Category: parenting

I’m really struck by the expectations put on parents today.

A short list of some parental responsibilities:

• All the basics, like food, and clothing, oh– and a great place to live
• Unending emotional support
• Unlimited defense, we’re expected to be like our kids personal attorney + agent
• Picking the right school, pre-school through graduate school
• Getting them the right teachers and right academic support
• Making sure their school work is done, their projects are worthy of a perfect grade
• Making sure their homework is done on time
• Getting them to school on time
• Personally delivering them wherever they need to be
• Managing their schedule
• Managing communication with all programs, schools, hobbies, religious activities, social activities
• Making sure our kids have the right friends
• Developing our kids social life
• Making sure they have a hobby
• Eliminating boredom
• 24/7/365 safety, we are our kids Secret Service agents
• 24/7/365 access to the internet, we are our kids IT department
• 24/7/365 access to clean stuff, we are our kids personal maid
• Personal chef, make food to their liking
• Unlimited access to music, movies, television choices
• A perfect childhood full of warm memories
• Provide judgement free space for your child to explore personal interests, hobbies, potential vocations, unending ugly boyfriends, musical taste, clothing styles, etc.
• Memorable family vacations
• Providing regular educational opportunities
• All the latest gear, electronics, play equipment
• Fulfilling dreams
• A shoulder to cry on when a dream is left unfulfilled
• Possess a title or career they can brag about
• Being there for them, upon request
• Paying for whatever is asked… things with friends, school stuff, church stuff, etc.
• Don’t forget investing in their spiritual well-being, it’s important that we make sure they are growing in their relationship with Jesus
• Saving for college, that’s to say any college their 17 year-old self determines is best for their undetermined career goals
• Unless they want a year off, we’ve got to pay for that gap year, too
• Sin abatement, if they screw up… we need to provide a way to fix it
• [Other responsibilities as assigned by a mommy blogger of a 3 year-old or a wanna-be mommy blogger doling out unqualified advice and guilt in exchange for being “blog famous.”]

Step Back

Have you ever taken a step back to think… WHAT THE HECK IS THIS EVEN ABOUT????

Sometimes I’m talking about my life as a parent or talking with a friend about parenting their kids and it hits me: Most of what we’re doing isn’t actually our responsibility. We’ve taken on that responsibility. We’ve decided all of that stuff above is on us.

And ultimately, it’s about control.

We want control.

We remove their control for our own and then blame them for driving us crazy because we think we can help them do things better than they could possibly do for themselves.

We try to navigate our children’s life for them.

Refocus on the Goal

Instead of controlling your child’s life, where we are ultimately lying to them that we can control everything…

Don’t teach control with your actions. Teach self-control.

Remember little old self-control? It’s a darned good character quality. It’ll serve your child better than the right school or the right stuff or that unnecessary trip to the children’s museum.

And if you’re controlling everything, taking responsibility for everything, and making everything easy?

They’ll never learn it for themselves. They’ll learn that to love someone means to take control of their everything. And that’s icky. 

Stop teaching control and start teaching self-control. 

I heard giggles coming from her bedroom. It was nearly midnight. She’d gone to bed hours before. I stared down the hallway expecting to see darkness but I saw a streak of light peaking under her door. Inching near her door I heard it. It’s a sound every parent fears coming from their teenagers room. I took a deep breathe and opened the door unsure of exactly what I might discover.

I’d caught her reading. Again.

My heart sank because this isn’t the teenage life I’d dreamt of for her. It’s not supposed to be this way.

Like millions of parents of teenagers I struggle with a teenager who is addicted to reading. Over coffee I explain the symptoms to my friends, their eyes swell sympathetically.

• Excessive sleepiness
• Good grades
• Growing vocabulary
• The occasional late fee at the library
• Excessive ideation and imagination
• Exposure to life outside of San Diego

I know I’m not alone. Other parents suffer through this hellish reality, we are silently united– bonded over the sorrow of a lost teenage experience.

Action Plan to Cope With Teenage Reading Addiction

Though there is no known cure for teenage reading addiction, there are some things you can do which might help your teenager find their way out of the rabbit hole.

1. Introduce YouTube – They say free time is the devil’s playground. Well, I suggest trying to keep your teenager distracted from reading by occupying their time with something more healthy… viral video. With millions of videos in every genre known to mankind, encouraging your teenager to access YouTube on their phone or tablet seems to distract their mind from the itch they feel to pick up a book.
2. A Boyfriend – It’s nearly impossible to read books while kissing and/or holding hands. A boyfriend is an excellent remedy for a reading addiction. Just make sure to check his wallet. If he has a library card he is bad news, kick him to the curb.
3. Bullying – Many teenagers who bully also have a low literacy rate. This can be an excellent alternative for teenagers with a high literacy rate. While introducing bullying to your teenagers life may be a tough sell, they may discover that being the villain in their story is more interesting than reading about the villain in a book.

Fellow parents: What are other ways you are helping your teenager overcome a reading addiction? 

Photo credit: Pile of Books by Texas State Library Archives via Flickr (Creative Commons)

A week ago my oldest turned thirteen.

Sometimes in life you realize you are rounding a corner while you’re actually rounding the corner… and Megan turning thirteen was one of them. Things are changing for her. How we’re parenting her is changing. It’s pretty amazing to have a front row seat to all that’s changing in her life.

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I grew up with The Cosby Show. Thursday nights on NBC.

It was must-see TV.

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The kids try not to think about it.

But there is a growing pile of things under the Christmas tree with their names on it.

That pile calls out to them.

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