The guy from Junior Achievement in 5th grade was wrong. He said that if I didn’t give people a firm handshake that I’d never make it in this world. Nope. Because shaking hands in 2020 is bad. Everyone knows it. It spreads disease. But at least I got to keep the Junior Achievement pen. The only thing I remember about Junior Achievement is the pen. That guy taught us how to assemble pens in an assembly line. Sure seems like working an assembly line to build pens is the opposite of achievement? I should let it go. I’ve only held that since 5th grade. Felt good to get that off my chest. Why didn’t I buy stock in Zoom in February? I thought about it but then I forgot. Also wish I’d sold my stock in the airlines like all the Members of Congress did back in February. Maybe I should just run for Congress? They have better health insurance than me, too. In all seriousness I’m proud of the people who are taking this seriously. Social distancing is indeed the opposite of social Darwinism. Today the mayor of San Diego got on TV and closed the beaches and parks and threatened $1000 fines for going surfing. Without parks and beaches San Diego basically became a really expensive version of Bakersfield. On April 1st I’m going to login to my Wells Fargo account and pay the mortgage on a house with a San Diego address but is basically Bakersfield. Thanks for that Kevin Faulconer. Nice April Fools joke, Kevin. All jokes aside things in McLandia are just fine. We’re all falling into a rhythm. We miss our friends. We miss the daily influx of guest dogs. We miss Scout and Shanti and Roger. I miss people the most. I mean, I hope my family doesn’t get sick. I hope when this is all over no one gets to eat that box of Pinguinos. And if they do? I hope the worst thing that happens to them is an upset stomach from eating too many Pinguinos.
Current body temperature: 97.7
Rolls of toilet paper: 2.6 cases
Number of times I touched my face today: A million
Supplies: I meant to make sourdough bread tonight. But then I didn’t.
Social Distancing grade: A