• Inside out youth ministry

    A couple Sunday’s ago our senior pastor, Ed Noble, was talking about the inside out revolution underway at Journey. He gave an example about an area of the property where the church used to meet weekly for a big, family dinner. Now that space is used to run a food pantry for families in our community.

    It’s not that the big family dinner thing was bad. Quite the opposite. For where the church was at it was just what was needed. A lot of good was done in that room over those meals. The fact that the room is now used for a food pantry is not a more noble use of the space– it’s just a strategy that reflects both the needs of the community and the heart of the congregation and where we are at today.

    When Ed gave that example it got me thinking about youth ministry. Because, to oversimplify and generalize, youth ministry is typically a “come and get” kind of thing. (Like the family dinners) Volunteers come to serve students who show up. And the church puts on the program because they feel like it’s ultimately good for the church. It’s good, it’s noble, it serves a purpose.

    But what would it look like if we turned our ministries inside out? 

    What would it look like if youth ministry in the local church weren’t seen through the lens of “what’s good for the church” and was built around “what’s good for students needs in this community?”

    That’s no indictment on how we do ministry or even challenging the assumptions upon which our profession is built.

    That’s turning the coin over and asking, “How could this same space, same staff, same budget serve 95% of the population of students in this community alongside of the 5% who currently are engaged?”

    If we believe the Gospel of Jesus Christ is for all students– what should that change what we do?

    “The church is a hospital for sinners, not a museum for saints.” We all nod our heads in agreement. But what would it look like for youth ministry to truly embrace that?

  • Sticky Faith Book Club, Chapter 2

    This is part 2 in an 8 part series on Sticky Faith. Join our book club by signing up here. (part 1)

    The Heart of the Matter

    I read chapter 2 with a heavy heart. As a lifelong youth worker I had a hard time fully concentrating on what the words had to do with my family. Instead, my imagination ran wild with examples of students, core students, who walked away from their faith. Great students from great families whose seemingly solid faith evaporated in college.

    Like you, I know families who have zero of their children walking with Jesus. (Or one out of four; two out of five, etc.) I’ve drank that bitter coffee with those tearful parents. I’ve heard their lamentations. I’ve even seen some of them start to doubt Jesus because “he wasn’t there for their kids.” Those are tough meetings and we’ve all had them. We wish we had answers but all we can offer is compassion and shared frustration.

    If you are like me those meetings end and you get in your car and cry. Sure, those are tears for those students. But they are also tears of resolve. “Not my kids. What do I have to do? How can I do things differently? I can’t afford to go 0-3 in my own home.”

    That’s the heart of the matter. Am I wiling to change the trajectory of my parenting for the sake of their faith? Am I willing to forego my “non-negotiables” for the sake of my children wrestling with their faith in my home? (As opposed to pushing that until college.)

    Inarticulate, sin managing, parent pleasers

    Kara and Chap were too nice to put it this way but that’s essentially what their research reveals. Their research showed that Christian students can’t articulate in their own words or testify from their own lives what walking with Jesus means. And since we’ve elevated the role of rules to a place higher than faith, our children know how to act like a Christian without knowing what it means to truly have faith in Christ.

    We assume that if our child walks like a duck, sounds like a duck, and acts like a duck they must be a duck. Unfortunately, that’s not how it works with trusting Christ.

    Kristen’s thoughts

    Trusting God is a discipline necessary for sticky faith development. Reading this chapter has helped me realize that I need to be a stronger communicator. In not wanting to over-share certain decisions or events in our lives, I’ve missed opportunities to articulate how decisions are made based on my trust in Christ. As our children grow older, I see the value of creating discussions and activities to help develop their framework of trust.

    I specifically recall a conversation last year when I asked Paul if he had ever made a decision to trust Christ. His response – “every week!” Digging deeper, what he meant was that every week in Sunday school his teacher made the class pray with along with her to “accept Jesus”. Defining what it means to trust Christ is a challenge after sorting through all the do’s and don’ts thrown their way, even (and perhaps especially) at church.

    Discussion Questions

    1. Sometimes it helps to start with a goal and work backwards. Have you ever stated goals for your children’s faith development? What is the goal of toddler faith? Of elementary-aged faith? Of middle school faith? Of high school faith? Or college faith?
    2. As ministers our kids feel extra pressure to perform as “professional Christian kids.” What are ways you’ve seen your children practice “sin management?”
    3. The book stated that “obedience is a response to trust.” Why is it better to begin with trust and then respond through obedience? Is it ever good to go the other direction: obey first and hope that trust follows? Have you ever experienced either of these in your faith journey? If so, what was it like, and what happened?
    4. How do you see your child’s faith in light of this chapter? Where do you see them growing in what it means to trust Christ, and where do you see them living out the do’s and don’ts of Christianity?

  • Worship Song or Love Song?

    Worship song or make out anthem?

    Maybe I’m just weird? But have you ever noticed that most worship music is really just one noun or pronoun away from being a love song? And if you aren’t careful… change the name from an object of worship to an object of affection… and a whole lot of worship songs get PG-13 real fast.

    There is a razor thin line between worship music for church and really weird love song. I often wonder what these songs must sound like when people are new  to church. They see words on the screen and go, “Whaaaaaa?”

    Just for fun, I’ll give you a couple of examples and let you suggest the rest in comments.

    (more…)

  • Look ma, no hands!

    I love this video. But not as much as when Kermit did it back in the day. “Look ma, no brains!“

  • How is The Youth Cartel doing?

    I’m loving this season of life. In 2005, I did a start-up but it was different. The scale was much smaller and I had a full-time job. So in some ways this season feels familiar and in other ways it’s all new.

    If you’ve read the blog for long you know how much I value transparency. In fact, transparency is a value Marko and I have carried into the very DNA of The Youth Cartel. In order to stir things to change– transparency is required, right?

    Here are some updates on how things are going, in a few categories.

    Cartel Stuff

    • The weekly newsletters we started are doing really well! Youth workers are especially resonating with YouTube You Can Use. The growth of those, numerically, speaks to their usefulness. Both of those are kind of our flagship stuff right now.
    • This weekend Marko is in Michigan hosting our first official event, the Middle School Ministry Campference. The lead-up for that has been very successful and we can’t wait to see how it goes.
    • Our next event is the Extended Adolescence Symposium on November 21st. The planning for that is going great. We could really use your help in getting people there, though. If you live in the Atlanta area send me an email because I have a favor to ask. (adam@theyouthcartel.com)
    • I’ve been kicking around the idea of starting a ministry innovators coaching group. I kicked it around last Winter and didn’t make it happen. Thinking about it more seriously now.
    • We are dreaming of our next events, which is super fun.
    • We have a couple other initiatives coming along which I’m really excited about. But I’m quickly learning that “talking about” doesn’t always pan out!

    Client Stuff

    • I’ve been very busy on the website side of things. This could be an entire division of our company… building, maintaining, and growing organizations/individuals web presence. (Which is good, because it kind of is a division of our company!)
    • The Concierge Service is finally taking off! (Flat rate WordPress design, a great 2nd step for bloggers and small organizations.) We have the capacity to handle 2-3 of these per week and are really getting it down.
    • I’m about 2 weeks away from completely rebooting the website for a youth ministry organization. That’s been a great project and I think we’re set up for a nice long-term relationship.
    • We have a really cool project we’re unveiling at NYWC. This project deeply resonates with me and is the kind of thing every youth worker is going to want to look at.
    • I’m on the lookout for 2012 projects. Individuals, churches, organizations, start-ups, yada yada yada.

    Personal Stuff

    • Health insurance: Super excited that we can get that through Kristen’s work. A huge relief there!
    • Work time: The home office is great and I’m loving going to a co-working place 2 days per week. There are actually a group of us now looking for a real office to share… fingers crossed!
    • Speaking of balance: As I mentioned a few times already, the summer was nuts. But I’ve been able to shake those 16 work days for the most part. I’m way more available (and present) on nights & weekends than I have been in a long time. Loving that.
    • Cash flow: As someone who has had a paycheck every 2 weeks for the last 17 years this is the scariest part. So far, so good though. It’s fun to see the connection between what I do and what I bring home so concretely.
    • Joy factor: This whole thing is a blast. It’s a good kind of scary.

  • Free their minds…

    Free their minds… and their hearts will follow. (Sorry En Vogure, I changed it.)

    Is the primary task of my ministry to cram as much of what I know into their heads or is it to teach them how to think? Rhetorical, right?

    Wrong. My actions say the former while my brain says the latter.

    Think about the typical day of your students as it relates to adults.

    • Early morning: An adult tells them to get out of bed and get ready for school. (Either by word or edict)
    • Morning: A parent tells them to get in the car, get out of the car, to have a good day, etc. If they ride the bus they might make a couple words of small talk.
    • School: Adults are largely in charge of the classroom and do most of the talking.
    • Between class time: Students cram a few minutes of conversation with friends as they dash from place to place. (Adults dictate the parameters of this.)
    • After school: Coaches instruct, students listen and obey.
    • Home: “Have you done you homework? Your chores? How was your day? Tell me about….“

    To overgeneralize, most interaction students have with adults is either structured or adults talk at students. They are almost always put in a position of learner or otherwise lack power.

    We would all say that they have power to own their faith. But are our interactions with our students validating that or putting them in a powerless position?

    It’s relatively rare that a student would have a conversation with an adult.

    It’s even more rare that a student would have a conversation with an adult where the adult does the majority of the listening and the student does most of the talking. (The adult in the lesser role while the student is in the power role.)

    Shaddup Already!

    As this Fall has ramped up and I’m starting to get to know my small group of guys my inner dialogue is, “You don’t need to talk at, just listen. Listen. LISTEN.”

    The best thing I can pass along isn’t what I know. It’s how I think. I don’t care that the guys in my small group know what I know or have answers for everything we’re talking about. But I desperately want them to know how to find stuff out for themselves, to compare and contrast what people are saying, to not just grab wisdom for the sake of acquiring knowledge but actually discovering the source of wisdom.

    Sure, I want them to know what God’s Word says about this and that. But I really want them to know how to wrestle with things in a way that moves/changes them.

    Curate vs. Dictate

    I can’t do that if I do all the talking. I’m not helping them learn how to think critically if I tell them what I know. They will only grasp hold of their faith, truly own it, if they can articulate it for themselves. That means I am not in their lives to tell them the answers. I am there to teach them how to find the answers themselves. 

    My theory is that I need to talk less and less for them to think more and more. That means my job is less to provide answer and more to create questions. Which is good. Because I have lots of questions. And I’m really good at creating doubt.

  • 5 Ways to Be Good News in Your Neighborhood on Halloween

    5 Ways to Be Good News in Your Neighborhood on Halloween

    Christians have a weird history with celebrating Halloween. Not growing up in the church I was appalled when I heard church people refer to it as “Devil’s night” and say things like, “Of course we don’t celebrate Halloween.” It’s as if we’re talking about two different holidays. There’s the one that actually happens and the one that you’re afraid is happening. Like all things– fear is irrational. 

    The whole anti-Halloween concept is built on a theology of fear. Be reminded that in Ephesians 5 Paul instructs Christians to be light in dark places!

    Many churches offer alternatives such as harvest parties, hell houses, or trunk-or-treating. Those things aren’t bad, but they aren’t good news in your neighborhood. 

    Here’s my suggestion: Skip the Christian alternatives altogether and embrace Halloween for what it is. It’s a night when hundreds of families will wander around your neighborhood, smiling and enjoying one another, and giving candy to children.

    Think strategically: For those who are anti-Halloween I have this challenge. One night a year one hundred families want to come to your door and say hello. Are you going to greet them? Or are you going to turn off your light and pretend they don’t exist?

    Don’t be “that guy” on your block. Embrace Halloween as an opportunity to be good news in your neighborhood.

    5 Ways You Can Be Good News in Your Neighborhood on Halloween

    1. Sit on the front porch. One of my favorite things to do is to sit on the front porch all night and talk to people as they come by. Resist the temptation to go inside between visitors. Trust me on this. You’ll like what happens. You’ll make great small talk with parents AND every time I’ve done it my neighbors see me and do the same. We have great little conversations porch-to-porch conversations between visitors.
    2. Make it a game. Set up a simple game in your front yard to give trick-or-treaters the opportunity to win the big candy bar. It could be as simple as a bean bag toss or throwing a football to knock something down. Make it simple, kids want to hit every house on your block, but this will make a great impression.
    3. Host a warming station on your block. We’ve done this one bunches of times– it’s ALWAYS a blast. We had close to 1000 trick-or-treaters at our house in Michigan and doing this cost me, maybe, $75. Set up a little tent in your driveway or front yard and serve coffee, hot cocoa, and apple cider. It’s a great break to the routine and easy to invite your small group or someone who doesn’t have trick-or-treaters to help with. Do it 2-3 years in a row and you’ll get known as the house that does that tent thing. Really want to make some friends? Offer parents a little Kahula or Bailey’s for their hot drink!
    4. Do something fun and not-so-scary. There are people in our neighborhood who go all out. They build tunnels over the sidewalk and scare the tar out of children. You can have fun like that and just make it fun. Rent a bounce house and play some music. Be weird and decorate your house for Christmas. Dress up like the easter bunny and have an easter egg hunt every 15 minutes. Just because you don’t want to get into the whole devil/ghosts/zombie thing doesn’t mean you can’t be creative to have some fun with the hundreds of kids who will come up your walk.
    5. Cover every house. I live on a block that has some elderly folks. Consequently, we have kind of a bummer block because many of them aren’t mobile enough to hand out candy. It would be great to rally a few people and make sure every porch light is on and there is candy at every house. Warning: You may need to actually talk to your neighbors to pull this one off. (Which is more scary than Halloween itself, right?)

    What are other ways you can embrace Halloween as a way to be Good News in your neighborhood?

  • 4 Tips for YouTube You Can Use

    YouTube You Can Use

    YouTube You Can Use is a free weekly youth ministry resource I publish every Monday at The Youth Cartel.

    It includes a link to a YouTube video as well as a discussion starter, some related Bible verses, 3 ice breaker questions, and a thought question I call wrestle with this.

    To give you some behind the scenes insight, here are my goals as I put it together:

    • The video can’t be cheesy or predictable or boring.
    • The video has to be 90 seconds or less.
    • The tie-in has to lead students back to Scripture or an attribute of God.
    • It has to be age-appropriate.
    • It has to be something I’d use… because we use it in our ministry.

    Here are 4 tips for using this free resource:

    1. Play it as an intro in your Sunday morning or midweek youth ministry time. Just play the video and then have a slide with the 3 questions. Done.
    2. Post it on your Facebook page. Just straight up snatch the video and the discussion guide and put it up there for your students to wrestle with. You’re probably not using that page enough, this is a weekly excuse. Takes 30 seconds.
    3. Send it to parents as something they can use to talk to their kids. Copy/paste the content, drop in a link to the video, and now you have an excuse to send a weekly newsletter to parents. Drop your announcements for the week above there and I just made you look like a rock star.
    4. Table talk with your own kids or small group. Just pull the video up on your smartphone, hand it to them, and then have a discussion based on the email. No prep time needed, just open the email and you’re done.

    Are you getting this? How do you use it? 

    Want to subscribe? (It’s free!) Click here.

  • Sticky Faith Book Club, Chapter 1

    This is part 1 in an 8 part series on Sticky Faith. Join our book club by signing up here. 

    A horrible reality

    For Kristen and I, the journey towards Sticky Faith for our own kids began in 2008. The first seven years of parenting went by in a blur of Sunday school lessons, small groups, Wednesday night youth group, and retreats. From 2000 – 2008 seemingly all of our energy went towards our ministry. We went into ministry as a couple to serve the church together. But as time went on in reality it became that I was in full-time ministry while Kristen was a full-time parent. Our marriage was functional but periodically miserable because life wasn’t panning out the way we’d hoped. Surely, a life in full-time ministry and having a family wasn’t supposed to be like this?

    We were losing them. Their child-like faith was evaporating before our eyes. We could observe it. But then Megan (then 7 years old) actually said it.

    “Daddy, the reason I hate church is because that’s where you love other kids but ignore us.“

    That was a double dagger. First, she said she hated church. Second, she hated church because of our vocation. Before she said that we knew things needed to change. But those words took the conversation from “We know we need to make adjustments” to “Holy crap, we have to change things NOW!”

    A commitment to change

    As I read the first chapter of Sticky Faith my heart soared with the reality that it’s not too late. Maybe we lost some of the early battles but we haven’t lost the war… yet. In that regard statistics matter and don’t matter. I have three kids. It’s impossible for me to look at the 50% rate of Sticky Faith and pick 1.5 of them to make it. I can’t hold Jackson in my arms or send Paul and Megan to school hoping that one or two of them stick with Jesus into adulthood.

    Kristen’s reflections:

    In 1 Samuel 1:27-28, Hannah delivers her son Samuel to Eli the priest saying, “I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord.” It’s hard to imagine physically giving back a child I desperately prayed for. In reality, I know that my children already belong to the Lord. Faith development is the “giving them over to the Lord” part of my parental responsibilities. It requires action and intentionality. Gut check time. Am I intentional in building faith in my kids? Truthfully I fail (often).

    Adam and I have three children – Megan (10), Paul (8) and Jackson “JT” (7 months). In case you missed it, we are far from being model parents. The statement made on page 24 gives me hope, “Hear this good news: because faith development is a lifelong process for all of us, it is never too late to be more intentional in your parenting and the faith you model and discuss with your kids.” Adam and I are still learning and developing as parents. With JT’s arrival and with Megan inching her way toward middle school, we have a new determination to make faith development a priority.

    The book asks, “What do you wish you had done differently?” For me, I wish I were more intentional about developing the discipline of prayer. (Confession time, my prayer life is active but mostly private.) What about you?

    Questions for parents in ministry

    1. There’s a reason you joined this book club, right? What problems are you hoping to address by reading this book and processing it’s learnings with fellow ministers?
    2. How would you define Sticky Faith for your kids?
    3. As a minister, how does it make you feel to think that you are the most important influence on your child’s faith?
    4. As you think about how you have parented thus far, what are ways that your ministry is getting in the way of your parenting?

  • California Dreaming

    The American dream was affirmed yesterday– at least for some California residents. For tens of thousands of children, brought here illegally as children by their parents, Jerry Brown’s signing of  the California Dream Act, was a symbol of hope that their state cares about them.

    Qualifying students, regardless of their immigration status, can now apply for state financial aid. This was part B of a two-part law, part A passed earlier this year which allowed students to apply for private loans & financial aid regardless of status.

    This is great, but it isn’t enough

    While I’m thrilled with this new state law it isn’t the Dream Act we need at the federal level.

    • Qualifying students still cannot apply for federal financial aid because they lack legal immigration status.
    • Republicans continue to block measures which would provide a pathway to citizenship or even permanent resident status for children brought here by their parents.
    • Since the majority of financial aid for college comes from the federal level, this is more support but not a level playing field.

    Why this matters to youth workers and the church

    • It’s a matter of justice: It’s an injustice that a person raised in this country, who goes to school right next to your children, does not have the same opportunities to succeed that your child does. For many of these students, they had no say in whether or not their parents brought them here. But they have gone through our educational system, learned the language, competed with native-speaking peers, and this is their country in every way… except the one that truly matters, full legal status/rights.
    • It’s a matter of fairness: You want to pay $.99 for a pound of tomatoes or $1.29 for ground beef? Do you really think that $7 t-shirt you are making for your retreat was made by workers making minimum wage? Of course not. We both know it. Your standard of living is subsidized off of the back’s of cheap labor. To block those workers children access to post-secondary education & a pathway to legal status is embracing a system of oppression.
    • It’s a matter of numbers: Whether your church recognizes it or not we are still a melting pot country. The Latino population (whom the Dream Act primarily benefits) is exploding! Some predictions show that nearly 30% of the US population will be of Latino origon by  2050. On top of that, the census bureau is predicting a massive shift towards youth in the coming years. Currently, there are 59 children per 100 people in the US. By 2025 this will be 72. So our country is getting younger and more Latino… quickly.
    • It’s a matter of strategy: Let’s talk turkey. Let’s say you could care less about the first 3 things I listed. (Justice, fairness, and numbers) Let’s say you’re so hung up on the fact that their parents brought these children here illegally that you don’t want to give them anything like legal status, equal protection under our laws, or equal access to the same education your children have. (e.g. Arizona & Alabama lawmakers) With the population quickly shifting to give numerical power to legal people of Latino origin… do you really want to have your church as one of the agencies who held them back? Do you think that’s a good long term strategy for your church?

    For my youth worker friends: Let’s be reminded that our role in our community isn’t just to work at our churches. We are in our communities to advocate for all teenagers in Jesus’ name. God isn’t interested in the immigration status of students in your ministry. He’s interested in their status with Himself.

    The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’
    Matthew 25:40