Adam’s 5 Rules for People I Do Life With

Doug Fields recently posted this picture after his trip Kenya, to visit his son Cody, who took some time off from college to serve in a ministry there.

These are the rules of some street kids who self-govern their community.

Doug closed the post by asking, “What guidelines would best enhance your closest relationships?

I chewed on that question for a whole day. I could quickly come up with 1-2 but 5 just weren’t coming together. During this mornings jog I finally settled on these 5.

Adam’s 5 Rules for People I Do Life With

  1. Tell each other the honest truth – We all have enough people in our lives who blow smoke.
  2. Show up – In one another lives, in our prayers, and in our home.
  3. God’s Word is true – It’s radical, scary, and comforting. But most importantly it’s true.
  4. You’ve got to listen – We will make space to hear you, really hear you.
  5. Call each other out – Real friends help each other grow.

What are yours?

By Adam McLane

Kristen and Adam live in Ahwahnee, California.


  1. 1. Be a true friend – No smack talking behind back. Don’t need a “frienemy”
    2. Let your Yes be your Yes, and your No be your No – nuff said
    3. Be authentic – people are drawn to people who are real
    4. Be Jesus – The hands, feet, and heart of Jesus
    5. Be there – Don’t just be a consumer in relationships. Be there for others.

  2. From my blog:

    Adam McClane is a smart young guy who gets technology and youth ministry. He also runs his own company to help people get more out of their blogs. What is not to like, I ask you?

    In a recent post (link below) he talks about the rules created by a self governing group of street kids in Kenya have developed to help them all live together. Doug Fields (the author of the original post Adam was talking about) then asked what kind of rules define your closest relationships? He gives his answers in his post but it tickled my fancy so I tried it as well. Here’s what I’ve come up with:

    1: Laugh – I’ve never, ever had a good relationship that didn’t involve lots of laughter. At ourselves, at the world, at the absurdity of life itself.

    2: Think – Some of us are better at this than others but all of us can do it. Sometimes the best thought is “I think I’ll ask someone else for help”. But think about the questions in your life and think about the answers as well.

    3: Hope – There are days, too damn many days, when life sucks. I believe that giving up and abandoning hope is the fastest way to help those days expand. Hope gets me up the morning, leads me through the day and brings me back to my bed to sleep peacefully.

    4: Respect – I have more than a few friends who disagree with me theologically, politically, spiritually, whatever way it can happen. But they are my friends because we respect one another. I respect that they have come to their beliefs honestly and sincerely. I respect the challenge they bring to my life because through I will learn and grow.

    5: Believe – in something. I truly don’t care what. If you can meet the first four steps you probably don’t believe in anything that I would find too repellent. People who claim to believe in “nothing” are usually wrong, they do believe in something. More importantly I usually find them to be humorless, thoughtless, disrespectful and without hope. So why would I hang with them anyway?

    Those are my five. They are largely interchangeable and of equal import. What about you?

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