Category: family

  • When Daddy is Away

    It’s inevitable.

    All of the chaos happens when I leave town. 

    On Monday afternoon Kristen dropped me off at the San Diego airport. All was calm and under control in the McLane clan. Leaving Kristen for 5 days with Megan, (10) Paul, (7) and Jackson (4 months) was hard. I really didn’t want to leave them. We all wished I didn’t have to do this trip. Not because I was dreading going on the trip or being in Minnesota but simply because it’s been so long since I’ve been away. And I’ve really loved being home more.

    At the same time we were prepared for daddy to be gone for a few days and for Kristen to manage the kids, and the house, and her job, and the kids school. (They go year-round, getting out July 15th) The older two are growing very independent… helpful even. In many ways, when I’m gone is like an exam. Can they handle more responsibility? Let’s hope so because they need to! 

    I checked in with Kristen Monday night when I landed in Minneapolis. All was calm and everyone was tucked in and sleeping away.

    My Tuesday was rushed in visiting with all of my fellow co-workers at YouthWorks, meetings, the normal. Then I got a call from a weird 619 number. I let it go to voice mail but quickly checked it. It said, “Mr. McLane, this is the nurse at Darnall Elementary School. We have Paul here in the office and he’s been injured on the playground. We’ll need you to come get him as soon as possible. Please call us right away.”

    My heart leapt and sank at the same time. My instinct told me to grab my keys and go get him. But my reality was that I’m a 4 day drive away. I quickly connected with Kristen, who was dashing to get him.

    He had broken his arm in an accident on the playground. Our first ER trip as parents and I missed it.

    Kristen and I exchanged a hundred text messages while they were at the ER. Paul and Amy, dear friends, came to the rescue and took Megan and Jackson for the afternoon. While Paul waited nearly 3 hours to get an x-ray and a cast… I wasn’t there. 

    It seems like this always happens. Important things happen when daddy is out-of-town. Last year, Kristen was rear-ended while I was on a trip to Washington state. I’ve missed kids losing teeth. Or winning an award at school. Or epic small group nights with major breakthroughs. Doctors appointments when Kristen was pregnant. Bed times, quiet times, crazy times, thrills, spills, shrills, and the immediate stills of realizing it’d all be OK.

    When daddy is away stuff happens. Life doesn’t stop at home. It’s inevitable. And it kills me. And while I know Kristen is a trooper/super power mom/amazingly strong woman who can handle it all I want to be there, with her, when these things happen. I want to be there.

    What does this have to do with you?

    Our Heavenly Father is the same way. While He never leaves us sometimes we go far from Him. And life moves on. Stuff happens, chaos reigns, victories occur, and sometimes bones break. For every bed time, quiet time, crazy time, thrills, spills, shrills, and the immediate stills of realizing it’ll all be OK– Our Heavenly Father wants the intimacy of sharing those moments with us.

    His heart breaks for His children when they are away from Him. He wants to be there.

    Maybe it’s time for you to come home? 

    So he got up and went to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. Luke 15:20

    I’m going home tomorrow to Kristen and the kids. But maybe today you need to go home and be with your Father? 

  • News from around McLaneland

    A few highlights and posts from around McLaneland.

    Summer Garden Tour

    Learn more about our garden at OurGreenFarm.com

    Jackson is Four Months Old

    Check out pictures and stuff at JacksonMcLane.com

    The McLane Creative Blog is Growing

    Here’s a few posts you might find interesting

  • Google+: Two is Company, Three is a Crowd
  • Four Creative Uses of QR Codes
  • 5 More Top Secret Laser Weapons Under Development by the Navy

    • Connect with my techie, nerd stuff over at McLane Creative

    T-Shirt ideas and more…

    Check out my Flickr page for more random stuff

    That’s it! Random news from McLaneland.

    I’ve got a redesign for the blog coming in a couple weeks. You won’t want to miss that.

  • Happy Father’s Day from the Kids

    Making dad proud, silly faces all around.
    Megan showing off her mad origami skills with this handcrafted origami fathers day sign

  • JR Organics Farm Tour and Eating What You Believe

    Ever heard the phrase “You are what you eat?“

    It’s true. Your body is literally composed of all the stuff you eat. Don’t think about that too much, because it’s gross.

    It’s amazing that people want to have a relationship with their pastor, their doctor, the person who cuts their hair, or even the person who delivers our mail. But the person who grows the fruits, vegetables, dairy, or meats our families consume?

    We don’t want to know them. We wouldn’t even like to meet the people who deliver food from the distributor to our grocery store. We are completely relationally disassociated and disconnected with one of the most intimate things about us… our food.

    If you are what you eat and you don’t know the people where your food comes from– You probably need to take 4-5 hours and watch some of the amazing documentaries that have come out in the past decade about our food system. You’ll see they at the molecular level most of what you eat is genetically modified corn filler, pesticides, herbicides, antibiotics, and other chemicals designed to kill pests on the farm. It’s scary.

    Kristen and I decided 2 years ago that we wanted to know where our food came from. Starting in 2010, we made a commitment that 25% of our food budget would go to food we have a relationship with. So we planted a garden. Next, we joined a Community Supported Agriculture (CSA) program. Finally, we committed to going to a local farmers market bi-weekly. (Not only to look, smell, and sample– But to buy and support!)

    That’s when we met the Rodriguez family of Escindido and their farm, JR Organics. Joe, Jr. and his wife Joan E are fourth generation farmers in Southern California. Their 80 acre farm in north San Diego county employs their family and about 10 others. We know this because we’ve taken the time to get to know them.

    Yesterday, our family went to our second farm tour on their property. It’s one thing to go and get our box full of fruits and veggies but it’s entirely another thing to go to their farm and see how things get into those boxes. Who are the people who do the work? What makes something organic? What is the science involved? What techniques are they innovating?

    The day at the farm is amazing. It’s fun to meet people who, like you, are members of the CSA. And it’s fun that they have a tour just for kids and to see them running around the paths between fields in ways children have played for millennia. And, of course, the monster feast they put on is a wonderful reward. It’s one of those days we put on our calendar and circle three times: We wouldn’t miss it.

    Now that we’ve known the Rodriguez family for two years and done business with them, here are two things that strike me:

    First, their values and hearts are in the right place. They absolutely want (and need to) make money at farming. But their values also shine through in how they make money, how they treat their employees, and especially how they care for their farm. Values and heart pour from everything they do. That’s evident when we pick up our box, eat the food they produce, and it’s on display when we visit their farm.

    Second, Joe is off the charts intelligent. Listening to Joe, Jr. give the tour yesterday was an absolute clinic in soft innovation. While Joe doesn’t have a PhD in agricultural science he has a PhD in his land and how to work it and that’s far more valuable to him. Joe knows that how he farms directly impacts his bottom line. (And that how he farms becomes the marketing for his farm.) But he also has to deal with market conditions, the weather, bugs and other pests, and the ever-changing standards of remaining an organic farm. As families listened to his presentation and walked his property yesterday they had no idea how much work, discovery, and science went behind each of the things they nodded their heads to.

    Here’s my encouragement– get to know where your food comes from. The net results in our family have been astounding. Sure, we are all eating more healthy. But we are also more aware of the people who produce our food and see how our relationship directly impacts them.

    Tips for getting started

    • Grow something, anything. Even if you don’t have room for a garden you can grow something to eat. Maybe it’s a tomato plant in a 5 gallon bucket on your balcony? Or maybe its a square foot garden on your patio?
    • Slice off a piece of your overall food budget for locally produced foods. Our CSA membership costs about $800 per year. You spend it in chunks so it feels like you’re spending more. But, in truth, our overall grocery bills are down.
    • Learn to eat what is in season, not what you see on TV. This has been a fun lesson for our family. We eat what is growing. So we eat lots of citrus when our trees ripen in January, lots of leafy greens all winter, and pig out on tomatoes, cucumbers, and strawberries all summer. And we’ve even had to learn how to cook/enjoy things we never would have purchased in the grocery store. All great things!

    What does this have anything to do with my life with Jesus? Everything.

    Notes:

  • Helping our kids love church, again

    “The reason I hate church is that you pay attention to everyone else there but us.” ~ Megan, age 7

    Those words rattled my soul. I’d rather have gotten cold-cocked by Mike Tyson in a bar fight than heard those words. That’s when I knew that things had to drastically change in how both how I related to my family and serving the church.

    Every time I volunteered somewhere or went to a meeting it lead to fights with the kids. “You don’t love us you only love stuff at church!”

    Their anger lead to my tears.

    Here’s what I wrote last October in a post, “When your kids hate church“:

    Yesterday, I sat in the car with a child who refused to participate. Not all Sunday’s are like that. But sometimes the feet literally stop moving and the tears start flowing. It’s hard to look in your child’s eyes and see them tearfully say “please don’t make me go,” and then force them to go.

    I can’t stomach it. That is, clearly, not the type of relational connection I want my children to have with Jesus.

    Read the rest

    That post lead to an impossible number of conversations with friends in ministry. By sharing my pain and acknowledging that one of my darkest fears had become my reality I connected with others who serve in full-time ministry and find themselves in similar situations.

    Of all of those conversations I had a single phrase spoken stuck out to me. Paraphrasing what she said, I’ve probably added to it: (not accusing just thinking out loud)

    “I wonder if you’ve laid your children on the alter of your own ideals and put them into impossible situations? They go to a school you have chosen for them which meets all of your ideals for living in the city, they go to a church you have chosen for them meeting the ideals for you living in the city. They walk a mile in your shoes every day and never get a break.”

    Dear Jesus, this was true. It cut past the niceties right to the bone.

    So we made some changes. Kristen and I have worked on it. And, on our road to recovery, we have seen some moments when our kids love Jesus and His church. Last night was one of those moments as Paul brought his Bible and a little devotional thing from church to do as a bedtime activity with mom. That totally made me cry!

    Some other waypoints on this path have included…

    • Praying with and for our kids.
    • Inviting them in to freely sit in on stuff we are doing and to ask questions. Usually, this has been Megan.
    • Putting our family as the priority over our beloved community group when Jackson was born. (We’ll rejoin them this Fall)
    • Being joyful as we made a transition from one congregation to another, in part, based on their feedback.
    • Experiencing Lent together seemed like a turning point. (Kinesthetic learning is perfect for them)
    • Awana, as much as I’ve lamented about it for years as a leader, has been a gift to them as they’ve gotten more familiar with the Bible and how to use it. (A free date night each week for mom/dad has been good for our marriage as a bi-product!)
    • Moments with each kid when they said, “Daddy, remember when you were in charge of that stuff at church? I liked it when you did that. It would be fun for you to do that again. You were good at it. I miss that.“
    • Eagerly signing up and bugging us about details of summer fun camp.

    Like any hurt or injury it’s a long process. The quote above is from 2008– we’ve been at this for 1/3 of her life. We haven’t arrived and we still have some very difficult things to work through. And I don’t know if they will ever love the Bride of Christ like I do. But I’m happy to see progress.

    It brings me deep joy to begin to see how Jesus is bridging the gap and building a relationship with my children in a way that isn’t forced, coerced, or built on expectations from mom or dad.

    O, what a day that will be!

  • Like Father, Like Daughter

    Kristen found this in Megan’s room the other day. Megan loves to draw and create things. Her origami creations are worthy of an Etsy shop.

    When we turned over the last page and saw her marketing twist about going to MeganMcLane.com… we just roared with laughter. She truly is her father’s child.

  • The 5K challenge

    My first run, walk, crawl, gasp, and drag

    Part of me is thinking, “What have I gotten myself into?” And the other part of me is thinking, “What have I been waiting for?”

    In the spirit of good natured competition, Kristen and I have challenged one another to a 5K run, walk, crawl, bite, fight, or drag. She has a good excuse for needing the challenge… she just had a baby by C-section. (She ran a half marathon last May.) My excuse? I’m fat, sedentary, and have begun to closely resemble a carne asada burrito. Riding my bike a few times per week just isn’t having the effect I need it to so it was time to up the ante.

    Starting yesterday– the challenge is on. We’ve both begun training and smack talk. (OK, I cheated. I started training last week.)

    The wager

    We don’t quite have the wager figured out just yet. Just like we don’t quite have the race picked out. But we do know that we are wagering something fun and we’re open to suggestions.

    If I were a better man. I’d bet on me.

    But if I were looking for the smart bet. My money would be on Kristen.

    Get involved?

    Sure, we will take any encouragement. If you are on Nike + you can be my friend. (mclanea) I don’t plan on broadcasting my training on Facebook, Twitter, or even writing about it much. So if you’re interested in this journey… find me on Nike +.

    Bonus: If you’re in ministry and you’re interested in getting started, I’ve found the #RunRevRun blog pretty encouraging.

  • Wedding Weekend

    Kristen Tucker & Adam McLane, Fall 1996

    I’m performing a wedding this weekend for long-time friend Dave Luke and his fiancee` Justine. Thinking about their engagement and wedding brought back this lovely memory.

    I’m not sure Kristen has changed a bit. But I’m glad that zit finally healed up and I got over the Friends look.

    I’m a youth pastor, you don’t think I never rocked a goatee at some point, did you?

  • Printable Lent Signs

    Click to see full-size

    This week we taught our kids about lent. So now that lent has begun, we wanted to make sure that we kept the long 40 days in front of us.

    With that in mind I made some sweet signs to hang up around the house. That way, if we see someone cheating we can kindly remind them of their commitment to fast from the thing we have chosen as we prepare, as a family, for Easter.

    If you’d like to download your own sign, I’ve added both a generic pdf and the original Photoshop files to my free downloads page. (Click the image below)

    [download id=”14″]

    For the record, here is what our family is giving up:

    • Megan – Reading in bed
    • Paul – Creamy peanut butter
    • Jackson – Everything but milk
    • Dad – Carbonated beverages
    • Mom – Twitter
    • Stoney (dog) – Chasing Lovely
    • Lovely (cat) – Bringing rodents in the house
    • Radicate (hamster) – Hiding treats

  • Remembering Barb Evans

    As a 15 year old junior at Hanau American High School I lived for youth group night.

    For a couple of hours we took over the gym of Hanau Middle School. We played huge, sweaty games, where two teams competed for the sake of having fun. Usually, there was pizza and soda. Then Dan played some songs on his guitar while Barb tried to figure out how the changing of slides on the overhead projector at just the right pace so Dan didn’t lose his place. We typically ended our time with a sweaty Dan sharing something from the Bible and praying together.

    I idealized Dan and listened intently to everything he said.

    But in the Winter of 1993, for some reason, Barb led our teaching time for a few weeks. She was clearly nervous as she explained that for the next few weeks she’d be reading from the Bible her favorite story and sharing a little bit each week on what that story meant to her. It was a dramatic change of pace. Run-run-run-eat-eat-play-play-sing-sing-STOOORRRRYYYTTTIIIMMMEEEEWIITTTHHHBBBBAAAARRRBBBB.

    I thought I’d die from boredom.

    Barb started reading in Genesis 37.

    One chapter in and I was hooked. She read the story and shared from her heart how that related to her life.

    As the days passed I started to look forward less to the silly relay games, the pizza, and the songs… and started to get more excited about Barb’s story from Genesis. Her love for God’s Word was spreading to my heart, too.

    A couple weeks later, the series culminated with the reading of Genesis 50. I hadn’t read ahead so I had no idea what was coming. Joseph, having been sold into slavery by his brothers, reported for dead to his father, tossed into jail for not sleeping with his bosses cougar-wife, saved from the death penalty twice. And yet somehow God kept blessing him. Now, as pharaoh’s right-hand man his brothers were now before him begging for food but not recognizing him. Joseph had his opportunity for revenge. No one would blame him. And God would be able to use it as a great lesson for not selling out your friends.

    But Joseph said to them, “Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God?  You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.Genesis 50:19-20

    My jaw dropped. And my life changed.

    You mean… God wasn’t a God who liked revenge?

    Barb explained that God used Joseph, a man who had been wronged by so many people, to save the very people who had wronged him. Never did something ring more true and make so much sense in all of my life. As I looked at all of the crap I had been through. Some of it self-inflicted, some of it inflicted upon me, it all had context for the very first time. Perhaps… maybe… PROBABLY… God had allowed all of that to happen to me so that I could one day be in that position, like Joseph, to chose to offer hope where there was no hope. He hadn’t been the cause of it. But God could take what had been done to me to destroy me and use it for His own glory.

    I still feel the impact of those few weeks of stories today. Life is still full of crap. And because of her words and sharing Joseph’s story with me for the first time, I can always put it in context. Sometimes people seek to harm you. But God can use that for the saving of many lives.

    My life was changed because of Barb’s ministry to me. She shared her heart and mine was opened to the Gospel in a brand new way.

    Barb Evans passed away on Monday, March 7th. She had battled brain cancer for more than a year before, earlier this year, the doctors told her they had exhausted all their options and referred her to hospice care. Her last few weeks were spent at home with her family in Alaska, where she and her husband Dan served as missionaries with Cadence International. She leaves behind Dan, her husband, and their two kids, Caleb & Audrey.

    It’s impossible to measure or convey the impact Barb had on my life. She and Dan were a critical relationship when I found myself living thousands of miles from home, in Germany, on a military base, my junior year of high school. Their youth ministry offered me so much more than just stuff to do one night a week. For the first time ever there were adults in my life that asked me real questions. They listened to what I had to say in a way that made me feel like I was a real person.

    And they gently, and often times not-so-gently, pushed me to think about who I was and who I could become in Jesus.

    Barb’s impact on me went beyond when she was the youth pastor’s wife and I was a student who was always with her husband. (Literally, if Dan would let me I was at their house every day. At his office. At youth group early. Anything I could do to hang out with him. Barb was a saint for not kicking me out!)

    In college, I ended up attending Calvary Memorial Church in Oak Park, the church she had grown up in. Her parents befriended me. I remember Kristen and I sharing Easter dinner with her parents and family. Later, I served on the missions committee where we kept close tabs on their ministry, prayed for them regularly, and I was even sent to visit with them in 2001, shortly after September 11th. As I got involved in the youth group at Calvary, I loved the circle of blessing God had created that I helped lead a high school ministry and was part of a church who had raised and sent a young woman who lead me to Jesus.

    Over the years, my respect for Barb’s deep faith, practical love for those she ministered to, and heart to raise her children as lovers of Jesus has grown with each passing prayer letter. Her impact on my life began when I was 15 years old and has translated into impact on my whole family.

    Her husband Dan lovingly blogged the last year or so on Twitter. It’s such a tender testimony to Barb’s last months, I encourage you to read it.