There have been many days when something like would have come in handy. Can someone please put this on my Christmas list?
Tag: funny
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Commuter Stories
I’ve got this running joke that I am guaranteed to see something bizarre at least once a week as I commute to work on the trolley. Here’s just a few things that I’ve seen in the past few months since I started taking public transportation most days.On my way to the trolley:
– Two drunk college females, in bathing suits, lounging in a kiddie pool in their front yard.
– A scene fit for Animal House at a sorority house, but on a weekday afternoon.
– An elderly naked man picking his nose in front of a frat house.
– A grown man falling off his bike and laying out on the pavement at a major intersection in front of a ton of college students. (Oh wait, that was me on Monday.)
– Watching the summer transformation of trashed rental houses to decent looking rental houses so parents will sign leases… right back to trashed rental houses!
On the trolley itself:
– Regular cat and mouse games between trolley police and people who don’t buy trolley tickets. Rivals Keystone Cops.
– The unibomber. Seriously, he must have gotten free. He rides the 5:20 PM train from El Cajon to 70th Street every day. Who let him out?
– Two college students practicing pole dancing on a crowded train.
– A schizophrenic man receiving everyday kindness from a group of 4 strangers he repeatedly called every name in the book.
Not only does taking the train give me a few ounces of excercise each day, eliminate the stress of sharing the car with Kristen, and give me a chance to catch up on unlimited episodes of This American Life… it also provides me with the fun observations that add to the tapestry of bizarre I enjoy so much about life.
Plus, I’m earning my “green” card here in Southern California.
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Tech Support Cheat Sheet
HT to xkcd
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Understocked
HT to xkcd
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Butt Call Etiquette
As someone with an “A” name I get a fair number of butt calls. What is a butt call? A butt call happens when someone forgets to lock the keypad on their phone and unintentionally calls someone when the phone is placed into a pocket, jacket, purse, or the like. Since “Adam” happens to land as the first contact on a lot of people’s phones I tend to get a lot of these.
It’s happened three times in the past 24 hours. I find it comes and goes. Typically, it’ll happen with the same person in a string… especially when someone gets a new phone.
Most often I screen my calls. (Especially if someone is a notorious butt caller. You know who you are.) So this means I end up with lengthy and fun voice mail. They sound a lot like testimony tapes from an FBI wiretap. Muffled, unclear, scratchy. They sound a lot like the Watergate tapes. Almost all of the time I listen for about 5 seconds and then delete it. But lately I’ve been thinking it would be fun to remix them or mash them up into a dance mix.
What is the proper etiquette when you discover you have butt called someone?
1. Ignore the problem. It really isn’t a big deal. People like me are used to it. Think of me as your accountability partner.
2. Apologize. If you know you were probably talking mad crap about the person when you butt called them, you might want to clean up that mess. Chances are they have saved that message.
3. Fix the problem. Every single cell phone has a screen lock. Get used to using it. Check your cell phone bill. If your pocket has been calling the same person 4-5 times per day you can fix this problem by modifying your behavior. Make the first contact on your phone “911” and I guarantee you’ll get used to using the screen lock by the time the paramedics leave your house for the third false alarm.
4. Talk louder. If your purse is going to call me, speak up for crying out loud so I can mock you better! If you are in your car and you want to crank up some REO Speedwagon while your pocket calls someone… you’ve got to make it more entertaining. Sing loudly in your car.
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Beat up by my elderly neighbor
This story rocks. It’s living proof that you can’t judge a book by its cover. Apparently, this 24 year old man thought he could intimidate his elderly neighbor. Instead he got the beating of his life.
Gregory McCalium, 24, was left with severe facial wounds after the knife-wielding thug attempted to rob his elderly neighbor in tBotley near Oxford, England, Britain‘s SkyNews reported. The would-be burglar broke into the home of Frank Corti last Aug. 19 – without realizing the 72-year-old was a retired boxer.A mug shot released by the Thames Valley Police reveals the results after Corti disarmed his attacker, let loose with two punches to the face and restrained McCalium until the police arrived on the scene.
On Tuesday, McCalium was sentenced to a 4 1/2-year sentence for the crime. link
Please tell me this will be made into a movie? Rocky 10?
HT to Boing Boing
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10 Things to Do in the Holy Land: Pope Edition
OK, saw this and found it funny.
10. Remember the good old days of the Crusades.
9. When bored during meetings, doodle pictures of the prophet Muhammed.
8. Have an on-camera lunch with Bill Maher.
7. Eat too much falafel, fries, and hummus – that stuff packs on the pounds.
6. Take water from the Jordan River as a souvenir. He should have prayed harder for rain in the winter.
5. Visit the Temple Mount.
4. Wear a button with Pope Pius the XII’s picture.
3. Hang out with any Hamas leader, unless the Pope Mobile is missile proof.
2. Bring up the year 1054 while in the Armenian Quarter. Can you say AWKWARD?
1. Mess with El Al during the security interview and say he didn’t pack his own bags.HT to Scarpetta
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Idiots focus on the wrong things
Um, when was the last time a business card meant anything? This guy thinks they do. Sure, the video is (has to be, please tell me!) tongue in cheek… but it goes to show you that some people focus on making stupid stuff awesome.
What are the stupid things you spend too much time thinking about? What $4 are you wasting on something that doesn’t make a lasting impact?
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Spam Crackdown!
If you’ve ever opened that scary place on your inbox called the “spam” folder, you will appreciate this video. (Couple naughty words, in context of spam. Sorry about that.)