favoritism or investing in the few

Written by

Adam McLane

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I received a rather odd comment in an e-mail the other day. One which I am contemplating addressing since it’s a potentially divisive issue.

A student wrote:

So, its not as bad as my last email made it sound, but sometimes I still do feel like Adam doesn’t like me, and its quite obvious that he has his favorites (x,x, x, and especially x) but its not always that I feel this way, I mean I know that x and x and x and x are his favorites, but that doesn’t always bug me.

A few thoughts along these lines.

  1. Is it OK for a pastor to play favorites?
  2. If yes, then aren’t I responsible to find someone to play favorites with the other students? Or is it OK that some people just don’t have someone who is their favorite… afterall there is no way that every personality or individual can be “special.”
  3. If no, then how are you supposed to respond to people who you genuinely like being around and who are responsible to your leading them. People like to bring up this comment, but they also fail to look in the mirror long enough to see that those people who are “favorites of Adam” are actually the most dedicated and reliable people.
  4. Didn’t the disciples play this game? The disciples were often upset that Jesus invested in John the most… Especially Peter who wanted to be the favorite. In Mark 10:41 Jesus deals with a little jealousy about John and James. “When the ten heard about this, they were indignant with James and John.” His answer to this cry was a call to the others to be like John and James, servants.
  5. Is this just a result of students developmental stage? The writer of this e-mail is in the middle of my “inside group.” To everyone else, she would be one of my favorites. But her insinuation tells me a lot about where she is developmentally. Doesn’t she see that I’m invested in a lot of people who aren’t her? Do young adolescent students have any ability to see beyond their nose and look at life from the perspective of others?
  6. What role is this just hormones? I mean, we are talking about a high school female! They have more ups and downs than a Lions game.
  7. From my perspective I’m not showing favorites so much as I’m purposefully investing in students who have expressed interest in growing to become multiplying disciples. It’s only natural for it to look like I’m favoring

At the end of this whole bit of frustration I am happy to see that a 15 year old girl can still make me think so much! Even though I am tired of dealing with stuff like this it does reaffirm that I actually like dealing with it. Is that an oxymoron comment or am I some kind of masochist?

Comments

One response to “favoritism or investing in the few”

  1. Michael Avatar
    Michael

    i think #3 and #4 hit it right on. often the ones who seem to be favored are the ones who are more dedicated. can i help it that i spend more time around student a rather than student b when b doesn’t come to church? true, jesus had to deal with this from the other disciples but i think he was justified with how he spent his time. he loved everyone, sent out the 77, discipled the 12, but mentored 3. some are more responsive than others and i do feel justified if i pour a little more into them. we all deal with this, there is no quick answer.

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