Category: family

  • Back From the Brink

    I just turned on my computer for the first time in 7 days. 

    It still feels a bit funky. My fingers are stretching to familiar places but typing feels totally odd. Yesterday, I woke up to cuddle a freezing Jackson back to sleep. Today, he woke up in his crib to a warm bowl of oatmeal and a morning full of Curious George & Elmo.

    The McLane Family is 500 miles from our little June Lake camp site, 8,600 feet above sea level and a million miles from yesterday.

    I spent a week intentionally disconnected from my day-to-day life. I turned off my email, signed out of Facebook, never opened Wunderlist or even had the thought, “I should write that down.” For the first time I can remember I even let the blog go fallow for a week.

    It felt good to rest.

    When I wrote my last post I was on the brink. I was past tired. I was exhausted. I don’t know what comes after exhaustion but I was pretty much there. It’s not so much that the exhaustion was hurting my work as it was that it was hurting to work. Day-by-day the grind was like a bruise that kept getting punched. Even embracing a more regular Sabbath wasn’t helping. I needed real rest.

    After a week of hiking, exploring, playing, laughing, star-gazing, and fishing… I feel better and found rest for the first time in a long time.

    It had been a few years since I really shut it down for 6 consecutive days. I don’t know if it’s my insecurity, the desperate feeling we had to turn it around at my old gig, or what… but I do know shutting it down was the right thing and something I need to do more often. (I have 3 weeks of vacation planned for the remainder of 2012.)

    Rush-free Play

    As we drove home yesterday, Kristen and I kept joking about the fact that we all still liked one another. Camping brought us closer together. As we left June Lake we were all a bit sad it had ended. I think all of us had embraced a little fantasy that it didn’t have to end… that we could just head to the grocery store and restock for another week. (And hit the showers to clean up!)

    I think that’s a sign of a good vacation, that you leave wanting a little bit more and having fully entertained the option of never going home.

    Each day was filled with a slowventure where we made breakfast together, cleaned up camp, and went somewhere to explore. We had a simple lunch of PB&J or fruit, cheese, and crackers. Somehow we managed to make it home in time to make dinner and have a camp fire before bed. (Did you know marshmallows are a food group while camping? I think each of the kids ate their weight in marshmallow!)

    Together, we saw some of Earth’s greatest treasures. Yosemite denies description. Photos cannot capture awe. The giant sequoias, the Valley, the Tunnel View, the Merced River, Tuolumne Meadows, the Tioga Road, even The Mobile… all are happy places.

    We spent 2 days not catching a single fish but smiling the whole time. We went up and down mountains. And we played in lots and lots of streams.

    I loved watching Megan and Paul get lost in ancient forms of play. They made bow & arrows and pretended to hunt chipmunks. They wandered in the woods collecting stuff. They stared deeply into the starry abyss. They played with fire.

    And they were rarely bored.

    It’ll probably take me a few weeks to really unpack my vacation. But all I know is that I need more of that more often!

     

  • A breath mark

    A breath mark or luftpause or, for bowed instruments, a bow lift (also retake), is a symbol used in musical notation. It directs the performer of the music passage to take a breath (for wind instruments and vocalists) or to make a slight pause (for non-wind instruments). For bowed instruments, it means to lift the bow. This pause is normally intended to affect the duration of the preceding note and not the tempo. It is usually placed above the staff and at the ends of phrases. Its function is analogous to the comma in several written languages. Indeed, the two symbols look identical.

    ~ via Wikipedia

    Friends, we have come to a luftpause. 

    This morning, Kristen and I are putting the last few items in the car, packing the cooler full of ice, and driving up to Yosemite National Park.

    It’s not a vacation unless daddy unplugs, signs out, and leaves his laptop at home. No tweets, no Facebook, no Flickr, no YouTube… and I already don’t LinkedIn or Google+.

    I’m doing all of things. I need it. We need it. Heck, you need it.

    Until next week, adieu.

  • Adam + Kristen = 15 Years

    On June 21st, 1997 Kristen and I tied the knot. 

    We took vows.

    We made promises.

    We smiled for pictures.

    We ate some food.

    And we began a our life together. 

    Fifteen years later we are still holding vows, keeping promises, smiling for pictures, eating some food, and loving life together. I can’t imagine life any other way. 

  • Celebrating 11 years of parenting

    On Saturday, May 12th 2001 Megan Elisabeth McLane was born.

    Some fun facts:

    • Megan came 2 weeks late. Kristen went into labor the morning after we went out to an Indian buffet with our friends Jason and Bambi. I’ve always claimed I was in labor the next day, too.
    • It’s a girl! From the moment we found out we were pregnant with Megan we knew it was a girl. But we had 3 ultrasounds that all said she was a boy. In video right after she was born you can hear me calling her… Paul. So Megan came home from the hospital in a Notre Dame jersey and spent her first year in a blue and gold nursery surrounded by pictures of Knute Rockne.
    • We missed Anne’s wedding! My cousin Anne married her longtime boyfriend Brad the same day. It was pretty cool to that my extended family was all together when we announced Megan’s birth.
    • Kristen’s parents hauled booty! When Kristen went into labor with Megan her parents had our nephew Jake at the Detroit Zoo. They quickly took him home and boogied to Chicago. Dave & Kathy made it about 2 hours after she was born, right on time.
    • Megan loved Gospel music. I spent the night with Megan in Northwestern’s nursery. We discovered that night that she loved Gospel music and R&B, something we popped into her stereo to calm her down as a baby. That’s also the night she got her nickname, “Sha-me-me.”

    Today we are celebrating Megan. We are also celebrating 11 years of being parents. Paul came 2 years later an Jackson joined the party 10 years later after Megan.  Along the way we’ve learned a thing or two about parenting. I won’t say we are the best parents in the world… but we haven’t left a kid at the mall yet so that’s pretty darn good.

    Some learnings:

    • We are all God’s kids. We’ve never been “rah-rah, we’re big and your small” kinds of parents. Actually, we have tried that and it didn’t work. What works for us is teaching our kids who we are. We are children of God who obey God’s rules.
    • There are no “big deals.” Holy smokes there is a lot of horrible parenting advice out there. The mommy blogger phenomenon is ripe with false expert advice. When Megan was born all the good yuppy mommies quit their jobs and put their babies on very strict schedules. I think we’ve done a good job to avoid the fads, skip the drama, and just relax about parenting.
    • We’ve kept our lives. True, at 35 years old and with 3 young kids, Kristen and I don’t have a huge social schedule. But we’ve always kept our friends and put put the kids second. We’ve never made idols of them and have always agreed that a healthy marriage will lead to healthy kids. (Even if they miss out on some things.)
    • We don’t lie to our kids. Yes, we’ve kept things from them. They don’t need to know everything that’s going on… we don’t overshare. But we never lied to them about little things like Santa or the Tooth Fairy because we want them to know that mom and dad are always honest with them. In the past year or so we’ve also been bringing them in on money discussions. They know how our business works, what our goals are, etc. Even when we bought our van a few weekends ago– Paul knew exactly what our budget was and helped me do the math on figuring out what we would offer for it.
    • We go to church, end of story. Off and on our lives have completely revolved around our church. Right now is probably the least involved we’ve ever been… but we still go to church twice per week! There will come a point when they can chose whether to go or not. But at 11, 8, and 1… they don’t get to chose because we just go.
    • You only live once. While our family keeps things pretty simple we still like to take some risks. We want our kids to know that life isn’t just about living safe. So we build in them a spirit of adventure in how we live and make decisions.
    • We nurture personality, not shape their reality. As a pastor, I was sickened when I met parents who tried to orchestrate their kids lives. They’d come into my office and tell me how their plan was different than what their kid wanted… “Well, that’s not going to work.” I’d always share my philosophy… “I want my kids to grow up to lead happy, healthy, and simple adult lives and work backwards from that.” How can I help them become a happy adult? A healthy adult emotionally, physically, socially, and sexually? How can I help them live a simple life satisfied with God’s will for them?”

    These are the things we’re learning about parenthood. What do you agree with or disagree with? What would you add? 

  • Rest

    20120420-150623.jpg

    It’s been a busy 2-3 weeks. So I called an audible, checked the family into a local resort, and mandated 2 days of play and rest.

    I’ll be back Monday.

    May peace be with you.

  • Christmas happiness

    The five McLane’s had a very simple Christmas day. 

    • Everyone slept in so we didn’t get out of bed until about 7. A huge treat!
    • As excited as the kids were to open presents they were polite and orderly about the whole thing.
    • It took Jackson exactly one gift to figure out what this was all about. He loved opening gifts!
    • Christmas was pretty low-key from a gift perspective. We’ve gone from extreme to extreme in our house. Sometimes we’ve given them only 1 gift and other years we’ve gotten them lots of gifts. This year, we gave them each a few and they seemed quite pleased. There were some things off of their lists and some surprises.
    • Speaking of gifts. While I’m a noted C.S. Lewis-hater, my kids now have a full set of the Chronicles of Narnia.
    • Megan and Paul’s “big gift” is a day trip with mom or dad. Megan is going whale watching with Kristen and I’m taking Paul out on the ocean for a day of fishing.
    • Jackson’s big red tractor was a big hit. Several times during the day we saw JT crawl over to the tractor and talk to it.
    • Kristen made a huge feast! Ham and all the fixings. My favorite.
    • For the second year in a row, we channeled our inner Brit and started Christmas dinner with crackers. We all felt quite royal eating our feast with our crowns on. (Yes, mine was pink… quite lovely.)
    • Our house rotation continues. This summer we converted our living room to an office and our dining room into a living room. Well, yesterday was our first family meal in the kitchen around the table. We even did highs/lows while we ate. Look at us– real parents!
    • Megan, Paul, and I had epic battles throughout the day with our fake nerf guns. Why is it that the cheapest gifts (stocking stuffers) end up being the most fun?
    • With Christmas on Sunday it feels like we got ripped off a day. Kristen is off from work today. But I have three projects due this week so I’m off to the office later this morning. (A website, a curriculum, and first steps on a book project)

    A Fiscally Responsible Christmas

    For the last several years Kristen and I have kept a pretty tight Christmas budget. With all the commercialization of Christmas we take great pride to see December as a month to continue our savings/budget goals. It makes me smile to know we can enjoy Christmas and continue our goals at the same time. Take that Madison Avenue! 

  • Mini-Vacation

    Fried eggI’m fried.

    The past 4 months were exhilarating and exhausting at the same time. Here’s a summary of the stuff I’ve been up to.

    • We changed churches
    • I helped launched 2 businesses, mountains of paperwork and 27 trips to the bank, and hundreds of hours of “other crap.”
    • I wrapped up 3+ years of time with Youth Specialties, working like crazy to “finish strong.” (See the bullet point above, that’s a phrase I now don’t want to hear until 2025.)
    • McLane Creative launched 2-3 major sites for clients.
    • The Youth Cartel launched 3-4 major sites for clients.
    • I wrote several very important articles including the feature for the Nov/Dec edition of Immerse Journal.
    • I built new sites for McLane Creative, The Youth Cartel, my blog & Marko’s blog.
    • Started a whole slew of initiatives for The Youth Cartel
    • Put together tons and tons of proposals for The Youth Cartel & McLane Creative
    • Done initial work on the first major projects for these two businesses.
    • Found a new office.
    • Bought lots of really expensive software & hardware.
    • Gosh, I need a nap before I finish this list. There’s way more.

    The last 4 months have felt like a years worth of work– most of which I was consumed by having a full-time job at YS and  trying to do the rest at night.

    Normally we vacation for at least a week in the summer. But the summer of 2011 that didn’t happen.

    So we’re kicking off fall 2011 with a little mini-vacation, camping in the forests above Palm Springs.

    Our family has a rule that it’s not vacation if daddy brings a computer. So all of our electronics are staying home. Macbooks, iPads, Nintendo DSs… and I’m even turning off the email function on my phone. We’re disconnecting for a few days and heading for the hills to recupperate. And if this isn’t enough? We’ll do it again.

    My brain is on empty. My soul is weary. And I’m the kind of tired a good nights sleep won’t fix. We need to get away… and read, rest, play… do nothing.

    So that’s the deal.

    Friday morning we’re packing up a big ole` pick-em-up truck (thanks Brian!). All of us. Mom, dad, Megan, Paul, Jackson, and Stoney. And we’re going to enjoy some pure California fun.

  • I need your camping advice!

    Next weekend the McLane family is going camping. (A non-digital adventure!) Specifically, we’re going to Idyllwild, CA for 3 days and 2 nights.

    We need this

    Summer 2011 has been the lost summer. Especially for me. Leaving YS and starting up 2 businesses meant that we didn’t take a vacation over the summer and I’m pretty much fried as a result. In the last 90 days I’ve worked 12+ hours probably about 75 of those days.

    Our family is in desperate need of R&R– away from projects, school, and anything digital. Why? Because after next weekend the fall gets going like crazy with conferences, cool projects, youth group retreats, yada yada yada. If we don’t do this we won’t get a break until Thanksgiving.

    Here’s the deal

    Kristen and I were into backpacking before we had kids so we know the nuts & bolts stuff about setting up camp. But since we’ve had kids (10+ years) we’ve never gone camping without taking 40 middle/high school kids.

    What we need is help with fun things to do with our kids while camping beyond the obvious stuff like hiking and s’mores and exploring the woods. We know we need to try geocaching…. but what else?

    Leave me a comment with your favorite camping tip and help our family make some memories next weekend. 

  • Todayland

    The other day I was sitting at my desk working on a project that commanded my full attention. Fully engaged, I barely acknowledged that Kristen handed me Jackson (6 months old) so she could work on lunch. So, for about 15 minutes, I’m left holding him on my lap with one hand while I’m trying to type and navigate to check on my project with the other.

    As the minutes go by Jackson is gets annoyed. He’s very active. His legs were banging against mine. He was grabbing my arm. He was pulling on cords and anything he could get his hands on. I could feel his drool running over my arm and dripping on my leg.

    I kept bouncing my legs and trying to hold him close in hopes that he’d settle down so I could carry on.

    That’s when it hit me. I looked at him, he was literally slapping me in the face to get my attention, my baby boy is way more important than that file. (Or that email, or even that phone call.) So I pushed my work aside, picked him up with two hands– and got on the floor with him to give him my full attention.

    For the next 10 minutes he beamed with a huge toothless grin. He showed me his toys. He showed me how he’s trying to learn to crawl. How could I have missed this to begin with?

    I have a tendency to get lost in planning, dreaming, and strategizing about the future. So much so that I struggle to live in the present. Sometimes I’m so focused on looking forward that the present tends to sneak up on me. It’s like waking up from a dream and realizing that you’ve overslept. It’s shocking and guilt inducing in the same moment. And just like oversleeping you try to laugh it off but you know it’s a big deal at the same time.

    I’ve learned that this is one of my strengths. But it’s also one of my weaknesses. My mind naturally thinks about Tomorrowland to the detriment of Todayland.

    Tomorrow is important. But not as important as today. 

  • Jackson and Dad, 5 months in

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    No DNA test required, right? This is my boy.

    JT has fit into our family from the first moment. We never knew he was missing from the family make-up until he invited himself to the party. He completes our little family.

    This baby is proof that there are no accidents in God’s eyes, just emerging possibilities.

    When an emerging possibility rocks you world, throw your hands in the air and enjoy the ride. His way is way more fun than your way.