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Stardate 73689.7: Ninth day of social distancing

Did you know that in San Diego County men are twice as likely to get COVID-19 as women? Bet I know why, too. Men suck at hygiene. But not me. I now wash my hands for Pledge of Allegiance seconds like a good American boy any time I think I might have touched something. We’re healthy here in McLandia. That box of Pinguinos still remains unopened. The champagne bottle remains corked. Adam and Kristen– married at 21, with 3 kids, 2 dogs, 1 cat, and 5 chickens. We are all alive and well in America’s Finest City. Speaking off, they closed the parking lots at the beaches and parks today because the Zonies gonna Zona and party at our beaches anyway. For real? Arizona ruins everything. Please, if you came for Spring Break go ahead Venmo me all your money (Adam-McLane-2) and kindly go home. Come back in July, please! My standard for watching things on TV is so low right now that I can’t tell you what I watched today. Somewhere between LivePD and Season 17 of Jeopardy. I’ll watch anything even mildly entertaining at this point. Today our neighbors led a tiny rebellion and had a miniature, socially distanced, alcohol-free, taste test of the Rolando Street Fair over on the boulevard. I take that back. A neighbor gave the band a beer served to them via a 10 foot pole. It was wonderfully Rolando and my heart needed that. If the cops ask I wasn’t there. It was Doug Lister, I swear. Other than that I sold some more plants. People with children like milkweed, just so you know. Kristen and I also planted nearly 500 new seedlings because we have nothing else to do with our time. Seriously, how cool would it be to see 3,000 Rolando neighbors have a vegetable garden this year? I’d give myself an award if we can make that happen. One family who bought plants today had a 3 year old daughter who really, really wanted to get close to me or maybe even touch my leg. So we kind of played tag while her mom shopped and asked questions and I was a big meanie because I didn’t let her catch me, much to her mothers amusement. After a couple minutes of this her very strong daddy put her back on his shoulders for the long walk back to Aragon Drive. Let’s face it, if she did touch me I’d have to take another shower and I don’t like to shower more than once a day and I’m conditioned to writing long sentences and worrying about our water bill and I’d already showered and if I shower too often my skin dries out and everything is itchy and if I’m itchy than I’ll start to think I’m sick and if I think I’m getting sick I’m pretty sure I’ll actually get sick because I won’t be able to sleep. And sleeping, I’m convinced, helps you not get COVID-19. Did you know men are twice as likely to get it than women? I think it’s because men have bad hygiene. 

Current body temperature: 98.7
Rolls of toilet paper: 2.6
Supplies: Low on cookies.
Social distancing grade: B- (Worth it, Rolando!)

By Adam McLane

Kristen and Adam live in the San Diego neighborhood of Rolando with their three children.

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