I’ve been feeling introspective lately. What does this mean? Why do I do that? The questions go on and on. And I’m pretty sure it has everything to do with not being a full time pastor anymore. I can feel myself wondering, “Who are you anyway?”
Whereas a few weeks ago I was all wrapped up in being a pastor. Right now I am all wrapped up in not being a pastor. That doesn’t mean I’ve flown off the handle or somehow decided to be a different person. It’s just that my mind is consumed with slightly different things this morning than I’m used to.
For instance. On a typical Sunday morning at 9:00 AM I’d be directing people, the band and the tech team, greeting folks, making sure that everyone was in their right places, and giving last minute reminders to other people who might be going to the front. Today it is 9:00 AM and my family isn’t ready for church. We’re clearly not going to make it to the first service and we’re settling into the fact that we will head to the in between time of church, hang with some friends, and meander into church.
On the one hand I miss the responsibilities, the fun, and the wonder of helping to “make church happen.” On the other, I’m really enjoying this time in my life when I’m not on a staff. It’s awesome to go to church without much to do other than go to church. It won’t be satisfying for very long but it is satisfying for now.
It’s like sushi. There are parts of it that are yummy goodness and there are others that you just chew on and get past.