Category Archives: parenting

Making Memories with My Kids

Making Memories with My Kids

Whether it’s celebrating New Years with the kids or going to a big game. We’re always making memories.

“They Grow Up So Fast”

They grow up so fast, enjoy it. Blink and they’ll be 20.” Is there a more annoying thing to tell a new parent? Knee deep in dirty diapers, sleep deprivation, and the constant worry that you’re going to somehow screw up God’s little gift to you… the only thing you want is to catch some solid sleep between now and when that baby is old enough to talk to you about what they want and crap in the toilet all by themselves.

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Parenting with a goal in mind

Here are some words Kristen and I use to describe our long-term hopes for our kids. 

  1. Independent-minded.
  2. Dependent on a loving God.
  3. Recklessly, hope-filled dream chasers.
  4. Happy and simple adult relationships.

We jokingly sum up our goal of parenting like this, “We don’t ever want to see our kids on Springer.

That’s not the most articulate thing in the world, it doesn’t lay everything out, but it does keep the end-goal in mind.

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A secret deal on my book

My new book, co-authored with Marko, comes out next week.

I’m very excited about it for two specific reasons.

  1. Parents of teenagers really need this book. The days of fighting or banning or trying to wall off kids from social media is over. Parents need to know how to help their child live a life that will increasingly be lived online. This book does that really well. It’s short, easy to understand, and very practical.
  2. I’m proud of how this turned out. Marko and I worked really hard on making a book that’ll last a few years. We focused on helping parents understand social media while avoiding all of the pitfalls of your typical Christian book about media– there’s nothing here that is alarmist. We aren’t trying to scare parents, we are providing tested principles that have worked for years, work today, and will work for years to come. Trust me, that wasn’t easy.

Here’s the Official Description

With each passing day, teenagers’ lives become increasingly intertwined with social media. How can you as a parent stay informed and involved in healthy ways? How can you help your son or daughter make wise decisions and remain safe online?

A Parent’s Guide to Understanding Social Media will equip you to have meaningful conversations with your teenager about the best, wisest ways to get connected while staying safe.

Your guides for this journey are Mark Oestreicher and Adam McLane, who draw from their own wells of experience as parents and youth workers. They’ll help you chart a course toward discovering and practicing wise family online activity.

My Secret Deal

I would love for you to get this book in the hands of all the parents in your ministry. Like the other books in this series, this would be great to use as the content of a parent meeting. In fact, the book is based on a short seminar I’ve done for parents of teenagers in a bunch of churches.

You can pre-order it on our site right now for $6.99.

If you buy 10 or more copies, you’ll automatically get free shipping on your entire order. (media mail, US addresses only) Check this out. Add whatever else you want to that same order, as long as you order 10 or more copies of the book, you’re getting free shipping.

If you buy 20 or more copies, I’ll still pick up the tab for shipping on your order, and I’ll start tossing goodies in the box.

This secret deal expires on December 15th.

p.s. If you don’t automatically get free shipping, apply coupon code SECRET62

So here’s the deal

In the dog days of summer, Washington D.C. is in the hottest place on earth.

This morning the Supreme Court issued their ruling upholding the major points of the Affordable Healthcare Act. (read the ruling, keep up with the New York Times live blog if your heart can handle it.)

By the end of the day both sides will claim victory. Both presidential candidates will make statements. Polls will be taken. Extremists will parade in front of cameras.

God bless America. (Said in a cynical tone.)

Here’s the deal. This isn’t the America I want to live in. This isn’t the America I want my kids dreaming about. This isn’t the America I read about in history books and biographies. United we stand, divided we fall.

Until we decide to unite, we are falling. It’s not the economies fault. It our fault. When we decide we, the people, will move forward. But right now we are stuck in inward-focused circles of bandaid application.

That said, I’m thankful that the courts are stepping in, pulling away from the politics far enough to help us move forward. I actually see today as an amazing day for those with aspirational goals in the legal field. (With the Jerry Sandusky decision last week it’s been a very big 7 days for the courts.) I am intrigued that Bush’s choice for Chief Justice sided with more liberal appointees. I think it shows the strength of Bush’s choice.

I’m tired of the divisions. I’ve got no pride or allegiance to a party. It’s not that I’m unwilling. It’s that I’m bored of it. Division doesn’t get me nearly as excited as forward progress.

I’m not naive. I know politics are brutal. But I don’t think our future as a nation lies in having elected officials stand opposed on everything just for the sake of standing opposed to every view. In this case the irony is really delicious. Obama passed a version of Romney’s law. So Republicans loved it when the conservative governor passed the law in a liberal state. But when the President passed Romney’s law at the federal level it became a liberal against conservative thing. Romney, the original author of the bill, had to stand opposed to his own idea for the sake of winning his parties nomination.

Republicans were for the Affordable Healthcare Act until Democrats were for it. Then they stumbled all over themselves throughout the primaries trying to convince everyone they were against it, and were always against it, even when they were for it in Massachusetts.

That’s what I mean. We need to stop disagreeing simply  for the sake of disagreement. We, the people, aren’t stupid. We hold this truth to be self-evident: Politicians will say whatever it takes to get lobbyists to write them checks. 

But this check of disagreement is being cashed by people like you and me. Both parties are guilty for the game is no longer Republicans vs. Democrats, but rich vs. poor. National politics has become the rich man’s WWE where both parties put on a show for the sake of getting the redneck’s inside the belt to write them checks.

Again, this isn’t my dream for our country. This isn’t the dream I want my children to aspire to.

I want my kids to see that two people who disagree can come together and make a joint decision for the good of others. Just like mom and dad make compromise after compromise for the sake of our family, I want them to know that compromise is a virtue.

This carries over directly to our faith, doesn’t it? I love that my kids are growing up in a home where mom and dad try to hold loosely to their personal convictions for the sake of the body of Christ. How pathetic would the Gospel be if we only worshipped with people we got along with? How pathetic would it be to only hang out with, be influenced by, and study things from a single perspective. Yes, we are conservative evangelicals. That’s who we are. But we make the conscious, hopeful choice to identify ourselves with Christ more than we identify ourselves with a theological heritage.

For the record: I’m in favor of a nationalized health care system. I’d like to see it illegal for drug companies to market to the public. And I  think all insurance companies should be not-for-profit, like the BlueCross system started as in the 1960s. So I’m not pumped about the decision today because I feel like it’s not the reform that is  truly needed.

Photo credit: Tosh at SCOTUS by Mark Trimble via Flickr (Creative Commons)

The Upside of Boredom


“I’m bored.” 

Paul, age 8, says this roughly every 30 seconds. It’s not that he’s spoiled or overly entertained or more addicted to the internet than his parents. It’s that he’s 8 and 8 year olds bug their parents by saying they are bored even when they aren’t. (Paul said he was bored during the previews for The Avengers. I thought about the $40 I just spent to take him and rolled my eyes.)

I’ve turned the I’m bored syndrome into a bit of a game between us. When Paul says, “I’m bored” I look at him and say “Good. And do you know why it’s good?

Here’s what I’m teaching Paul. It’s the upside of boredom. 

Boredom leads you to creativity. And creativity leads to figuring out things that no one else can figure out. And when you figure out stuff that no one else can figure out that will lead you to world domination. Therefore your boredom will lead you to the world domination you desire. Therefore boredom is a very good thing, right?

It’s a not-so-subtle thing I’m trying to plant in my son’s head. I’m combatting my nature to roll my eyes or scold him by teaching values:

  • Creativity happens when we create space for it.
  • There’s a difference between staying occupied and doing something amazing.
  • I actually think he can create something which might dominate the world.

What are other upsides to boredom?

Photo credit: I Can Has Cheezeburger.com

Celebrating 11 years of parenting

On Saturday, May 12th 2001 Megan Elisabeth McLane was born.

Some fun facts:

  • Megan came 2 weeks late. Kristen went into labor the morning after we went out to an Indian buffet with our friends Jason and Bambi. I’ve always claimed I was in labor the next day, too.
  • It’s a girl! From the moment we found out we were pregnant with Megan we knew it was a girl. But we had 3 ultrasounds that all said she was a boy. In video right after she was born you can hear me calling her… Paul. So Megan came home from the hospital in a Notre Dame jersey and spent her first year in a blue and gold nursery surrounded by pictures of Knute Rockne.
  • We missed Anne’s wedding! My cousin Anne married her longtime boyfriend Brad the same day. It was pretty cool to that my extended family was all together when we announced Megan’s birth.
  • Kristen’s parents hauled booty! When Kristen went into labor with Megan her parents had our nephew Jake at the Detroit Zoo. They quickly took him home and boogied to Chicago. Dave & Kathy made it about 2 hours after she was born, right on time.
  • Megan loved Gospel music. I spent the night with Megan in Northwestern’s nursery. We discovered that night that she loved Gospel music and R&B, something we popped into her stereo to calm her down as a baby. That’s also the night she got her nickname, “Sha-me-me.”

Today we are celebrating Megan. We are also celebrating 11 years of being parents. Paul came 2 years later an Jackson joined the party 10 years later after Megan.  Along the way we’ve learned a thing or two about parenting. I won’t say we are the best parents in the world… but we haven’t left a kid at the mall yet so that’s pretty darn good.

Some learnings:

  • We are all God’s kids. We’ve never been “rah-rah, we’re big and your small” kinds of parents. Actually, we have tried that and it didn’t work. What works for us is teaching our kids who we are. We are children of God who obey God’s rules.
  • There are no “big deals.” Holy smokes there is a lot of horrible parenting advice out there. The mommy blogger phenomenon is ripe with false expert advice. When Megan was born all the good yuppy mommies quit their jobs and put their babies on very strict schedules. I think we’ve done a good job to avoid the fads, skip the drama, and just relax about parenting.
  • We’ve kept our lives. True, at 35 years old and with 3 young kids, Kristen and I don’t have a huge social schedule. But we’ve always kept our friends and put put the kids second. We’ve never made idols of them and have always agreed that a healthy marriage will lead to healthy kids. (Even if they miss out on some things.)
  • We don’t lie to our kids. Yes, we’ve kept things from them. They don’t need to know everything that’s going on… we don’t overshare. But we never lied to them about little things like Santa or the Tooth Fairy because we want them to know that mom and dad are always honest with them. In the past year or so we’ve also been bringing them in on money discussions. They know how our business works, what our goals are, etc. Even when we bought our van a few weekends ago– Paul knew exactly what our budget was and helped me do the math on figuring out what we would offer for it.
  • We go to church, end of story. Off and on our lives have completely revolved around our church. Right now is probably the least involved we’ve ever been… but we still go to church twice per week! There will come a point when they can chose whether to go or not. But at 11, 8, and 1… they don’t get to chose because we just go.
  • You only live once. While our family keeps things pretty simple we still like to take some risks. We want our kids to know that life isn’t just about living safe. So we build in them a spirit of adventure in how we live and make decisions.
  • We nurture personality, not shape their reality. As a pastor, I was sickened when I met parents who tried to orchestrate their kids lives. They’d come into my office and tell me how their plan was different than what their kid wanted… “Well, that’s not going to work.” I’d always share my philosophy… “I want my kids to grow up to lead happy, healthy, and simple adult lives and work backwards from that.” How can I help them become a happy adult? A healthy adult emotionally, physically, socially, and sexually? How can I help them live a simple life satisfied with God’s will for them?”

These are the things we’re learning about parenthood. What do you agree with or disagree with? What would you add?