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Stardate 73698: Twelfth day of social distancing

We did it, America. We figured out how to get the news to shut up about the election. And we’ve solved school shootings for the year. And we’ve ended homeschool jokes once and for all. And we’ve nearly solved carbon emissions. No one is complaining about bike lanes anymore. All we had to do was lock 50% of the population in their homes for a few weeks with a couple cases of toilet paper and bottled water. Of course, people getting sick and the tragic deaths aren’t funny at all. But what home confinement is doing to us is kind of ironic. We’re social beings and we’re finding our ways. Tomorrow Marko and I are hosting a church service for youth worker friends. When we kicked this idea around I thought it’d be small and quirky, maybe a couple dozen of our friends. Almost 300 people have signed up. Hope it doesn’t suck. We’re calling it Church for Youth Workers but today when I was gardening I laughed at the thought of calling it Our Lady of Unlimited Data or maybe First Baptist Church of Zoom. It’s hard to wrap my mind around our Senate voting to spend $2 trillion tonight. I live in a neighborhood that can’t find money to pave roads but over in Washington Steve Mnuchin swung by his office at the Treasury Department tonight, logged into some old Windows NT desktop, and added a couple zeros to our nations bank account. I don’t know how it works but I do know Daddy Warbucks is sending me $3400 just for being alive. I’ll take it. Speaking of miracles, Gavin Newsom, who is apparently our governor now, said I don’t have to pay my mortgage for the next three months and there’s nothing Wells Fargo can do about it. The way I see it the longer we all decide to stay home and not eat our Pinguinos the more money they are going to send us. All we have to do is hang tight 6 more months and the government will keep sending us checks. Take that Boomers! This Gen Xer is officially retired. 

Current body temperature: 98.1
Rolls of toilet paper: 2.5 cases
Number of times I touched my face today: 709,033
Supplies: My sourdough is growing, so technically we have more food than yesterday. Less cookies though. 
Social distancing grade: A (did I leave the house today!?!?!)

By Adam McLane

Kristen and Adam live in the San Diego neighborhood of Rolando with their three children.

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