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Stardate 73678.6: Fifth day of social distancing

Let’s start off with a question I’ve wondered all day. Should I fill out my Census 2020 questionnaire now or should I wait to see how this turns out? Just wondering. I mean, someone has to eat the Pinguinos if you catch my drift. Today I also decided that the first person to get the virus gets to open the bottle of champagne we never opened on New Years. It’ll be awkward if it’s Jackson but we won’t tell the grandparents. That makes everything better, I think. I spent nearly all of today on the phone. Not Zoom, like the cool kids doing distance learning. No, I made phone calls like a grown up faced with the realities that not working for the next two months might not mean good things for my IRA. Or my mortgage. Or my somewhat obnoxious addiction to buying food for my family to eat. Or my desire to buy a farm and raise goats for goat yoga and cheese production. That said, it was a good day of making phone calls. I think people are super nicer on the phone right now because they are just desperate for human interaction. And I’m so desperate for human interaction I’m willing to push past any social anxiety I may have to cold call a complete stranger to ask them for a favor. Kristen took the dogs for a walk this afternoon while I made phone calls. A bit later I wondered, “What is that loud noise?!” It was raining so hard the roof was whining. I left the house in our minivan and found Kristen, Jackson, Murray, and Ms. Bey a couple blocks away, completely soaked. As SoCal residents I think we’re fine with the social distancing thing, but it’s the rain that’ll end us. Late afternoon Kristen and I made our escape. We went to Starbucks… the new chairless, stay 6 feet from everyone version, and then took a walk by the the Hotel Del in Coronado. It was cold, like way too cold. So we didn’t stay long but it was really nice to be outside and remember why we pay all this money to live here. Remember outside? It’s like in the house but with fresh air, not in the house, and stuff. We returned home. We didn’t touch anyone and I didn’t put my fingers in my mouth when I wasn’t supposed to today. So today was a good day. Since time is going so slowly I have an idea. Let’s celebrate our birthday every Friday. I mean, we might not be living much longer… have you listened to the people in charge of things? I wouldn’t lend these people a phone charger much less put them in charge of public health. But I digress. We should celebrate our birthday every Friday because I figure we gotta get the good birthdays in while we can. Plus, I like cake and we have 25 lbs of flour to use up. Tonight we watched Frozen 2 and I confirmed that no, I do not want to build a snowman. 

Current body temperature: 98.1
Rolls of toilet paper: 2.75 cases
Number of times I touched my face today: At least 15 times while writing this. So not good.  
Supplies: I was promised black beans but have not yet eaten any. Do they exist? 
Social distancing grade: B+

By Adam McLane

Adam McLane is a partner at The Youth Cartel, co-author of A Parent's Guide to Understanding Social Media, blogger of 10+ years, and a fan of all things San Diego State University Aztecs.

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