• SDSU vs. Texas Christian University video

    First, a patriotic start.

    SDSU vs TCU pregame

    Then we honored Marshall Faulk as the team took the field

    Then, the game started and SDSU laid an egg

    • TCU marched down and got a field goal.
    • SDSU got the ball back and due to a penalty drove it to the red zone, before botching a field goal attempt.
    • They woke up from their slumber in the 3rd quarter and brought the game to 20-14 at the beginning of the 4th quarter.
    • Then… Ryan Lindley showed why he will be playing in Canada next season and not the NFL. He telegraphed a couple of passes directly to TCU players, pretty much securing a loss.
    • TCU dominated our defense for most of the game on 3rd down. I think they had 11 third down conversions in a row.
    • Mix that stat with 4 turnovers and you get a loss every time.

    That said, Megan and I had a good time. The stadium felt great with 44,000+ fans. I’m sure that will drop for the next game vs. Wyoming though. We shall see.

  • 4 Things Talent Can’t Overcome

    Let me say this first– talent is overrated.

    I’ll take someone driven, or visionary, or hard-working over just talented any day. I actually think we falsely label hard-workers or fast-learners or fail-fasters as talented all the time as a way to make ourselves feel better about our inadequacies.

    That said, talent isn’t everything. In fact talent can lead to nothing quite easily!

    Here are 4 things talent can’t overcome

    1. Laziness – It doesn’t matter how good you are at something, if you’re lazy and you don’t deliver on time or do the right things… you’ll fail every time.
    2. Bad timing –  This would be a horrible time to develop a talent on the accordion. Or get really good at writing code for the Palm Pilot. Success in the present age is about timing. It’s not good enough to be talented. You have to be talented at the things that people are looking for.
    3. Immaturity – Maturity brings the wisdom to know what to do with talent.
    4. Character flaws – No one cares how talented you are when you’re a jerk or a liar or if you step on kittens tails.

    The other side of this coin is pretty fantastic. We all have something which could be labeled a talent. That’s the very nature of a free market society. I have skills/talents in one thing and you have talent/skills in another. So we trade goods. Or I trade your good for cash.

    If we all had equal aptitude life would be pretty boring.

  • Extended adolescence & you

    Adolescence cannot last from 11 years old to 29 years old. Our society will crumble economically & socially under the pressure. 

    I think most people understand that intuitively. They reflect on their teenage years and their early twenties as a time of coming of age.

    But times have changed. Most sociologists believe adolescence stretches from the onset of puberty (11-12 years old) until the late 20s. In other words, the adolescence you and I knew is now 8-10 years LONGER than when we went through it just 20 years ago.

    When I think of people in their 20s I think of two distinct subsets.

    1. Those who move out and declare independence.
    2. Those who don’t.

    1. Declaration of Independence

    For some, moving out and declaring personal independence happens after high school when they join the military. Even though I’ve heard NCOs refer to their platoons as “their kids” certainly they are not dependent on their parents any more. They are earning their own way in the world, they provide their own housing, and they are trained in complex adults tasks. A 20 year old Army Specialist repairing a Blackhawk helicopter on a base in Germany is an adult role.

    For others, they go to college and pay their own way and handle all of the responsibilities of being a college student on their own. They reject the childish party life and are serious about their education from day 1. The young woman who watched our kids this summer was this way. She worked multiple jobs all summer to bridge the gap between student loans, grants, and her need. And she takes her studies seriously because she needs this degree to take her and her family a step closer to the American dream.

    Still others, high school ends with a thud and they enter young adulthood when their parents either kick them out or they move out. They discover adult responsibilities when they realize that they have to work or starve. Or they have to work or become homeless.

    2. Declaration of Co-Dependency

    I’m no psychologist. But over the past 10 years I’ve encountered dozens of parents whom exhibit co-dependent tendencies on their adult-aged children. They track their progress at school. They call them daily. They financially support so their college students don’t work. They either directly or indirectly tell their adult-aged children that they can always live at home, they will never have to support themselves. So they don’t. They lightly attend college and learn almost nothing. They party like Paris Hilton. They don’t even do their own laundry.

    Essentially, they are pets. They know it. And love it. They know their parents are co-dependent on them and they take full advantage.

    Most of these co-dependent parents have one thing in common: Disposable income. Their adult-aged children hang around with nearly no responsibility… because their parents can afford for them to do so. 

    Questions:

    • What role does responsibility play in extended adolescence?
    • If you serve in ministry, how do you help parents who exhibit co-dependent tendencies?
    • Do you agree with my premise that extended adolescence is tied to household economics?
    Want to learn more about this topic? Want to wrestle with this and what it has to do with adolescent faith formation? Join me at the Extended Adolescence Symposium on November 21st in Atlanta, Georgia.

     

  • A Fall to Grace

    One day morning will dawn, your eyes will open, and you will awaken with the literal reality that the dream you had for yourself is over and it’s time to move on.

    I can think to specific days in 2000, 2003, 2008, and most recently in summer 2011 when I rolled out of bed with the knowledge that I’d just crossed a line. The dreams I knew were gone. And I had to find new dreams.

    In each case, those mornings felt like I’d just fallen from a place of positional power, security, and recognition. Even in going from one role to another– even if that new role was “better” than the one I’d left, it still felt like a fall.

    Perhaps it is a guy thing? But much of who you are and how you think of yourself on a day-to-day basis is wrapped up in what you do, who you work with, and the people you do stuff with. When that’s gone– whether by choice or not– you experience this unmooring free fall feeling.

    While other leaders have experienced ugly falls from grace I have never experienced that. Instead, in times where the things I knew are suddenly gone because I’ve moved on to something else… I’ve experienced something I can only describe as a fall to grace.

    The free fall feeling of change always lands in the loving arms of a God who has nurtured and cared for me from the beginning. And those strong palms support my back as I try to get my bearings. God’s grace supports me, lifts me up, and the warmth of that palm reminds me that I’ll be fine.

    To know Hope you must know Despair

    Despair is not the enemy of hope. Frustration and anxiety may not be your friends but they are repeatedly wrestled on your way to hope. Over the years, plenty of people have called me overly hopeful– almost stupid hopeful. From my eyes I only know summits of hope because I have been in great depths of despair. In the darkness of that valley I’ve cried out to God, “What am I doing here! I can’t do this anymore. I hate every last step of this! AAAAHHHH!!!!” The echoes of those moments haunt me.

    But when you’ve been there– when you’ve screamed in that valley and heard those cries echoed back empty? Then you discover that any step above that is a step towards hope.

    But knowing hope, truly living a hope-filled, is a reflex against despair.

    To know Faith you must know Doubt

    It perplexes me that some have made doubt the enemy of faith. I would argue that you can’t know what faith is until you know what doubt is. Both are invisible. Both are real. And both are internal, silent motivators of our daily actions.

    In putting both feet on either side of the faith/doubt teeter totter I desire balance while one always wins over the other. I’m either standing on faith or standing on doubt.

    Falling into the arms of grace isn’t an action of doubt or faith. But the resolve that comes through pushing against doubts gravity to take action is a step of faith. That is what reassures me that grace truly will catch me.

    To know Grace you must know Failure

    One of my mentors, at each of these moments over the past decade, has asked me… “What are the things you are running away from by doing this and what are the things you are running to?” Even in roles where everyone has labeled me a success I know there were failures. I know there were expectations unmet. I know I expressed attitudes I shouldn’t have. There were many times when I worked on what I wanted to work on to the neglect of what others thought I should be working on.

    Even on the road to success there are many failures you have to deal with. Being honest about that with myself and with others helps me discover what grace really means in my life.

    Because of my failures I don’t deserve anything good. But good keeps coming my way. That’s not a reflection of my character or timing or anything else. But it is a reflection of the character of God.

    Friends- I have no idea what is going on in your life. But I do know that we will all encounter times where we experience free fall. My encouragement? Fall into the receiving hands of grace.

  • Thank You, Steve Jobs

    Here’s to the crazy ones.

    The ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world are the ones who do.

    More than just a technology or computer company. Steve Jobs taught a generation that by thinking differently, amazing things can happen.

    Whose got next?

  • What the &%#$? When did cussing become OK at youth group?

    Andrew Dice Clay
    Meet your new youth pastor, Andrew Dice Clay.

    Observation is one of my core skills in life. I notice things. Subtle and not-so-subtle shifts catch my attention. Then when I see them in several contexts over a period of time my brain starts to categorize them as emerging trends.

    So here is an emerging trend I’m seeing: It’s now OK to use the occasional cuss word in youth group. I’ve been called edgy or over-the-line my whole career for using terms like “crap” or “sucks” or “pissed off” in my lessons. But in the last 3-4 years? I’m starting to feel conservative in this department.

    I don’t mean the slip of a word when your shoe flies off and mashes some unsuspecting freshman in the face. I mean– it’s now seen as acceptable to drop a little salt & pepper in your talk to spice things up.

    Time out! Before you follow a link to my church website and label myself and Brian Berry as some sort of foul mouthed sailors– read the first paragraph carefully. This isn’t just happening in my youth group. It’s happening in lots of contexts over a long period of time. In other words– I’m seeing it everywhere I visit. (And if you know me personally you know I’m not opposed to the occasional naughty word.) So I’m not throwing my ministry under the bus here– we’re not doing anything I’m not observing all over.

    I did a retreat a few years back when a youth pastor, unabashedly, told a group of students to “shut the f&%$ up” when they were talking during the Bible study. I remember leading a mission trip in 2003 and camping near another youth group whom had brought a worship leader & speaker down with them. The worship leader mixed in Green Day songs into his set and didn’t edit the words. And the youth speaker used so many cuss words he got a letter from Eminem asking him to clean it up. OK, that’s an exaggeration. But you know what I mean. 

    Two sides of the coin

    1. That’s everything wrong about youth ministry today!  We fail to be different. We fail to create a safe place. On and on.
    2. That’s everything right about youth ministry today! We are using the vernacular of the day! We are majoring in the majors and letting the little stuff go.

    What do you think? Have you seen this trend? Is it something you are worried about? Or am I just being an old fuddy duddy? 

  • Consider it Joy!

    King James Knew Trials
    Oh wait, not this James. The other one knew a thing or two about turning daily trials into joy. This one was kind of the opposite.

    Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.

    James 1:2-3

    Twisted Life

    James knew what was up. 

    He knew that if you’d take walking with Jesus seriously, truly lead people, got past the fluff, and entered into the Christian life, trials would come. A life with Jesus isn’t the absence of trials.

    Instead, James says to look at the trials in your life with a twisted little smile. We know how this ends, right? We know that while minute-by-minute life might stink we can look at our tough times from a Kingdom timeline and know we’ll be OK.

    James doesn’t tell you to avoid trials. He says to put them in perspective because a trial is nothing but a workout for your perseverance muscle.

    I Choose Joy

    I’m not trial-less. Like James predicted trials indeed come my way. People who don’t really know me line up to ask, “Are you OK?” And secretly I think they want to see me squirm. They want to know that my faith is wavering because it might somehow give them permission to continue in their wobbly-kneed journey to the throne.

    But I choose to take James’ advice. I choose joy. Even when it’s not rational I choose joy. Odds stacked against me? Things aren’t going to go my way? Joy is a choice and not a foregone conclusion.

    It comes from inside of me. Joy flies in the face of despair, slaps it, and then gives despair a hug.

    I choose joy because Joy chose me. 

    Sticks-n-Stones Can Kiss My Butt

    I spent a lot of Monday licking my wounds from unkind things said to me over the weekend.

    Maybe I deserved it? Maybe I’ve offended some people? I can’t know why people make the choice to say something rude/sarcastic/passive-aggressive– then smile and walk away.

    I think to myself, “It was good seeing you, too. Thanks for being the mouthpiece of Satan.”

    You see, James helps me know that discouragement isn’t from the Lord. (Even if it comes from a fellow believer.) He says that things like this are going to come your way… but you need to choose joy through them because if you pass the test your faith will grow.

    When people say nasty things to me (or about me, which is somehow supposed to be better) I am reminded of Genesis 50:20. Joseph said to his wolf-like brothers, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.”

    I’m no Hebrew scholar but I’m pretty sure Jospeh was saying… “You sold me as a slave and told dad I was killed. I should have you killed or just let you starve! I know everything you’ve said about me… kiss my butt. I’m going to bless you despite what you deserve.”

    A faith-filled life isn’t the absence of trials. A faith-filled life comes when you are able to choose joy when trials come your way.

    For more joy, BRING IT ON!

    Here’s the truly twisted thing about this passage from James. Walking with Jesus isn’t about avoiding trials. It isn’t about operating your life in such a way that people don’t have nasty things to say about you or don’t want to take you out.

    As I read the Gospels and pastoral epistles I see Jesus imploring us to live a life of boldness. Paul says in Ephesians 5 to be light in dark places. We can’t be that until we pick up our lamp and go into the dark, scary places and change things!

    And changing things… walking in darkness to bring light… is going to bring about drama.

    Walking with Jesus in joy is telling trials to come on with it– because trials produce joy and faithfulness!

    I don’t know what’s going on in your life. But in my life? I’m choosing joy. 

     

  • The Solid Rock, The Sinking Sand

    What do I see happening in youth ministry? I think this song sums up the conversations I’ve had with youth workers of the last 2-3 years.

    On Christ the Solid Rock, I Stand
    All other ground is sinking sand
    All other ground is sinking sand

     Things that have always worked, successes that we could always predict, and stability we could always enjoy are all gone. Kaput. Poof. Vanished.

    And so I meet wonderful, wounded, hopeful people and all they can say is, “I’m holding on to Christ, my Rock. But I’m standing in sinking sand. What is going on?”

    Conversely— redemptively and mercifully— I run into ministries/individuals/organizations figuring it out and moving forward.

    Here’s four common threads I see gaining traction, whether articulated or unarticulated amongst these organizations finding success today.

    From transactional relationships to transformative community

    I don’t know how else to say it. But I think full-time, paid youth workers are at a disadvantage to their volunteering peers in many ways. Students are sophisticated, savvy, and motive-sensitive. It used to be that being a paid church staff member created instant trust. Now, for a multitude of reasons, being a pastor can be (though not always) a block for students. This was revealed to me in a conversation I had with a recent grad. She said, “There comes a point when you realize that outside of your parents every adult who ‘cares’ about me is paid to care about me.”

    People today are looking for long-term, transformative community. In a world where everything changes all the time we instinctively desire stability that is found in long-term community.

    From competitive to collaborative

    Individuals, organizations, and local ministries who are gaining traction are rejecting the competitive/high-power business-driven models and seeking collaborative relationships. This means anything from churches combining forces to create a community-wide youth ministry to youth ministry organizations putting aside their long-term differences for the sake of working together.

    There simply no place (or resources) for a competitive spirit when we are reaching so few people.

    From experts to innovators

    I don’t foresee us going back to a time when 1000s of people drooled over every word from an expert, writing notes furiously, and trying to wholesale implement their teachings.

    It seems almost silly to mention that this is the way it used to be. But this used to be the way it was! 

    Instead, I see people/organizations/ministries seeking inspiration from experts and contextualizing their learnings to innovate local solutions. Just like the Real Food Movement has people looking from national to local sources of food, youth workers are looking less at national experts and more towards local innovators.

    From sound bytes to application

    Isn’t it interesting that we have access to every bit of information we could ever want and yet we are reaching fewer people than ever in youth ministry?

    I’m not alone in this observation. People who are figuring it out and finding success are walking away from teaching styles which delivered “aha moments” and are focusing their attention on application. That’s not devaluing teaching the Bible. In fact, it’s refusing to just glance over the Bible without holding their ministries accountable for applying what God is teaching them.

    It’s no longer about pushing out the Gospel to whomever will listen. It’s about pulling people into the storyline of what God is doing and inviting them to accept their role.

    These are ways I’m seeing people find bedrock. What are ways you are seeing this? 

  • Grip change

    As a high school golf coach sometimes you have to help your students make major changes to their golf game in order for them to improve. 

    Young, gifted, long-hitting golfers typically have a lot natural talent but have habitual bad technique. Maybe they are so flexible and have such amazing hand-eye coordination from baseball that they don’t have to take the club back at a consistent angle or keep their plant foot steady because they can instinctively make those corrections without even thinking about it at 115 miles per hour. By hitting thousands of balls on the range they have learned bad ways to hit the ball far. And their game is built on bad technique.

    Those bad habits have lead to them to hit the ball a million miles in every direction. But that distance matters so much that they are far better than their peers with better technique.

    The most common change you have to make is to the grip. Most typically young (right-handed) golfers have a strong right hand. (The left hand in the correct position, but the right hand is completely under the club, nearly useless on the backswing.) This allows most of their power to come from a strong left hand and the right hand whipping the club forward at the last second to generate maximum power and spin.

    As a result, they make the golf team on power, raw talent, and likely a decent touch around the green. And a very good freshmen will make the JV squad or even the varsity squad on this raw talent because they can muscle their way around the golf course.

    But as a coach you know that the strong right hand won’t take them consistently near par– a score which will secure them at the top level of the varsity. For 9 holes they might make it to the low 40s or the occasional 39. But to get down closer to par they are going to have to hit it straight more often and with a strong grip that will be impossible.

    So, in the middle of an active season their freshmen or sophomore year, you need to start working on their grip for their junior and senior year.

    It’s frustrating for the golfer because the change means they are less competitive. Their scores go from the low 40s to the high 40s or even into the 50s. (Scores they likely haven’t seen since 6th grade) They lose distance as they start swinging the club on a better plain, at a better angle, and the swing feels much less violent. The ball ends up places on the course they’ve never been before.

    Frustration sets in.

    And they start losing matches. Maybe falling from top of the JV squad down to the the freshmen team. Players they know they are more talented than start beating them.

    It’s a test of their self-discipline.

    Bobby Jones on GolfA grip or a swing change can take months of practice to master before it starts to pay off. It can take a lot longer if the golfer lets old habits sneak in to remain competitive. In front of the coach or on the range they will hold the club properly. But when they need to tee off on a par 5 they will switch the grip to try to power it down the fairway… and wild things begin to happen because they don’t feel natural in that swing anymore either.

    It might seem like a little thing but if you make a dramatic grip change you have to concentrate just to hit the ball squarely. I’ve even seen players completely whiff when you first introduce the change. What used to be instinctive and feel completely natural now feels completely foreign.

    As the coach you have to constantly encourage them during this change. “It will pay off. Don’t let old habits sneak in. It will feel more natural if you keep practicing it. You’ll be a better player if you stick to it.”

    What you learn as a coach is that the difference between being good enough to make the team and good enough to make the all-conference team isn’t just talent. It’s the ability to practice correctly, stick to making hard changes, and to be coachable through those changes in order to realize your potential.

    Life is the same way

    A lot of my success has come because of bad habits. But, just like a young golfer, I’ve had to learn that those bad habits have plateaus for my success. I can be successful to-a-point with the talents I have. The hard reality is that most of my long-term success hasn’t just come from bad habits or talent– it’s come from working hard to get past bad habits, and intentionally taking some steps back in order to learn the skills and techniques to go 3 steps ahead.

    The same is true for you. The habits and skills you have today will only lead you to the success you know. In order to succeed further you’ll need to correct bad habits, rely less on talent and more on proven techniques. Most importantly you’ll need to remain coachable.

    Just like in golf, success is a mental game. You’ll need to push through the frustration of taking a step backwards in order to take 3 steps forward.

  • The Marin Foundation Featured on BBC

    1. Heart and Soul: God and Gays: Bridging the Gulf     

    To play the audio, click the play button

    I have huge respect and admiration for the work of Andrew Marin and The Marin Foundation. Their ministry is simple– build bridges between the LGBT community and the evangelical community.

    While Andy hasn’t been as active on the Christian speaking circuit as he was in 2008-2009, this year the influence of The Marin Foundation has stretched into high levels of government and education here in the US and around the world.

    Recently, Andrew was featured on BBC World Service show, Heart and Soul, all throughout the UK and around the world. In this 28 minute segment, you’ll hear from Andy, the history of The Marin Foundation, and their work in Chicago and around the world.

    Here’s the source for the audio.