I’m workng my way through this little book, The Search to Belong by Joe Myers. It has really gotten me thinking about the difference between coming to church, being a member at a church… and feeling like you belong there. There is a significant difference.

The cold-hard fact
I feel “community” and “belonging” and all that warm fuzzy stuff when I am at church and especially at Light Force. Deeper than that, there are certain people, adults and students, that when I am with them I feel something special with.

I feel understood among them, I feel like I am a part of their lives and visa versa. Sometimes we share things that are non-verbal… we can just look at each other and see life! Yet the hard fact is that I also can see and recognize that a lot of people don’t feel that way. They come but aren’t connected. They are members but don’t feel like they belong. They are in the community but don’t feel community. They look at the story of the prodigal son a lot differently than someone who feels community. We feel like the father, welcoming home the lost sheep and sharing a great feast to show off our beloved prize… but there are others who are “at the church but not feeling it” who leave the church and feel nothing. They aren’t connected, they don’t feel a sense of belonging… they go home and wonder why they came.

There is a deep longing and draw for each person to feel connected to a community. God did not create us to be loners, he created us to belong to something bigger than just us.

A little experiment
I want to ask my readers to consider posting some comments. You can reply without leaving your name or you can leave your name, it’s your choice. But I’d like you to think about these questions.

When you think about the church… do you feel like you belong there?

In what setting do you feel the most understood?

Has there ever been a place that you look back to now and think “I wish I had that kind of community?” If so, describe it.

It’s important that everyone who reads this participates. Why? Your story is data. We can all look at it, learn from it… who knows? Perhaps your story will lead to a greater sense of community at your church or community.

Everyday Drama
I love what I do! It’s hard to imagine that for the last 3 years every dime that I have brought home to my family has been paid to me by faithful Christians who believe in student ministry.

One of the funny parts of what I do is that lots of times people look at it and say, “wow, that’s easy… You get paid to do this?” True enough, when I am taking students to fun places or cultural attractions or even on college visit weekends, my job looks fun because it is.

But at the same time they will say “you are pretty special, I wouldn’t want to do what you do.” For the most part this is because many adults are either afraid of dealing with adolescents or don’t want to learn the skills and patience to work with them on a daily basis.

In fact, and this is what makes me a weird person, I actually don’t mind the daily ups and downs of “teen angst.” I think it is fun to be a part of their growing up. I don’t see it like James Dobson describes it as “a tumultuous time” but rather an incredible time when God shapes men and women. At the end of the day I want to be a significant person in developing the next generation of Christian leaders. Hopefully, these will be the church leaders who welcome Christ back to earth for his millenial reign.

Certain frustrations
Lately I have been mired in relational no-mans land. This is what I mean, most of my “core students” are really wrestling with life… Here is what one of my leadership students posted in her blog the other day.

“everything changing when is turn around, all out of my control im a mobile” that’s how I feel. Like IM a mobie (like one of those things they hang above a baby’s crib that goes in circles, not a car) I’ve felt soo far away from my friends lately like no one wants to talk to me and stuff and i feel so let down, left out, and alone. i’ve also seen the bad sides of some people lately and it’s not too pretty. i don’t kno if it has always been there and i just never noticed or if it is just coming out now but it’s frustrating and kind of scary.

Reading that doesn’t scare me. It expresses true desires… She is saying “Life is changing and I want it to go backwards. I want things to be like they were when I was younger. But how this is manifesting itself in this student is scary. She is kranky, she is tough to be around. She has a lot to say but doesn’t say much to me.

Helping students understand their world

I’m here basically because it is a universal that parents and adolescents can’t talk. I wish I know why, but they just can’t talk about real life. Kids are wrestling with tremendous changes as they approach adulthood and almost all parents look at their teenagers and say “why can’t you be 9 forever?” Adolescents are wondering and looking for their place in the world while mom and dad are depressed that their little girl is growing up too fast.

Yesterday we had a chance to sit down with another student who was really wrestling with these developmental changes. She was ready to “give up” because she really wanted life to be simple… It only took me telling her the truth… Life is complicated… That stuff was always there but you didn’t see it… Now that you are getting older you are noticing these abstract realities… All relationships are messed up to one degree or another. What was manifesting itself to me was “PA has been rude to me and I won’t stand for it… I’m telling him to be nice to me or I am checking out of the youth group!” Most people are scared of that… I saw it as an awesome opportunity to teach her about how much she has grown in the last 12 months.

She posted in a comment to a friends blog bashing me:

I know what its like to feel rejected and stuff cuse that’s how I feel lately. And I’m gonna say something please don’t get mad…I talked to PA on Sunday, explained to him whats bothering me and stuff, and he was really cool about it. But also, his life isn’t really easy right now either, its not fair to him for us to expect him to always do whatever we want him to do and say whatever we want him to say. We take our stress out on him, so we can’t really complain about him taking his stress out on us, thats just what happens when you are close to somebody and around them a lot. We treat PA like crap and then we expect him to raise us up to a level thats higher then everybody else, including himself. Yes, he is a youth pastor and some of this comes with the job, but that doesn’t mean that he isnt a normal person, going though things that everybody else goes through, experiencing emotions that everybody, including you and I are feeling.

All of this is part of their process. When I shared with PB all of what was going on in the emotions of our students he said, “Aw man… Maybe you’ve got the wrong leaders identified…” I thought about that for a while. Maybe he was right? But then I thought some more. What he is seeing is adult immaturity… No crap, they are still kids! But at the same time they are influencer’s on their campus. They are growing up emotionally, physically, and spiritually… They might be a pain in the ass right now… But I love to see how much they are growing and to see the infantile potential of them as Christian leaders!

All this to say… Life is complicated. Beautiful, but complicated.

Not that I am perfect, but I did predict Tiger’s win at the Masters. DiMarco made it a great day for watching golf on TV. It was one of the better final round finished in recent memory. 

Yep, I’m all done with my taxes. All I can say is that I am glad I overpaid my state taxes… that almost completely covers my underpayment on the federal side. Gulp!

Since it all ended up being a bit less than I had been planning on, it looks like I will be able to go over to Romeo G&CC and pay my 2005 dues. Phew.

It’s tax day in the PA house. I’m not too excited about it since I always have to pay. I/m hoping it is a lot like 2003 when I thought I owed $2500 and I ended up only owing like $400. The 2004 tax season could either put us near the poor house or get me on the golf course. We’ll see in a few hours. 

This is where the family is headed today. There is nothing finer than spending a nice Spring-like day looking at animals and spending time with your kids. If you’ve never done it before and have small kids, a zoo membership is perfect!

This isn’t me! But it is what I felt like in the last two days as I’ve started to get the shag bag out.

So…
Over the last 2 days I’ve been knocking the ball around the church yard in the evenings with a student. While I haven’t whiffed or done anything poorly, the swing isn’t feeling so good. Pretty soon I’ll have to pony up the clams and rejoin my golf club. While it isn’t a ton of money, I still have to wait until I can get enough cash together.

Quick tale…
The same student, who is merely curious about golf, was hitting balls while I was setting of for LF. (Which was pretty good last night) Before I ran home for dinner I walked out and asked if I could hit his 5 iron. I had never swung the club and after a couple of quick practice swings… I guess I was ready. We were in the far northerwest corner of the church property. I figured I would miss hit it and it might for 100 yards and dodge off to the right. I was very wrong. I hit it crisply and it went right down the target line! It was a bit of a flyer and was launched. I looked at my student and said “uh-oh… Too far.” We both watched it as it flew over the top of the softball field… I said “uh-oh” again as I heard a click as it hopped over Campground Road. We think it either came to rest in the guys yard or maybe hit his driveway and kept going. Oops! We both looked at each other, I asked him if he wanted to get the ball back… Then we scurried inside!

My Masters prediction…
The first groups are yet to tee off at Augusta. But I will make my prediction. I will say that Tiger will win it. Phil Mickelson won’t be in the top 10 and a foreign player outside of the “Big 4” will finish second. Tiger’s “got the look” and this is a good course for him. Last bold prediction, one of the “Big 4” of Els, Woods, Singh, or Mickelson will miss the 36 hole cut.

OK!
So I’ve had a couple of day to mourn some of the things that didn’t go well last week. Get over it… It’s time to focus on the positive. There was a lot of it and I’ll spend a few minutes here documenting what I felt was awesome.

1. My little workers. True enough, the students were tired after a long week in the schools. But they were tired because they kicked butt! Students were assigned to a teacher for the week. The teacher could use my students for whatever they wanted. Some filed and organized for the whole week. Some went on field trips. Some attended special meetings. But all had a great attitude and worked very hard. I had two freshmen who were very nervous about this trip… They totally rocked! When they were placed in their classroom’s, one of them was completely intimidated. She looked at me as though I had just condemned her to die. But by the end of the day she was feeling better. By the end of the week, I could tell she wanted to come back.
2. Awesome teachers. If one thing impressed me about Chase Elementary, it was the incredibly gifted and talented Christian teachers. In a school of 750 students, there were about 20 teachers who were committed believers. Their influence there went well beyond merely being Christian teachers. They were also excellent teachers. Their students and their parents respected them. They were achievers… And so were their students. Leading them was a great principal, Mrs. Gonzalez. Together those Christian teachers are changing kids lives.
3. Great pranks. OK, beyond the first day… The pranks that were done were good. Too many to share. Some highlights were the goldfish in the sinks and the monster toilets.
4. Smooth travel. No headaches with the driving portions. Sure, it was stressful for those who don’t drive in the city a lot… But at least there were no tickets or accidents.
5. Changed hearts. Even though there was a lot of struggling… It was good struggling as students got to see and interact with real people who really needed the gospel.
6. Big eyes. Sure, a lot of my students were a little nervous about violence and gangs… But more than that they were impressed that people like them could do something very significant for Christ without being “in ministry.”

As I think about it, there are tons of good things to talk about. Too many to list. There are just the good things that happened to my group! At another time I will share the good things that came from me working with Mr. B. (A kid from the neighborhood who met Christ at 10 years old… And is now an incredible teacher in his old school.)

This is the new cell phones that Kristen and I upgraded to today. Just in case someone really gives a rip! 

I’m Back!
After 6 days of being with students 24 hours a day, we have finally come back home. I am honestly not fully ready to “formally” report on the trip yet but I would like to share just a little about what we did.

A place to start
Last year, we took our students to Inner City Impact because I knew for 100% certainty that they could do the work. Going into it I was 98% sure of the same thing with this team… but it isn’t how it turned out. This trip was not a home run like last year. Sure, they did a lot of cool things but they just didn’t hit it out of the park like they did in 2004.

Some lessons learned, a painful place to go
After reading some of the blog entries from students who went, I think I must again search myself to see why the heck I even bother with student ministry. Why is it that a “high point” feels like such a stinking failure?

1. Students are adolescents no matter how much you like them. This is pretty hard for me to handle a lot of times. You let a student into your life and you get into their lives… But in the end you always lose. They are here in front of you to take what you have to offer and you rarely get anything in return. Case in point. For the past year I have heavily invested in 3 young ladies. They are born leaders. I expect them to lead… And sometimes they do. But it’s becoming clear that I need to invest somewhere else. On the trip to Chicago my “alpha female” did not lead the girls together. She disintegrated them and when she was confronted it only got worse. “I’m tired” is no excuse for leading rebellion.
2. Adult leaders have a hard time stepping up to the plate. I’d be a liar if I said that I wasn’t disappointed in my adults on this trip. They are fantastic people and I love them. However, their inability to turn the moods or deal with tension (which they created) is tough to cope with.
3. I was not a good leader on this trip. I am big enough to face my own mistakes. I limped into this trip and I didn’t have a lot of energy to help “fight for the trip.” I was too tired most of the time to really get involved and figure out why all the girls were mad at all the boys 99% of the time. Also, I should have gotten in my adults faces about their inability to deal with the krankiness. I should have prepared them more for the tiredness factor. I should have told ICI no about helping with clubs. There are a lot of places I failed and I will have to deal with them. Going into it I felt like I wanted to push the group to see what their breaking point was… It was the first time I had really seen a LF group break down. I am not sure how to process that just yet.

In a later posting I will run through the multitude of really good things that happened in Chicago. Right now I have to finish IMing a student who has been key to my frustration. At least we can work it out somewhere!