Adam McLane

Spouses of Youth Workers

A couple weeks back I was waiting in the drive-thru at Starbucks.

Yes, I know this is counter “The Starbucks Way” and using the drive-thru at Starbucks reveals my addiction to caffeine instead of my innate draw to have a local living room experience. But I digress. I was on my way to high school small groups and I needed drugs. OK? There, that’s the truth. I needed drugs! It was for the children’s safety. Trust me. 

So, while I waited in line… one eye on the clock ticking ever closer to my being late, yet again… and the other eye on my drug dealer taking her sweet time making chitchat with the car in front of me when all I really needed was my fix… I started to have this little thought:

The spouses of my youth ministry friends are awesome.

Here’s what I mean: I know a bunch of people in youth ministry. I mean, a bunch. People who work in churches of all shapes and sizes, big parachurch ministries, start-ups, youth ministry companies, on and on.

And here’s the simple, hard-hitting, unmistakeable truth about a lot of those who are successful: They couldn’t do it without an amazing spouse who makes them better.

While I do mean that somewhat practically, like… their spouse looks after the kids or brings home the bacon so that they can continue in youth ministry for the long haul— I also mean that there are youth ministry spouses who are amazing people outside of the practical support they bring in support of their spouse’s ministry.

Still waiting for my cup of coffee, I jotted down this note: “It’d be cool to profile youth ministry spouses on the blog.”

That’s why I’m writing this small post today.

I’m curious if you think it’d be worth it to interview and write profiles of youth ministry spouses. And if so, what are some things you’d like to know about youth ministry spouses that’d be helpful to you in your ministry?

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Adam McLane

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8 responses to “Spouses of Youth Workers”

  1. Jen Avatar
    Jen

    Yes! Even though I am sure my husband would loathe such an interview, it would be nice to gauge “the other side” when youth ministers/directors/pastors are female. Add in his two cents with being an active duty Marine and we are all sorts of crazy in this house!

    Questions: things to know before your spouse says YES to youth ministry

    What is your role in youth ministry if you don’t feel like youth is “your thing?”

    And how do you relate to your spouse when they’re constantly on the world of teenagers and you are not?

    Reply
  2. troepke Avatar
    troepke

    YES! please. i’m with Jen…my bride wouldn’t enjoy being highlighted…but she has much to offer others in ministry….practical…how do you stay in the game kinda of wisdom. how to find margin for each other and for shared ministry experiences. would be very cool.

    Reply
  3. Heather Avatar
    Heather

    As a youth ministry spouse, I would appreciate an opportunity to read them and see, “oh, I’m not the only one who feels that way.”

    Reply
    1. Kim Louvin Clutter (@klouvinclutter) Avatar
      Kim Louvin Clutter (@klouvinclutter)

      Ditto on this!

      Reply
  4. angelarines Avatar
    angelarines

    I don’t have a spouse. But as female in ministry, I’d be interested to know what the patterns are for the male spouse. It might help me as I look to get married, what that person was getting into. And if it is different for a male spouse. There’s so little resources about that.

    Reply
  5. Emily Avatar
    Emily

    Love this idea, Adam!

    Along with the suggestions already mentioned, I would love to know how being a youth ministry spouse has effected their view of church, how they make time and space to be a family and worship as a family apart from church being their spouse’s job/office. I’d also love to hear the personal side like, if they wanted to be a pastor’s spouse and if their spouse’s job has effected their own career/family choices.

    Reply
  6. For the Love of God Avatar
    For the Love of God

    I think that would be awesome, as we have both been full time volunteers, it would be nice to hear some testimony on how non-youth leader spouses handle the schedule and absences.

    Reply
  7. Gene Avatar
    Gene

    I’m 57. I’ve been involved in youth ministry one way or another since I was a youth myself. The one thing that my wife did that was most helpful was that she was never jealous of the youth.

    We who serve in ministry have a lot of freedom how we use our time, but if we want to use it to connect with the kids as I did, that often means that we are away from home during what are for most families the key relationship building times of the day. I missed more than one dinner at home because I was at a ballgame or away for a weekend retreat. Of course there were times I was at home when many people might not be which was a plus. But it was her willingness to be supportive as I went off to these engagements rather than wondering why that freed me to really connect with the youth, and ultimately I found those connections, more than any single youth group experience where what, for me at least, youth ministry was all about.

    “Love is patient and kind; LOVE IS NOT JEALOUS or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. LOVE DOES NOT INSIST ON ITS OWN WAY; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

    Reply

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