• Big Willie Medley – A Capella

    Two thoughts:

    1. There’s going to be a whole pile of Google inbound links on this title thinking Big Willie was either Willie Nelson or something far more gross to Google.
    2. Ladies, look closely. No wedding ring.

    ht to Likecool

  • Get up!

    Three thoughts

    1. Who in the world takes their kids to see the birth of a giraffe? I mean it’s cool and all. But that girl in purple was like a 3rd grader!
    2. I’d like to see a giraffe do the limbo.
    3. There’s a life lesson here: To eat, to live, to survive– you’ve got to get up. Mom can only kick you and lick you for so long.
  • Helping our kids love church, again

    The reason I hate church is that you pay attention to everyone else there but us.” ~ Megan, age 7

    Those words rattled my soul. I’d rather have gotten cold-cocked by Mike Tyson in a bar fight than heard those words. That’s when I knew that things had to drastically change in how both how I related to my family and serving the church.

    Every time I volunteered somewhere or went to a meeting it lead to fights with the kids. “You don’t love us you only love stuff at church!

    Their anger lead to my tears.

    Here’s what I wrote last October in a post, “When your kids hate church“:

    Yesterday, I sat in the car with a child who refused to participate. Not all Sunday’s are like that. But sometimes the feet literally stop moving and the tears start flowing. It’s hard to look in your child’s eyes and see them tearfully say “please don’t make me go,” and then force them to go.

    I can’t stomach it. That is, clearly, not the type of relational connection I want my children to have with Jesus.

    Read the rest

    That post lead to an impossible number of conversations with friends in ministry. By sharing my pain and acknowledging that one of my darkest fears had become my reality I connected with others who serve in full-time ministry and find themselves in similar situations.

    Of all of those conversations I had a single phrase spoken stuck out to me. Paraphrasing what she said, I’ve probably added to it: (not accusing just thinking out loud)

    “I wonder if you’ve laid your children on the alter of your own ideals and put them into impossible situations? They go to a school you have chosen for them which meets all of your ideals for living in the city, they go to a church you have chosen for them meeting the ideals for you living in the city. They walk a mile in your shoes every day and never get a break.”

    Dear Jesus, this was true. It cut past the niceties right to the bone.

    So we made some changes. Kristen and I have worked on it. And, on our road to recovery, we have seen some moments when our kids love Jesus and His church. Last night was one of those moments as Paul brought his Bible and a little devotional thing from church to do as a bedtime activity with mom. That totally made me cry!

    Some other waypoints on this path have included…

    • Praying with and for our kids.
    • Inviting them in to freely sit in on stuff we are doing and to ask questions. Usually, this has been Megan.
    • Putting our family as the priority over our beloved community group when Jackson was born. (We’ll rejoin them this Fall)
    • Being joyful as we made a transition from one congregation to another, in part, based on their feedback.
    • Experiencing Lent together seemed like a turning point. (Kinesthetic learning is perfect for them)
    • Awana, as much as I’ve lamented about it for years as a leader, has been a gift to them as they’ve gotten more familiar with the Bible and how to use it. (A free date night each week for mom/dad has been good for our marriage as a bi-product!)
    • Moments with each kid when they said, “Daddy, remember when you were in charge of that stuff at church? I liked it when you did that. It would be fun for you to do that again. You were good at it. I miss that.
    • Eagerly signing up and bugging us about details of summer fun camp.

    Like any hurt or injury it’s a long process. The quote above is from 2008– we’ve been at this for 1/3 of her life. We haven’t arrived and we still have some very difficult things to work through. And I don’t know if they will ever love the Bride of Christ like I do. But I’m happy to see progress.

    It brings me deep joy to begin to see how Jesus is bridging the gap and building a relationship with my children in a way that isn’t forced, coerced, or built on expectations from mom or dad.

    O, what a day that will be!

  • 5 Birthday Quotes That Made Me Giggle

    Today, I officially got my “Middle-Aged Man Card” in the mail. I knew I was getting close to middle-age when conversations shifted amongst my friends from ambition, early married life, and comparing/contrasting theological themes in movies to longevity in ministry, vasectomies, and how much the movie rating system has changed since we were in high school.

    Seriously– These are the things 35 year old men talk about over a cup of coffee with friends. I shudder to know what I’ll be talking about in 15 years.

    Rather than fill today’s post with sentimentalities of what I’ve done and/or hoped to do with my first 35 years, I thought it’d be more fun to share 5 quotes about birthday’s that made me giggle. (Or think. But not too hard since I haven’t had my coffee yet.)

    1. May you live to be 100 and may the last voice you hear be mine. ~ Frank Sinatra
    2. You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.  ~ Ogden Nash
    3. I am sixty years of age. That’s 16 Celsius. ~ George Carlin
    4. I’ve never looked forward to a birthday like I’m looking forward to my new daughter’s birthday, because two days after that is when I can apply for reinstatement. ~ Pete Rose
    5. Youth is a wonderful thing.  What a crime to waste it on children.  ~ George Bernard Shaw
  • Three Ways to Reach More Teenagers Starting this Fall

    In your community less than 10% of 6-12th graders are a part of a youth ministry.

    Photo by Martin Ringlein via Flickr (Creative Commons)

    In most communities 2%-3% of eligible teenagers are involved on a good week. Ouch. Here’s a strategic reality check for you: Tweaking your mid-week program or plugging in a new communications tool or even working harder isn’t going to help you reach the next 10% of students in your community.

    Simply put– what you are currently doing is only going to reach maybe 1%-2% more people next year. And if you believe, like I do, that a life with Jesus is better than a life without Jesus, this is a call to action more than a call to give up!

    Have you read the book of Acts, lately? It’s the most dangerous book in the Bible! And yes, that’s possible today.

    To reach more students you’re going to need to implement additional strategies. Don’t freak out. Launching additional strategies doesn’t mean you have to do more work. But it does mean that you might need to make some room and cast a wider vision for ministering to adolescents in your community.

    Here are three ideas that you can start this Fall

    Starting with resources you probably already have, these three start-ups will reach a different population than you currently can.

    1. Drop-in center – A drop-in center is a safe place for teenagers to hang out. If you have a youth room already.. or even better… a local business who allows you in, it is basically just having night hours a couple days per week and staffing it with volunteers. (Say, open from 8pm – 2 am, you know… when the students you need to reach are out and bored.) Allow local bands to come in and play. Have some occasional theme parties or movie nights. Offer beverages, snacks. Adults who staff it focus on building relationships, inviting those interested to check out Jesus in an exploratory study on who Jesus is. It can be a rough and tumble option. But definitely needed in most communities and a great way to expand your reach. If you have some bouncer looking adults in your church, they’d love this. Give to them and get out of the way. Tip: Tell your church kids it’s not for them.
    2. After-school program – This is especially helpful in reaching 5th-8th graders. I’m always surprised that more churches don’t offer after school stuff since churches usually really close to schools! You would be surprised how many middle schoolers are going home to empty houses and this provides an easy alternative. When they come, offer free time and a snack so they can unwind from the day. After that, offer a quick lesson on virtues or values or even hygiene…. Then flow into an hour of homework help. This might seem intimidating at first. But I guarantee that every church in the country has a retired teacher or someone who wants to run it, some stay-at-home moms to jump on board, and other folks who would love to pitch in because they love kids. If you break it into two roles, the free time and lesson crew and the homework helpers– it’s a lot easier to staff as one tends to intimidate the other type of person. Tip: You’d be surprised how much money is out there in federal grant money for this. You can probably do it with existing unused space and a grant to cover expenses.
    3. Partner with the school to provide mentors- Mentorship is the buzz word in youth ministry circles and educational circles. Meet with your principal before he leaves town for the summer and ask if you could help them get a mentorship program going pairing educated adults with students who need a little extra care. (Or support the one they already have.) Even if you just became the point person for the school’s mentorship program, you’d probably be the principal’s best friend for life. I’d bet my mother’s right arm that you can find 25 adults in your church willing to volunteer 2 hours per week mentoring a middle school or high school student. Chances are also good that if the school posted the opportunity you’d have an additional 25 volunteers come out of the woodwork, you’d hold one quick volunteer meeting, coordinate with the administration, and it would be off to the races. Tip: The key to any interaction with your local school is meeting with the principal and asking, “What are your needs? How can I get people to support your mission?” Coming to him and pitching a mentorship program might not be the best idea. But if it comes out that its a need of his, jump on it!
  • Training to Save Lives

    On June 1st, 2009 Air France flight 447 left Rio de Janeiro for Paris simply disappeared. 228 people and a giant plane vanished and was never heard from again. Family and friends arrived at the airport to pick-up loved ones who never arrived.

    Did it blow up suddenly? Was it hijacked? Was it accidentally shot down by a renegade fighter pilot?

    For nearly two years no one had any idea what happened. Families only knew that their loved ones were not coming home.

    That changed when the flight data recorder was recovered recently, 2.5 miles below the oceans surface.

    The cause? It was operator error. A pilot mistake caused the planes engines to stall and the jet basically fell from the sky at 100 feet per second. The plane fell 7 miles out of the sky in 3.5 minutes.

    The French government’s preliminary report describes what happened:

    The Air France jet’s 7-mile plunge into the Atlantic Ocean began suddenly when the jet’s instruments went haywire. Ice had blocked the jet’s speed sensors; the pilots could not tell how fast they were going. Warnings and alerts sounded almost simultaneously.

    In response, the pilots made a series of mistakes, according to the French Bureau d’Enquêtes et d’Analyses, the agency that investigates aviation accidents.

    Instead of flying level while they diagnosed the problem, one of the pilots climbed steeply, which caused a loss of speed. Then the aggressive nose-up pitch of the plane and the slower speed caused air to stop flowing smoothly over the wings, triggering a loss of lift and a rapid descent.

    They had entered an aerodynamic stall — which has nothing to do with the engines, which operated normally — meaning the wings could no longer keep the plane aloft. Once a plane is stalled, the correct response is to lower the nose and increase speed.

    For nearly the entire 3½ minutes before they crashed into the ocean, the pilots did the opposite, holding the Airbus A330‘s joystick back to lift the nose.

    Read the rest @ USA Today’s, Alan Levin

    For some reason the pilot’s brain was telling him, “I need to go up, I have the joy stick pointed up, we are OK.” But the situation called for him to do something counter-intuitive– to point the joy stick down so the plane would gain speed and the engines would turn back on, air would flow over the wings, and they could continue on their journey to France unharmed.

    A lack of training of the pilot to do something counter-intuitive cost 228 lives.

    What does this have to do with me?

    Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity.” – Colossians 4:5

    Our instincts lie to us in the most important moments.

    • God puts us in the path of a hurting student, we get a clue as to what is going on in a casual conversation, and our instincts lie to us. They will be OK. It’s just a phase. It’s really none of my business.
    • God puts us in the path of a student who doesn’t know Christ, they ask us… “So, why did you come to my soccer game, I mean it’s really cool that you came, I just don’t know why you want to be in my life.” Our instinct tells us to play it cool and just keep building that relationship while we miss a golden opportunity to introduce a student to the only relationship they really need in high school.
    • God puts us in the path of an exasperated parent, they tell us they are struggling and they are arguing with their spouse a lot, and our instincts lie to us. Adding one more thing and meeting with me won’t help them, I’m just the youth pastor anyway.
    • God puts us in the path of a young woman being exploited and our instincts betray us. I don’t really know her, I just met her randomly at the train station. And I don’t want to get in any trouble. Meanwhile, a trafficker continues to sell this runaway to any creep with $100.

    If you don’t have training to know when and how to respond, in Jesus’ name, in a counter-intuitive manner to your instincts you will miss more often than not.

    Making the most of every opportunity means that you need training to see every opportunity and know what to do in each of those instances. Mention that to anyone in your church and they will LURCH BACK! “I wouldn’t have a clue what to do in any of those situations?”

    Herein lies the problem. A lack of training is costing lives in your community.

    Economic times are tough. And into that economic reality a new lie has found fertile ground and grown amongst church leaders that people in ministry and especially people in the laity don’t really need training– they just need to feel things out and listen to the Holy Spirit, you’ll know what to do.

    Nonesense. That is a lie from the mouth of Satan himself!

    A life with Christ has nothing to do with passively sitting on your hands, singing some songs, and dropping some cheese in the offering plate.

    Your ministry as a leader isn’t about your teaching. (Nor success measured by your ability to attract a crowd.) It’s about what people do with your teaching, otherwise you’d be called a teacher. Teach them to save lives and kick them out of your pews and into their reality! Live it out in your own life. Lead them to places that they would otherwise not go on their own… that’s how you lead!

    Want to see your church explode? Refuse to teach new things until they have tried what you’ve already taught them. (James 1:22-25) We don’t have a lack of preaching in America, we have a lack of application.

    Training saves lives both in the physical world and the spiritual world. As a leader you will never make a more wise or cheap investment as training your people to both listen to the Holy Spirit and re-orientate false instincts to God-ordained ministry instincts and skills.

  • Bottlenecks, rubberneckers, and other people who slow you down

    Every commuter in Chicago is familiar with the Hillside Strangler. Prior to the early 2000s, this section of interstate where two major 6-lanes of highway merged onto a 3-lane onramp to a 5-lane city-bound highway doubled the commute of everyone. 11 lanes of traffic don’t merge into 5 lanes very well.

    The Hillside Strangler was a bottleneck. Everyone had to go through the bottle neck to get work done. Truckers. Commuters. Tourists. School busses. All of the pressure of the cities west side was placed on that 3-lane onramp each morning.

    People left an hour earlier just to sit and listen to the radio and sip coffee while they waited their turn.

    Conversely, on the ride home everyone hated rubberneckers. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sat in traffic for up to an additional hour just so people in front of me could slow down and watch AAA change a tire or watch two people who got into a fender-bender fill out paperwork.

    Both are aggravating and all-too-common for commuters.

    And both are aggravating and all-too-common in organizations.

    Organizationally, bottlenecks are people, teams, or systems that slow things down at the point of decision making. While a legitimate part of the bureaucratic process they are frustrating to deal with for those who like to (or need to) take action quickly. For people on the front lines bottlenecks always take too long and  the mantra “It’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission” takes over. Which is why those who are the bottlenecks describe their job as herding cats.

    Likewise, within every organization there are rubberneckers or gawkers. These are people who like to talk about and look at things more than they like to do them. Sure, they claim it’s all human nature to want to talk about what is going on. But in the meantime they slow everything down.

    Every organization I’ve ever worked in has these two problems which slow everything down. Bottlenecks of decision or execution and rubberneckers who slow down to talk. (Or study, or hire a consultant, or pray, or wait for the board to meet, etc.) In many ways these are just the ebbs and flows of work life as you try to balance going about your everyday balance while trying to push forward to grow.

    Some organizations solve this by dispersing their teams

    Plenty of companies, some Fortune 500, are dispersing their staffs and closing offices to remove rubbernecking while dealing with the obvious issues of bottlenecks, internally. Working remotely, while once laughed at, has become en vogue as a way to keep people working and happy by eliminating the commute and office life altogether.

    Would this work in the church? Absolutely. Most church staff members I know look at their offices as more a liability towards reaching their community than an asset. No one went into ministry to be a desk jockey… but that’s most of what we do.

    Why aren’t we doing it? Perceptions and trust.

  • 50 People, One Question

    A beautiful project. And a beautiful question.

  • Like Father, Like Daughter

    Kristen found this in Megan’s room the other day. Megan loves to draw and create things. Her origami creations are worthy of an Etsy shop.

    When we turned over the last page and saw her marketing twist about going to MeganMcLane.com… we just roared with laughter. She truly is her father’s child.

  • Run Your Moobs Off

    Yes. I just went there. Seinfeld jokes never go out of style.

    Moobs – Unsightly man boobies.

    Forget all of that Biggest Looser emotional stuff about being fat. “I don’t want my kids to know their dad is fat. I want to live longer. I need a new strart.” Yada. Yada. Yada. That’s all just TV psychobabble to me. If it works for you, awesome. But that show just makes me hungry. I love that there is a commercial during the weigh-ins so I have time to refill my ice cream bowl.

    One thing I hate about being out of shape is where all of those extra candy bars, slices of pizza, and cheeseburgers end up. The belly, the butt, and for me… my upper chest. Blech.

    And since I have the kind of friends who aren’t shy about pointing out my moobs I figure it’s probably time to do something about them.

    So the last couple of weeks my running mantra has been: Run your moobs off.

    Sure. It’s a bit crass. And surely it’s not Oprah approved. But it’s silly and makes me giggle and work hard at the same time. Right now, I’m about halfway to my initial goal of running a 5K without stopping and with just 5 weeks to go… I have many more hours of running my moobs off to go.

    No easy way out

    Whether I’m around professional golfers or big-time Christian leaders– one thing has been clear: It’s not merely that they are talented. It’s that they took a little bit of talent, a golden opportunity, and out-worked all of their peers to become the best.

    The same thing is available to all of us.

    Some people look at successful people with jealous eyes. They think, “Surely, they just got lucky.” Probably a little bit. But they also took the good fortune of an opportunity and made something out of it. Whatever their specialty is they have worked harder and smarter than you have.

    So?

    Whatever your goal is… there’s no easy option coming.

    For me, right now, it’s to run this 5K. For you? I don’t know what your goal is. But I do know this one fact:

    You’ll just have to run your moobs off.