For immediate release
NORTH POLE – Citing rising energy costs and increased demands for high tech goods, Santa Claus is forecasting a 13% reduction in the number of gifts distributed to the world’s children on December 25th. The 10 year average gift-per-child (GPC) is 5.2, in 2011 Santa Claus will reduce the average to 4.52.
Santa Claus, Inc. CEO and Chief Delivery Officer Santa Claus reports, “2011 has been one of our most difficult years. Several factors have lead to our decreasing the per gift child forecast to 4.52. (GPC)”
In a briefing given via their 4th Quarter shareholder webcast, Mr. Claus outlined the factors which lead to this decision.
- The price of oil globally has continued to increase costs across the board. While the North Pole complex is able to offset some of these costs with their 2009 initiated solar program during the summer months for toy production and shipping/receiving periods, when winter sets in the plants become fully dependent on diesel generatored power.
- Grain costs for the reindeers has more than doubled in 2011. To offset this for the 2012 season Santa Claus has a team of elves working on a new formula which will combined traditional grains and Fruit Loops with filler from letters children mail to the North Pole during the Christmas season.
- Labor prices for the North Pole plant have continued to outpace inflation. With rising health care costs and new concessions for wage increases after October’s “Occupy Santa” protests, overall labor prices have increased 9% while production decreased 18% year-over-year.
- With newspaper and magazine circulation at an all-time low, Santa Claus’ Wish List and Letters to Santa Claus paper recycling programs have decreased revenue sharply. To offset this loss in revenue, Santa Claus, Inc CFO Mrs. Claus has opened an Etsy shop to sell officially licensed mittens, work gloves, sleigh seat covers, and hats.
- While the release of the Kindle Fire has helped some, North American children are demanding more highly priced toys under the tree for Christmas. Santa has limited each child to one Apple product. Though Santa Claus, Inc is the single largest purchaser of Apple products globally, the price controls by the Cupertino computer maker have not allowed Santa’s elves to negotiate significant discounts. “It’s really a Wal-Mart thing.” Claus reports. “Apple is afraid that if Bentonville hears we are getting a better price than them they will lose their contract.“
- Significant infrastructure investments have been made exploring an additional toy storage depot in the Southern Hemisphere. Claus reports, “While it makes sense logistically to store some gifts in the South Pole, the South Pole elves are difficult to work with. Frankly, they have sticky fingers– and I don’t mean because they’ve eaten too many candy canes. In the 1980’s we tried a similar endeavor and had to cease operations when we discovered South Pole elves were selling gifts on the black market to China during the summer months.“
Despite the reduction in the GPC, Mr. Claus is expecting a Merry Christmas. “We don’t let a high fuel prices, elf labor issues, or Wal-Mart stop us from fully enjoying Christmas.”
The early forecast for 2012 GPC is set to increase significantly in 2012. “Ah yes, with 2012 elections in the United States we will see many more adults on the naughty list. And that’s good for American children as we will be able to spend more on children’s toys.”
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