Tag: fake

  • Exit Strategy

    Huffington PostOver the weekend it was announced that the Huffington Post was selling to AOL for $315 million. The press release will reassure fans that the change in ownership won’t change the core of the business. But it will.

    The only party who really believes that nothing will change is AOL.

    From now on a line has been drawn. There will now be three audiences. Those who loved the Huffington Post before the sale. Those who became fans after the sale. And those who have transcended their love of the Huffington Post through the transition.

    And things will change among the team there, too. They have played their card. The exit strategy now lives in their bank account.

    Why? Its tough to go back to a job in the same way and work for thousands when you know you have millions in the bank. Certainly, they will go back to work. And they will try their hardest to work in the same way as they always have. But everything will slowly change as the fight changes from “beating the man” to “becoming the man.”

    People in ministry know exit strategies, too well

    We live in a low-trust, highly transient culture. Everyone has a price and everyone has dreams that include not working where they work or living where they live. (Some will shake their head and swear it isn’t so. But deep down we all know its true.)

    The dirty little secret of the American Dream is that it implants a deep seeded dissatisfaction with our current situation and a heads-up mentality that to succeed you might need to go where the grass is greener.

    And people in ministry are quick to make moves. I rarely meet a staff person who isn’t willing to at least feel out another opportunity somewhere else.

    Let’s be blunt: This kills your ministry.

    While people who are in your ministry don’t know that you are passively looking, you exude a mentality that people pick up on but can’t quite articulate. It’s like they walk into your office and smell something but can’t quite put their finger on what it is.  But if they looked under your desk they’d see boxes ready to be shipped off somewhere else.

    And then when you play your exit card… it all clicks. They knew you were a fake all along.

    What people need

    2008-2010 taught people that the American Dream is largely a lie. We learned that you can’t mortgage your way to wealth. We learned that companies have no loyalty to employees. We learned that more education doesn’t guarantee you lifetime employment. We learned that corporations can steal houses from hard-working families. And we learned that the next generation will likely not be wealthier or more educated than their parents.

    This has knocked our country off its equilibrium. It has forced Americans to do very un-American things like reject the notion that all people are equal. (Core to the health care debate) Or the central theme that our nation is built on accepting immigrants. (Rejection of the DREAM Act and all forms of immigration reform) I could go on… but it’s not the point of this post.

    We need bedrock. We need leaders in our community who have hitched their horse in our neighborhood. Who declare that they won’t leave our community. We need the talents, voice, intelligence, passion, and tenacity of church leaders who see themselves as ministers to the community at-large and not just the few who pay their rent.

    We need activists. We need leaders who will stand up for the rights of the minority in our communities and hold their hand in the public arena in Jesus name. We need people who have stood the test of time and been the pain in the neck of the good old boys for long enough to see real change.

    We need retirement parties. We need leaders who are willing to stick it out for their career. Who aspire to have a street named after them more than a book with their name on it. We need leaders who recognize that long-term ministry means good times and bad times. We need leaders who recognize that their role may morph. We need leaders who dream that one day they will be recognized for 40 years of service with a cake and a party. (And maybe we won’t be, and that’s OK, too.)

    That’s where church leadership will be in 20 years. The question for you is simple: Will you be here in 20 years or will you be doing something else? It’s up to you.

  • More than a web guy, a lesson for church staff

    There are times when I realize that I’m not showing a ton of depth. Or maybe, it is that I get so pigeon-holed into being the person someone needs that I don’t get to exhibit depth.

    I feel that way right now.

    I’ve gotten ingrained here in San Diego as a social media geek. Within my world that may be true. But I recognize that within that skill is a tie to lifelong passion. But the passion itself is much more important than the method I’m trying to master. At work this is perfectly natural. I have no doubt that people there value me beyond my skills because I know that, in turn, I value their friendship beyond their skills or positions.

    Let me restate what I’m saying. I care a lot about building community online. I care deeply about networking people and ideas. I have learned best practices, nuance, and supporting skills to make it easier to convey my passion in more effective ways. Ultimately, that’s a skill set that could be applied to a lot of genres and businesses. But my passion is for working with middle and high schoolers and encouraging/networking/sharing life with those who do the same thing.

    Take the passion out of what I do and I don’t want to do it. I may be able to give some sage advice or share a few things about what works… but if you’re out there trying to network with me so I can help you build a social networking strategy, I’m probably not going to be that useful to you. I know you are just using me.

    At the end of the day, I’m good at social media only because I care so much about the message I’m trying to convey.

    The frustrating thing is that I think I am only interesting to some of the new people I’ve been getting to know in San Diego because of those auxiliary skills and not because of what I’m passionate about. It’s as if my only value is tied into some skills I’ve learned and that feels really, really shallow. It’s a slight that I see right through. Asking me about my kids or my hobbies to try to get me to share some tricks of the trade is lame. I don’t ever want to tie my value as a human being into the fact that I can build a website, or develop a brand, or tie that into a social media strategy. Lame. Lame. Lame!

    I don’t think this is unlike people who become fake friends when you work at a church. You kind of know they are fake but you’re so desperate for friendship that a fake friend is better than no friend at all. When we worked at churches there were plenty of people who valued our friendship because of a socialogical positional thing. 24 months ago if I had written down a list of people who would be our friends if we stopped being their pastor and I would have have been 100% correct. Not to sound emo, but the shocking thing is how sincere people pretended to be all those years. You’d be surprised by how few people we hear from after nearly 10 years of full time ministry friendships. 10? 15? 20 tops.

    For church staff, this is one shallow nature of relationship that makes the job so hard.

    But, now that we aren’t there anymore we have no value to them and we’ll never hear from them again.

    The flip side for church staff is simple. Open your lives up to those who are legitimately sincere in their friendship. Trust your gut. Just like Kristen and I have found real friendship over the years… a couple of bad apples shouldn’t catapult you into a life of keeping people at a distance.

  • At least Britney knew some of the words


    And people are ashamed to sing out at church?

  • Are you fake around your pastor?

    Check out this quote.

    Dear God,

    I was a pastor for 23 years. It killed me. I am not sure I was every called to it. As you know, the overwhelming numbness finally caved in all around me. Now, I am on the outside of the church looking in and I don’t like what I see. Why do we have to be fake to be a Christian or part of a church? How did we buy the lie that showing up occasionally was the same as a relationship with you? Now that I am not a pastor, people are honest with me. I had no idea how hard life was for so many people because when they came on my “turf” they pretended just as much as I did. I feel hope inside God. Now, without the job I feel like you let me go through everything to understand pain. I want to do what I can, but I feel like a failure every day. Can you still use me? link

    While I can’t identify with the feeling far from God or having felt fake with God while serving at a church, I can definitely tell that people are more honest with me about their lives now that I don’t work at a church full time. Why is that? Was there something in my title that made me someone you couldn’t speak openly with? Did you feel like I couldn’t help? Did you feel like I didn’t want to know? Were you trying to protect me? Do you think I’d judge you? Not love you? Tell others you were human? Were you looking for an escape when you were around me? Did I project myself as someone who couldn’t understand? Was I above your struggles? Was I intimidating? Was I uncaring? Was I too transparent? Not transparent enough?

    The thing is, I’m not done being a church leader… at least I hope not. I just want to know. 

    HT to Andy