No DNA test required, right? This is my boy.
JT has fit into our family from the first moment. We never knew he was missing from the family make-up until he invited himself to the party. He completes our little family.
This baby is proof that there are no accidents in God’s eyes, just emerging possibilities.
When an emerging possibility rocks you world, throw your hands in the air and enjoy the ride. His way is way more fun than your way.
I’m not a parenting expert by any means. In fact, because I didn’t grow up with a strong relationship with my own dad (or any male whom I’d label a role model) I’m still learning how to dad.
While I might not be there yet as a parent, and while I might not have the best native skills as a dad, I still have the power of observation.
Here’s what I know from doing youth ministry and ministering to adolescents and their parents for my entire adult life: Parents who focus on the Big Picture have a higher success rate than parents who get lost in the daily battles.
They win the battle but lose the war.
Parents who are highly controlling, who don’t let their adolescent children experiment and find themselves in middle and high school, tend to see their children go wild in their 20s. The mistake seems to be that they focused on managing behaviors instead of trying to parent a teenager trying to figure out who they are. (The primary task of adolescent development.)
So they freak when their 14 year old makes out with a girl at a dance. Or put them on lockdown when they try alcohol at a party at 12. Or force them to attend a church camp when they are 15 “to fix that nasty attitude.” As if Repunzel-ing them were going to work.
Sidenote: Isn’t the plot of every Disney movie a struggle to find ones self against the wishes of controlling parents? Ever wondered why those stories connect so strongly with adolescents? It’s powerful to them because it’s their life!
I like to look at my children with a long lens. What are the types of things I’d like them to be as adults? And then I work backwards.
Easily my favorite films.
Right from the first scene you see that the world is controlled by two competing mores.
First, the surface world where law & order seemingly rule in a land where everyone is equal. Second, the underworld which truly defines what law & order means for a certain class of people.
This reveals something we all know: There are rules that apply to everyone and there is another set of rules which appear to not apply to everyone.
Such is the way of the world. Such is the way of the world. Such is the way of the world.
Over the past few months I’ve processed some significant life changing stuff.
Before I said, “1-2-3 Jump” to joining The Youth Cartel, I forced myself into a discernment process. I knew the Spirit of God was telling me to move. But, in truth, what I was hearing was more clues than it was clear direction.
I knew it was time to do something else but I needed help knowing what it was.
When things got serious and I knew I needed to make a decision soon I moved from talking to only Kristen about it to including four people in the process.
Here’s how I set that up:
I knew I had five buckets of opportunity. These were five things I knew I could do. Discerning which bucket to fill was the first step, what to fill it with was the second.
There were a few significant points in the process. Each of the four drilled deeply into my time with YS. Each of the four sought to discover what I am passionate about. “If money weren’t a problem what would I dream about doing.” And questions like that.
Early in the process I spent a half day with Marko. (One of the four) He lead me through an exercise which plotted things I’m competent at doing, things I’m passionate about doing, and things that were opportunities. And we talked a lot about the impact of my work on my family.
At the end of that time two realities stared me in the face:
I reported these learnings to the other three and they agreed with those two things. Which pretty much eliminated buckets 1 & 2.
Buckets 3 & 4 were both starting my own business. Something I wasn’t sure I had the energy nor the guts to do at this stage in life. (I’m 35, married with three young kids. Paying for college feels closer every day! Health insurance is ridiculous. On and on.) Having run my own business before I know that it’s a lot easier to work for someone than it is to work for yourself. Plus, starting a business is crazy with all the legal and tax implications to think through. I’ve been there before. Do I really want to go through all of that again?
Somewhere along that process, actually fairly early on, Marko and I exchanged text messages late one night. We were talking through a situation he was facing with the Cartel and it all kind of clicked. “Instead of starting my own thing why don’t we just work together?” That led to a flurry of calls and emails over the next few days.
I could do my own thing AND start The Youth Cartel with a Marko, someone I trusted and have walked with for a long time.
I took that idea back to the rest of the group. In truth, I wasn’t sure what they were going to say. As excited as I was about the prospects of it I was also committed to submitting to this groups wisdom. I didn’t want to just trust my heart on this. I wanted it to be a good, solid decision.
The answers came really quick. All of them were excited about that. It would allow me to launch both McLane Creative and The Youth Cartel in similar trajectories with separate audiences. (Bucket five) While it was scary to think about going into start-up mode as a family of five… it was less scary than settling for something I didn’t feel called to do.
McLane Creative stuff would continue to push my creative and technological skills as I seek to best serve my non-church clients.
The Youth Cartel would serve my church-based clients with marketing and web stuff, but also allow me to push into other arenas I have huge interests in. Coaching/consulting, resource development, and speaking/hosting gatherings.
Maybe, if you’re going through something similar, this will help you? What decision-making processes have you used at significant moments? How could I improve this process?
There’s nothing quite as fun as new baby plants and their fruit. Here are three plants from our garden right now.
Moses. Abraham. David. Joshua. Daniel. Jonah. Isaiah. Nehemiah. [Insert your Bible heroes name here____.]
There is one important reason that you know their names and not the names of the thousands of people God may have called at the same time. People with higher status in their day. From better families. People who were probably more recognizable as they walked the face of the planet.
God gave those men an opportunity to do something for Him.
And they jumped. They actually did it.
We don’t know if God had called others who didn’t listen first. But the point is that you know their names because they jumped.
They heard God’s voice in the desert or in a burning bush or through a prophet or in prayer or in the belly of a whale.
And they acted.
They could have heard God’s call and ignored it. And God, in His grace and benevolence, may have allowed them to live a very nice and safe life.
But they didn’t.
They heard God’s voice, turned around, and… jumped.
Here’s the thing that blows me away: That same rare voice heard in the desert or the belly of a whale or in a burning bush… He lives in us as we are indwelled by the Holy Spirit.
The question for us isn’t: “Where will we have to wander to hear the still, calm voice as He lives inside of us.” The question is… “When He calls us to do something, do we jump?”
I don’t know what God has called you to do today. But I have committed my life to the idea that when I hear the still, calm voice– sometimes loud, booming, audacious voice– that I will jump.
Mid-City, the area of San Diego I live in, has long been a place where refugees start their new lives. Families have relocated here from war-torn African nations, fled the Khmer Rouge of Cambodia in the 1980s, or even escaped to here from extreme poverty in Central America.
People from all over the world end up here to start over.
Traumatized. Homesick. Hopeful. Confused. Off-balance. Grateful.
Assimilation is both one of their greatest fears and one of their great hopes.
Their lives are conflicted. Emotionally bouncing back and forth between hope and despair. They are here to seek a better life. But their hearts burn to go home and start a better life there.
There are lots of Christian refugees out there, too. People who grew up in church but fled somewhere along the way.
You find them involved in local politics. Or coaching your kids soccer teams. Or living next door.
They’ve fled the church. They’ve fled church culture and church life to seek a place where they could live out what they believed more than the church was comfortable with. All they wanted was to love God with everything they had and love their neighbors as themselves… but the church was hostile towards them. (Perceived or real) They didn’t fit the program. Or the mission. Or the pastor’s agenda.
So they fled. They left quietly, found community elsewhere, and settled into a new life.
They’ve rejected the abuse of the church but not Jesus. Disenfranchised but not disassociated.
But they miss it. A piece of their life is empty. Just like the refugees who play soccer at the park down the street from me, they always hold out the simplest hope that they can one day return home. Reunited with the people they love without the fear of danger.
When there is peace, they say– When there is something to return home to– they dream of returning.
Just like you can’t blame refugees leaving a country on the people fleeing, church leaders need to own the fact that they have caused a massive exodus from the church. Jesus tells us, his disciples, to call people to Himself. We need to quickly rectify our internal squabbles, give every person in our congregation a voice again, and go out to seek reconciliation with those who have fled.
“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.”
To make peace. We need to go out and make peace.
I spent yesterday with some folks from Amor Ministries in Tijuana.
The point of our trip was to visit some recent Amor houses built in a colonia to create a video inviting NYWC participants to spend a day of convention there building a house. The houses we saw were anywhere from 3 days old to 10 months old. If you aren’t familiar with how it works, essentially Amor acts as an agent of blessing for a local group of pastors. Individuals from the community request help from their local church, and the pastor asks Amor to build a starter-house for a family. They intentionally don’t do everything because they want the family to come in and make it their own.
Here’s the reality for Amor (and YWAM, whom I visited last year): Fear of gang violence has lead to tons of people from the States stopping their annual trips down. Conversely, the downward dip in the economy has meant people already poor in TJ are now much poorer.
All Amor is trying to do is help the local pastor answer the question, “How can the church be Good News so that the community will hear and receive Good News?”
Let me just say this: Forget what you’ve heard on the news. Yes, there are problems. Yes, drug cartel violence is horrible and deadly. But is Jesus always asking you to do the safest thing?
But TJ is still TJ. It’s a border town. And a border town is a border town. (No one ever claimed that Sarnia or Windsor Ontario were the hallmarks of Canada, did they?) If anything it’s much more developed than it was when I first went there 10 years ago. And I don’t think there is anything there to be afraid of for you or I.
Now, if you’re buying or selling drugs. Or at a club until 2 AM. TJ might be dangerous for you. But so is Carlsbad.
After three amazing years of working at Youth Specialties, it’s with a crazy concoction of sadness and excitement, that I’m sharing today that I’m leaving Youth Specialties to start a new venture. It’s impossible to put into words the emotions I felt just now as I wrote, then again as I rewrote, and over the past weeks as I’ve meditated on having to write those words. Truly, few jobs could have shaped, challenged, encouraged, and forced me to grow more than these past three years at YS.
My hope is that I’ve received the gift which my time at YS was and it’ll act as a springboard for my next season in life.
At the same time, from a different place of emotion, I am bouncing up and down with excitement for the opportunity I have to partner with my friend Marko (Mark Oestreicher) in launching The Youth Cartel.
I told you it was a crazy concoction of emotions!
My last day as an official YS staff person will be August 31st and I’ll start my new role with The Youth Cartel on September 1st. I’m still coming to both NYWC in San Diego & Atlanta as a seminar speaker, fish bowl moderator, and presenter in the multimedia area. So I hope to see you at convention! Likewise, with my new role, I’ll have more free time at convention to chat with fellow attendees instead of racing from thing to thing.
The last several months have been incredible. The Spirit has been at work in our house, shaking things up and reassuring us at the same time. He has used many people to speak bold unmistakeable truth to us. We’ve had deep, long conversations with trusted friends, and even remarks from others such as, “Maybe your just doing what you’re doing to learn?” Or “I feel like God wants you to dream bigger.” Or even, “We’re wondering just how serious you are about San Diego. Do you want to be here for a long time?”
Into those messages have come some close friends, acting as a discernment group, helping Kristen and I weave together what we needed to do vs. what our heart might have been telling us. In the last several weeks, as we really dug into this thing, that group of men helped me (specifically) see past my own expectations and limitations and get a plain view of what God was calling me to do. (I’ll have to write about the wisdom of plurality in decisions another day.)
More important than even those outside voices has been the voice of Kristen. At every turn she’s been bold in telling me the truth. And when I said, “What do you think about this thing with Marko? A start-up is crazy.” She just looked at me and said, “It sounds crazy enough to be a lot of fun.” Yesterday I wrote a post about being bold and courageous. She lives that out better than anyone I know.
Housekeeping, literally house-keeping. Unlike a lot of ministry moves this life-change means we are staying put in San Diego and have no intention of moving any time soon. I’ve re-upped my San Diego State football tickets and added men’s basketball, as well. I mean… what’s not to love about San Diego?
Stoked isn’t quite the right word for what I feel about The Youth Cartel. Marko and I have continued to grow closer as friends over the past three years. Originally, I thought maybe God was asking me to start my own youth ministry organization. But as Marko and I shared our hopes and dreams for youth ministry it became abundantly clear we needed to work together. Our byline is “Instigating a Youth Ministry Revolution.” If you’ve ever been with me for more than 20 minutes you know that’s what I’m all about. This venture is all about finding and elevating new ideas, new voices, and a new era of youth ministry. It’s that “sharedness” that drew Marko and I together to do this. As I shared in the video, we have some cool stuff in the works. And I can’t wait to give my full attention to this in September.
A fun sidenote: This is my second youth ministry start-up. My first, Youth Ministry Exchange, Marko led the way in buying from me in 2008.
What’s crazier than one start-up? Simultaneously running two start-ups. I’ll be sharing my time between The Youth Cartel and McLane Creative. To some degree, both organizations operate in very similar ways so it’s a natural compliment. I’ll continue growing McLane Creative with innovative design, marketing services, and coaching with my non-church clients. And all of my church/youth ministry related stuff will be part of The Youth Cartel. My hope, long-term, is that I can stay involved with both as they grow, with eventually handing over the day-to-day operations of the design firm to a protege`. (Or even one of my kids!)
That’s my news. If you have questions, leave me a comment (public) or even use my contact page. (private)
Can you imagine what it was like to be Joshua?
During your lifetime Moses did just about everything a leader could ever do. He had regular 1-on-1 meetings with GOD! He lead millions of people out of slavery in Egypt. He established the rule of law for those people. While they wondered the desert for 40 years he kept them safe. And, by his petitioning the Lord, they ate every day.
Then. He dies.
And your shoulder gets tapped to take over.
The biggest “oh crap moment” in your lifetime. When a nation mourns the passing of its leader and worry and discontent bubble to the top in their exhaustion. All of that weight is now put on your shoulders.
“Joshua. It’s you. You’re in charge. What do we do?”
Can you imagine what it was like to be Joshua that day?
Actually. I think you can. Imagining the emotions of Joshua’s that day reminds you of moments you’ve had. Or maybe in this very moment you are feeling that same weight?
And in a quiet moment, when it all swirls and people are asking you what to do, you take a moment. Maybe in the sanctity of the bathroom or in your office with the door closed and everybody at lunch and you scream into a towel or your garbage can.
“GODIDONTKNOWWHATTODOBUTYOUHAVETHEWRONGGUYWHAT
DOYOUMEANYOUWANTMECANTYOUPICKSOMEBODYELSE?OKITSMEILLDO
ITBUTIMGONNANEEDYOURHELPBECAUSEIMREALLYREALLYAFRAIDRIGHTNOW!”
Into that lonely desperate crying moment, where you are utterly convinced it won’t be OK because this spot your in is going to expose you for the scared kid you really are when no one is looking: God gives you these words.
Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their ancestors to give them. “Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:6-9
I don’t know what has lead you to that point today. But I know this is God’s encouragement.