Field trip day. Today’s coffee was really good. Today was also the first day of online learning for our 11th grader. I give it another day before e3 cancels school. Left at 8:15 to go to LA. Normally that’d be a huge mistake but today made it there in like 2 hours flat. Driving 80 MPH is a form of social distancing. Megan packed up her room. We saw students there but we didn’t talk to or touch anyone. So I don’t think we’re going to die. I did a good job not making dad jokes while she packed her room. But I wanted to. There’s no prizes for not telling dad jokes. But when you tell them they pay you in eye rolls. I am an eye roll millionaire. By this time I’m guessing 100% of husbands in the United States have propositioned their spouse with a social distancing joke. Like the virus that joke works 1%-3% of the time. See, eye rolls are free. We ate on campus and it was delicious. I had flash fried tofu with ginger and a sushi salad. They were so cautious at the dining hall that some student was getting paid to pour soda. I wish they’d tell him I can handle a full cup. The food at UCLA is delicious. Food at Moody sucked. Unless you liked cereal. I love Captain Crunch. I might hoard that next. We got back at about 4 PM. With rumors of San Diego going on lockdown like the Bay Area, I ran to Home Depot to get some stuff we needed. They did not have toilet paper. I don’t need toilet paper but I am socially obligated to look. We got Megan moved in. The kids instantly started talking Minecraft. I think they formed a coven or some sort of sorcery. Whatever keeps them busy. I washed my hands a lot today. I did my best to not touch stuff. I found a secret bottle of hand sanitizer. 

Current body temperature: 98.2
Rolls of toilet paper: 2.85 cases
Number of times I touched my face today: A million. 
Supplies: One of our doggy daycare clients traded us 3 lbs of rice for a dozen eggs. A neighbor traded us 12 oranges for a dozen eggs. 

Social distancing grade: C- (I went places but I didn’t talk to or touch anyone. Apparently I’ve been social distancing for years!)

First I made coffee. Then I drank it. Kristen drank coffee, too. Then I painted the trim in the office. Then I actually measured things in the office and realized the desk was still too big. I used all sorts of tools and the desk is now 16″ wide. Then I sold some plants to a guy named Shawn from the internet. He bought 9 plants and I was super happy. We didn’t shake hands. We bumped elbows like Bernie and Biden do on The Golden Guys. As soon as Shawn left I washed my hands for Pledge of Allegiance many seconds. I tried not to think about where those $27 had been before. I washed my hands again after putting the money in the drawer. Kristen and I disassembled the bed in Jackson’s room and reassembled it in the office without breaking it or cussing at each other. COVID-19 is really bringing us together in unexpected ways. I watched the press conference from the White House but wished I hadn’t. The fed cut rates to 0%. Then the CDC said no gatherings bigger than 50 until after the Rapture. That was weird. I tried to watch the debates but it was more like two old guys arguing at a coffee shop. Remember coffee shops? Remember February? I’ve aged 4 years since February. We’re probably all going to get sick anyway. I’ll get sick right now if I can go back to my regular life afterwards. Deal? Kristen deep cleaned the kitchen today. In a week we will have repainted the whole house and begun construction on an addition. We ate pasta for dinner. Me gusta la pasta. Then we played Monopoly Deal. The family has agreed that when we play board games we let Jackson win. Can tears spread the virus? Just asking. Of all the things I miss, I miss people the most. 

Current body temperature: 97.4
Rolls of toilet paper: 3 cases
Number of times I touched my face today: A million. 
Supplies: I have a secret box of Pinguinos. If I get sick I’m eating them all. They are on the top shelf if I die. 

Social distancing grade: B+

First I wrote a Facebook post. Then Kristen and I picked up two dogs we are watching. One of them swam in the pond 3 times. Then I sold plants to people but tried not to shake their hands. I shook their hands but felt bad about it. I immediately washed my hands. I need to learn a 20 second poem. I counted and I only washed my hands for 10 seconds. Next, I went to Costco with a neighbor to laugh at people buying toilet paper. I bought cheese, coffee, açaí, and creamer. I did not witness a fight at Costco. We found parking easily. We left disappointed. 

I spent the evening retrofitting my office in case Megan comes home for 6 months. I sense she would rather not come home for 6 months. I painted trim in the office I meant to paint in 2016. There’s a lot I wish I could change about 2016. Painting the trim before installing it is one thing I wish I could change. 

Current body temperature: 98.3
Rolls of toilet paper: 3 cases
Number of times I touched my face today: A million
Supplies: We have 25 lbs of flour. 25 lbs of black beans. 1.5 gallons of creamer. 3 lbs of coffee. 

All good in the hood. 

Social distancing grade: D