hmm... thoughts

Where are all the Christian Single Men? Part 2

real menI’m still thinking about this. And typically I don’t carry on like this. But there were so many good comments that, in my mind, this deserved a follow up post rather than endless comments.

Dave Tucker (that’s my father-in-law everyone else) brings up an interesting wrinkle to this. Technically, in the US there are more baby boys born than girls… slightly. I wonder if it is safe to assume that slightly more boys die in childhood and adolescence since boys like to jump off things and work on more farms and stuff. But, by and large, roughly the same amount of boys and girls make it to an age where they should be looking for a spouse.

That still leaves a mighty problem though.
I’ve got 20-30 single women in my life who are looking for a Christian man. Preferably, one with a job, doesn’t live with mommy, showers more than once per week, and is more interested in holding onto them than an XBox 360 controller.

Dave Luke brought up a good idea, maybe these women should expatriate for their 20’s to meet a nice NorIrish boy. Since most women I know love an Irish accent this isn’t a bad idea. And all that stuff about Irish men being drunkards, violent to their spouses, and a few other stereotypes is just plain untrue.
(At least in the Christian community in Northern Ireland.) The problem with that idea is that it’s pretty difficult to get a visa into the United Kingdom with “looking for a man” as the reason for moving over there. Plus, the standard of living over there is so high they’d have to get married there and then immediately move to Michigan where it is cheap enough to live. (And we know NorIrish can’t say “Michigan.”

So, single women in my life looking for a nice Christian man to date and maybe one day enjoy Song of Solomon benefits… I have 3 bits of sage advice for you.

se-xbox shirtSage advice #1 Think about wearing game controllers. Either wear it as an accessory, or keep one in your purse. Occasionally taking it out, making eye contact with a cute Christian man, and hiding it again will send the message. Thanks to Sara for this advice. Get your se-xbox gear here.

Sage advice #2 Go to Bible college, Christian college, or anywhere else that harbors young men in an environment where video games aren’t allowed. This way you have them trapped. They will naturally follow their God-designed ways to seek after you when these “pseudo-women” have been removed. If college is too long or expensive, get a job at a Christian camp. They lock away men there too with no video games. But don’t get confused, while prisons do have men locked away without video games those men typically aren’t eligible for parole for a while.

Sage advice #3 Be Blunt. Let’s face it, most men are not that bright when it comes to figuring out woman-folk. In fact, that may be why guys like video games so much… they can figure it out. And if they can’t… they have the ability to make it stop until they have the energy to try again. So if you find a “humanous male-ocous Christiani” just let him know… pay attention to me, love me, treat me right, and I’ll be better than your best friend forever.

Christian Women Aren’t to Blame for the Shortage!

I just thought I’d put that out there as something obvious. It’s not that the Christian women in my life caused this problem. And I don’t think it’s a cultural thing we should just get used to. I think, as Adam R mentioned in his comment… guys need to be taught how to be men. And that means that the men in my life (including myself) need to make sure we continue to mentor young men past high school and into college. We need to force them to grow up. We need to help their parents see that babying them hurts everyone. We need to tell their moms that their boys aren’t their husbands… that their role is to raise a man, not substitute a husband. (This is a large problem, in my opinion.) We need to teach dads that their role is to raise a man, not get them into college so they can act like a boy 4 more years.

And we need to remind men over and over again that they will be irresistible to women when they take care of themselves, fall madly in love with Jesus, live on their own, make their own money, and treat women with respect.

On second thought, it’s just easier to move to Northern Ireland.

hmm... thoughts

Where are all the Christian single men?

I was starting to wonder if this was just a Romeo phenomenon. But here’s the deal. For every eligible single Christian man I meet there seem to be 20 eligible women.

Seriously, Kristen and I talk about this all the time. In Romeo, our church had two bucket loads of intelligent, attractive, active, spiritual, employed, never imprisoned, not desperate, and eligible single women. We would scratch our heads and wonder… what’s going on here? Where are all the dudes? It would seem like a church with that many single women would attract single men but it never seemed to work that way.

Then we moved to San Diego to discover the same thing! Here’s where I’m going with this. Is it that there are no single men? Or is it that there are single boys who are the age of men? I think the latter.

Equal numerically

Having been in youth ministry for a while I can honestly say that it was never disproportionately female in high school. There were always, roughly, the same number of guys as girls. So I know there are Christian men out there.

And I know that in a church environment, especially a small church environment, men and women who grew up going to the same church look at one another more as siblings than as dateabl. I get that.

But seriously, where do all of the guys go when they hit 20?

Put Down the XBox Controller

This just hit me today. It’s not that there are significantly more Christian single women looking for love. It’s that the guys aren’t looking for love. Think about it… they are there on Sunday mornings… they just aren’t interested in love.

Here’s my observation, correct me if I’m wrong: A woman is typically looking for a man who will care about her, put her high on the priority list of his life, work hard to buy her nice things, and love to spend time with her. The men I know in that 20-25 year old category… that’s a great description for their video game system. They care about that, the work to buy nice toys, they put game time high on their priority list, and they love to spend time on XBox Live. For some reason guys miss the whole dating things because they long for a life of playing video games and not working… let me tell you guys, this is not a good singles ad.

SWM addicted to Madden 2009, unemployed and hoping to keep it that way. I shower weekly when my mom reminds me. Looking for knockout super model who loves Jesus and will pay my bills so I can be a pro at Halo 3.

So here’s a little unsolicited advice to the single men in my life. Pack away the controller. Get a job. Sleep at night. Build your relationship with Jesus. Start thinking about things that aren’t connected to a controller. And you’ll be like super hot to the single women at your church.

What’s the reward? Well, unlike video games a woman provides lifelong companionship, fulfillment, someone to hold your hand at movies, deep friendship, completeness… and if you are man enough to marry a woman… there are other benefits as well. I’ll let you read Song of Solomon to figure that out.

youth ministry

How Far is Too Far, part 2


I haven’t otherwise answered the post from a few days ago, so here are the notes from my talk on Wednesday night. I’ll be getting caught up on all my talk notes over at the LF site pretty soon.