Category: hmm… thoughts

  • Daddy Wants You to Ask

    On Sunday, my 6 year old son Paul, wanted to go to Game Stop to look for a new game for his Nintendo DS. When I was in first grade I got an Atari 2600 and that thing was my life. The same is true of Paul and his DS. We share this heart connection over video games.

    All day long he wanted to go. He first asked about it before we went to church. No son, too early. Then he wanted to go right after church. No son, we need to eat lunch. Then he wanted to go right after lunch. No son, I want to rest. Then we went to Yogurtland as a family for a snack. While it was just a couple hundred yards from Game Stop, the timing wasn’t right. Then we got home from Yogurtland. No son, you need to do some homework. Then he did some homework and I ran out of excuses.

    Can we go to Game Stop now? Yes.

    Paul and Megan had each been saving their allowance and happily stuffed their pockets with every penny they had. Each week they can earn up to $5 if they maintain the family rules and perform some basic chores. The truth is that it’s a pretty easy $5 to earn as I’m a softy of a dad. (Kristen rolls her eyes at me each week as she doesn’t think they’ve really earned $5. I’m a benevolent father, what can I say?) Megan had $25 in her pocket and Paul had $23. As we drove the few blocks over to the video game store Paul was careful, yet firm, to remind me that I had been in Minneapolis last Sunday and mommy hadn’t given them their $5. And that it was also Sunday. So if they would each clean their room and finish their homework they could earn another $5.

    Practically speaking, Megan had $35 she could spend and Paul had $33. When you are 6 or 8 years old, like my kids, that’s a lot of cash. It represents 7 weeks of saving every penny you have. They were aware that the money burning a hole in their pocket represented a lot of homework and a lot of room cleaning and a lot of avoiding temptation to buy candy or smaller toys. To earn and save over $30 is an accomplishment! Truth be told, $35 is a lot of money to daddy, too! I rarely, if ever, carry that much cash with me. (Do I need to mention that saving $30 is more than most Americans save in the same amount of time?)

    It was a lot of money. I was proud of them.

    We parked the car and the kids floated into the store. Paul, who had been to the store with me twice before, instructed his big sister on the game plan. “The DS games are on the wall by the front door… you don’t even need to ask anyone, just start looking as soon as you get in the door and they are right there. The used games are on the lower parts of the shelf. The new games are up high. Used games are cheaper so you can get one for like $10. New games cost more than $20.”

    The store was full of older kids looking at XBox 360 games so we were completely ignored. The girl at the counter barely acknowledged our entrance and quickly got back to showing the older kids the latest and greatest in the world of gaming. They were boys who play video games and she was a girl. This was the closest thing any of those nerds would come to a date for a long time.

    My kids didn’t notice or care about the clerk. They had serious business to do.

    Megan, our animal lover, scoured the lower shelves for used games about pets. There are games to take care of dogs, cats, birds, exotic animals… on and on. Some games have a lot of different pets while others specialize in a certain pet. Megan loves cats and within minutes she was trying to decide between one game which was about cats of all ages and another that was just about kittens. 1000 titles and my girl had it narrowed to two in about 3 minutes. I noticed she was happy in the $10-20 range. She carried a certain confidence in knowing that she didn’t have to spend much money to get a fun game to play with. Plus, if she only spent $15, she’d have $20 left over.

    Paul scoured the shelves looking for Pokemon games. He found 4-5 games that all looked about the same but had different price points. Confused, I showed him how to find the copyright date on the back of the game. The newer ones were more expensive, the older ones cheaper.

    As Megan and I were comparing the two games she had narrowed her choice down to, I saw out of the corner of my eye that Paul had put all of his games back on the lower shelf where he had found them. He took a couple steps back and craned his neck almost to the ceiling. Not quite 4 feet tall it must have been nearly impossible to see games on shelves 8 feet in the air. He was looking at the brand new games. His eyes scanned the best sellers on the top shelf. Then they started looking at the second shelf and stopped cold. The brand new, special edition Bakugan Battle Brawlers game.

    He pulled on my waist. “Daddy, look! It’s the brand new Bakugan game… it comes in a big box, too. How much is that one?” I reached up and took it off the shelf, handing it to him. His eyes were huge. His entire disposition had changed. He had gone from hunting for something cheap to discovering something almost mystical and beyond comprehension. As the game box changed hands his eyes devoured the front cover and started to read it all to me. Then he turned it over and realized something horrible. It was $35. His heart sank.

    Almost immediately he gave it back to me. In an instant he went from this mystical experience right back to shopper mode. “No one has that game at school yet, daddy. It’s too much, I don’t have $35 I only have $23 and you owe us $10 more, that’s just $33. And that game is more than I have.”

    I knew he wanted it bad. He didn’t cry but I could feel his disappointment. Within 15 seconds he had gone through a sea of emotions. Searching, finding, holding magic, disappointment, and then back to searching.

    This little interaction tugged my heart.

    He walked away and went back to the older Pokemon games. He wasn’t unhappy or upset. In earlier years he may have collapsed on the floor. He was just matter of fact. This was a sign of my little boy growing up. He wanted a new game for his DS and the fact that he didn’t have enough money didn’t mean he couldn’t get a new game. It just meant he had to get a game that wasn’t exactly what everything he wanted.

    Back by the Pokeman games on the lower shelf, I went over to him and crouched down to his level. You know Paul, you have $33 and that game is $35. You are pretty close. Just $2 away. Next week you would have enough to buy it. “I know, it’s OK. I’ll just get one of these. I really want that game but I don’t have enough right now.”

    “Paul,” I said, “you remember that we have a rule that if you want to borrow next weeks allowance to get something now, that it’s OK. You just have to ask daddy.”

    I got up and went back over to Megan. But I kept a close eye on my son. I knew that I had put him in a tough spot. He is wired just like me. He doesn’t like to ask anyone for anything. He knew that I would loan him the extra $5 so he could buy what he wanted. But asking dad for the loan was really hard.

    As he looked at the lesser games I could see him biting his lip. He really wanted the Bakugan game. The fact that it came with an action figure made those lesser games seem really inferior.

    But asking daddy for $5? That was a dilemma.

    He looked at the Pokeman games. They now weren’t what he wanted. I watched him wrestling through the McLane stubborn nature. It’s something I know all-too-well.

    Megan chose the kitten game and was happy as a lark. She started to wander the store as Paul made his final selection.

    Paul came to me empty-handed and sullen. I bent down for a serious father-to-son talk. Biting his lip he explained the whole situation to me. “The Pokemon games do look like fun, daddy. And I do have enough money for them. But I really want that new Bakugan game. It looks really cool and it has a Bokugon that I’ve always wanted.”

    Uh-huh. So what do you want to do?

    “Well, I really want to get that Bakugan game but I only have $33 and it costs $35.”

    Yeah, son. All you have to do is ask me and I will let you borrow $5 from next weeks allowance.

    “I know…”

    He was breathing deeply. I could feel his heart pounding. He was biting his lower lip. He really didn’t want to ask me. As much as he wanted to borrow the money, he was really weighing his options. I could tell he wanted me to just cave and offer to loan him the money without his having to ask. But he looked into my eyes and could see that I was going to make him ask.

    Finally, after about 30 long seconds of this dance he opened his mouth.

    “Daddy, can I borrow $5 so I can get the Bakugan game right now?”

    I stood up.

    “Yes son, you bet.” I reached high up on the shelf, grabbed the game, and handed him the box. He confidently pulled it from my hand, found Megan, proudly showed his sister, showed her everything about it that was cool in his eyes, and dragged her to the counter so they could pay.

    All he had to do was ask daddy. I wanted to give him the money. But I wanted to be asked. When he asked, both our hearts leapt.

    What does this story have to do with our prayer life? As believers, we have a Heavenly Father who is waiting to give us both the things that we need and the things that we want. The Bible says, you just have to ask. That doesn’t mean God will give us everything we want. But it does mean that Daddy wants us to ask.

    Philippians 4:6-7

    Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

  • Going Green-ish

    One of our family goals this year was to make some changes to how we consumed the world’s resources. Some of it is a desire to live more simply and some of it is just a realization that the stuff our little family does, when added up with millions of other families, really impacts our planet. So while we’ve been at it for a month, this is the first time I’ve talked about it on the blog. Simply put, I wanted to make sure we were actually doing stuff before I said we were going to be doing stuff!

    Here are a few things we’re doing so far this year:

    • 3 weekends ago we planted a little garden. We know it’ll take a couple seasons to truly get it productive, but we wanted to get something going. As the seasons go on we plan on expanding the garden. We definitely have the space in the yard. We just need to build up the beds.
    • We joined a CSA to support locally grown, organic produce. We picked up our first box this week, this is big change in how we spend money on groceries.
    • We are installing a drip system for watering outdoor plants. San Diego is a coastal desert. That means that we only get a little bit of rain each year and watering plants in the garden is a big deal. This will help us waste less water as well as hopefully make the garden grow a little better. The people from Drip Depot have some sweet stuff, can’t wait to see how it works.
    • Get serious about waste! Kristen asked for, and got, a worm composting system for Christmas. While it isn’t a huge impact, we want to reduce our food waste that goes in the garbage by at least 25%. We’re also trying to be more conscious about buying things we can re-use and recycle.
    • Still rocking the trolley when I can. We’re in a bit of a funk with this because of my travel schedule and the weather. But I’m doing my best to eliminate the need for a second car (we only have one) by taking the trolley to and from work. We eliminate the need for a second car by keeping our work schedules flexible as well as being quick to rent a car when needed.

    We’ve tossed around, but not acted on, some other ideas. More on this as the year goes on.

  • Life is Good

    I am happiest when I have a lot of plates spinning. Not sure why but I’m just wired that way. These days I am very happy. There are lots of plates spinning in my personal life, ministry life, and work life. There is some convergence in those things… but there is also considerable separation as well.

    Why is it that things that make us happiest also tend to drive us insane?

  • How to create a teen news story

    Photo by sucklead via Flickr (creative commons)

    As someone who watches teen fads and reads teen research blogs all the time… here’s my little tongue-n-cheek guide to creating a sensational teen new story:

    • Find something mundane that most kids do, hopefully related to sex. Let’s say “Hickies.“
    • Apply a new label to it, so that parents think it is somehow more intense and scarier than the hicky they experienced as a kid. “The super hicky.”
    • Apply a catchy version of the word, “the sicky– the so-called “super hicky.”
    • Label “the sicky” as an increasing problem among teenagers.
    • Start highlighting and looking for any and all news stories involving teenagers and hicky’s to highlight the dangers of sicky’s.
    • Find a teenager who died in America with a hicky. Then hypothesize that it could have been tied to a sicky. Even if it isn’t true, it will give the story legs.
    • Mention sicky’s in unrelated news items. “Two teens were injured in a car crash after the football game, we talked to the officers and it appears that sickys, the so-called super-hickey, were not involved in the accident.“
    • Quote some so-called experts on this problem. “In my office, I’ve seen a sharp increase in patients reporting complications caused by super-hickeys.“
    • Create a bogus chart showing rapid increase.
    • Find a celebrity with a hicky and make them the culprit. Photoshop it in if needed. (Shout out to TMZ and The Soup)
    • Any time there is a news story involving teens in a bad light, insert the term sicky. Attach it to a particular group of teens so they can become ostracized for alleged involvement. “The sicky is particularly popular among teens who have read the Twilight series.”
    • Sit back and laugh while municipalities create laws, schools create rules, and youth pastors preach about the ills of the sicky. Wait for the talk shows to talk to kids whose lives have been ruined by the sicky.
    • All this for a completely made up, normal activity of teenagers.
    • And we fall for it every day.

  • Example

    I define a leader as a person who takes others where they would otherwise not be willing to go.

    In my view, this is why some leaders do great things for God and why others just talk about leading but never actually see something materialize.

    To lead others to where they would otherwise not be willing to go… it starts with your example. You have to be willing to go where they won’t go yourself.

    This is the question I ask myself all the time: Am I trying to get people somewhere I am unwilling to go?

    It’s not just Missourians who live in The Show-Me State.

  • Activity vs. Impact

    Activity vs. Impact

    Most people’s default measurement tool for their effectiveness is how busy they are.

    The thought process goes like this:

    • If I have a full schedule of activity I feel invaluable to the organization
    • If I am doing a lot of stuff I must be doing some good
    • The result of all these meetings and all this planning is that people have lots to do and are motivated
    • Therefore, since everyone in the organization is busy and excited, we must be effective
    The activity-driven formula
    Impact (?) = activity + resources + more activity

    This is a horrible measurement of effectiveness. This is why billions of dollars are spent in America on the local church and we will impact about the same percentage of people in 2010 as we did in 2009.

    Let’s face it. We measure ourselves by how busy we are when we are trying to cover the fact that we have almost no impact. But there is a better way.

    The impact-driven formula
    Impact = activity – resources + results

    If the local church were a machine we’d call it broken. Lots of activity with no or negative results. That’s a zero or negative mechanical advantage! All of the energy of spinning the organization is dissipated out as fiction.

    If the local church were a corner grocery store, we’d file for bankruptcy. We paid the bills but the owners aren’t seeing growth, in fact they are net losing ground in the marketplace.

    If the local church were a school, the government would take over. We just keep spending more money but test results are not improving, in fact they are getting worse.

    If the local church were a politician, we’d vote ourselves a raise. Wait, that’s not a good example.

    In an impact-driven organization you measure success purely by impact.

    In your mind activity without impact is waste.

    Conversely, if you want to make a large impact you have to take the time and invest your energy in maximizing the impact while limiting your activity.

    If you are stupid busy but not experiencing results— are you frustrated and trying to figure out why?

    Your answer lies in your busyness.

  • Reclaiming Weekends

    This weekend I am not checking my work e-mail.

    Ah, work.

    I love my job. Maybe I love it a bit too much?

    When I first started at YS I was pretty good about balance. I limited my availability. I worked from home at least one day per week. Weekends became sacred time again. And I did a lot more little things to set me on a healthy path.

    Then last February that all changed. Some positions were eliminated and we were put in a meat grinder position of turning the company around financially. Without being asked to do so I took ownership of that– “I’m going to do my part.” and all that healthy balance went out the window.

    The other day Tic and I were chatting about this being a reset point for our lives. Sure, there is infinite work to be done. But if we don’t pace ourselves the workload will destroy us. He said something along the lines of… “If I’m not at a convention or something I’m fully aware that I’m not that important. I don’t need to be reached all the time.” That really resonated to me. It kind of cut to the quick of the issue. Like Marko has talked about on his blog, I have an unhealthy tendency to attach my significance to the world by what I do instead of who I am to the most important people in my life.

    And so Tic and I are trying something. It feels like a big step. In reality, it’s a baby step. But we want to start off with one little victory before trying to add more. On Friday we both set out-of-office messages that just said, “I’m not available over the weekend.” And we’re both going to try really hard to ignore work stuff for the weekend. And we’re going to catch-up on Tuesday to see how it went. (Starting on a three day weekend is asking too much, so we just want to make it Friday at 5pm until Monday morning.)

    There is lots to do. In fact, there is tons to do. Far more than I can fit into a work week. But I’m just not that important. The world will continue to spin. Projects will wait. I don’t need to work night and day and weekends, too.

    The fact that I have 43 unopened e-mails on my work account is driving me crazy! And knowing that that number will be about 200 by Monday morning is tough to deal with. But the truth is simple. I’m not that important to the world. The fact that 43 unopened emails are driving me crazy reveals the true depth of the problem, too.

    I am really important to my family.

    I desire to be fully present. I need to work on that. I’m trying.

    Crap. 47 emails.

    I need to stop looking.

  • Things are looking up

    You want this chart to keep going up

    It may not look like it yet where you live, but there are signs of life in America that things are looking better.

    As the chart above shows- stocks have been rebounding for basically 12 months.

    You want this chart to start going down

    The unemployment rate, while still horribly high, has begun to turn… following the comeback of Wall Street.

    As church folk, we know that these two charts are closely tied to people’s ability/willingness to give. When people feel good about their money [and 401k, and for retirees, their investments] than they become more generous. Once unemployment starts to turn, then happy times should come in the offering plate… and begin trickling into staff dollars and budgets.

    The upside of 2009’s double crotch kick

    Let me explain what I mean by the double crotch kick.

    First, going into 2008-2009 pretty much every church in the country was re-evaluating and re-thinking how they do ministry. This was a crotch kick as we all wrestled through the realities that our ministries probably need to change significantly to adapt to culture faster and reach more people.

    Second, 2008-2009 were rough years financially. While not in every single church, most churches saw a dip in contributions. This was a swift kick to the groin because you either had to cut staff or cut programming (or sell assets at the bottom of the market) to balance the budget.

    The upside, just like in real life, is that getting kicked in the crotch twice in a row causes most people to wise up and get ready to fight.

    As I talk to ministry people all over, almost universally they have come through 2008-2009 with a new sense of calling and determination.

    While the signs of life haven’t trickled into every corner of the church just yet. It is awesome to report that there are signs (more than the two economic ones I’ve shown here) that things are truly looking up.

    May we take to heart lessons learned in the hard times. And may we never again need to get kicked in the crotch twice to be awoken from our slumber.

  • So, you want to be great?

    “I aspire greatness with my life.”

    When I say that, almost universally people’s head will cock just a little bit to the side. American society, especially American Christian society, is so self-deprecating that you almost never hear a grown man say that.

    The truth is I am shocked how few people aspire greatness with their lives. If you don’t read anything else in this post, read this… “God wants you to aspire to greatness!”

    I believe aspiring to greatness is completely biblical. Check out how Jesus responds to his disciples. When his disciples ask him  he doesn’t shut them down. He simply tells them how to be great in the Kingdom! “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” (Mathew 18:1) “”What were you arguing about on the road?” But they kept quiet because on the way they had argued about who was the greatest.” (Mark 9:33b-34)

    In fact, Jesus makes it clear in his response that there is a path to greatness in this life!

    Aspiring greatness is good and important. The church needs more men and women aspiring greatness.

    Jesus doesn’t shut it down. Greatness isn’t bad. The thing is… Jesus cares most about how you aspire to greatness.

    “Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 18:4)

    “If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all.” (Matthew 9:35)

    Jesus makes it clear. The path to greatness is paved in child-like faith and servanthood. These are just two examples I’ve pulled from the Gospel narrative. There are lots and lots more!

    See, I’m stupid enough to believe that Jesus was telling the truth! Not only can I aspire  greatness in my life, I should aspire to greatness. “For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” (Ephesians 2:10)

    Here’s the thing that shocks me. Most people get this wrong. I read a lot of church leadership blogs and I follow the ministries of a lot of “famous” preachers in the country. People who are labeled by the evangelical community as “great.” And the shocking truth is that a lot of leaders labeled as “great” are feeding people a lot of lies.

    • There are a lot of church leaders out there who think that they can make themselves great by creating structures and organizations which ultimately serve them. I’m just going to say it… you see this most in the baptistic tradition church planting and megachurch movement. The polity lifts up organizational leaders as great.
    • There are others who believe that being a talented preacher makes them great. Trust me, this doesn’t happen to me. But you can see it happen over and over again as a new preacher emerges and everyone wants to listen to them. Next thing you know, that person’s head gets about 10 times its original size and they start to believe that their speaking ability makes them great by default.
    • What is doubly shocking is just how unapproachable some “great leaders” are. You couldn’t touch them with a 10 foot pole. In some cases, their staff can’t even touch them with a 10 foot pole! They are off limits. They have body guards. You can’t make an appointment to meet them. You’ll never get to have them in your home. You can’t email them a question. You can’t leave a message on their voice mail. You might not even be able to leave a comment on their blog! Some of the “great leaders” that we lift up today in evangelicalism simply believe they are better than you and me.

    They may be great organizational leaders, they may be great preachers, but they aren’t better leaders than you can be if you just obey Jesus’ path to greatness. Honestly, some of those “great leaders” often jerks who twist scripture to elevate themselves above you and me. A man who does fancy stuff just to draw a crowd but twists Scripture to make others serve him isn’t a great Christian leader, he is a false prophet! People who veil great preaching as a way to push book sales or seminar registrations or big offerings aren’t great preachers… they are fancy talkers. The Gospels and pastoral epistles are full of advice on how to treat fancy talkers and hypocritical false prophet jerks.

    You think I’m rude for calling them names? That’s nothing compared to the words of Jesus in Matthew 23. Hypocrites. Blind guides. Fools. Greedy. Self-indulgant. Snakes. Brood of vipers.

    You want to be great? Jesus makes this perfectly clear, all you have to do is serve the needs of others.

    The first disciples, Paul, and  the early church all turned the religious community of the day upside down... they were great leaders even though the had no right to become great leaders. They ruffled the feathers of “the religious” by showing the God could turn “just anyone” into a great leader. It wasn’t Levites or even Bible scholars who turned the world on its head, it was ordinary people serving their way to greatness.

    It is upside down to aspire greatness by serving. And it angers me to see the evangelical religious community lift up people as great when, in fact, they are old-style leaders and not servant leaders. When I hear stuff like, “You need to be born to a good family to be a great leader.” Or “You need to be a part of a big-fancy megachurch if you want to be successful in ministry.” That stuff is clearly not from God. It is completely devoid of fact. And yet I watch as people lay their loyalty/money/attention at these people’s feet while ignoring the truly great God has probably put right in their local church already.

    You want to know if a church leader is a great person? Watch him/her. Is he serving others day-by-day or are others serving him? Greatness comes meekly. It comes to those who serve. Jerks and false prophets… They are not great leaders in God’s eyes. Again, the New Testament makes it perfectly clear how to deal with them.

    Back to you.

    You want to be great? Serve the needs of others. Have faith that is so child-like you are called immature for zealously obeying the Bible.

  • Build something useless

    Why? It’s fun.