The Guilt Trip

Perhaps I am the only sick mind who has wondered if I could get away with a speech like this when taking the offering? And maybe I’m just a little passive-aggressive when it comes to offerings?

If the ushers could please come forward for the morning offering.

The offering is a time when the people of the church give back to God a portion of what God has given to them.

This is an act of worship whereby you measure what you say you believe against what you are actually willing to put behind those beliefs, financially.

If you are new to our church… perhaps this is your first time… we don’t want to pressure you to give. We recognize that you’re probably already feeling guilty enough. It’s OK if you don’t participate in the offering. No, really… we mean it.

But, if this is your first time and you’d like to give, perhaps out of some cosmic belief that if you give money to a church it will make up for something you’ve done. Our theology says that it doesn’t make a lick of difference to God… eh, who are we to judge? Go ahead and drop that check, cash, or sin-laden stock options in the offering plate as it passes by. We’re a charitable organization. Even if it’s for the wrong reasons we really need the money during these hard economic times.

If you are a regular attender of the church, this is for you. (Eyeball the church treasurer- A wink for style points.)

To those who are faithfully giving to God, you are awesome. I think you are awesome. The church treasurer thinks you are awesome. And we’re pretty sure God is smiling on your faithfulness. I’d like to give a shout out to Dave Ramsey and Suzi Orman. Teaching people how to budget… brilliant!

If you are a regular attender of the church and are not giving regularly, what’s wrong with you? No seriously. Talk to someone and figure it out. You gave your mailman a Starbucks gift card for Christmas but not a thing to the church. Yeah, we saw that. It’s not cool.

[Another quick glance and wink to the church treasurer]

While Mary Johnson sings the Ray Boltz classic, “Thank You for Giving to the Lord” we’ve prepared a little slide show of cracks in our church walls and pictures of our staff’s children. Please note that Tiffany and Peter could really use some dental work. And that the pastor is driving a 1987 Buick LaSabre.

Let’s pray.






7 responses to “The Guilt Trip”

  1. John Lovell Avatar

    This is, by far, the most amazing thing I’ve seen all week. Who hasn’t thought most of these same things? Kudos for the wink, and the 1987 Buick… And the Ray Boltz background? EPIC.

  2. adam mclane Avatar

    Thanks John. I originally was going to make a video with this script but, em… didn’t want anyone to think I was for real. 🙂

  3. Shawn Michael Shoup Avatar

    I’ll make the video! Ha-ha! You crack me up, Adam. 😉

  4. Dave Luke Avatar

    great adam, when it boils down to it, people need to realise that they are only stewards of their money. community means more than just showing up.

  5. Johnny Carson Avatar
    Johnny Carson

    Hysterical. I can’t stop laughing. If you take requests, can you mock church discipline in your next post?

    If you have any inclination toward productivity, I’d be interested in your take on Tim Challies review of “The Trellis and the Vine” over at

  6. Ken Avatar

    Brilliant! C’mon adam! You aren’t paid by the church anymore! what do you have to lose? don’t forget to give some love to the youth pastor too!

  7. ED... (who blogs at Sincere Ignorance and Conscientious Stupidity) Avatar

    “We’ll now all give according to our meanness. Excuse me, our means.”

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