Adam McLane

It might just be the content…

I’ve been the recipient of a lot of back-sided compliments because of my blog.

  • “I’m amazed how consistent your blog is– how do you find the time to post?” (Instead of, “I’ve been reading your blog for years. It’s cool how you’ve kept my attention for that long.”)
  • “Where do you find the time to research all those topics and find things people care about?” (Instead of, “You seem to have a good pulse on what people are thinking about.”
  • Or, my least favorite– “You are a master of marketing your blog.” (Instead of, “You write things I like to share.”)

backsided-blogger-compliment

See, those aren’t really compliments you give an author. Those aren’t a show of appreciation or respect or even an acknowledgement that I’ve written anything important.

Those kinds of compliments are looking at 10 years of work and asking me how I did it instead of what I’ve written.

[Of course there is a flip side to that: People who recognize that I’m a blogger and a person who teaches others how to become a blogger, the compliment comes when they say — “Can I pay you to teach me how to do stuff?”]

So, being transparent, when someone compliments me for how I do stuff on my blog without taking the time to understand that without well-written content all the how stuff would be pointless, I take it as a dig on what I’m writing.

It tells me that my writing isn’t as good as my delivery so I need to work harder on making my writing better than my delivery. See, that’s not a compliment at all. It’s a rally cry to me to get better so my content outshines my delivery.

When you do that you aren’t complimenting, you’re deferring. It’s knowing you ought to say something but not wanting to say a simple “thank you” or express your feelings, so you just defer it into a nearby thing that feels like a compliment to you but hurts the person you’re trying to compliment.

Instead of complimenting how I blog why not acknowledge that my blog might be doing well because of the content? It literally might just be the content…

Now that, my friends, would be a compliment.

Deferring Hurts You, Too

I’m not alone in this. Whether you’re a blogger, a doctor, a teacher, or a youth pastor we live in a culture that has a hard time celebrating the everyday accomplishments of the people in our lives.

Our culture tells us we need to appreciate and compliment other people’s hard work.

Yet, we are so prideful that we have a hard time looking another person in the eye and saying, “Your work matters to me. You’ve made a difference to me.”

We defer that compliment, we sugar coat it, we hide behind sarcasm, or we try to play the buddy role and compliment how the work was done instead of simply celebrating it’s impact on our lives.

The world would be a better place if we could acknowledge the hard work, professionalism, and impact of everyday people in our lives.

Offering a heartfelt compliment where it’s due is something I’m working on in 2014. And I invite you into that.

Together, we can make a difference in not just how we do stuff but what we actually do.

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Adam McLane

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3 responses to “It might just be the content…”

  1. Kurt J. Avatar
    Kurt J.

    “I’m amazed how consistent your blog is– how do you find the time to post?” (Instead of, “I’ve been reading your blog for years. It’s cool how you’ve kept my attention for that long.”)

    I hear ya on this, but it is possible that the first is truly a question, not a veiled compliment, right (at least from some people)? I get asked the same question and tend to assume it’s an honest question….but have found people don’t always like my honest answer.

    Q: “How do you find the time to X?”

    A: “Well, I don’t “find” the time. I don’t have any more time than you. I just choose to use it for X. I’m working every morning by 6:30 a.m., I work on my day off until my wife wakes up, I attend, but don’t coach, my kids sports teams, I take personal and vacation days to write, when my family goes to sleep I sneak back out to Starbucks.”

    And with that answer, suddenly the sexiness of writing, training, etc. doesn’t seem so sexy.

    Adam, you put a TON of GREAT content in various places that challenges the rest of us to be better doers of youth ministry, and thinkers about youth ministry! And I happen to think that lots of folks are genuinely interested in how it is you “find the time” to write such great stuff!

    Reply
    1. adam mclane Avatar
      adam mclane

      @kurt – That’s a really valid point. I recognize that it’s totally subjective and nuanced and it’s really hard to discern what’s sincere, what’s people just not knowing what to say but feeling like they ought say something, and some people just struggling to say anything nice at all. (Reminds me of the dad of a HS student who told me flat out… “I don’t give compliments, I feel like it’s my job to criticize.” Can’t imagine how his wife felt about that…)

      A few people asked me recently “How do you get a post to go viral?” It’s funny because people don’t really think about what they’re asking. Just like you don’t get to pick when you get the flu… because it’s viral… you don’t get to pick when something you write goes viral. It’s not like you save up a bunch of shares on Facebook and get to cash them in! I don’t have any more way of knowing why that post went viral than why I did or didn’t get the flu. Certainly, I created an environment where it was possible and I’ve worked hard to refine my content and whatever. But I’ve written several similar pieces just like that one that have 10 shares on Facebook instead of 450,000!

      So my answer is like yours…. write 4200 posts, it’s the 4201 that’s a doozy!

      Reply
  2. Stephanie Snyder Staker Avatar
    Stephanie Snyder Staker

    Adam, I am a new subscriber and, so far, I am very impressed with your content. 🙂 I have forwarded links to your blog posts to my adult children who have kids of their own. Because of your youth and enthusiasm, your research, the excellent way you put together your words, I believe that what you say has far more reach (I guess that is the right word) than what I say to the adult kids. I feel they don’t believe me when I try to warn them what is going on in the world, the kids’ schools, TV shows, music. You, however, know how to put the words just right so that maybe (I can only pray) they get it. I am so pleased I found your blog.

    Reply

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