Ah, the internet debate.
The NASCAR of the web.
Simultaneously enjoyable and infuriating. Dangerous and alluring. Two sides duke it out in a non-face-to-face battle of “intellects.”
I get in my fair share of debates. Not so much because I have super-strong opinions about a lot of things but more because I really enjoy debating stuff. I find that the process reveals a lot about how people think, how they make arguments, and I even learn a lot about myself.
Over the years I’ve learned that there are some ways to instantly lose a debate. These are things that novice debaters do that instantly lose the debate. They are self-inflicted technical knock out blows. When you pull out one of these you’ve moved from debate to making yourself look bad.
4 TKO’s for the Internet Debate
- Compare the opposing view to Hitler. This is level 10 TKO in internet debate. Just don’t do it. You automatically lose when you compare your opponents position to the Holocaust, fascism, the gestapo, or anything Hitler related. Among stupid debate techniques this is the stupidest. And when someone does go there feel free to point and laugh. it’s the equivalent of a boxer knocking himself out by tripping on his shoelace and bashing his face on his wooden stool.
- The Personal Attack. This is a level 9 TKO. Attack a persons points not their person. I can debate a point of view or a topic, even a side I don’t personally believe, until the cows go home. But I will take my cows home the minute you move a debate from arguing your points to attacking my character. Not only do you lose the debate, I think less of you as a human being when you make things unnecessarily personal. When you’re out of arguments… just say “Well, your mama” instead, OK?
- The Verse-a-Thon. This is level 8 TKO. Please don’t go to a Bible website, search the topic you’re debating, and just start listing verses from the Bible. You look like an idiot and you make Christians look like idiots. Plus, there are far more people who have left church than there are people who go to church… so while you may think that your tossing out 6-8 verses to prove God’s on your side is probably going to backfire. Tactically, you’re just setting yourself up for the “God is love” counter-attack.
- The Ridiculous Hypothetical Situation. This is level 7 TKO. When I see this I try to just navigate the conversation away from it. Tactically, this is how you try to make a very weak point slightly stronger, trying to find “reasonable doubt” for the counterpoint. Some people just insist that I try to imagine some horrible situation, usually involving my spouse or my kids, to see why they hold their position. If a person has to imagine their child being raped or murdered for you to make your point… you lose by TKO. It’s a weak argument that makes you look stupid just for asking.
Of course, myself being a master debater I never use these techniques. Instead, I focus on the things taught to me in my Jedi training manual, and the Vulcan mind meld.
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