Category: Christian Living

  • Living in Sodom

    “I guess that’s my lot in life.” 

    We’ve all heard that conciliatory remark. It’s the kind of thing you say when you accept the fact that your circumstances are less than ideal. While scholars seem to disagree about the source of the idiom, “lot in life” the phrase definitely reminds you of the Lot in the book of Genesis.

    The story of Lot provides a very important lesson. Sometimes you make a choice that results in you living in the wrong place. 

    Parallel Abraham & Lot’s lives and you’ll see that after these two friends families broke up Lots family went from being highly successful to just barely surviving the judgement of God in Genesis 19. He went north into calamity and Abraham went south into an everlasting covenant with God. Dramatic right? 

    Sometimes you find yourself living in Sodom

    As I reflect on that story I can’t help but recall a time when I lead my family into Sodom, I mean Oroville, CA. I graduated from college with a strong desire to leave Chicago and find a place to invest a lifetime. We found that place in Oroville. A small northern California city in the foothills of the Sierra Nevada’s which had one of the highest teen pregnancy rates, lowest high school graduation rates, and highest meth usage rates in the state.

    We met good people to work with. We got started with a good church. And we even found a little house to live in that would be a solid place to start.

    But it was Sodom. It’s not that the place was bad. It’s not that the people at the church were evil. (Well, not especially evil!) And it’s not that our work was unimportant.

    But it was that we were in the wrong place. It was clear. It was obvious. The attacks came from all sides. It was like bathing in sulphur.

    No matter how hard we tried to convince ourselves that we could thrive, we couldn’t. It wasn’t going to be possible because this was Sodom for us. We tried to make the best of it but each day we were there got progressively worse. It’s hard to explain what’s it’s like to be in that space. But it was bad and you could feel it getting worse and worse.

    There’s only one thing to do when you live in Sodom

    It’s either get out or wait for destruction. Those are your choices.

    If you find yourself in Sodom right now, make a move. It’s not going to get better. Get out like your life depends on it.

    Now. NOW. NOW.

    How do you know you are living in Sodom? You’ll know. And if you are trying to convince yourself that you don’t… ask some friends who have known you a long time. A true friend will tell you the bold truth.

  • When “Our Dream” is Better Chased than “My Dream”

    A few weeks ago Kristen and I both woke up in the middle of the night. Apparently 2 AM is the only time parents of 3 young kids can have a long talk without interruptions to ask us if it’s OK to watch TV or a dirty diaper or someone getting hungry.

    We talked for about 2 hours. After 15 years of marriage we know that there are times when marriage kind of gets lonely. We were in  that space… doing everything together but never really being together. We recognized that most of our communication throughout the day was logistical. We talked a ton, but more about who was doing what or when we were going to do stuff than we were really talking and listening to one another. It wasn’t that anything was wrong it was just that we had fallen into a military mindset where we talked plans of attack more than we really talked.

    I don’t know why we each woke up in the middle of the night. (Um, equally small bladders I guess?) But I think God was in this conversation.

    We started talking about some of the dreams we are chasing. Big stuff like raising our kids a certain way. Smaller stuff like dreams of connecting deeper with our neighborhood and our vacation to Yosemite and Paul’s birthday party.

    Here’s the kicker. And this was the thing that has really shaped my actions in the past few weeks since this conversation happened:

    I don’t ever want to chase my own dreams so hard that Kristen pays the price. I don’t want “Adam chasing his dreams” to mean that Kristen loses the opportunity to chase her own dreams. It’s no fun to succeed at stuff if we aren’t both excited about it and both winning. And, more importantly, I want Kristen and I to chase our dreams together. I don’t ever want to give up our dreams that we shared as 19 year olds walking along Lake Michigan or when I worked so that she could finish her degree, on and on. I’m willing to give up some of my dreams for that…

    Dreaming with Kristen is what I want. Two people chasing their own dreams but kind of coexisting? I’ll leave that to the Clinton’s. 

    That perspective has changed things. I think it means I do less stuff on my own somehow. And I think it re-orientates how we dream about actually accomplishing stuff.

    There’s no denying it. Launching 2 businesses over the past year has taxed us all as a family. It is beautiful to see this dream become a reality and we are reaping the rewards and Lord willing we’ll reap the rewards of this past 12 months for many years to come. But there has been a very real cost for everyone to pay, as well. (This is a cost hundreds of thousands of small business owners pay. I’m not alone in this!)

    At the same time, Kristen and I need to consistently check-in with one another. (Even if it’s at 2 AM!) Are we chasing our own dreams alone? Or are we intentionally, self-sacrificingly, chasing a better dream together?

    Fellow dreamers: What about you? How do make sure that you dream together instead of chasing individual dreams in your marriage?

  • To be like Joseph

    Mr. Insignificant

    You don’t get much more insignificant in a family of 12 than being number 11. As the 11th born you aren’t the baby of the family. And in this case you aren’t even the last baby boy. You are just number 11 with an abundant allotment of big brothers.

    Joseph was an insignificant son with significant dreams. One night Joseph had a dream that one day he’d rule over his brothers. This was a seemingly impossible dream. And, sophomorically, he told his big brothers about his dream which lead to them hating him.

    All throughout Joseph’s life he lived in the reality that he was chasing his dreams but his anti-dream was also chasing him. Over and over again we see Joseph’s life take wicked turns. His brothers staged his death while selling him into slavery. His slave owners trade him like a camel and he ends up in Potifer’s house. There he becomes the object of a cougar’s affection causing him to flee naked from the house before being caught, accused of adultery, and thrown in prison. On and on this calamity continues– his whole life!

    Life didn’t just deal Joseph lemons. Life dealt him poison.  Joseph was a man with big, significant dreams but a murderous monkey on his back.

    But that never stopped Joseph’s dream. He worked towards that dream, not knowing if it’d ever come true. Until one day it did!

    We are all Joseph

    Most of us are insignificant. By birth, by education, by performance, and by recognition… we are not born rulers or leaders of tribes.

    But we all have dreams. Some are aspirational and within reach. And some are so big that our dreams make the 6 year old who lives inside of us blush to mention them in public.

    We are all driven by dreams while gravitational held back by circumstance.

    Joseph’s Posture

    With all the crap that hit the fan in Joseph’s life no one would have blamed him if he’d defined himself by the poop splattered on the wall of his life. Everywhere he turned there were people sinning against him, seeking to destroy both him and his dreams.

    Instead, Joseph makes a radical choice. He refused to allow the sins of others to define his life and ruin his dreams. No one could have forced him to do that. It came from within. It was a daily posture he took as he continually kept his eye on his dreams. He worked hard, he overcame, and eventually– his dreams came true.

    The Cycle Ends with Me

    When I think about my own life and my own dreams it is easy for me to think of all the obstacles. I can point to specific instances where my dreams were thwarted because someone sinned against me. (In some cases, maliciously intending to harm me.)

    But the choice is mine. I can define my life by taking a victims posture or Joseph’s posture. I could be destroyed, defined, and devastated by the sins against me OR— supernaturally and by God’s grace– I can decide that the cycle of retribution, revenge, anger, malice, and sin ends with me.

    I can’t control my circumstance but I can control my response to my circumstances.

    You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.

    Genesis 50:20

  • Proactive vs. Reactive

    The past year or so has taught me all new levels of being proactive that I’d never needed to be before. 

    • Shipping orders for our store, tracking packages, and making adjustments to our shipping rates to keep up with USPS.
    • Um, getting people to buy stuff from said store means that I have to order from the manufacturer, build their shipping costs into my costs, market the products, and a whole bunch more stuff.
    • Helping a wide variety of organizations with their web development needs has meant deeply listening to what they are asking for and proposing solutions they aren’t even imagining.
    • Not having a boss or board has meant that if I’m not on top of it, I’ll work 80 hours per week every week and never take a vacation.
    • Taxes. Oh for the love of all things, I have to track sales tax, city business tax, state & federal income tax, and social security tax. Most of them are due on the same days but you’ve got to watch it! One of the reasons I’m so shy about hiring someone right now is taxes!

    I won’t bore you with the details of all the things I need to stay on top of as a small business owner.

    The point is that when I’m proactive I catch things before they are problems. I discover opportunities I didn’t even know about. I catch mole hills before they are mountains.

    For me, I live in a weird space of half business and half ministry. It’s good business for me to keep on top of things and anticipate stuff to just keep a step ahead. But it’s also a good ministry practice.

    Proactive vs. Reactive

    I think a lot of ministry people get in trouble because they are in a reactive posture as opposed to a proactive one. They are a step-behind the needs of their congregation instead of leading them into a new future.

    A reactive posture is dealing with bad news when your people need good news from you.

    Never forget that people come to Jesus because they need Good News. Not just spiritual teaching, they need Jesus to be their provider, their rescuer, their day-to-day Savior, and their healer.

    And when you can help them be proactive about that? Solid gold.

  • Holy Crap.

    These are the words of Jake Bouma when his oncologist showed him evidence that his cancer has responded to 4 months of chemo.

    Holy crap indeed.

    Here’s what Jake meant:

    Holy = God is holy.

    Crap = Cancer sucks

    I don’t know if I shared quite the tears as Libby. But wow, this video touched me and sparked a thankfulness I can’t quite put to words to fully explain.

    Thank you for sharing it, Jake. We’re with you as the radiation begins soon.

  • Love God. Love Neighbor. Simple. Right?

    Want to teach the students and young adults in your life HOW to do this? Pick up my 6-week curriculum, Good News in the Neighborhood.

    ht to Steve Knight for the link. Shouts FTE.

  • Taking the wrong turn onto the right path

    Right or left?

    This was a game Kristen and I used to play on Saturday’s before we had kids. In the late 1990’s we lived in Chicago, we had a new car, gas was 97 cents, and we shared a love for summer adventure.

    I’d drive to the corner of Chicago and Damon and say to Kristen, “Right or left?” We’d have our debit cards and no plan. Each time we came to a red light we’d pick a direction and keep going. When we saw something interesting we’d stop. When we were hungry we’d find a little mom-n-pop. Some days we’d explore the city and other days we’d end up in Illinois corn fields or somewhere deep in Wisconsin. At the end of the day we’d head back to a highway and drive home.

    One day we found ourselves headed north on Lakeshore drive and we decided to just keep going.This took us on a slow march via side streets and county highways all the way to Milwaukee. Another time we explored all of the fancy houses in Chicago’s northern suburbs. Another time we wandered aimlessly up and down Chicago’s south side.

    The joy in this game was that lots and lots of intentional wrong turns lead to a glorious experience. Sometimes it just didn’t feel right so we’d do a u-turn and go from the wrong way to the right way. And other times we’d take a wrong turn and just go for it.

    Have you ever taken a wrong turn and ended up with a more beautiful experience? 

    I can think to specific instances where life dealt me a curve ball, something that felt like a wrong turn, and it turned out more beautiful than if I’d stayed on the “right path.”

    Now, I’m not talking about sin. While I think God can redeem us when we sin and things can still turn out great I don’t think God expects us to sin our way to a beautiful life.

    What I mean is the more mundane sin-free wrong turns we take in life. I’ve talked to a bunch of folks lately for whom life has bypassed dealing them a lemon for a big turd. (TIP: Don’t try to turn a turd into lemonade. Just get rid of it ASAP.)

    Life has dealt me my fair share of  turds. While sometimes we live a storybook life I’m also fully aware that plenty of things have come my way which weren’t fair– even downright evil things done to me. (I’ve done a good job of bringing bad things upon myself with my stupid choices, as well.)

    When I think about the beauty of the space I’m in right now I can see that I only got here by playing a lifelong game of Right or Left?

    I think we waste a lot of effort in making 10-20-30 year projections of where our life is supposed to go. What if we just agreed that at the end of the day we’ll head home but day-to-day life will just be a series of simple choices, right or left?

    Photo Credit: Choices by AnemoneProjectors via Flickr (Creative Commons)

  • Abuelos

    This week we have Kristen’s mom in town. While our kids are playing it cool– they were over-the-moon excited that grandma could come spend a few days with us.

    There’s a lot of talk about the impact of family in the development of Sticky Faith. Obviously, mom and dad are the most influential figures in a child’s life. But watching this video and hanging out with Kristen’s mom is a strong reminder of the power of grandparents in the lives of children.

    I wonder how strong the correlation is between decreased religious affiliation of American youth (something we could call religious elasticity) and the decline in strong, central extended nuclear families? 

    Anyone seen a study on that?

  • A truly open Kingdom

    “Adam won’t amount to much. He didn’t grow up in church leadership so he’ll never really fit on.” ~ A former friend said this to a search committee member once.

    You’ve probably heard similar things said about you. Hurtful, hateful, religiously big but theologically infantile words said to you or about you.

    These are the words of a gatekeeper. They think it’s their job to stand there and help others figure out who is in and who is out. All-too-often I hear people describe their experience with church by comparing it to a country club.

    May it never be.

    This is not what Jesus wanted.

    With a loud cry, Jesus breathed his last. The curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. Mark 15:37-38

    With his last breath, Jesus lifted the power from religious gatekeepers and opened the Kingdom to all– Jews, Gentiles, saints, sinners, royals, and slaves. Every human was given the power to stand as an equal before their God.

    Jesus longed for a truly open Kingdom of God. He gave his life making it possible. His resurrection and ascension guaranteed he was for real.

    Never allow a religious gatekeeper to hold you back.

    Their power is from another source.

    Photo credit: Circuit Breaker by Yusmar Yahaya via Flickr (Creative Commons)

  • Are your dreams worth pursuing?

    Yesterday, I got a graduation announcement for a friend’s daughter and it sparked a memory. This is a sign I’m getting old, right? 

    • My own high school graduation was unremarkable. I don’t remember much about it. I remember it happened very quickly and my parents and brother were there. I think my friend Navid spoke about Star Wars or something like that.
    • By the time graduation arrived I’d already moved out of my dad’s house and was in a dorm at Moody working a full-time job to help me pay for my first year of school. I didn’t attend the last couple weeks of school. (I only had to pass gym to graduate my senior year. Interestingly, my teachers all gave me A’s the last semester. I did better when I didn’t bother to show up!)
    • Starting in May, it was all just a blur of prom and graduation parties.

    But I do have a specific memory from my senior year of high school that literally still has impact today. 

    During the Spring of my senior year all of the graduating seniors got a form from the school newspaper asking us about our future plans. Specifically, they wanted to know what university we were going to, what our major would be, and what we hoped to do.

    Most of my friends only had a vague idea of what they might do. But I had a very specific goal in mind. It took me about 45 seconds to fill out the form. Many of my friends had two out of three figured out… but the future? They had no idea. I guess I was fortunate in my clarity.

    As a 17 year old I wrote that I would be attending Moody Bible Institute in Chicago, Illinois to major in Youth Ministry. My future plans included becoming a youth pastor and ministering to teenagers.

    That was my dream. I was going to pursue it with everything I had. My parents wanted to help me through school, but their lives were falling apart with matching divorces, and they could make no promises. (They were behind me, supportive, and proud of me. That’s really all that mattered to me.) My friends kind of got it but kind of wished I’d be with them at Purdue or Indiana.

    It was my dream. And I was going to make it happen. My dream was only going to come true if I worked really, really hard to earn enough money to make it happen.

    18 years later I’m sitting here reflecting back on that. I’m still pursuing the same dream. I graduated from that school. I’m still in youth ministry. I wonder how many of my fellow Class of 1994 graduates can say the same thing?

    I’m still pursuing that dream because it’s my dream and it’s worth pursuing.

    That’s the thing about dreams. No one can tell you that your dream is worth pursuing but you. It has to come from inside of you.