Last night at my 3Story training we ended up talking a lot about our humanity. The principle I taught in closing was that it is better to be real than anything else when sharing Christ with folks. The idea is that when we expose how imperfect we are, others see us in the same boat as they are… In desperate need of being saved.

This got me thinking… isn’t it amazing that a great big God loves little me? I mean, I am a failure in so many capacities… I think the thing I struggle with the most lately is that I don’t see myself as being very faithful to what I am leading people towards. It seems like the more I try to teach others about Jesus and God’s Word… The further from Jesus and God’s Word I feel. I could theologicize it by saying that I am just in full knowledge of my imperfection… But the reality is that I am a failure and I am overcome by feeling like a fraud. People have a radar for insincerity and duplicity and sometimes I feel like people look right through me.

Here’s another thought. There seems to be a real shift in ministry. There used to be a school of thought that told ministers “you need to be Jesus to those who don’t know him.” I remember hearing that coming up. I also remember thinking…. “Yeah, but if I really look at myself I know I could never be perfect… So why call myself a minister?” Now there is a paradigm shift to the other side. Now it seems like we are being taught to tell others what a mess we are. I mean, it seems like in order to be a good minister I need to be disclosing my failures all the time.

Here are a few pluses to that from where I sit in the boat.
– Failures are disarming.
– Acknowledging failures is part of dealing with them.
– Disclosing failures shows that I haven’t arrived yet.
– Letting people see my struggles makes me more human.

Here are some minuses.
– Some people aren’t looking for other humans, they are looking for people to help them!
– We assume that people care what’s going on in our lives.
– Acknowledging failures makes it seem like we aren’t working on fixing stuff.
– Disclosing too much can take over a conversation.

At the end of the day… I’m just working on this myself. I know I am a failure. I know that I am in need of Jesus every day. I know I can do nothing outside of his grace and mercy… But I am just not yet sure I want to go around disclosing all of that!

Ah man… we were excited for this thing to start… but the non-stop jack hammers and heavy equipment outside the building is a real drag. Half the time we can’t even hear ourselves think. Just about 2 months until it’s done. Ugh!

About a year and a half into this… The monthly Concert of Prayer and Pizza night is finally starting to mature into it’s own thing. Last night was our best yet.

Again, what I love about these things is that I have little to do with them. The worship team plans and executes almost the entire thing.

Last night we introduced a prayer box… Like this one on the right. This will become a standard part of our room for a while. It is simply a place where students can write out their prayers and post them. It’s my hope that this will be something really meaningful to my students.

I have a hard time describing what it’s like to be in our COP&P. If I am really honest with myself, while I am saying it is maturing… It is still a long, long way off. Afterall, we still don’t use live music. Afterall, most students aren’t really into it… They just play along. But it is maturing and it is getting better. I think… At least from what I observe… That kids are worshipping, at least they participate.

One thing I know for sure… They like the prayer activities that we come up with.

Did I mention that we had like a million students last night? I haven’t done the attendance but it seemed like more students than normal. I like it.

Operation C update: I’ve got students on the case, I have been praying for C, and I know for a fact that this is something God can use us for. But more than turning it over to God they are trying to find ways to turn their prayers into action. Hmmm… I love it when my students get it!

I’ll post some pics later on… but last night we had a great time at the Tomlin/Redman/Giglio concert.

I was able to get rid of about 24 tickets before the concert started for the MILLIONS of people who couldn’t go. Of course, I didn’t get full price for them… but I figured $10 was better than nothing.

Blah blah blah. Here’s what I was thinking. I GET PAID FOR THIS? I looked to my right and left and students… alumni… of mine were praising God. They were pretty much lost in the worship. They heard a fantastic talk from Louie… they saw the best of the best in the world of modern worship. And someone paid me to take them. I just can’t stop saying it… I love my job.

I did have a couple of moments that took me back to NI. They closed the concert with Holy is the Lord and it just took me back to the commissioning service at Methody. I will never forget the pure volume of worship there… in particular I remember closing the commissioning service with the same song… 200 people with a singular goal of reaching lost kids in Northern Ireland singing that song… the sound pounded that aged auditorium. I remember thinking… “God, are the windows going to blow out?” It was that loud. Last night was nowhere near that volume. It was nice and it took me back but it wasn’t the same. As Todd and Kim and I talked about on the way home… there are things in life you will never get over or get past. That memory is one thing I don’t want to get past. It was a profound moment, one that changed me then and one that changes me everytime I hear that song.

A Wednesday morning shout out to Joy in Tulsa. She’s a lurker, not a commenter.

This morning 5 students are starting a secret mission. This mission, titled Operation C, is simple in it’s goal and extremely complex to complete. I can’t go into the details. But please pray for them as they look for opportunities. From this point on, it’s a God thing.

Luke 5:14, “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it?”

Exodus 22:9, “In all cases of illegal possession of an ox, a donkey, a sheep, a garment, or any other lost property about which somebody says, ‘This is mine,’ both parties are to bring their cases before the judges.”

Jesus, you are the judge… These students are the bounty hunters. We seek, you guide.

This is the first time in my life I’ve had both a cat and a dog at the same time. I think we were a bit idealistic about how they would get along when Stoney came home a couple weeks back. So far, it hasn’t worked out.

While I was in the back yard this morning burning leaves and brush, Stoney was happily laying nearby. I also knew that Violet, our cat, was in the yard and asking to be let inside and away from the dog. Well, she got a bit too close and the dog noticed the cat. The next things I knew I was in an episode right out of Dumb and Dumber. The cat ran to one end of the yard with the dog hot on it’s tail. I was hollering at them both… then the cat realized she couldn’t jump the fence at full speed so she doubled back and hauled butt towards the tree. Just as Stoney was neared her tail… Violet gave a huge leap and flew up about 20 feet into a tree. I didn’t even know that cat could climb trees and I wondered if she knew she could. Instincts saved the day.

Within a few minutes I had the dog safely in the basement and the cat came inside to rest. So much for the dog and cat living in harmony.

In other news… I placed a limit order to buy some stock today in a company most people haven’t heard of before. Grey Wolf Inc is a oil rig driller. The play is that after Katrina and Rita there will be an increased desire to drill both on and off shore in the U.S. Well, with a previous downturn in that business… a lot of driller went out of business and their rigs were sold off. But since there is a huge demand for drilling now and not a lot of drilling rigs… Grey Wolf is working 24/7 to try to keep up. It might only be a stock I hold for a quarter or so… but I think it’s a solid energy play… away from my default “likes” of retail consumer goods and technology. I am eager to hear Intel’s numbers tommorow. I’d like for them to make me some money before I ditch them 1/1/06.

I could tell last night by the amount of times the furnace came on that it was cold. Michigan + October = Cold? I know, it’s a shocker!

When I finally got up at about 7:30 this morning I found out that it was about 35 degrees. OK, now that is cold. Officially in Romeo it is 34 at the airport. Considering that it doesn’t normally get below 20 in the winter… I think it is officially cold. (Yes, I know you think Michigan gets really, really cold… But not all the time.)

Anyway, it is my day off. I have some home projects to get crackin’ on. I’ve got to finish winterizing my shed and do a little yard work. Namely this means I have to burn the leaves. Not my favorite thing to do. Other than that… I have some inside projects to play with. It should be a nice day.

In financial news, Intel continues to flounder… It even got downgraded a week ago or so. The problem? I have to make my quarterly investments this week and I am not sure what I want to buy. With the way things are going in the markets I might actually do better just to leave it in my IRA’s interest bearing savings account! We’ll see.

We had a bunch of friends over for a putluck after church today. As is usual, I hear the lamentations of “I don’t know how you can get along with all of those teenagers” and “you must be crazy to be a youth pastor and like it.”

Honestly, I don’t get that. I just plain love being around students and absorbing our whole lives with them. Here’s something that people don’t always see… I learn as much from them that they learn from me. I consider myself lucky to spend my life with “stupid teenagers.”

Here is a note I got from a 12th grader in response to asking to get the NI team together one more time. She really revealed in me something I was thinking but hadn’t articulated yet.

You are going to hate me.

NI was great. You know what would be greater? If we got over our own spiritual superiority and began doing God’s work again.

Damn, that’s good stuff.

“And he directed the people to sit down on the grass. Taking the five loaves and the two fish and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke the loaves. Then he gave them to the disciples, and the disciples gave them to the people.” Matthew 14:19

I wonder… what would have happened if Jesus had been by the Irish Sea and not the Sea of Galilee?