Tag: relationships

  • I play for keeps

    I keeps it real. And I play for keeps.

    It’s easy to be in ministry and lose sight of the big and obvious stuff. Such as, “Why the heck do I even do all of this anyway?”

    So much of the actual task in youth ministry feels like that of a cruise director. When you lose sight of the bigger picture you start to evaluate by the evidence… Are people having a good time when they are around me? Are they showing up? Do they leave satisfied? Do they like being around me? Do they laugh at my jokes?

    I’ve found those to be shallow evaluation tools. Those are like eating a Twinkie when your body is craving protein. It leaves you feeling temporarily full but hungry and unsatisfied quickly.

    That’s why I say that I play for keeps. Youth ministry is meaningless without evangelism and discipleship at its core. Those two things are ultimately what I’m about in youth ministry. And as much as I like silly games, worship music, and road trips… I don’t do it for that.

    This ain’t the Love Boat, friends. This stuff is for real.

    (more…)

  • The plot and sub-plot of every youth group meeting

    Youth group meets every Wednesday evening at 7:00 PM. And every Wednesday night at 7:00 PM a cast of characters arrives on scene. Each character is three-dimensional. And each character is coming to youth group for their own reasons.

    Every Wednesday there is a plot and a series of sub-plots. And it looks something like this.

    Style: Drama

    The plot: Youth group has an agenda. The youth leader picks a topic for the night and has themed everything around it. In tonight’s play, we’re talking about worship. Everything that we’ll do is targeted at the agenda. What is worship? How can I worship? Why should I worship? Let’s worship together. Worship-themed games. And a wall where we’ll write our own definition of worship.

    This is the plot the youth worker, Adam, needs for the night to feel like a success. This agenda must win over everything. Why? The youth worker is in charge, duh.

    The main characters: Here’s a list of fictional characters for youth group, along with what their plot is on Wednesday.

    Ted: Ted was in the parking lot when the youth leader arrived. He’s thrilled it’s Wednesday night because the last thing he wants to do is be home. Ted’s sister is two years older and teases him constantly. That may not be a big deal, but Ted is sick of being teased. He comes to youth group because its a safe place for him to hang out. He’s got a couple of friends who come, too.

    Ted’s sub-plot for Wednesday night is that he needs to feel loved somewhere. He doesn’t get that at home. And he’s not sure if the church can make him feel loved… but his new girlfriend sure is making him feel loved. So if he’s not feeling it this Wednesday, he probably won’t come next week.

    Linda: She just wants to make it in the room. She’s been crying off and on all day. Not like in a dramatic way… but in a “I need to go to the bathroom” kind of way. Linda doesn’t know what to do because she is about 5 days late and might be pregnant. She doesn’t want to tell Mario because she knows he’ll freak. Her eyes are sore from crying and she’s completely on edge. She told Jill, Mary, and Christy what was up because they go to youth group with her and love her.

    Linda’s sub-plot is she’s freaked out because she isn’t sure if she’s pregnant or not. And she doesn’t even want to think about what would happen if she really is. That’d cause drama in every corner of her life. Youth group, school, and especially home. Yikes, her mom doesn’t even know she’s having sex. And the youth leader, Adam, that dude doesn’t have a clue. And she might just slap Margaret. That kid is so happy and she had the nerve to ask her on Facebook why she’s been a bitch all day. That kid doesn’t have a clue.

    Margaret: She’s everybody’s best friend. At least she thinks she is. She calls everyone each Wednesday after school to make sure they come to youth group. She helps lead worship, she helps Adam plan youth group activities, and when she isn’t getting straight As at school she is doing pretty good on the soccer team. Her home life is meh, but it doesn’t seem to faze her. Sure, her parents are getting a divorce, but God is in control, right? Plus, Adam and the other youth group leaders come to her soccer games– they are the only family she needs.

    Margaret’s sub-plot is tat she wants the night to be awesome. Youth group has made a big difference in her life, she knows she is loved and safe, and she feels like if people will just give it their all, they will all love Wednesday nights and the youth group will really start to grow.

    Mario: Mario loves coming to youth group. It’s silly, it’s fun, he learns a lot. He likes learning about God. For the first time in his life he feels like the stuff about God is making sense. He hasn’t told Adam yet, but at the retreat he prayed the prayer and has been reading his Bible every day. Speaking of the retreat, for the last 2-3 months since the retreat… he’s been giving Linda a ride home from church. It’s kind of funny because everybody knows they are going out but no one really suspects anything.

    Mario’s sub-plot is that he looks forward to youth group on Wednesday night so he can see his friends, learn about Jesus, and give Linda a ride home. He knows it’s crazy… but they’ve had sex on the way home every Wednesday for like 9 weeks. There’s no way he’d miss a Wednesday night. No not ever.

    Carrie: Carrie is really quiet on Wednesday nights. She comes a few minutes late, brings her Bible, and just kind of goes through the motions. She comes to everything, loves Adam’s teaching, and just likes youth group because its a distraction from her home life.

    Carrie’s sub-plot is that she comes on Wednesday night to get away from a verbally abusive home. Nothing she does is good enough for her parents. She feels unloved and youth group is the only place she feels safe. But no one at youth group would know that because she’s terrified to tell the truth about her dad, the pastor.

    Jill, Mary, and Christy: They’ve spent the whole day praying Linda isn’t pregnant. Well, they were praying when they weren’t asking their friends if they should tell a teacher or Adam. So now they feel a little guilty that about 200 people at school know Linda might be pregnant but that doesn’t really matter because if she is… everyone needs to know anyway, right? And if she isn’t pregnant than those 200 people will know that prayer works.

    Their agenda is that all they can think about is their friend Linda and her uterus. They are just going to play along tonight and not say anything. And then they are going to go home and Facebook chat about it some more.

    Adam: Adam just wants Wednesday night to be over with. He’s super tired and had a bad day. Staff meeting went way late. He couldn’t find the ingredients for the game he wants to play. And he’s annoyed that the elders are thinking about cutting his budget to go to NYWC this Fall. Adam got rushed through preparation because he was dealing with a problem between a parent and a former student who is now in college… like all day Tuesday. Adam thinks his lesson plan is solid and that this is what God wants him to teach. But he’s really frustrated that the students just don’t seem as into it since the retreat.

    Adam’s agenda is to be faithful to the plan. His gut is telling him there’s a lot going on with his students but the truth is, there’s a lot going on in his life, too. So Adam just wants tonight to be over with so he can go home and watch some TV he’s DVRed and see his kids before they go to sleep. He’s really frustrated, too. Since the retreat there’s been a lot of apathy among the students. Which is weird, it seemed like everything at the retreat went so well?

    What’s the point of the story: A lot of time in youth ministry we think that the plot of our lesson plan is the real story of our ministry. We go home feeling great if the lesson went well and kids seemed engaged in the plot. But when you look at all the sub-plots coming on Wednesday night– you see God is waiting for someone to intervene– and we go home frustrated because our gut tells us it could have gone better and we just don’t have a clue why. Sadly, we allow the plot to override what our students desperately need.

    Students are bringing the mess of their lives to the church and asking, “Can God help me with ____?“ And we’re answering that question by distracting them with games, music, and a lesson that isn’t answering their biggest question.

  • Easter Strategery

    peeps

    If church is all about reaching numbers than this is Super Bowl Week for church.

    If you work in a church, holy week is kind of hell week. Church staff can’t wait for Monday. (Speaking as a former church staffer!) Weeks of planning and putting together a marketing plan, an event plan, a parking plan, and a planning session to make sure all of the plans are lined up.

    Here’s the dirty secret: Easter strategery doesn’t lead to long term benefits to 99% of churches.

    – While attendance is high on Easter morning, engagement is at an all-time low.

    – While production is high on Easter morning, these are largely the same people who saw the Easter show last year and weren’t effectively changed.

    – While tensions are high on Easter morning, people who are coming aren’t coming to find a church… they are there to celebrate the Resurrection of Jesus.

    I’m not sure how Easter became the Christian Super Bowl, but I do know a better plan.

    – Make the Easter service and the events leading up to it about Jesus.

    – Instead of the whole thing leading up to a Gospel presentation (Built on the false assumption that visitors aren’t believers in the resurrection… I mean, why would they be there?) why not make the service a kick-off in how you can get involved in living out the message of Jesus in your community? (Romeo nailed this last year IMO) I’m not saying we should share the Gospel, but I’m thinking we should all remember that the Gospel is all these Christmas and Easter folks hear at church. Maybe that’s why they think your church is irrelevant?

    – Instead of hosting an experience people won’t see for the next 12 months, why not invest that energy in meeting the practical needs of the people who come? A gift card for groceries says “I love you” way more than hiring a band.A warm handshake and an open heart is way more valuable then an Easter play.

    – Instead of marketing hype, why not invest in relationship hype?

    – Instead of stressing out the staff, why not send a message to the community that the church is healthy by “forcing” the staff to work less and experience Holy Week?

    – Perhaps it is time most churches took an old school approach to Easter morning, let the visitors come. Invite them back. But don’t bend over backwards for people who are only committed to coming Easter and Christmas. While it is an “opportunity” I think it’s more a distraction from the people who really want to grow in Jesus than an opportunity to reach those who have already decided to be nominal.

    Side note to those who don’t get what I’m talking about: Imagine the pageantry that you’ll experience at your church this weekend. Now, multiply that by every church and your community. Then envision that across the country… what you’ll see is an “Easter industry” that is as weird as the the Easter aisle at Target. It just doesn’t fit, but we accept it!