OK, in honor of my nearly 5 years of paid youth ministry… I thought it would be funny to post some of the most ironic things of my position. Please, please… don’t think these are directed at anyone special… and I am not doing this because I am mad… it’s just for fun.
1. Even though I am 29 years old, married, father of two… I am supposed to understand, emphathize, and even be able to help 14 year old ladies… without warning and without calling a lifeline.
2. I am supposed to look over every social faux pax imagineable, but if I do something around your friends that embarasses you… you will never look past it. I am an idiot forever.
3. Even though I have millions of things going on, I expected to remember your half birthday or that you had a recital without you ever telling me or asking me to come.
4. I can share my entire life with you, you can meet my mom, stay at my house, meet my childhood friends, check me out through and through… but asking you why you and your dad aren’t talking… that’s too personal.
5. I am supposed to be friends with only people 12-17 and that isn’t creepy.
6. If I have something to do that doesn’t involve you, or if I make plans that don’t agree with something you never told me you wanted me to do but expected me to do… I am an idiot in your eyes.
7. Even though there are 40 of you and 1 of me… I am expected to spend countless hours with JUST YOU. The other 39 students don’t matter nearly as much as you. The thought that I could break up my time evenly… absurd!
8. If I can’t do something because I want to be with my family or I want to just rest or do something with people my age and not be surrounded by 12-17 year olds, I am selfish with my time.
9. We can spend 24/7 for a week together… but I am gross, socially stupid, or just plain a loser if I have a bugger in my nose or have gas or get sick.
10. I have to act suprised when the same girl freaks out on me the same time every month. I am not supposed to know that girls have PMS, periods, or that 12-17 year old females can be irrational because of hormones.
11. If I have a bad day, I never hear the end of it… but if you have a bad day I can’t notice.
12. Because you want to do an event over again, we have to do it over again because you want to and I have no right to stop doing it… even if it’s a bad event.
13. Ask any parent, their kid is the most important kid in the church for me to invest in. Nevermind the fact that I can’t even get the kid on the phone.
14. You can talk bad about me, write things about me, glare at me, gossip about me, and tell your friends that I am a loser and my feelings aren’t supposed to get hurt.
15. It makes sense to drink a 2 liters of Mountain Dew at 10 PM on a road trip. I don’t mind stopping every 15 minutes so you can pee.
16. We can talk online for hours, but the things you said weren’t really said. Just pretend I don’t exist!
17. It’s OK for you to IM 25 people at a time, but if I am slow to respond to your smilie… I am an idiot.
18. It’s OK for me to schedule an event that you really want to do and then for you to back out at the last minute because the person you wanted to go isn’t going… I mean, it’s not like we lose money or anything when you do that.
19. Even though I am 29 years old, I am expected to be up on every new CD, movie, music video, and whatever else it is that you are into and won’t talk to me about… I am just supposed to know.
20. Even though I am a Christian, I am expected to have psychic super powers.
21. When you have a crush on someone, I am not supposed to notice.
22. When you get your heart broken even when I told you it would happen, I am supposed to act suprised.
23. You don’t have to apply anything the bible teaches… but if I do one minuscule thing wrong, I never hear the end of it.
24. If you disagree with a tiny thing in something big I do… I am stupid and you are brilliant.
25. I can bend over backwards to make something work for you, but as soon as you have something better to do… I am mince meat and you don’t know my name.
26. When you graduate, even though I spend oodles of time with you, you won’t say thanks, you won’t even call or send me an e-mail to let me know how college is going.
27. I can remind you of something by e-mail, announcement, postcard, phone call… but you will forget.
28. Your mom will lie to me about why you aren’t doing something and that is ok.
29. You can say things about my wife, tease my kids until they cry… but I am just supposed to think it’s cute.
30. Cliques are good for the youth group, really.
Well, before I get too into this… I had better stop. Maybe there is something there worth chewing on and laughing at.