Category: hmm… thoughts

  • Secret Sex

    I’ve been around Christians long enough to know that they like to talk about sex. In fact, I know enough about internet traffic to know that only one thing is more popular than a post about sex. In fact, most of you are reading this because you clicked on a link with a keyword you like to click on, “SEX” and are wondering what the secret is all about.

    What’s the one thing more popular than a post about sex? A post about sexual behavior Christians “shouldn’t do but like to talk about.”

    – Homosexuality

    – Cheating

    – Masturbation

    – Pornography

    – Getting caught looking at gay porn and masturbating.

    Here’s some data behind this Christian propensity to search for and click on things about sex. Notice the #1 read item at YMX over the last 2 years by a wide margin… it’s an article called “Solo Sex” and its about masturbation. In the 2 years that article has been on the site it has averaged 25 readers per day! Likewise, my blog data shows that most of my google visits from google searches arrive on terms such as “Christian dating” or “Christian sex.”

    Proving this point further, stop for a second and think about this: “Why are you reading this post? What about the title ‘Secret Sex’ made you click here?” Did I trick you to come here with my blog title? Did you click on a delicious link I served on Twitter? Or were you googling something like “Christian love advice?”

    Here is my theory, disagree with me if you like. I think that internally many evangelicals are wrestling with sexuality. I don’t mean they are worried about their gender preference or even secretly longing to do sinful things. I think that within Christian circles it just isn’t safe to talk about sex which leaves many adult Christians very immature in how they handle sex. So the result is that we talk about sexuality in very immature fashions. (And then we wonder why students have messed up views on sexuality!)

    While in non-Christian circles it isn’t unusual to have some safety within your peer group to talk about sex in an intelligent manner, I know I’ve never found Christian friends willing to have a serious conversation blushing it off as either “naughty” or diverting to childish jokes. (Of course, maybe its just my friends?) So while it may be normal and/or healthy to seek out talking with a peer about something intimate… in our circles we repress that discussion and look for answers privately.

    And I’m not sure that’s a good thing.

    I wonder if that repression of the discussion, which in and of itself is amoral but breaks a Christian taboo, is exactly what leads to the gross sexual dysfunction within many churches and marriages. Why can’t Christians just talk about sex? Why do Christians scour the internet searching for answers?

    Sidebar: Of course it could also be that there are so many people out there googling anything to do with sex that this disproportionally elevates the click through rates of posts about sex… that’s a theory worth contemplating without devaluing the overriding question.

    So, what is it?

    – Victorian cultural leftovers permeating Christian culture?

    – Fear?

    – Our mommy told us never to talk about sex, just learn about it the way she did in the library?

    – It should just be repressed. Asking this question proves that Adam is a pervert and just likes to say “sex” a lot.

  • New toys

    Kristen got the new ipod touch.

    Adam got the new nano. (green)

    It’s was a good day.

    Now, what to do with our old ipod? It served us well for more than 2 years!

  • Pause, Remember, Resolve

    It seems with each passing year the resolve remains that we should not forget that day, September 11th 2008. Here’s a comment I left on Ray Pritchard’s blog last year about the day. Ray was our pastor then and in some ways he is still our pastor today.

    Like many other Calvary folks, my wife and I were in the city at work. I went to work at 4:00 AM that day, just like any other day. I took my lunch break from 6:30-7:30 AM and on my way back I remember looking up at the Sears Tower and making a mental note about the crystal blue sky that morning. It was a beautiful day in Chicago.

    Like everyone else, we were sent home about 9:30 that morning. As we crawled through traffic to get home we listened to the radio, made lots of phone calls to check on friends, and went and picked up our daughter from the babysitter early.

    We were at church that night praying with a lot of other people. I guess, like the staff, we didn’t know what else to do but come together and pray. I remember thinking that morning… will they have a prayer meeting tonight? Maybe we should call the church? But we didn’t because we knew there would be. I guess you guys just had the people’s pulse and knew what we needed.

    My friend Patti Gibbons shared a reflection that I published on the YS blog today, I encourage you to check that out as well.

  • Grace vs. Karma

    Without karma, how do you get stuff done in the church?

    Yesterday’s message got me thinking about the mistake many people, even church people, make in regards to grace. Here’s what those two terms mean and why they are opposites.

    Grace is receiving unmerited favor. In other words, you get what you don’t deserve.

    Karma is the effects of your past deeds is your future experience. In other words, you get what you pay for.

    The Karma Conspiracy. I’ll let you in on a little secret. Most people in ministry believe in grace but practice and perpetuate karma in their ministry. Not all, but nearly all.

    1. I missed my kids soccer game because I was preparing for my message on Sunday.

    2. Come be a part of God’s vision and serve at the spaghetti dinner.

    3. Partner with God in the vision of our church by tithing.

    4. Join a small group this fall and be a part of what we’re doing.

    Now, you’ll see those statements and not see the karma connection. Since I’ve been guilty of all four of those let me translate into what most (nearly all) pastors are thinking when they say these things.

    1. If I work hard good things will happen in my church.

    2. I am capitalizing on your false belief that working in the church will merit favor in order to fill a job roster.

    3. I am exploiting on your belief that if you give to God He will give more back to you.

    4. By asking you to do something you don’t want to do, I am perpetuating your false belief in karma with the hope that you’ll discover grace.

    See, this is a tricky thing. And I don’t think any pastor does it intentionally. Yet I think that karma is so engrained in our culture that we perpetuate it unknowingly.

    Question: How do we stop this? How do we allow grace, true unmerited favor from God, to permeate everything we do in ministry and in life?

    Hint: I think both the problem and the solution are found here.

  • Ode to the Remote

    Around the McLane house we have a unique ability to lose the remote. I always blame it on the kids, yet half the time it’s my fault. I’ll get up to go to the kitchen or head to bed and I think it stays in my hands.

    But I’m convinced that sometimes the remote is like a sea creature. When we aren’t looking the shell pops open and it’s little wormy body slides out and drags it into a crevice somewhere to hide. Sure, if we forage we always find it. But I think that creature on the inside of our remote just lngs to eat the Fruit Loops and Cheerios it finds in those crevices.

    My only other theory is that Kristen hides it from me.

  • Web people

    genius or idiotThis is what I’ve learned in my years as a Web dude. People either see you as a genius or an idiot. There isn’t much middle ground. And often in conversation, you can tell the people you’re talking to are thinking you are both an idiot and a genius at the same time.

  • Wow, just wow

    kroc center san diegoThat’s how I felt at the gym this morning.

    I made it through the warm-up act of 20 minutes on the cycle just fine. But next came my “silly idea” of jumping in the lap pool and knocking off 5 lengths. First of all, 5 lengths is a stupid goal as it makes no sense to end a session on the wrong end of the pool. At 13 feet deep you can’t exactly skip over to the other side and be done. Second of all, 6 lengths is a long flipping way for someone this out of shape.

    So there I was, 6 lengths of the pool completed and completely humbled. Swimming is hard work! I was sucking some serious wind when it was all over. The truly humbling part, surrounded at both lanes by people in their 60s and 70s kicking my tail. An older lady of about 220 years old passed me twice. I was having visions of Moses and Noah lapping me and laughing at me. Change the world, huh? Better hope there’s world changing power attached to the keyboard. (I swear, Moses said that to me. He’s kind of a jerk for such a quiet guy.)

    But I’m not done. The plan for Kristen and I is to take turns with our mornings at the Kroc Center torturing ourselves.

    And irony is not lost on me that I’m working out at a place named for the founder of McDonald’s.

  • Legal implications to scientific discovery

    By far, one of my favorite shows is Mythbusters. It’s a big reason we need to spend more money to get better cable service. Anyway, watch how Adam answers this question about testing RFID vulnerabilities.

  • Where are all the Christian Single Men? Part 2

    real menI’m still thinking about this. And typically I don’t carry on like this. But there were so many good comments that, in my mind, this deserved a follow up post rather than endless comments.

    Dave Tucker (that’s my father-in-law everyone else) brings up an interesting wrinkle to this. Technically, in the US there are more baby boys born than girls… slightly. I wonder if it is safe to assume that slightly more boys die in childhood and adolescence since boys like to jump off things and work on more farms and stuff. But, by and large, roughly the same amount of boys and girls make it to an age where they should be looking for a spouse.

    That still leaves a mighty problem though.     I’ve got 20-30 single women in my life who are looking for a Christian man. Preferably, one with a job, doesn’t live with mommy, showers more than once per week, and is more interested in holding onto them than an XBox 360 controller.

    Dave Luke brought up a good idea, maybe these women should expatriate for their 20’s to meet a nice NorIrish boy. Since most women I know love an Irish accent this isn’t a bad idea. And all that stuff about Irish men being drunkards, violent to their spouses, and a few other stereotypes is just plain untrue.
    (At least in the Christian community in Northern Ireland.) The problem with that idea is that it’s pretty difficult to get a visa into the United Kingdom with “looking for a man” as the reason for moving over there. Plus, the standard of living over there is so high they’d have to get married there and then immediately move to Michigan where it is cheap enough to live. (And we know NorIrish can’t say “Michigan.”

    So, single women in my life looking for a nice Christian man to date and maybe one day enjoy Song of Solomon benefits… I have 3 bits of sage advice for you.

    se-xbox shirtSage advice #1 Think about wearing game controllers. Either wear it as an accessory, or keep one in your purse. Occasionally taking it out, making eye contact with a cute Christian man, and hiding it again will send the message. Thanks to Sara for this advice. Get your se-xbox gear here.

    Sage advice #2 Go to Bible college, Christian college, or anywhere else that harbors young men in an environment where video games aren’t allowed. This way you have them trapped. They will naturally follow their God-designed ways to seek after you when these “pseudo-women” have been removed. If college is too long or expensive, get a job at a Christian camp. They lock away men there too with no video games. But don’t get confused, while prisons do have men locked away without video games those men typically aren’t eligible for parole for a while.

    Sage advice #3 Be Blunt. Let’s face it, most men are not that bright when it comes to figuring out woman-folk. In fact, that may be why guys like video games so much… they can figure it out. And if they can’t… they have the ability to make it stop until they have the energy to try again. So if you find a “humanous male-ocous Christiani” just let him know… pay attention to me, love me, treat me right, and I’ll be better than your best friend forever.

    Christian Women Aren’t to Blame for the Shortage!

    I just thought I’d put that out there as something obvious. It’s not that the Christian women in my life caused this problem. And I don’t think it’s a cultural thing we should just get used to. I think, as Adam R mentioned in his comment… guys need to be taught how to be men. And that means that the men in my life (including myself) need to make sure we continue to mentor young men past high school and into college. We need to force them to grow up. We need to help their parents see that babying them hurts everyone. We need to tell their moms that their boys aren’t their husbands… that their role is to raise a man, not substitute a husband. (This is a large problem, in my opinion.) We need to teach dads that their role is to raise a man, not get them into college so they can act like a boy 4 more years.

    And we need to remind men over and over again that they will be irresistible to women when they take care of themselves, fall madly in love with Jesus, live on their own, make their own money, and treat women with respect.

    On second thought, it’s just easier to move to Northern Ireland.

  • Finding stuff, missing stuff

    lost thingsIt seems like every time we move there are a couple items that you find that you think you lost and visa versa. And the one or two things you lose drive you nuts that you’ve lost them.

    For this move the main thing we can’t find is our SD card reader. It’s really not a big deal and it’s only a $5 item to lose, but it’s driving us crazy that we’ve somehow misplaced it. Both Kristen and I know that as soon as we replace it with a new one we’ll find the old one.

    Paul told me yesterday that the main thing he misses from our old house is our couch. When I asked him why he said, “Because I could jump on it. And the new one isn’t comfortable to lay down on.”

    Now that I think about it we’ve not found anything we were missing while in Romeo. It’s more like we keep finding things and thinking “where in the world is this going to go?“