Dedicated to Kristen, who always struggles to fall asleep.
HT to XKCD
Category: hmm… thoughts
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Digging out and shaking off
Digging through paperwork and trying to find missing reciepts for tax time exposed that there was one big area of my life that I had just ignored for 6-7 months: The move’s impact on our finances.
We did fine through the move. We’re doing fine now. And like I’ve mentioned before, we’re taking all the right steps to be in great shape into the future. That’s not the point of this post at all.
The point of this post is simple –– there are areas of your life that you simply have to take control. You can’t ignore stuff and hope that it’ll be alright. Nor can you just pretend that it will all go away if you just put it into a nice little pile. In our case, we were fortunate and when I finally did open the vault everything will be just fine when about 5 checks clear the bank. But it could have been a lot worse.
The same is true for a lot of things in life. I’ve had a longstanding weakness of avoiding things I didn’t want to deal with and foolishly hoping that they would just fix themselves. I’ve even tried to outsmart myself and those around me by over-doing some areas while completely ignore others.
I have a feeling I’m not the only one who does this.
– People ignore a project at work and try to distract their failure with success in another area at work.
– Men tend to focus on work to avoid family issues. (Sorry for the generalization there)
– We keep our schedules too full to avoid dealing with our walk with God.
– We focus our ministry around a big event or a mission trip to distract from a larger problem we don’t want to deal with.
– Kids will pay attention to the TV so they can pretend you didn’t tell them to clean their rooms.
– High school kids will join a club or even get a job to avoid going to a youth group they are bored with.
The thing is, Tax Day is coming. The things that we avoid will eventually need to be addressed. It doesn’t matter how much we ignore areas of our life which make us uncomfortable… eventually we’ll just have to deal with them. And it is way better to deal with those things today than it will be tommorow. That’s where accountability comes in. We all need people in our life who lovingly help us draw boundaries. When we were kids we had those people built in as parents, teachers, and church leaders helped keep us on track.Adults need to find people in their lives whom they are willing to allow to go there and ask the hard questions. “Adam, what is it that you’re avoiding?” What a tremendous question for self-reflection!
If you find yourself concentrating too much on one area of your life to avoid another… my only advice comes from my dog. Shake it off.
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Defining quotes
“I’m rubber, you’re glue. Whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you.” That’s a bunch of crap, isn’t it? The truth is that sometimes words said to you hurt way more than any of us would like to admit.There’s something in my personality that remembers these words, embeds them as self-talk, and run through my brain like a broken record… and they serve as a powerful motivator for me. The negative ones, I desire to shove them back into the face of the person— long since forgotten– who spoke them. The positive ones, I try to live up to in all that I do.
Here are some negative examples:
– “Adam is a spiritual orphan.” — my first “real pastor” in Indiana. This implied that my parents didn’t care about me and always made me mad.
– “You’ll never finish college. You’re destined to be a community college drop-out.” — my stepmother said this my senior year of high school.
– “You’re not cut out for pastoral ministry. You’re too much of a maverick.” — a co-worker at my first church said this… repeatedly.
– “You are a legacy hire, I wouldn’t have hired you.” — a former boss said this all the time.
Here are some positive examples:
– “Your work ethic makes up for a lack of talent and money.” — a high school golf coach
– “There’s something special about you. God is going to use you in big ways.” — a favorite camp counselor
– “Adam is one of the most organized/driven students I’ve ever had.” — an undergrad professor
– “You made a big impact on my kid. Thank you for letting him in to your family” — a parent
So what’s the point?
First, I’m convinced that the self-talk that we all have can be either a severe motivator or a severe motivator. If you’re finding that you beat yourself up endlessly, there’s no weakness in going to see someone to help you. I’m not going to claim that I’m the most healthy emotional person in the world. But I’m here to tell you that good self-talk has gotten me through some tough stuff.
Second, be really aware of the words you speak into people. Of the eight examples I gave above I’m convinced none of them felt like they were saying something prophetic. Some of them were even just little side comments that stuck. Words have weight… things we say to and about others can impact them for years!
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Idiots focus on the wrong things
Um, when was the last time a business card meant anything? This guy thinks they do. Sure, the video is (has to be, please tell me!) tongue in cheek… but it goes to show you that some people focus on making stupid stuff awesome.
What are the stupid things you spend too much time thinking about? What $4 are you wasting on something that doesn’t make a lasting impact?
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What happens to the coddled?
The other day I read a post by YS author, Jeff Baxter. He references the article below and just poses the quandary… Is there any hope for the moral future of millenials? (born 1981-2001) Ultimately, his book helps answer that question… that yes, he believes one day this group will wise up and chose to follow Jesus for real instead of the moralistic therapeutic deism many of them practice in church today.
Check out this discription of this generation, written by high school junior Charlie Nathan.
The Millennials have been born into prosperity and leisure. Before now, we have not witnessed a major economic downturn and the closest most of us have been to war is playing a video game. For better or for worse, we are the “coddled generation,” watched by overzealous “helicopter parents” who would do anything to give their child the edge. We grew up being told that we’re “special” by everyone from little league coaches who give trophies to both winners and losers, to the late Mr. Rogers, who reminded us every morning that the world revolves around us.
Having worked with helicopter parents for the last decade. I’m not so sure. I’m convinced that many baby boomer parents have no intention of ever allowing their millenial children to grow up. And their parents will keep redefining morality as a result!
Here’s my question for parents: Why do we lie to our children?
Here are the facts as we know them in the adult world.
– The world does not revolve around your child.
– Your child should not be your God, lifting them up as gods is an abomination to the giver of those children.
– Your child should learn their honest place in society and take responsibility for themselves and their actions.
– Your hovering leads to immaturity.
– Not allowing a child to fail is the cruelest thing you could possibly to in their identity formation. How will they ever know who they should be?
– The prosperity our children think they were raised with was a facade financed by credit cards and homes which are now worth 50% less. What’s your next trick?
– 98% of children are not academically special and/or gifted… they are average. But parents have forced school districts and colleges to lower their standards so that everyone seems special. Really all we’ve done is lied to kids and told them they are brilliant when they aren’t.
Should I go on?
Here’s the shocking reality. Many baby boomers are feeling the pinch as their elderly parents have come to live with them while their coddled twenty-three year old adult children are still living at home. One is a noble thing while the other is not.
Our responsibility as parents is not to indefinitely care for our children.
Our responsibility as parents is not to ensure that our children get everything with no effort.
Our responsibility as parents is not to indefinitely finance education.
Our responsibility as parents is not to finance fashion.
Our responsibilty as parents is not to tell our kids that their failures are not really failures.
Our responsibility as parents is to raise our kids to become responsible adults!
There is hope for the moral future of millenials when we stop treating them like infants. Their poop stinks. Their sins hurt other people. They should be punished when they break the law. They should apologize when they wrong someone. They should experience the ramifications of their moral laxity.
When they gamble their check let them starve. When they graduate college let them pay their own loans back. When they wreck their car don’t buy them a new one. When they lose a soccer game let them cry. When they won’t look for work don’t give them money. On and on. Parents, we must allow our children to learn that the world doesn’t revolve around them… teach them to take full responsibility. You are not God. Your benevolence isn’t getting them anywhere.
Why? Because when you let an older adolescent and an adult take responsibility for their lives they realize they have choices to make. And their choices ultimately determine their future. As adults, we know that at the end of the day they have to defend themselves. They have to become independent. They must shoulder the same responsibilities we do.
At some point the mother has to kick their chicks out of the nest… because it is the most loving thing to do. Yes, the world is dangerous. Yes, they may get hurt. Yes, they may not do what you want or succeed the way you want them to. But they will be better on their own than in your basement! The same things that gave you and I character will form the character of their generation!
When does it start? Today! What’s the right age? Now!
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Things I’m thinking about today
Ever just have a hodgepodge of slush in your mind? Here’s some random thoughts this morning.
– While I still think of myself as a down-the-middle, maybe even conservative evangelical Christian… I’m finding myself tired of the grey haired leaders.
– As much as I’d like to say I agree with the complimentarian position of women in ministry, I thinks it’s just a politically correct version of it’s older self. I think you can put me in the egalitarian position of women in ministry, if those are my choices. I think its straight up revisionism, chauvinism, and crazy hermeneutics to say women can’t be elders and pastors in churches. (Conservative brethren allow women to practically serve in these roles, they just call them “directors of ministry” and pay them 50% less. That’s sexism.)
– Speaking of crazy hermeneutics… I think the rapture was made up by someone who liked science fiction. People argue about a pre-tribulational and post-tribulational rapture of God’s people in revelation. I keep reading the New Testement verses about that, and I have to say I think it was made up. I’m still firmly in the pre-millenial camp, but that whole rapture deal?
– This year’s American Idol is ridiculous. Paula and that new lady are cheerleaders. Seriously, what is Paula on? Randy isn’t say “dog” nearly enough. And the longer this thing goes, the more I like Simon. At least he tells the truth.
– I’m officially addicted to the Travel Channel and the Discovery Channel. I could watch them both 24 hours a day.
– I’m trying to be more green by taking the trolley to work in April. The mile walk back and forth to the trolley stop won’t hurt me either.
– I can’t wait for it to warm up a bit more so I can swim at the Kroc Center.
– The last month has been amazing on the stock market. Seriously, one of my stocks gain 25% just this week.
– Call me a hypocrite. But I made $1 per share on Ford in the last 2 months. Easy money! I think GM is going out of business in the next 6 weeks. But Ford and Chrysler are going to make it.
– I wanted to pull an April Fool’s joke on YS, I really did. But after I saw all the online jokes I was glad I didn’t.
– Speaking of work… I’ve been wanting to run around screaming about how excited I am about new stuff we’re doing. But people there already think I’m nuts so I didn’t.
– I like my iPhone, a lot.
– The other day I had dinner with Gary Shell from our church in Romeo. He asked me if I had any regrets about this move. I feel bad about it but I laughed. No regrets. I’m not the kind of leader who second guesses himself much. But I do miss our friends, big time. We are trying to scrape together a plan to go to Detroit in July.
– Baseball season is upon us, I’m calling it. Cubs win the World Series. 6 games.
– The kids Spring Break begins today. I doubt we’ll make it through April without a trip to Disneyland.
– When Jesus told his disciples, “Take up your cross and follow me” before the crucifixtion… what did they think? Is that kind of like U2’s new song, “Get on your boots?”
– Stoney still hates the water. He’s the only labrador retreiver in the world who won’t swim.
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Life is good
Today I was driving to pick up the kids when it hit me: We’ve got it pretty good. Kristen and I have great kids, we have jobs that we dig, we like where we live, we have great friends, on and on.
I don’t believe in karma and I don’t believe in luck. But for some reason God has hooked us up right now.
Part of me feels guilty because I’m fully aware that while we have it good and God seemingly has our backs right now, others are going through hard times. The other part of me just thinks I should bank these good times because life has so many highs and lows.
That’s all I’ve got. Nothing brilliant.