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Where are all the Christian Single Men? Part 2

real menI’m still thinking about this. And typically I don’t carry on like this. But there were so many good comments that, in my mind, this deserved a follow up post rather than endless comments.

Dave Tucker (that’s my father-in-law everyone else) brings up an interesting wrinkle to this. Technically, in the US there are more baby boys born than girls… slightly. I wonder if it is safe to assume that slightly more boys die in childhood and adolescence since boys like to jump off things and work on more farms and stuff. But, by and large, roughly the same amount of boys and girls make it to an age where they should be looking for a spouse.

That still leaves a mighty problem though.
I’ve got 20-30 single women in my life who are looking for a Christian man. Preferably, one with a job, doesn’t live with mommy, showers more than once per week, and is more interested in holding onto them than an XBox 360 controller.

Dave Luke brought up a good idea, maybe these women should expatriate for their 20’s to meet a nice NorIrish boy. Since most women I know love an Irish accent this isn’t a bad idea. And all that stuff about Irish men being drunkards, violent to their spouses, and a few other stereotypes is just plain untrue.
(At least in the Christian community in Northern Ireland.) The problem with that idea is that it’s pretty difficult to get a visa into the United Kingdom with “looking for a man” as the reason for moving over there. Plus, the standard of living over there is so high they’d have to get married there and then immediately move to Michigan where it is cheap enough to live. (And we know NorIrish can’t say “Michigan.”

So, single women in my life looking for a nice Christian man to date and maybe one day enjoy Song of Solomon benefits… I have 3 bits of sage advice for you.

se-xbox shirtSage advice #1 Think about wearing game controllers. Either wear it as an accessory, or keep one in your purse. Occasionally taking it out, making eye contact with a cute Christian man, and hiding it again will send the message. Thanks to Sara for this advice. Get your se-xbox gear here.

Sage advice #2 Go to Bible college, Christian college, or anywhere else that harbors young men in an environment where video games aren’t allowed. This way you have them trapped. They will naturally follow their God-designed ways to seek after you when these “pseudo-women” have been removed. If college is too long or expensive, get a job at a Christian camp. They lock away men there too with no video games. But don’t get confused, while prisons do have men locked away without video games those men typically aren’t eligible for parole for a while.

Sage advice #3 Be Blunt. Let’s face it, most men are not that bright when it comes to figuring out woman-folk. In fact, that may be why guys like video games so much… they can figure it out. And if they can’t… they have the ability to make it stop until they have the energy to try again. So if you find a “humanous male-ocous Christiani” just let him know… pay attention to me, love me, treat me right, and I’ll be better than your best friend forever.

Christian Women Aren’t to Blame for the Shortage!

I just thought I’d put that out there as something obvious. It’s not that the Christian women in my life caused this problem. And I don’t think it’s a cultural thing we should just get used to. I think, as Adam R mentioned in his comment… guys need to be taught how to be men. And that means that the men in my life (including myself) need to make sure we continue to mentor young men past high school and into college. We need to force them to grow up. We need to help their parents see that babying them hurts everyone. We need to tell their moms that their boys aren’t their husbands… that their role is to raise a man, not substitute a husband. (This is a large problem, in my opinion.) We need to teach dads that their role is to raise a man, not get them into college so they can act like a boy 4 more years.

And we need to remind men over and over again that they will be irresistible to women when they take care of themselves, fall madly in love with Jesus, live on their own, make their own money, and treat women with respect.

On second thought, it’s just easier to move to Northern Ireland.

By Adam McLane

Adam McLane is a partner at The Youth Cartel, co-author of A Parent's Guide to Understanding Social Media, blogger of 10+ years, and a fan of all things San Diego State University Aztecs.

13 replies on “Where are all the Christian Single Men? Part 2”

all joking aside i find it just as hard to find a decent single christian woman. i just don’t run into christian women who want to be married to a pastor. i know i could take care of myself better as far as my weight goes and that in itself is a work in progress.

maybe it’s not that they aren’t out there but maybe we are being too picky. i’m not saying settle to settle either. but yeah i definitely can’t figure out woman talk. i almost need a girl to right out tell me they are interested. haha
ma

Hmm… maybe I need to host a site that is women teaching men how to talk the right game or something? Maybe I’m onto my next billion dollar idea?

In all seriousness… I’d really like to help figure this out.

Ladies— can you chime in?

lol i think what both parties need is massive amounts of communication. Maybe there needs to be more older married guy mentors for the young guys to help guide them into being mature Christian single men that single women are looking for. And i can say the same for young girls as well. i am 27 and a single Christian woman, and i have to say that the only reason i know what i’d like to see in a future relationship was through personal reading and observation. I’d like to see more…guidance? for the young guys and gals so that when they reach their twenties, they know what to look for and how to act? i’ve attempted such a thing through here: http://www.myspace.com/virtuousdating but its just something i threw together. Maybe i should work on it a little more, i’ve just been busy elsewhere. lol and as far as how to speak to each other… guys just need to know that communication is a must and girls want to feel like they are worth pursuing. so yeah, when the guys are stuck behind their video games, it’s far from a turn on. lol and girls aren’t perfect, i’ve seen too many who play too many mind “games” with guys. So yeah, i agree Chris, maybe girls need to be more blunt about their interest in the guy… communication is key.

You could move to northern Ireland, or maybe Christian women need to be more forward in a less provocative way. Guys tend to be stuck in a little happy place were they are satisfied with all that they have and in some cases Jesus fills that gap.

It is here I would like to say, there is nothing wrong with being single. If God is fulfilling ur life then thats cool. If you go the need for another person then go find one.

So where was I, oh yes, Christian guys have a real ideal person in mind, we are emotional beings you know. We need to know you can support us and keep us going, we need to know that you will be with us through it all (sound like some other guy i just mentioned?)

If we feel that you can make us feel that way then we will come out of our little holes, because WoW brings us satisfaction, we are able to feel part of something and loved in the games.

If you somehow manage to get a Christian guy by showing us what you can do for us, then we will be your life long friend and show you the love that God intended for a relationship. And you will be made a queen before all.

So to conclude, let the guys know that your out there and show them what youve got, in a non- provocative Christian manner of course….

uncle dave, thanks for brining the real world to this.

I think what I’m learning is that there needs to be less passive flirting and more action on both sides. Instead of “just hanging out” I think someone needs to say, “Hey, let’s go out on a date.” I don’t think if you’re sincere about it you look desperate or slutty, you just look interested in another person.

And yes, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with singleness. But I don’t think singleness and passivity are related either.

I’m not sure I can follow through on your first peice of advice- unless for Halloween. I went to bible college – but at Cornerstone video games were allowed. Shoot! (Something to look for in a college, girls.) If I’d only know then what I know now, I would have maybe gone to a more strict, conservative college. So, I can at least follow #3.
I will say though- to the guys, if you ask us out and we’re not interested, please don’t get all offended when we tell you that – instead of leading you on. If you want honesty, be prepared to receive it.
Us girls, we do need to be careful how we act. We should be treating guys as brothers in Christ by lifting them up and acting above reproach. They may not end up as our husbands- but they will be somebody’s and we need to respect them.

lol, tru dawn. What I believe is that a woman should show us that she is a woman, show their true colours, and what God means to you. I know personally I find true beauty in women like that. If women just step up to the calling they have received from Christ then I don’t think Mario Kart can captivate a man as much as someone like that would.

There is a blurred line for guys and gals as to what being a woman is. Unfortunately the world has corrupted our minds so much that even the slightest thing that we take to be normal, isn’t what being true is really about. Guys are told what to look out for, and that’s why things are so messed up. Girls think that’s what they need to be like to get a guy’s attention.

NOT TRUE!!!

I’m sure its the same for what guy’s should be like. But hey in all things we all need to read our bibles and learn how to be real, and what sex appeal and sexually attractive really is about.

I know a few women, who are like that and for me I really love them, with a great love, and I could easily date them because of how amazing they are.
But like I’m a lil bit chicken, lol

I have been telling people for a long time that once I do get married I want to do whatever I can to help the guys step up to the plate in their confidence level and ask women out if they are interested. I think it’s an absolute sheer tragedy that so many beautiful, amazing, dynamic people are in their late 20’s and 30’s and still haven’t connected with someone in a lifelong partnershp called marriage.

I know that all of us have fears and that has been my biggest challenge recently. I’ve decided to step out of my shell and give it a shot, be open. Honestly, looking back in my 20’s I wasn’t that open and just thought “God will bring Him to me.” I still believe that but I’m an active participant in this. Somehow we have to figure out how to get people connected. Relationships are scary and I don’t fully understand how it all is supposed to work but now that I’m in my mid-30’s, have a wonderful single life but really want to share this life with someone and have children together and build a legacy, it’s really tough to see where to start. Like Drew Barrymore says, “You have to take risks or you’ll have a wasted soul.” Guys, take the risks. Ladies, you too. I hope soon to be able to say it’s worth it.

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