For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. Ephesians 5:8-13
There’s a lot of reputation management going on in the church today. Scornful lips espouse warnings about “the appearance of evil” and it’s kissing cousin, “be careful who you associate with.”
When I was in Bible college I remember some of this being taught in our Student Life Guide. These community preferences defined social life at Moody Bible Institute… and for many, set the course of their social life going forward.
You aren’t allowed in bars, because people drink alcohol there.
A male student can’t go to the home of a female adult alone. (And visa versa)
You can’t go see movies, because how will people know you are going to the PG movie when Rated-R movies are being shown?
You can’t work somewhere in which alcohol is sold.
[In fairness, these were community rules. Students willfully chose the school in full knowledge of the rules. No one at MBI said they were Biblical rules– but the message was clear. This is how Christians behave.]
Two problems with reputation management:
Our Lord had a horrible reputation. He hung out with low-life’s like tax collectors and prostitutes.
Jesus didn’t respond too kindly to religious people and their reputation rules.
Ruin your reputation
I love this passage from Paul’s letter to Ephesus. Ephesus was the Las Vegas of its day. A tourist town. It’s a city with a big harbor and lots of sailors. Consequently, it was a city with a whole slew of brothels and a temple to the fertility goddess Diana.
Ephesians knew dark places. And for the most part, the church in Ephesus was filled with people who knew the dark places all too well.
If the church were to re-write verses 8-13 it would go something like this:
For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, so don’t go to those places. It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed to darkness is overcome by darkness—and everything that is illuminated by darkness dies.
Striking difference, eh?
That’s the difference between having a religious reputation and having a Christ-like reputation!
Paul’s command was simple: Go to dark places. Seek them out. Even the ones from your past. And bring light.
See, going to dark places and seeing “bad things” doesn’t mean that you have to be a part of it. To the contrary, you can find those in darkness and bring the light of new life!
As believers, it’s our job to go to dark places and bring light. A life pleasing to Jesus isn’t concerned about reputation. Often times, it’s ruthlessly ruining your reputation for the purpose of introducing grace, forgiveness, and hope to the darkest places you know.
For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light.
Permissiveness prevails in the church today. Obedience is mostly viewed spiritually, rarely physically manifesting itself.
It’s almost a foreign concept today that walking with Jesus would mean be tied to physical obedience. We’ve cheapened a relationship with Jesus down to the point where we aren’t really asking new followers of Jesus to do anything more than raise their hand or bow their head. If we are honest with ourselves, most of our churches expect little more of congregants than to show up and write checks to fund the church.
We want to prosper but we don’t want to sacrifice.
Maybe, just maybe, a walk with Jesus is supposed to be as physical as it is spiritual? In other words, we lie to people by reshaping the Gospel around what Jesus can do for them. More importantly, we lie to ourselves when we walk with Jesus safely and justify our safe-walk with Jesus with cultural answers to Scriptural truths.
Allow me to show you three examples of extreme physical obedience to God.
#1 Give it all away – Acts 2
They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved. Acts 2:42-47
I hear Christians say all the time, “If we could just go back to the way it was in Acts 2, the church would grow.” I agree. Let’s start by selling all your property and possessions and lets live together in a community where we share it all.
“Well, well, well… that’s too extreme. This is the modern age. We couldn’t just do that anymore.” If it’s so extreme why did the Holy Spirit inspire Luke to write it down in Acts?
Lesson #1 – Physical obedience to God may be risky to your possessions.
#2 Move somewhere unsafe – Nehemiah 2
Then I said to them, “You see the trouble we are in: Jerusalem lies in ruins, and its gates have been burned with fire. Come, let us rebuild the wall of Jerusalem, and we will no longer be in disgrace.” I also told them about the gracious hand of my God on me and what the king had said to me.
They replied, “Let us start rebuilding.” So they began this good work.
But when Sanballat the Horonite, Tobiah the Ammonite official and Geshem the Arab heard about it, they mocked and ridiculed us. “What is this you are doing?” they asked. “Are you rebelling against the king?”
I answered them by saying, “The God of heaven will give us success. We his servants will start rebuilding, but as for you, you have no share in Jerusalem or any claim or historic right to it.”Nehemiah 2:17-20
There’s nothing wrong with living in the suburbs. But if God has called you to the city you are going to have to deal with city realities. You are probably going to have to send your kids to “those schools” and live in “that neighborhood” and you might have to deal with “those people.” If God called you to it, than He has declared to you that those schools are His schools, that neighborhood is His neighborhood and those people are His people.
“But, it’s my responsibility to make sure my family is safe and my kids get the best education they can.” Actually, that is crappy practical theology. There is no where safer for your family than in obedience to His will. And there is no better education you can offer your kids than your obedience.
Lesson #2 – Physical obedience to God redefines what it means to be safe.
#3 Cut it off – Genesis 17
Then God said to Abraham, “As for you, you must keep my covenant, you and your descendants after you for the generations to come. This is my covenant with you and your descendants after you, the covenant you are to keep: Every male among you shall be circumcised. You are to undergo circumcision, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and you. For the generations to come every male among you who is eight days old must be circumcised, including those born in your household or bought with money from a foreigner—those who are not your offspring. Whether born in your household or bought with your money, they must be circumcised. My covenant in your flesh is to be an everlasting covenant. Any uncircumcised male, who has not been circumcised in the flesh, will be cut off from his people; he has broken my covenant.” Genesis 17:9-14
Let’s be blunt here. As a pastor, I had a hard time getting people to show up for Spring clean-up. How do you think it’d go if I stood up on Sunday after my message and said, “If you are ready to walk with Jesus in obedience to what you just heard, and you are a male, please stay after the service today. We are going to cut off some skin from your penis as a symbol of your commitment. Doing this won’t save you, but it will show God that you are serious. Not the whole thing, just a little bit of skin.”
Done. Empty church. No need to vote, I’d be fired! There are news trucks in front of my house by the time I get back from Applebees. The byline of the story would probably call me the perverted penis pastor or something like that. There would be talk shows on CNN accusing me of being a cult leader. Congregants would line up to talk to Katie Couric, “He’s a nice guy and we love him as our pastor. He was always trying to get us to be dedicated to walking with Jesus, but it was just too far to make it some sort of physical thing.”
And yet, this is exactly what God told Abraham to do. You want to be God’s people? Let’s seal the deal by making it personal. Line up every male and prove you are serious about this covenant. We’re not talking about taking off a digit of your pinky. We’re talking about cutting part of your penis off! As a Bible college student we were studying this passage and I raised my hand to ask a question. “I’m not trying to be smart. But do you think God gave Abraham some sort of instruction manual with this? I mean, how did he know if he cut enough off? And… who do you think went first?”
I have a feeling Abraham went first. He was a leader… so he lead the men somewhere they were unwilling to go on their own.
Lesson #3 – Physical obedience to God is a personal, willful sacrifice.
Discussion questions:
Gut check. All excuses aside, how are you doing at physical obedience to Jesus?
What does Scripture reveal to me about what I need to do to physically live out the Gospel in my life?
What are some first steps of obedience?
What does this have to do with living in community?
Here’s a list of things that I’m coming to terms with…
Things that I see which don’t change people or organizations but should: (Generally speaking)
Biblical truth
Their current reality, state, or condition
Current position, authority and/or aspirations of
Scientific research or law
Reading books about other organizations or people who change the world
Inspirational stories on the internet, television, or radio of success and/or failure
A new program at their school, work, or place of worship
Now, if you are part of an organization, think about the amount of money you spend on the list above. Probably most of it.
Chew on this…
Things that I see which do help people and organizations change behavior: (Generally speaking)
Selfish ambition, money
Accessibility to something which feeds their ambition, money
Fear of losing their family, friends, position, income
Losing family, friends, position, income
Fear of being discovered
Being discovered
Peer pressure, positive or negative
Cultures laws, mores, and taboos
Thought #1: Behavior change isn’t the point of the Gospel.
Thought #2: Behavior change can be a manifestation of the Gospel in an individual or organizations life.
Thought #3: The majority of my time/my resources/my energy is invested in things that should change behavior but don’t. There’s a gulf between “ought to affect change” and “does affect change” that people I need to wrestle through.
Thought #4: When I stop trying to be the answer for the top list and start building community where the bottom list is shared openly, then I see the Gospel go places I never thought it would.
Thought #5: As a believer, according to Scripture, I am the answer to the change the people in my life so desperately search for. The question for me to wrestle with is this, “Do I want to be the person people expect me to be and focus on the things that ‘ought to affect change’ or do I want to look in the mirror, deal with my own mess, and help people exchange solutions that don’t fix a thing for solutions that are really hard but affect long-term change.”
Maybe I’m a cynic but I don’t think grace is a hallmark of a lot of Christians. We’re too busy having unrealistic expectations for one another and then wallowing in the disappointment of failed relationships.
I’m too busy judging you for judging me for grace!
Let’s get past this oddity of evangelical culture and descend into the heart of what we believe.
We’re all perfectly imperfect. We need to expect imperfection from the people around us while individually, through the power of Jesus, trying to make our live more like Jesus. Not to celebrate it. But build it into our expectations for one another.
I sin. I am messy. I hate things about my nature. Loathe even. I sadden myself with my sinfulness. Sometimes I disgust myself.
Failure is a part of our walk with Christ. Some would say it is the beginning of our walk with Jesus. It’s part of being a leader. It’s part of maturing. It’s part of learning.
You simply cannot walk with Jesus in a state of false perception of yourself, your mess, and your unique ability to do the wrong thing at the wrong moment.
Think about it like this…
The whole reason God created Eve was not for a sin bringing playmate. It was because the Father looked at his creation and said, “Its not good for man to be alone.”
There is no more alone place than in a broken relationship. Conversely, there is little more powerful on this world than a grace-filled relationship with two people.
Here’s my encouragement
Every day you are given the choice between grace and judgement. In all things, chose grace.
When Jesus had called the Twelve together, he gave them power and authority to drive out all demons and to cure diseases, and he sent them out to proclaim the kingdom of God and to heal the sick. He told them: “Take nothing for the journey—no staff, no bag, no bread, no money, no extra shirt. Whatever house you enter, stay there until you leave that town. If people do not welcome you, leave their town and shake the dust off your feet as a testimony against them.” So they set out and went from village to village, proclaiming the good news and healing people everywhere. Luke 9:1-6
You will be hated by everyone because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. When you are persecuted in one place, flee to another. Truly I tell you, you will not finish going through the towns of Israel before the Son of Man comes.Matthew 10:22-23
On hearing it, many of his disciples said, “This is a hard teaching. Who can accept it?” Aware that his disciples were grumbling about this, Jesus said to them, “Does this offend you? Then what if you see the Son of Man ascend to where he was before! The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing. The words I have spoken to you—they are full of the Spiritand life. Yet there are some of you who do not believe.” For Jesus had known from the beginning which of them did not believe and who would betray him. He went on to say, “This is why I told you that no one can come to me unless the Father has enabled them.” From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him. John 6:60-66
When Jesus heard this, he said to him, “You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” When he heard this, he became very sad, because he was very wealthy. Jesus looked at him and said, “How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God! Indeed, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.” Luke 18:22-25
When the members of the Sanhedrin heard this, they were furious and gnashed their teeth at him. But Stephen, full of the Holy Spirit, looked up to heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God.“Look,” he said, “I see heaven open and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God.” At this they covered their ears and, yelling at the top of their voices, they all rushed at him, dragged him out of the city and began to stone him. Meanwhile, the witnesses laid their coats at the feet of a young man named Saul. While they were stoning him, Stephen prayed, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.” Then he fell on his knees and cried out, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them.” When he had said this, he fell asleep. Acts 7:54-60
If I am laying my life on an altar… what is the sacrifice? What is the cost? What are people testifying about my life? Am I doing things worthy of a stoning?
Or am I just standing around, being religious, holding the jackets while my friends stone someone?
Photo by Gary Ericson via Flickr (Creative Commons)
Neighbors loving neighbors.
The funny thing is that if you read enough church leadership blogs or read enough books by big-time church people you start to think that they believe the great hope of the American church is the church organization and its staff.
We know Jesus was a big fan of all things mega, right… (read John 6 to see an example of Jesus’ mega model.)
And we know that he sometimes went to the Temple or local synagogue but he just as often met out in public spaces, in a field, or in homes.
As a member of my faith community I’m reminded of the words of Paul in Romans 12:3-5.
For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.
What about people? Do you know any people?
“Healthy organisms are marked by their ability to grow.” – A church leadership mantra.
Apparently they skipped botany and biology. In my garden the goal of a maturing organism is reproduction. If something grows too big, is not pruned, and doesn’t reproduce… I pull it out of the ground and add it to my compost pile. A plant not reproducing is a waste of good soil, space, and time.
Understanding species
See, big churches or small churches or whatever your church species choice/preference is, were never designed to be the solution to reaching people. I’m a fan of churches of all sizes and shapes. But the species of a church was never the point in the Gospels.
The church is a gathering place of worship where we celebrate what God is doing in us and through us. In nature, the health of any organism is measured by its ability to reproduce. I believe the same is true in the church.
The solution is you. Your love for your neighbors is infinitely reproducible. Jesus death tore the veil between priest and citizen. Jesus freed Hope from the descendants of Aaron and gave us each equal access to the King. You have been empowered to reach your neighborhood. And thanks to the hard work of generations of scribes and translators you have, in your possession, the greatest tool you could ever need to reach your neighbors– the Bible.
Jesus could have chosen to spread his message by force. (Some of his disciples really wanted that!) But Jesus knew that hope doesn’t spread by force. Change only happens when the heart is transformed. (Our military has learned that in Iraq and Afghanistan.) [If you want to see the power of a message of hope vs. a message of force, just compare the exploits of David in the Old Testament to the exploits of the apostles in Acts.]
A message of reconciliation to the Father was a message of the heart best transferred neighbor to neighbor. It was never intended to be a come and see message. It was only meant to be a go and do message. It’s not dependent on a top-down leadership structure. Instead, Jesus empowered the people to change the world from the bottom up… from neighbor to neighbor.
The longer I walk with Jesus the more complicated my life seems to get.
Kids, ministry, job, dreams, bills, skills, personality flaws, responsibilities… the list is endless. Life is complicated. Scary. Confusing. Worrysome.
At the same time, the longer I live the more simple the application of God’s Word gets.
When things seem really complex and over my head I am reminded of how Jesus spoke into the complexities of a “religious life.”
One day Jesus was talking with a group of religious people. And, as religious people are known to do, they all carried a specific agendas. They wanted to know if Jesus was on their team. As they sat around testing Jesus on his belief on the issues of the day they were flustered by his ability to respond with Option C on an Option A or B test time and time again.
They were upset with him because he had taken the things that divided people… agendas with teams, financing, factions, and power… and given simple answers with a new agenda.
So they put their heads together and nominated the biggest religious expert in the room to trap Jesus. This question was the 1st Century equivalent of, “If God is a good God, why do bad things happen in the world to good people?”
Here’s the agenda-laden trap:
Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”
Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
Jesus’ agenda for your life is quite simple. As we see above, all of a God-pleasing life flows from those two bullet points:
Love God with everything.
Love your neighbor as yourself.
A popular phrase in Evangelical circles, full of agenda, has repackaged Jesus’ words and simplified it too far by saying we are called to “Love God, Love People.” But I think Jesus is smarter than they are. And his agenda rings clear enough for me.
Jesus’ agenda for my life is to love him with everything I’ve got. (From my skills, to my personality, to my family, to my vocation… everything) And the action of that agenda is to love my neighbors as myself. (You know, the people I live near, see in my daily life. Neighbors implies really close to me, and is specific to a group of people I’m to have regular casual contact with. It’s the people on my block, not the people in the pews or in my youth group.)
All of God’s word is to be applied through that lens. Jesus sets the agenda.
When I study Scripture I’m left to ask myself, “How is God calling me to love him?” and “How can I love my neighbors as myself because of this teaching?”
It’s personal and communal– but not religious
Anyone who knows me knows that I have a deep love for the church. In the same passage of Matthew 22 and other places in the Gospels, Jesus refers to his relationship with the church as his bride. To disrespect the church is de facto disrespecting Jesus. (If you said you loved me but disrespected my wife… I’d punch you in the face. What kind of husband wouldn’t?)
I’d prefer not to get punched by Jesus for disrespecting his bride.
At the same time, I wonder if many churches have made the agenda about them? There’s nothing more annoying than a selfish bride. Sure, there is love there… but there are a lot of strings attached to that love.
Other churches are defined by their size… hardly a respectful description for a bride. We’d politely say things like, “She must be a good cook.” Right?
Other Christians are defined by the political bedfellows they keep. Their agenda is confused with the issues of the day. Their leaders espouse vocal support of things like a right to own a gun while all the world desperately needs of them is to embrace their right to love their neighbor.
Still others are defined by their application of Revelation 2-3. They look at Jesus’ proclamations of judgement and they say… “Wait a minute. Jesus isn’t judging First Baptist of San Diego any different that he is judging San Diego Church of the Nazarene or even the Diocese of San Diego… Jesus loves and judges us by where we live in community, not where we individually gather to worship.” And those churches are defined by the agenda of neighbors loving neighbors, churches loving churches, and sharing in the great love of their Savior in the L’agenda.
My prayer today for the bride of Christ is that we would be a people defined by our world-changing L’agenda for our neighbors and not the trappings of a religious life.
There is something going on in church culture that I can’t stand. And it’s something I think we really need to change. And it is something we can change right now, in this moment.
It’s this.
We have a tendency to throw people away because they do or say or write one thing we don’t like.
One thing. A moment. A blog post. A book. A sermon. A prison stint. A bad habit. Or even something they didn’t do but we think they should have in a Monday morning quarterback kind of way.
Gone. That person is trash. I’m going to trash that person. For life. And hate them. For ever. I’m on Team Hate That Person for the rest of eternity.
Really? One thing.
We need to stop this. People of the King: We look like fools, not peacemakers.
The world knows us as a people of hatred. Last time I checked Jesus didn’t call us to hate each other.
Three examples from my life
I don’t hate John Ortberg.I’ve never even met him. But I’ve had multiple conversations in the past few months where people asked me why I hate John Ortberg. It all goes back to a blog post I wrote in May 2010 where I disagreed with one thing he wrote on his blog. Really? That doesn’t mean I hate him. I never said I hate him. It means that he wrote something I disagreed with. That’s it. I’m not the president of his hate club. I’m reading one of his books right now. I’ve even bought and recommended his books in the past. I’m sure he’s a lovely person. I don’t hate him. It was one thing. Big deal? I’d still recommend his church. I’d still listen to him preach. Wait… I have still listened to him preach. Amazing, right?
I know of few people in Churchland who have more haters than Tony Jones. People hate me because I’m an acquaintance of his and have recommended one of his books here on my blog. Really? You hate me because I am an acquaintance of someone you’ve never met or spoken to but hate because he wrote or said some things you don’t agree with. First, it’s dumb that you can hate someone like Tony. (If you’ve ever met him you’d find out he is unhateable.) Second, it is really dumb to hate me because I know him. This hate by association thing is illogical. What’s next? Are you going to hate me because I drive a Volkswagen and you’re a Kia guy? Lame.
People think I hate C.S. Lewis.I don’t hate him. I think his writings are over-rated and over-quoted. But it’s not like I think he’s a heretic. (Though, interestingly, evangelicals who adore his writing would think he was a heretic if they actually compared what they believe next to what he believed. But most evangelicals don’t know what they believe… that’s another post for another day.) It’s not like I’ve banned his books from my home. I just don’t like it that he’s on the quote-a-matic. Need a quote? Don’t want it to be from the Bible? Just spin the wheel on my brand new C.S. Lewis Quote-a-Matic. What I’m really saying is that I wish more Christians would read wider. If I was going to hate him it would be because his middle name is Staples… I’m more of an Office Depot kind of guy.
Litmus Tests
Let’s face it. Every single person in the world could do something you aren’t going to like at one point in their lives. We are a broken people. We have a natural tendency to hurt and be hurt by people.
And yet we walk around with these little litmus tests all day. A guy cut me off on the freeway? I hate him and wish he were dead. I don’t know him but I hate him? Are you kidding me? That’s a person doing something you’ve done. And you hate them?
Ludicrous.
We need to bathe in grace. And we need to carry around an aura of grace in how we interact with the world.
Let grace be our cologne as we leave the house.
Let the world know us for our gracious attitude towards those we disagree with.
We need to adapt a mindset that says we can disagree with someone, even strongly, and never hate them.
“For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.”
Divorce. Single parenthood. Extended singlehood. Living away from home. Broken relationships. Loneliness.
None of these are surprises. None of these are ideal. All of them are our reality and bond.
All of them are (by design) normative in the body of Christ. (James Dobson’s ideals are great. But they aren’t our reality.) We are a people tied together primarily by our brokenness. The church is the only institution on the planet where everyone is on the same playing field. We are all sinners. We all admit that left to our own devices we’d screw it up so we have a desperate need for a community that can help us screw it up less. That’s our bond as believers. We need each other because we are busted.
And yet– sadly, working in a church is one of the loneliest jobs in America.
It doesn’t have to be that way.
Without sounding like a 5-step program too much– here are 5 hard steps you can take to find community (and, ultimately contentment) while working on staff at any church.
Step One
Admit you aren’t perfect, can’t be perfect, and are lonely. No really. It starts with a healthy understanding of who you are and your lot in life. One of my frustrations with making pastors look like celebrities is that too many pastors start to believe that their poop doesn’t stink. (Conversely, to aspire to be a “great pastor” you have to pretend that you fell from heaven onto a community and you have no needs and you somehow embody a perfection that you really aren’t.)
You aren’t bulletproof. You need friends. You need accountability. You need people your own age in your life. Admit it.
Step two
Find people your own age. This one makes people’s head tilt 10 degrees to the side when I say it. “My youth group is like my family.” No, they aren’t. They are adolescents and you are an adult. Not only is it really unhealthy for your long-term health for you to consider the youth group your family because they graduate and go to college– it’s creepy for an adult to depend on a bunch of students to be his family. Creepy with a capital C.
Find people within 10 years of yourself. (On average) Honestly, common interests are cool but not really primary.
Note that I’m being careful to say that you don’t need to find this in your church. It’s great if it can happen there. But I’ve worked at smallish churches my whole life and I know that there might actually not be a group of adults in your age range. But every community has people your age. You might just have to do something outside of your church. Join a softball team or a golf league or something going on with people your own age and go there. (Just don’t go dancing, that leads to sex.)
Step three
It’s better when you aren’t in charge. I don’t know why… but for us the magic mojo of our finding family/community in San Diego has been that I’m not in charge. The joke has been, “we’re just the hosts.”
I think the truth is that we, as pastors, like to be in charge a little too much. We want to set the agenda. We want to be the center of attention. We want to be the expert. We love it when everyone looks to us. In short, we have a validation problem. We hide behind the persona and expectation because we like it and feed off of it.
But you will never feel like part of a community if you are walking around thinking that you are the man on the white horse who has come to save the town from itself. All you are really doing is walking around with a false view of yourself and leaving yourself on a very lonely island. (And I know too many pastors readily fired who have made themselves entirely expendable at their church by living on a very long island.)
Step four
Develop inter-dependency. A false presentation of who we really are (see above) leads us to think we don’t really need to depend on our community of friends. (And elevating our need to develop dependencies on our work. Raise your hand if you’re a work-aholic.)
It’s OK to be a pastor and have needs that you have to depend on others for. It’s OK to admit that in the safety of your community. In fact, what you will discover is that once you level the playing field and admit that you need to depend on people– you’ll actually be a seen as a much stronger leader. This goes beyond just depending on people to do stuff for you. This means that you’ll need to join and participate in being part of a family as an equal. You know, be a servant to your friends and allow them to reciprocate. Just as you need to lean on other they need to be able to lean on you.
The question being answered by every single person over and over again about you (and behind your back) as a pastor is, “Is that person for real?” When you become part of a community of people (aka– a family) that really knows you, where you can just be Adam and not Pastor Adam, then those people will help answer that question in a way you’d like it answered. “Yeah, Adam is a legit guy. He and Kristen have their struggles, but they are just like anyone else.” That’s a whole lot better than, “All I really know about him is what he’s preached. He keeps to himself.”
Step five
Relax, you’re with family. The goal is simple. You know you’ve arrived when you’re just a dude (or dudette) with a job. (And people aren’t saying, “I’m in the pastors group.“) It will hit you when you get there.
And you won’t be healthy in a community until you find a group of people who look at you as such. My goal every time our community group (our real family in San Diego) gets together is to shut up and listen. Literally, that’s what I’m telling myself over and over again as I prepare for Monday night. “Shut up Adam, no one cares.” But these people really do care about Kristen and Adam– the family that hosts us on Monday nights. That’s how I know we’ve arrived.
This is more important than any job you are doing
Everything you do as a pastor depends on your health emotionally and spiritually. If you don’t have this, stop everything! Your ministry will not succeed until it flows out of a healthy life.
The simple reality is that you need a place to just be instead of being the pastor. And I think I’ve shocked people when we sit across the table for coffee and I tell them this has to become their #1 priority.
Yes, I’ve even told people they need to stop being a pastor if they can’t make this happen.
Some writers have explained the English constitution thus; the king, say they, is one, the people another; the peers are an house in behalf of the king; the commons in behalf of the people; but hath all the distinctions of the people; but this hath all the distinctions of an house divided against itself; and though the expressions be pleasantly arranged, yet when examined they appear idle and ambiguous; and it will always happen, that the nicest construction that words are capable of, when applied to the description of some thing which either cannot exist, or is too incomprehensible to be within the compass of description, will be words or sound only, and though they may amuse the ear, they cannot inform the mind,for this explanation includes a previous question, viz. HOW CAN THE KING BY A POWER WHICH THE PEOPLE ARE AFRAID TO TRUST, AND ALWAYS ABLIGED TO CHECK?
Thomas Paine, and his best-selling pamphlet, united ill feelings towards King George and solidified the people into a full-fledged declaration of independence from England and the war which followed.
Words, written bluntly, did that.
Paine didn’t dance around things or talk about them in a way so as not to offend. He went for the jugular with his pen and twisted when he found a vein so as to cause maximum damage. He went for the kill and got it.
As I’ve been reading Common Sense it reveals to me over and over again a simple truth: We have gone soft.
Something was wrong in his world. And he knew that others felt the same way. So he published his words with the hopes of putting his frustrations into action.
If he were to say those things today about our country? We’d call him a terrorist. (Or another label… even if we agreed with him, we’d have to disarm his words with a label.)
The pen is still mightier than the sword
Political-correctness is very effective. It leads to stalemates and exchanges of niceties. But being nice never leads to action. Compromise is the best you can do.
Meanwhile, the world is in desperate need of truths to be told, lies to be exposed, and convictions to be stood upon.
Millions will die in the coming decade because we are nice.
As believers in Jesus, we acknowledge that millions will go to hell because we are too nice (or want to protect our job) to do anything about our churches reaching 5%-10% of the general population of our country.
I’m 34 years old. I don’t have time to waste being nice.
This is what I tell people when they ask me, “If you know things you write will make people mad why do you still do it?”
Have you ever met someone in their 70s full of regret? Looking back on their life they tearfully tell you the things they wish they had done, said, or the person they wished they could have been?
I have. And those conversations drive me to do and say things based on my convictions today. I’m not going to sit back and play nice as it only leads to compromise and regrets.
You are who you are on purpose
I’m stupid enough to believe what the Bible teaches me. And I hope you are, too.
God doesn’t have you where you are at by accident. You don’t live where you live accidentally. You don’t work where you work accidentally. It’s no accident who your co-workers are. Or your friends. Or the board you sit on nor the role you play at your church.
You were created for this moment to have the thoughts you have today and to say them. Fear God alone, not the consequences of putting to action the things God has laid on your heart.
Knowing that, have no fear. Just say it. Do it. And live it.
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.Ephesians 2:8-10
