Rule #1 As soon as a customer parks, start trotting towards him. Hopefully, it will scare him to death. The first salesmen to shake his hand wins! And if the customer is scared… good job!
Rule #2 Ask your marks name. Then hand him a business card and promptly forget his name. He’s just a mark to you, his name is irrelevant.
Rule #3 There is no such thing as “just looking.” Even if a customer just wants to walk around the lot, you have to follow him, hound him, and fish for personal information. Close the deal today!
Rule #4 You’ve never heard of the internet. You’ve never heard of the term “invoice price.” And as long as you keep pretending to be nice while forgetting your marks name, he’ll never suspect you are simply running a selling system.
Rule #5 Smoke a lot of cigarettes. Sure, it’s 2008 and smoking stopped being cool 20 years ago. But hunting your mark on the lot is more fun while chain smoking. It’ll make your mark think he’s in a Tarantino film.
Rule #6 Ask your mark for his social security number ASAP. Sure, you can’t remember his name. But get his social security number so your finance manager can determine how to best screw him. In fact, share a little of your recent sexual history and maybe the mark will fork over the keys to his financial history to you. You know… just between us guys.
Rule #7 If a mark blows you off, send someone else! If two or three people get blown off, send a manager! That way the mark will know how desperate you are.
Rule #8 Never talk to your mark about money on the lot. This requires that you go inside so you can start running the “manager game.” So while you may be able to tell a mark about tire pressure or the torque ratio of 25 different cars, you can’t do simple math. If the mark asks about specifics on the lot, show them another car! They’ll forget.
Rule #9 Disrespect your mark as much as possible. If the mark tells you what he wants, he is a liar. If he tells you how much he wants to spend, he’s a liar. Only you will determine what he wants and how much he will spend.Your job is to make car buying an emotional experience. All car buyers are stupid anyway, it’s not like they pay your salary.
Rule #10 Dealer’s personal toys have earned the right to be sold at full price. The car that you’ve driven like a maniac for 2999 miles, smoked in, jumped curbs in, and picked up car dealer sleeze in for 6 months is still worth it’s original purchase price, and maybe more. So are cars you’ve been renting to marks for two years. The mark should pay more for a used car because you used it!
For those looking to buy a car and want something beyond my sarcasm, here are a few sites that help me see through the sleeze.
Insidercarsecrets.com – Car buying advice from a 37 year veteran of the business.
Car Dealer Dictionary – understand the lingo before you look for a car.
Edmunds.com – Research car prices before you step foot on a lot.
Carsdirect.com – If you don’t want to deal with sleezy car dealers at all, buy a car online.
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