Category: Christian Living

  • The power of a compliment

    Tick tock. Tick tock. The deadline is looming. It’s a Tuesday afternoon and I have a big project due on Wednesday. My mind is completely overwhelmed with the details of writing copy, design layout, and the pressure to deliver this project in a way that exceeds expectations.

    I have 9 hours of work ahead to squeeze into 2.

    A reminder pops up. Crap, I have a conference call. It’s a call I really want to be my best for but it’s a shame to break my concentration. Looking at my calendar again I realize I’ve promised the kids to take them to the school fair.

    Who schedules that for a Tuesday night? Ugh.

    Tick tock. Tick tock. Time burns away.

    I sigh deeply in the knowledge that it’ll be another late night. On top of it all I don’t just have to finish the project, I also have to prepare for the presentation. I have to really sell this. I can’t afford to mess it up. My reputation is at stake once again.

    I dial into the conference call. I do my best to stop thinking about my project and the deadline so I can contribute. But the truth is that throughout the phone call I’ve got this other project in the back of my mind. I say some things the best that I can. The phone meeting ends and I instantly feel guilty wishing I’d participated better.

    Back to work. The clock is ticking and I have to leave for the school fair in 45 minutes. Minutes are flying by like seconds and I just can’t go any faster.

    Defeated, I pack my bag and head to the trolley. I’m frustrated with myself. I needed to get more done than I was able. Yes, I’ll work late into the night. But I’m not going to cheat my kids on that promise. I need to pack it all away for a few hours so I can enjoy my time with them.

    Sitting on the trolley, I lean back hard against the seat. I lean hard into the music pumping into my ears. I feel like a failure. I am second-guessing myself. I am doubting that this is all worth it. But there isn’t anything I can do about that right now. I just need to try to relax on the trolley and change gears. And later tonight I’ll need to find some confidence and energy to muster up a few more hours of productivity.

    Chirp. In stereo, a notification pushes through Bono’s voice. It’s a text message. I want to check it but I want to ignore it more. I just need everything to go away for a few more minutes. Please continue, Bono. I’m listening.

    Ding. My phone reminds me I haven’t checked that message yet. Again, ding.

    OK, I’ll check it.

    Thanks for going out last night. I really just needed someone to listen and spend time with me. It was last minute but it really made a difference.

    Now I probably look like an idiot. With my bike leaning against my body, a bike helmet dangling from the handlebars, I lean back just as a tear rolled down my cheek.

    When was the last time you received too many compliments in a day?

    Never. 

    I could have 100 nice things said about me in a day and 1 criticism. Want to know what I’d remember? The 1 critical thought.

    Conversely, when I am really discouraged. When I’m super frustrated with myself or a project or a circumstance– a single compliment can change everything.

    Which voice will you be today?

  • A terrestrial calling

    “You’re crazy enough to change the world.” 

    Those were prophetic words spoken to me by an elder who wasn’t happy with me. Trust me, he didn’t mean that as a compliment. He said that because I was royally screwing up his country club. His nice little church who loved their closed circle of friends and hid behind and glass walled lie of, “We just want to protect our kids from the world” had been exposed to the realities of some radical transformation that can occur when you challenge students to read God’s Word uninterpretted.

    “What does a plain reading of this tell you to do?” 

    As I taught middle school and high school students how to do  that in a Christian school and the church that hosted it, kids started asking questions that freaked their parents out. And those freaked out parents called the elders. And the elders told me to stop teaching like that.

    Before you can change the world, you better change your block

    This has been a turn in my understanding of that phrase, of late. I can point to specific things that happen in my world and say, “Yes, I had a hand in impacting that. Those things have changed because of my being here.”

    But my conviction is becoming that none of that matters if I don’t love my neighbors enough to help them discover the truths that those middle school and high school students discovered way back when. If I don’t love my neighbors enough to royally mess up their lives by introducing Jesus’ insurrection of the heart, I say I love my neighbors but I really don’t.

    That’s my terrestrial calling. I can think and dream in planetary terms. But in reality? My calling is really, really local.

  • Hard work or working hard?

    We all work hard.

    I can’t think of the last time I met a pastor who was truly lazy.

    Instead, what I most often see, and what took me years to get past…

    I have a tendency to replace hard work with working hard.

    In other words, if I have some hard work to do in my life, things like:

    • Maybe I know I need to invest in a relationship I don’t want to invest in.
    • Maybe I need to repair a relationship I’ve busted.
    • Maybe I need to make a hard decision that will be unpopular.
    • Maybe I need to turn someone away.
    • Or turn down a proposal.
    • Or walk away from something I love.

    In those times, I try real hard to escape the hard work by working real hard.

    I can fill my calendar like a champ. I can make myself look really busy. And I can work really, really hard from dawn until way past midnight.

    But I think God’s revealed to me that I most often do that when I’m avoiding hard work in my life.

    It’s easy to confuse the two because the words are so similar. But one is noble while the other is ignoble.

    Question: What are stop-gap measures for this that have worked for you?

  • Do I have a vision problem?

    visionless: it is my claim that this is the most attractive but most insidious yeast undermining religious communities. Vision has a devious way of focusing our attention outside of ourselves to some lofty external goal, rather than keeping ourselves committed to love and service in the community, then as a result beyond the immediate community by the outpouring of the overflow. Jesus’ vision, if it could be said he had any vision at all, was to die… to hand himself over to the authorities, etc. Any other vision than the vision to be willing to die is one that decides who can play and who cannot for the longevity of the vision and it’s crafters. It defines the shape and nature of the community and the people within it, often with violence against the natural goodness and innate spirituality of its people. It is vision that eventually and inevitably changes an institution into stone.

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    Lately, I’ve been chewing on David Hayward’s work on becoming visionless. (His book on the subject)

    In so many ways this concept deeply resonates with my experience. And in so many ways it deeply offends my experience.

    On the one hand, my own words would argue that if you don’t have a clearly defined vision for yourself you’ll be paralyzed by your inability to say no to good/bad things that come your way. Vision permits lazer-like focus.

    On the other hand, I’m haunted by the reality that often times I’m saying no to things that are close to me, forsaking the organic opportunity for one cultivated in alignment with my vision.

    In my mind vision allows me to filter. That’s why David’s words are annoying me so much. Who am I to try to put a filter on what God puts right before me? Who am I to forsake the organic for the cultivated? 

    Question: What would your life look like if you were to reorientate yourself around Hayward’s words above. (Put aside your ability to disagree with him, just imagine what your life would be like if this were true and it became a guide. How would yourlife change?)

  • The Hopeful Lean

    He leaned across the table and told me a secret in a hushed tone. “This neighbor loving neighbors thing. It really works. It’s incredible!”

    He then went on and talked about all the things that are going on in his neighborhood.

    Over the past months I’ve had several conversations that essentially went the same way. I hang out with a former youth worker, a person like me, who left full-time ministry on some sort of a quest to find their first love, ministry. And that position they take when they lean across the table? I call that position HOPE. 

    With excited hushed tones they start talking about what happened when they gave up the podium.

    • They stopped talking and started listening.
    • They stopped looking for their next illustration and started noticing what was going on.
    • And they got involved. And it lead to more cool things. And now Good News is on fire on their block.

    This life reorientation is disorienting at first. It causes them to lose their balance and go through a period of questioning, often times slipping into a period of depression.

    And what they find in that dark place of self-reflection is that they live in a neighborhood. There are people, often just like them, living next door. And this newfound disequilibrium causes them to be open to something they never were before… listening to what God wants them to do… regardless of if their church is behind it or not.

    That was funny to write. That people who have spent decades working at churches started to listen to what God wanted of them only after leaving their church work. And I’m sure that some may take offense at that. All I mean is that these folks feel free to listen to God’s voice in a different way, not through the filter of leadership, but with a more simple posture, “Lord, what will you have for me to do?”

    And almost universally the answer to that question involves simply reorienting their life around serving the needs of their block. It’s not a program and it’s not a paycheck. But it’s the ministry they always wanted.

    It Was There All Along

    It’s kind of funny having these conversations. Each of them is unique. With each person finding a new kind of ministry that fits their neighborhood differently. Big smiles emerge as they share this secret they’ve discovered: It was there all along. 

    Hope has a flavor to it. It’s having tasted the bitter root of despair, rejected popular fast-food cynicism, and popped out the other side with a big smile on your face. Hope is like taking an overcooked steak and decided to chop it up and put it on a salad. What was once not-quite-right is now the star of the meal.

    Hope has derivatives. It’s contagious. As one neighbor ventures out of the front-door and meets others, others do likewise. Suddenly, hope spreads down the street. A person shares a garden. A guy cut a neighbors grass when they are sick. A block party pops up. And neighbors begin to slow down and enjoy where they live as opposed to just seeing it as a place to store their stuff and relax between activities. Kids start to play outside again. Kids start to be kids again. Crime goes down. On and on and on.

    All because a family on the block decided to reorient their lives.

    The Bible doesn’t lie. Each of us were created in Christ Jesus to do good works. (Ephesians 2:10) And when we lean into that the rewards are everywhere.

  • Why are YOU here?

    “Next.”

    I walked up to the counter and handed the woman my passport and paperwork. She examined in closely, scanned my passport, and looked over my paperwork.

    30 seconds go by.

    60 seconds go by. She is still clicking on things on her computer. Tension builds.

    “Tell me why you coming to Canada.”

    “I’m speaking at an event.” She types that into her computer.

    “OK… what type of event.” 

    “It’s a retreat for Lutheran church leaders. I’m just here for a couple of days.” 

    “OK… but why are YOU here? Why did they invite YOU to speak?” 

    This went back and forth for about 5 minutes. She would type on her computer and occasionally ask a vague question. I stood there waiting for her to give me my passport back.

    I’ve visited about 30 countries and gone through tons of passport checks. I know that the longer you stand there the worse it is. The first stage is standing at the counter answering questions. Then, if they aren’t satisfied with your answers, they take you and your passport into a side room and ask more questions. And if that doesn’t go well you officially get detained. Time is not your friend. You want this process to go quickly and on this night it wasn’t going quickly.

    In the back of my mind I was trying to figure out why this wasn’t going well. After all, I’m an American and I’m going to Canada for 3 days to speak at a small gathering of Lutheran youth workers. Our countries are friendly. Lots of people travel back and forth for a wide variety of reasons each day. But the longer I stand there the more introspective I get. I’m wondering if my newly renewed passport has an error. I’m kicking myself for checking the “business” box on my declaration. I’m wondering if I have an unpaid parking ticket or something. And I’m wondering if her computer told her that my dad was recently deported from Canada when he made a wrong turn and illegally entered Ontario on his way to a coffee shop. Why DID this group invite me to speak? Yeah, what made ME an expert on those topics? Why didn’t they bring a Canadian to do this?

    Finally, I put on my smile and asked her, “What haven’t I told you that you need to know?”

    She smiled, (always a good sign) and said “I’m trying to figure out if you need a work permit. Is this event open to the public?”

    I described the event to her, that is was just for denominational pastors and wasn’t open to the general public, and 30 seconds later she handed my passport back to me and loudly said, “Next.”

    Why are YOU here?

    Her emphasis has stuck with me. It’s a great question. And a question we all need to wrestle with, no matter what God has called you to do.

    Why are YOU here? Why you? Why not someone else?

    He creates each of us by Christ Jesus to join him in the work he does, the good work he has gotten ready for us to do, work we had better be doing.

    Ephesians 2:10 The Message

  • Overcome by Evil

    There’s a whole lot of saber rattling going on these days. Why? Because fear sells better than sex right now. 

    • The stock market is up 80%+ since March 2009.There’s a whole lot of money being made while the media scares you with news of recession.
    • Crime is at historic lows. But there’s a whole lot of money made selling you things you don’t need like home alarm systems and guns. Gun sales are through the roof because the NRA scares people into thinking Obama is going to make handguns illegal.
    • An entire segment of our economy is built around the 401k. A primary method people get you to invest in your 401k? Fear. Fear that you won’t have the lifestyle “you deserve” and fear that Social Security will go bankrupt. Tell me what would happen to a president who ended social security. Yeah, it’s not going to happen. Ever.

    On and on. Much of our society and huge parts of our economy exist because their marketing keeps you fearful so you spend. It’s a distinctly American thing.

    Economic theory says that once you start paying into something, even if it is a factual lie, you believe it because your money is there. (Want to see this in action? Listen to an IT professional try to tell you why a PC laptop is better than a MacBook. They really believe it and it’s completely ludicrous.)

    The church isn’t far behind. We have learned that if we can scare parents that they will stick around. (And the church is infatuated with marketing right now. How many times has Seth Godin spoken at Catalyst now?)

    • Want to raise money? Scare parents by telling them that without ____ their children won’t follow Jesus.
    • Want to plant a church? Cite a bunch of stats about the churches decline. They’ll never ask about your strategy, just give you money.

    You get the idea. We are trying to grow our churches with marketing schemes… and it’s not working, in case you haven’t noticed. 

    Here’s the thing: Creating a culture of fear in your ministry is not good news. It’s fools gold. It might draw some people but you’re drawing the wrong people. This is a major reason you can’t do anything in your church– you’ve drawn a crowd of scared people.

    Last time I checked we weren’t asked to lead people into a life of making decisions based on fear. That’s the opposite of what Paul teaches…

    Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. 

    – Romans 12:21

  • The 6th graders

    One week all 8 of my boys arrived in a mob. That never happened. Typically, they came in groups of one or two as their parents made their way to camp after church. That was my first indicator that this week would be different. Soon I learned their story. This group of 8 boys had come to camp because they had a good time at the camp on their class trip. They had such a great time that they wanted to go back, together, to have a week of camp. Their parents knew it was a Christian camp, were totally fine with that, and wanted their boys to share the experience of the camp together.

    I soon learned that most of them had zero church background. They were great kids. Very polite, well behaved, and stoked for everything that happened at camp. At the same time, most of them had only ever attended church with a grandparent once or twice or gone to a wedding at some point.

    The first couple of days at camp were very normal. This enthusiastic group of boys did all of the ropes course stuff, went fishing on the lake, shot arrows horribly, and played with the animals at the nature center. But I could also see that the fun, skits, music, and Bible teaching were making their way into these boys hearts. As we walked from place to place they talked about what they heard. They asked me lots and lots of questions. And they thumbed through their brand-new Bibles at meals.

    Early in the week the speaker always presented the Gospel. Instead of asking for a response in a public setting, the camp set it up that we asked each camper individually in our cabin time if they’d like to begin a relationship with Jesus. With this group of guys I didn’t know what to expect. They were definitely interested in what was going on, but I didn’t know what that meant.

    On the way back to our cabin to debrief that nights talk the boys were a little quiet. But I had run them to the ground so I figured they were just ready for bed. (This was my strategy… make the first 2 days really physical so I could tire them out and they’d sleep at night.) We got back to our cabin and they all sat on their bunks.

    “So, what did you think about what the speaker said tonight?”

    One of the boys chimed in, “We’re all ready to give our hearts to Jesus. How do we do that?”

    That’d never happened to me. Typically, 1-2 of the boys started their walk with Jesus at camp. (For the first, third, or 23rd time.) But 8 boys from the same small town? Never ever ever did I see that coming.

    That was a week full of fun. But it was also a week that changed the lives of 8 boys, their families, and their community forever.

    This is Christian Camping

    I spent the summer of 1996 at Camp Timber-lee in East Troy, Wisconsin. I made $125 per week. I was at work all but 30 hours per week which basically meant I made less than $1/hour. Each Sunday afternoon a pile of parents placed 8 boys under my care. And then I spent the next 6 days pouring my life into them, in full knowledge I’d never to see them again.

    And it was totally worth it. 

    Serving on summer staff was intense in every capacity. You’re with people all the time. As an introvert the constant time with my cabin group exhausted me. The repetitive food, constant activity, and humidity helped me shed a lot of pounds. And each week I had to spend time around horses, not my favorite barnyard animal.

    More to the point is was intense spiritually. Each week was full of stories. Full of sharing. Full of prayer. And full of lives changed. Each week, unashamedly, the Gospel was shared with the kids. And each week, without fail, kids in my cabin gave their hearts to Jesus.

    Camp Week is Over

    I dedicated my blog to camp week for a single purpose. It’s been my experience that Christian camping is special. I’ve shared stories of my own experiences and the experiences of my friends. The impact of Christian camping is obvious. Lives are changed, fun is had, and a special bond is formed.

    It kills me to know that there are kids who simply can’t afford to go to camp. Will you consider joining me in giving $125 to scholarship a kid to go to camp this summer? Here’s the link.

    Photo credit: Chillon Castle by Jaeseok Lee via Flickr (Creative Commons) 

  • I wish I was still a camper

    This week I’m celebrating the huge impact of Christian camping by asking a few of my friends to share stories and reflections of their life at camp. The following story is from Becky Daye. Becky and her husband Dave have been a part of our life forever. Kristen met Becky on the first day of freshmen orientation at Moody Bible Institute, I worked alongside Becky & Dave at Camp Timber-lee in the summer of 1996, Becky was a bridesmaid at our wedding in 1997, on and on. They now live in Rochester, New York where they pastor a local church. I highly recommend Becky’s blog, Daye by Daye.

     

    We are the Reubens
    And we are really groovin’
    Our feet begin a movin’
    So check out what we’re doin’
    We’re the rootin’, tootin’ Reubens!!!

     

    Nearly thirty years later and I still remember my team’s cheer from my first week of summer camp!

    The memories are palpable- climbing a rocky slope to get to a campfire, scraping my legs on the side of the swimming pool, catching my first fish, laughing with friends, singing at the top of our lungs.

    Camp was a magical place for me. My friends and I could barely sit still through the Sunday morning worship service. We would eat a quick lunch, load the cars and drive through the mountains. The signs for “our” camp were so tiny, but each one was an indicator of the fun that we were about to have.

    This anticipation is still the same for me as an adult and one of my greatest joys in parenting has been the opportunity to see this same camp love growing in my children.

    Because camp can and should be a life changing place. It is an opportunity to get away from the normal pressures of life. To take time to reflect. To be surrounded by people who love God. Who are passionate about Him. Who know the truth of God’s Word and find teachable moments.

    My lifelong love of camp culminated in five summers of being a counselor. As I reflect on that time in my life when I was able to pour into the lives of hundreds of girls, I realize the privilege that this is.

    Camp is the antithesis of apathy! There is an excitement and a joy of life at camp that cannot be fabricated. You can feel it in the air. You can hear it in the conversations. You can catch it in the teaching times, in the songs, through the prayers.

    When you are surrounded by others who are falling more and more in love with Jesus, you want that for yourself. I wanted to know Jesus more as a result of my time at camp. I have watched as countless numbers of campers discovered this same desire in their own lives.

    My daughter came home from her first week at camp and taught me “three blind jellyfish, sitting on a rock”. And then she told me all about Jesus! And how she wants to love Him more!

    From the perspective of a camper, a counselor and a parent, I would say that camp is one of the best investments in the lives of children. And secretly? I wish I could be a camper again…

    Full-disclosure: I’m not getting paid a red cent for this series. I’m doing this because I believe camp is an important element of ministering to children and teenagers in our country. I invite you to join me in donating $125 to CCCA’s Corners of the Fieldcampaign. It’s pretty simple. For every $125 given a kid can go to camp this summer.

    Photo Credit: Liechtenstein Castle – Tony Bowden via Flickr (Creative Commons)

  • Speaking of camp!

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    Speaking of camp week, I’ve been speaking at a camp for a group of Lutheran youth workers near Edmonton this week.

    I’ve never been this far north! So that is cool.

    And it’s always great to hang with passionate people who want to wrestle through issues of extended adolescence, social media, and their implications on becoming Good News to the teenagers in their lives.