living out the alternative. gen x got its name from being meaninglessly, non-committal, and complacent. and i know too many of us who are not really engaged and fighting the good fight with a covenant community, we’re just saying things like “church is everywhere” and “love your neighbor” and yet it looks like a ministry of convenience more than anything. i like to write so i blog; i like to feed the hungry so i do that. i like beer so i drink with my neighbor. … all fine and good, but: are we becoming a generation of disciples and disciple-makers? is this generation being shaped and formed into Christlikness against he prevailing tides of individualism, hard-work, consumerism, well-touted charity, etc.

    – i really suggest we all tithe and then some, just simply give everything we can; and see the tithe more than just giving to the poor but also giving to the word; i would uphold a levite + sojourner/needy/hungry tithe. don’t throw the baby out with the bath water is what i’m saying. yes stop paying for pyrotechnics and excessive a/v and megabuildings (or buildings at all) but do pay your pastor. have a pastor! have a church! be the church! commit. covenant. be a family. share everything.

    – to sum up folks at some point we really have to turn these diatribes into something that we can show the world and be accountable to the broader church and say, “this is what we’re talking about. it’s a work in progress but here it is. join us. work with us. help us. fund us. serve with us. get messy and live dangerously too.” there must be very soon a large network or web of such churches all around, every city, so when folks like daryl are asking the question, “where is this?”, there will be many options.

    – i’m reading Eugene Peterson’s Practice Resurrection which uses Ephesians as a launching pad to discuss ecclesiological issues. i suggest it as a tonic to the missional material so prevalent today. let’s not worship mission or create an idol out of food or coffee or anything else. let’s not just react to what’s at hand. let’s endeavor to be the church in all it’s fullness.

    much love and gratitude for people like you.

  • Dearest Bono, I Forgive You

    This video cracked me up. It couldn’t possibly get more low rent and yet it is strangely worthy of the U2 brand. Well done. Since they delayed their event by a year, maybe I’ll be able to afford to go to the show in Anaheim?

    Anyone else want to go?

  • Social Currency

    If this were your house, what would you do?
    If this were your house, what would you do?

    “Why don’t they just fix it themselves?”

    If I had a dollar for every time someone said that to me about the people of Haiti I wouldn’t be $1700 short in my fundraising!

    There are a few answers to that question. At least from my über limited perspective.

    1. Haiti is so poor that they just don’t have the infrastructure and resources to even conceive of a solution. It’s just too big and they have been too dependent on the outside world to help them to solve it themselves.
    2. Culture has put up some major barriers. There are laws and traditions to be obeyed which make seemingly easy problems to fix nearly impossible. For instance, you’d need a permit (which costs money) to haul away the rubble of a home you rent. (which you are still paying the rent for) You have to find the owner, (who might live in Haiti or the U.S., you’ve never met him but only paid his cousin) who has to provide the government (which fell down) with proof of ownership (which was destroyed when government buildings collapsed) before you can hire workers to remove the rubble. (which costs money, and the government hasn’t yet determined where to take all of the rubble)
    3. The poorest of the poor don’t have the social currency to not worry about breaking the law/culture and looking past a lack of resources for the sake of doing some good.

    What is social currency?

    I first thought of this often debated online phrase in the real world while in Haiti in February. Like a lot of relief workers I struggled with what I saw. It just didn’t reconcile with the world I know.

    I’m not a sociologist. But this is how I think of social currency.

    If my house partially collapsed, killing my family, what would I do? Obviously, I’d call 911 and 6 minutes later a miniature army of highly trained firefighters would show up. Then a news helicopter would fly overhead so that the entire metro area would know what had happened within the hour. In shock and not knowing what else to do, I’d get in an ambulance and go to the hospital. At some point soon after that my insurance agent would call me. I’d call some friends who would rally around me. Within about 48 hours I’d be planning funerals, talking to endless insurance people about life insurance and property insurance, while a group of friends would help me “get back on my feet.” In the meantime, I’d probably stay with some friends or relatives before settling into a long-term hotel that my insurance company would pay for (and going to a years counseling that my health insurance company would pay for) while they took care of hiring contractors to pull permits and level the house before rebuilding it.

    That’s a lot of social currency. I’d call on all of those government and financial institutions without thinking about it because I’ve paid into those institutions! I’d call on friends to help because we have a perceived reciprocal society. Just the thought that “they’d do the same for me” would compel them to help.

    How would that change if I were the poorest of the poor, living in a country with no infrastructure, and the entire city I lived in collapsed? Those with financial means would leave immediately. This would be the land-owners and business people. Those with no means (the homeless, the orphans, the widows) are just kind of frozen. They don’t know what to do because they don’t know the questions to ask nor the ramifications of what would happen if they “just fixed stuff.” Nor do they have the resources to fix stuff. Nor do they have the energy or equipment to fix stuff.

    I remember Seth Barnes asking people what they were going to do and the dialogue always went like this:

    What are you going to do about your home?

    – I don’t know. I’m waiting for the government to help me.

    Has the government ever helped you in the past?

    – [laughter] Of course not.

    The poorest of the poor are, unfortunately, dependent on help. The real question for them seems to be… what will accepting help cost them? Remember that Haiti is a place of both spiritual and real oppression. Accepting help may land them into a debt that costs a lifetime to repay. This is a place where children are trafficked and labor is unregulated. This is a place where, on a good day, the police are uncaring about your plight. But on a bad day, the police are just as dangerous as the oppressors. They may even be the oppressors in some neighborhoods.

    What would you do? You’d laugh at those silly barriers in full knowledge that the landlord wouldn’t care that you cleared the property. At the very least you’d knock down your condemned home and pile up the rubble to be hauled away. Chances are pretty good that you’d also try to organize your neighbors into a group of workers who would go around clearing rubble for other people. Say, old women. That’s the power of social currency. You aren’t frozen. When everyone is stuck, you’d naturally rise up and take action.

    This is why you should consider a relief trip to Haiti

    If you are a reader of this blog I want to encourage you to find an agency of relief and pray about going to Haiti in the next 12 months. You have resources. You are ignorant of culture barriers. And you have social currency to spare.

  • 5 Ways to Fight Loneliness in Leadership

    It’s lonely at the top.

    For those who work in the church, we all know it. Those who make it for the long haul either succumb to a lifetime of loneliness and don’t have any real friends or we learn to adapt and find deep connection outside the walls of the church.

    But loneliness doesn’t have to be a part of the job. You really can have deep friendships and be in full-time ministry.

    Acquaintance vs. Friendship

    The first few years I worked at churches I confused church members hospitality with true friendship. Sure, I really enjoyed being close with people in the church… but at the end of the day (and certainly in retrospect when you step away from a church) a lot of those people I thought were my friends turned out to be just positional acquaintances. As soon as I stopped being their Pastor Adam they stopped wanting to hang out. Once I stopped investing in their kids there were no more invitations to dinner, golf, and BBQs.

    Of course, we have been able to transition a few of those church acquaintances into true lifelong friendship. (For which we’re totally thankful!) But I think getting there took some time and wisdom.

    A spouse helps but doesn’t really count

    Kristen is my best friend. That goes without saying. But Kristen could never fill the void I needed in ministry as a friend and confidant. When I meet with people young in ministry, I often see them putting their spouse in the friend category. Of course, your spouse will help you curb loneliness! But don’t forget your spouse needs to find true friendship outside of you, as well.

    So, what works?

    Here are five things that helped me get past loneliness and find some healthy friendship while in church leadership.

    1. Find a ministry network locally. Believe it or not, there are people just like you in your own community! Joining a network is a great way to meet people. Go a couple of times, see who you connect with, then take the first step and take that one person out to lunch.
    2. Join a sports club or league. I don’t mean a church league either. Join a league and get outside of your church social circle. Get to know contractors and realtors and other normal people.
    3. Connect with long-time friends intentionally. Some of my best friends in ministry, I only see once or twice per year. The few days we spend together per year are awesome and fill up our tanks. Going to the same conference really helps. But even meeting up for a weekend somewhere goes a long way.
    4. Ignore other leaders who live unhealthy lives. For whatever reason, church ministry attracts workaholics. Looking through job postings at YS I can’t believe how many of them will admit that they want someone to work more than 40 hours per week. Don’t work at those ministries. Go home on time. Make wise use of your ministry time and you’ll have tons of time for real friendship. Never forget that its Jesus’ job to grow the church.
    5. Take the first step! I think I spent over a year completely lonely and out of my mind crazy because I was waiting for fellow ministry people in my community to come find me. It’s not going to happen. The assumption is always going to be that you are busy and your life is full of relationships until you step out first.

  • Summer update

    Summer officially began on Memorial Day, 5 weeks ago.

    A whole hodgepodge of things have happened.

    • Lisa has been here for just over a month. So far that has pretty well. She does fit into the flow of our house… so it really hasn’t been hard at all. Finding volunteer work for her for the first 6 weeks just didn’t pan out. She did a few things for a charter school that is opening in City Heights and she did a few things for a non-profit I’m exploring starting in City Heights. But most of our other leads never materialized. Several organizations were super interested, but when it came time to do something they bowed out. Who would have thought it’d be so hard to volunteer 6 weeks of labor? Not me. It’s been great to have her here for the convenience factor. Kristen and I have love being able to go for walks, go to the store, or whatever we want without necessarily having the kids in tow. That said, I think Lisa is a bit weirded out by how many people asked if she is my wife!
    • The kids get out of school this Thursday. We like the year-round school concept. But it does feel weird to tell them to get ready for school in July! It’s hard to believe that we’re just a week away from having a 4th grader and a 2nd grader. They’ve got an easy week ahead. There are parties every day and field day on Thursday. Both of them are something like 2 grade levels ahead academically… so moving up is a very good thing.
    • I connected with the YouthWorks San Diego team twice this week. (Gold star employee that I am) I went over and met them on Monday at their ministry location. And then when I realized it was just 10 minutes from my house, we invited them over for a BBQ last night. They are four very impressive college students running missions projects for 10 weeks with 50+ students per week from all over the U.S. and Canada. The guys inhaled all the protein, no surprise.
    • Kristen and I leave for Haiti in just 5 days. We are flying to Fort Lauderdale this coming Saturday night. We’ll have all day Sunday and Monday morning to just kind of relax and get used to the tropical humidity before flying over to Port-au-Prince Monday afternoon. (There may or may not be a beach and tropical beverage as part of this preparation.) We still have some pre-trip shopping to do. We need a tent, sleeping pads, and duffle bags. Outside of that we are set. I’ve got a lot of pre-trip thoughts for this trip. But I’ll save them for their own post.
    • Work stuff is going great. When I compare what we we felt like last year at this time to this year… man, we are in a much better space!
    • Speaking of work. I was afraid when the shake-up occurred that I’d somehow lose all of those friendships with now former co-workers. It’s been fun this summer to connect repeatedly with people who used to work for YS. Bit by bit everyone is landing on their feet. While I don’t see them nearly as often as I did when we worked together… it looks like those friendships are going to make the transition. And for that I’m stoked.
    • I’m evaluating a whole menu of personal projects. (Web design, app development, writing projects, stuff like that) It’s cool to have so many opportunities to evaluate. At the same time its a bit overwhelming.
    • It hardly feels like summer in San Diego. We’ve gotten a heavy dose of June Gloom that has carried over into July. This has been great for the garden, but not great for a nice warm summer. I’m thinking there will be a time later this summer when we’ll remember the coolness fondly. But for right now it’d be nice to get into the 70s.
    • The World Cup has been fun to watch. The games certainly were a fun part of our vacation! Yet I’m glad it’s only every four years because I don’t really like soccer that much to watch it all the time. When I watch sports that are a bit boring on TV I always come up with fun ways to make it more interesting. What do you think of this one? When a team scores a goal they have to chose a player to take out of the game. So if they go up by 2 goals they are 2 players down, etc. It seems like that would result in higher scores and make it more interesting. And they should get rid of the shoot out. Once they get to the 3rd overtime they just need to add a couple more balls. Split screen because there would be shots coming from everywhere!

  • What’s growing in the garden?

    Our backyard organic garden experiment started about 6 months ago. Way back in January we had no idea that by July we would have a wide variety of vegetables. But the picture above shows what our normal biweekly harvest now looks like. On top of that,  herbs, summer squash, eggplant, jalapeño, and the occasional strawberry.

    Our 2010 goal is to allocate 20% of our food to come from local sources. I don’t know exactly how we are going to measure that! But between what we are growing in our yard and our CSA box from J.R. Organics we have pretty much eliminated the produce area of the grocery store. (Things like bananas and potatoes seem to be the hardest to replace locally.)

    Lots of success, some failures

    We’ve done pretty good for first year gardeners. But we have had some failures too. We planted the summer squash, acorn squash, and cucumbers way too close together. This caused the acorn squash to never fully develop and we had to pull that out last week. Our sweet corn was doing very well but suddenly stopped growing and produced only a few kernels on each ear. We planted garlic at the wrong time of year. So it’s still green but hasn’t done anything. We have one tomato plant which has taken over the tomato and strawberry area. It’s been fun to see the plant grow about 15 feet tall… but it’s also kept two other varieties of tomatoes from developing fully.

    Watering schedules and bugs are still ever-present issues. And our worm composting… still just going so-so. Weeds and snails were a problem in the Spring, but with the drying out of the climate both have stopped.

    Out with the old

    With Kristen and I leaving the country in 7 days, we’re going to do a little garden maintenance this weekend. We’ll pull out the sweet corn, trim the summer squash way back, and eliminate a couple herbs which aren’t doing so well. I’ll also spread some organic fertilizer. (Very expensive fish poop!)

    The cool thing about San Diego is that our growing season essentially never stops. So we’ll pull out some of those things and head over to the nursery to scout out what will take its place. We’re hoping to get one more summer harvest in before we have to think about fall plantings.

    We are encouraged. Heading into this I wasn’t sure that we could do it. And I really wasn’t sure we’d enjoy it. This year has proven that we really can do this and we really can have a good time doing it.

    Children’s Garden

    Megan and Paul have been involved since day 1. Each day, Megan and I take a garden tour where we carefully inspect the progress of every plant. As the months have passed we’ve started to talk about the kids taking ownership of an area of the garden. So we are trying to figure out how to make that happen.

  • Wishlist item: Mega Skateboard

    Cool accident and all. But man, where can I get one of those? Here’s the apparent owner.