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parenting

To keep them young

Jackson is 8 months old. He crawls around on the floor. He pulls himself up on things to stand up. He coos, squeals, grunts, and makes endless raspberries. He’s the perfect size for Megan (10) and Paul (8) to pick up and play with. He loves to cuddle with mom and dad.

Eight months is one of those ages you wish your kids could just freeze and stay… forever.

This is the tension we live in as parents, isn’t it? We want them to slow down so we can enjoy each stage of development.

But they are in a hurry to grow up

Jackson wants to use real words to tells us exactly what he wants. He wants to not just stand up, but walk. He wants to run with his siblings. He wants to eat what we eat.

He wants to get big and we want to keep him small. 

It’s cute when they are babies. Certainly understandable and easy to justify.

But this tug to keep them young isn’t always good for them

The other day I hung out with Ryan McRae, a resident director at CSU San Marcos. He sees this same phenomenon every day with 18, 19, 20 year olds whose parents have done their best to keep their children young. Many of them are ill-equipped to live on their own. They lack basic judgment skills. Lots of them can’t even cook for themselves or do their own laundry.

Young adults who can’t take care of themselves. They can’t resolve conflict among themselves. He has to tell the parents to leave their adult-aged children alone.

I’m not a psychologist… but when I hear these things my mind wonders, “Are these young adults developmentally delayed?” Yes.

It’s cute to keep a baby young. But its not helpful to them beyond toddlerhood.

As parents we want to hold on to that cute baby who crawls around on the floor and coos. But, to be a good parent, we need to own our role in raising our children to become responsible, respectable adults. The goal of your parenting can not be to hold onto the past. It has to be to prepare your kids for the future.

Let’s explore this more. Join me in Atlanta for the Extended Adolescence Symposium on November 21st.

By Adam McLane

Kristen and Adam live in the San Diego neighborhood of Rolando with their three children.

One reply on “To keep them young”

Great insight, especially for me being a new dad (5 weeks old). I see this kind of thing too often among my teens. It’s kills me when a parent coddles their child for something trivial, such as losing a gameboy game. Stuff like that justifies materialism.

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