• Off to Haiti

    Off to Haiti

    Tonight, I’m catching a flight that’ll have me back on the ground in Port-au-Prince, Haiti by Saturday morning.

    For the next week I’ll be tagging along with three teams to a more remote area of Haiti than I’ve ever been, Les Cayes.

    After arriving in Port-au-Prince in the morning I’ll spend a few hours at Good Shepherd Orphanage in Carrefour while the rest of the team arrives, then together we’ll take a bus about 5 hours across southern Haiti where we’ll be staying in tents on the grounds of EdenHaiti, a botanical garden run by Pastor Jean Delcy. (For those who went on the 2015 vision trip, you’ll remember that Jean Delcy spoke at our pastor dinner.)

    Les Cayes and EdenHaiti are apparently gorgeous places. Les Cayes is one of the places where it’s hoped Western tourism will finally take root, bringing jobs and money to an otherwise agricultural and impoverished area.

    Why I’m Going

    • I am fascinated by, in love with, and want to be near what God is doing in the Haitian church. I first saw this action in February 2010 in the immediate aftermath of the earthquake. I described it as stepping into God’s river of grace as He drew tens of thousands to Himself without the need of human planning. There wasn’t a scheduled revival that “worked.” As the local church served those in need, people experienced the Good News of Jesus as their physical needs were met, they gave their lives to Him.
    • I’m excited to continue working with and supporting Praying Pelican Missions work in Haiti. Marko and I have each been on a number of trips with PPM and we love their simple yet deeply needed approach to international short-term missions in youth ministry. I’ll be on this trip as a kind of independent observer, a 3rd party storyteller. I’ll be taking pictures and writing about our team’s trip here on my blog.
    • I’m going to learn from our Haitian brothers and sisters in the faith. It’s well documented that the American church is on the decline. Whereas, the Haitian church is rapidly growing. Why is this? What are the positives and negatives of this rapid growth? What are transferable principles? And what is God showing us when the poorest nation in our hemisphere is now itself sending mission teams out to places like Cuba and the United States? Those are questions I’m seeking an answer to.

    Follow Along

    I’ve heard that there is decent cell service in Les Cayes. But honestly, I’m not so sure.

    I’ll be doing my very best to post updates here on the blog. But also feel free to follow my short-form storytelling on Twitter and Instagram.

    Learn More

    Want to learn more about Praying Pelican Missions’ work in Haiti or explore bringing a group? Fill out the form below.

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  • Finding the Freedom to Dream

    Finding the Freedom to Dream

    I find that some people cannot dream about “what’s possible” because they have layer after layer excuses to peal away before they can truly dream about “what’s possible.”

    With these layers their dreams are too small.

    Without these layers they find fulfillment. 

    As a result, usually their dreams are not only unfulfilled… they are unidentified.

    The image above are the layers I think you have to set aside in order to get to the final layer of giving yourself permission to dream.

    Here’s the layers explained:

    • Energy – I don’t have the time to pursue something else or new. I’ve got responsibilities and life is getting in the way. You’ll need to set aside this “reality” to conceive of something new. The reality is that a new dream will unleash new energy all to itself.
    • Economics – I can’t think about something new because the new thing might cost money I don’t have. Or, I can’t even breathe because of the financial situation I’m in, there’s no room to dream about doing something new if I can’t pay my bills today. The truth is that a new dream will reshape your economic reality.
    • Education – I don’t have the education I need to do what I’m dreaming of. Who has time or money to go back to school? Yup, if your dream requires new education it’s the cheapest and most accessible it’ll ever be today.
    • Experience – This thing I’m dreaming about– I don’t even know where to start. Other people are already doing it and they are so much further ahead than me. Reality? Experience is overrated. And if you start today you’ll be more experienced than if you are just worrying about if you have enough experience.
    • Embarrassment – If things don’t turn out right I’ll be right back where I started. Plus, since I don’t really know what I’m doing I’ll make a lot of mistakes. Reality? You look better failing at something you really want to purse than you do just sitting there doing nothing. Trying and failing is way less embarrassing than never trying at all.
    • Expectations – I only want to do something new if I can be great at it or make a lot of money or get recognition. Worse, if I don’t become successful at this new thing right away the people around me won’t support me. Reality? Pursuing this new dream will recreate what your expectations are. Chances are high it’ll be vastly different than you think anyway, so just let go of expectations.

    Freedom to Dream

    When you set aside all of that internal dialog– most of which may or may not even be true– than you’re capable of dreaming about a new reality, new possibilities, new directions, or even just fresh perspectives on what you’re already doing.

    Vision? Goals? Mission statements? All of those things are fine but until you know what you’re dreaming about… unconstrained by negative voices… you’ll be held back.

  • Returning from McLandia

    Returning from McLandia

    In more than 10 years of blogging I’ve never taken 15 days off from writing. But that’s what I’ve just done, a little self-directed exile and forced break.

    So where have I been? McLandia.

    Seriously, this kid.
    OK, so it’s not “my stove” but I do a lot of the cooking while we camp… I LOVE IT. I also have a slight addiction to boiling water.
    When the rains came we picked up these super fashionable plastic ponchos for just $7 in the camp store!
    Do you see it?
    The rains came hard one morning, so hard that our tents bottom turning into a waterbed and I had to go build a dam to stop the water from coming in.
    I love that the rangers have fun with their information board!
    How can you not stop to take pictures of this? It’s like my desktop background except in real life.
    Jackson snapped this goofy pic of Paul on the Yosemite Valley shuttle, and I love it. Paul is the best big brother ever.
    After the rains came I got to make a little covering for our cooking area. This became our “warm spot” for the rest of the trip.
    This spot won over my heart… so gorgeous.
    How cool is it to find your daughter painting along the river… the final product was AMAZING!
    Loved this little spot watching the sunset with Kristen. Our private national park.
    Paul burning his uniform jacket from school. He was stoked.
    I found this little footbridge along the Pacific Crest Trail while trying my best to get un-lost on my first fishing adventure of the week.
    Hard not to be inspired by views like this.
    One of the things I love about Yosemite is how excited Kristen gets about it… here she’s stepping up her iPhoneography game.
    Beautiful little spot after a short hike fro the trailhead.
    A broken pool at our first hotel didn’t stop the fun, we just went to the local trampoline park and had a blast.
    JT loves the hammock, actually all the kids love their hammocks
    Loved this little camp site. Upper Pines was PACKED but not as loud as I was expecting.
    I just love this river… it’s one of my favorite spots on our planet.

    McLandia is the mythical creation of Paul (11). It’s a place where imagination, play, discovery, and creation meld together. It’s our own personal imaginary fiefdom existing within our hearts that expresses what it means to be a McLane.

    Over the past few weeks or so we’ve seen mom and Megan go on a girls only trip to St Thomas, celebrating Megan’s graduation from 8th grade and continuing on a tradition of the McLane girls spending solo time together while exploring a new place. We’ve ended a 7 year run at Darnall Charter School as Paul finished 6th grade– including ceremonially burning Paul’s school jacket– I’m not sure I’ve ever seen him so giddy. We thought about doing something on the Fourth of July… but like every year we just went to bed early and didn’t see any fireworks. We’ve camped in Yosemite, eaten way too many s’mores and drank way too many cans of soda, we survived a torrential downpour where our tent floor turned into a waterbed, watched a bear steal someones food, watched sunrises and sunsets at Half Dome and the Minarets, talked mega-crap while competing at Bananagrams and Uno, hiked to waterfalls, camped and resorted, and a whole lot more.

    And so, today, we return from our annual pilgrimage to Imaginary McLandia to our lives in Real McLandia.

    We step away, to rest and play and rejuvenate and reconnect with who we are. And now we head back home to live out who we are over the next several months.

    The kids have weeks and weeks of summer vacation left to go. But mom and dad got what they needed during their short time off– a trip to McLandia where we have space to dream again.

  • Early Bird Deadline for MSMC

    Early Bird Deadline for MSMC

    [button link=”http://campference.com” color=”orange”]REGISTER HERE[/button]

  • Be Dangerous

    Be Dangerous

    This Twitter exchange with a former church worker turned entrepreneur reveals that there’s a bit of a leadership farce going on in our society right now.

    Everyone is getting labeled a leader. I mean, everyone. The ultimate compliment a teacher can tell parents about their child? “Your child is a leader.”

    You can buy books, take online courses, get an MBA, and attend conferences that pump people up to embrace their leadership potential.

    And yet… most aren’t really leaders at all. They’ve just bought into the lie that they are a leader. They feel good about that title.

    But they are tied to a job where they have no real power to lead. Or they are in a role which muzzles their thoughts or somehow tells them that their ideas aren’t worthy.

    I ascribe by what I was taught. You know you are a leader by what happens when you are gone. Let’s say you go on vacation. Did things run the same or better? Then you’re doing your job as a leader. Or let’s say you move on to another role at another organization. Was there someone to continue on what you’ve been working on? Or did they just start over as if you’d never been there?

    That’s the difference. When a leader has lead, others don’t just follow temporarily, you’ve inspired them to do something they couldn’t do had they not been lead by you.

    I define a leader as this: A leader takes you where you would not or could not otherwise go yourself.

    Alive Inside

    If I’m honest about where I am today I don’t really care if someone looks at me professionally as a leader or not. The only place that really matters to me, leadership wise, in this stage of life, is leading my family with Kristen.

    What I do care about professionally is doing stuff that makes me alive inside. Sometimes I post things and get texts in response like, “Man, think the same thing… wish I could post that but I’d get fired.”

    On the one hand, I get it. When you work for someone you willingly exchange some stuff for the security of a paycheck. I know that’s not ministry-friendly language, but that’s what you’re doing. It’s a willful choice. I remember teaching things that weren’t what I’d prefer to teach, but that was what I was asked to do… it’s part of being a professional.

    But on the other hand, if you’re doing that for a long time you start to smell. A tiny part of you dies in your gut when you aren’t free to share who you really are, what you are really passionate about, or even lead the thing you’re paid to lead in a way that reflects your giftedness– a little bit of you dies each time you do that and takes up residence in your gut. You’ve exchanged temporary security for long-term health. This is what Marko likes to call “a values misalignment.” And just like a misalignment on your car, it might not be a big deal for a day or a week, but if you don’t deal with it eventually it’ll wreak havoc on every area of your life. In my language, if you do things long enough that aren’t your true self, you just start to stink.

    It’s been 4 years since I left YS, 7 years since I left working for a local church– things I once thought were my dream jobs but came with a need to be something to someone else to fulfill a role they foresaw for me.

    But today?

    The muzzle is gone.

    The filter is off.

    And I’m more alive inside today than I’ve been in a long time.

    Big Sky Bloomington

    A few weeks ago I stumbled across a new blog from a high school acquaintance, Seja. While in the middle of a seemingly good career selling pharmaceuticals she started to realize that she and her husband were misaligned, they were pursuing a dream that wasn’t actually their dream for themselves.

    Recently, she quit her job to pursue something she’s always desired for her family, especially her kids– owning a farm.

    She writes about how her land found her in the middle of her commute, she found herself unable to avoid it. I liked the imagery. As you read her story you realize that her dream called her more than she pursued it, it’s a beautiful picture:

    Again, I don’t even know why I did it. I loved it, of course, but I had passed other properties similar to this one.  I was drawn to this one so much so that just in case I didn’t drive by it again – our work territories changed all the time – I wanted to be able to preserve this sight.

    These wants, these desires I experienced, I knew they came from deep inside.  I was drawn to it and it came from an authentic place – not to please anyone else or to ask someone else if they liked it too.  I knew I loved it.  And that was all.

    And then we found our land.

    Read the rest

    As I’ve read her story I connect to the counter-cultural aspects of her journey. She’s given up the American Dream for her Family Dream… how much more powerful is that?

    That’s dangerous.

    For me…  the most dangerous person I can be is my true self. I’ve been made to say and do things that others can’t or won’t. It’s a blessing and a curse, but that’s who I am.

    And I have a feeling that’s you, as well.

    You weren’t created for domestication, you’ve got a bit of wild left in you.

    You are wild. You are dangerous.

    I’m here to tell you to go.

    I’m here to testify that when you do that you’ll come alive in ways you never knew possible.

    I’m here to tell you it isn’t easy– it’s scary as hell sometimes.

    But I’m also here to remind you that you’ll never experience the thrill of free fall until you jump out of the plane.

    Safety is a matter of perspective. 

    Photo credit: Skydiving by Morgan Sherwood via Flickr (Creative Commons)
  • Saying Goodbye to Man’s Best Friend

    Saying Goodbye to Man’s Best Friend

    Maybe I’m just sentimental? And maybe I’m having a hard time recognizing that our beloved dog is getting older? But this video got me all misty-eyed.

    How have you said goodbye to a favorite pet? 

  • 40 Stereotypical Things to Write in a Yearbook

    40 Stereotypical Things to Write in a Yearbook

    Megan is in her last week of 8th grade. Yesterday, I asked her what she did at school to which she replied, “Pretty much we signed yearbooks all day in class. Then we had a yearbook signing party at the end of the day.”

    And that got me thinking… “What does one write in a year book?”

    With the help of my Facebook friends we created this list.

    40 Stereotypical Things to Write in a Yearbook

    Just to make it fun, my real world translation for each is in red.

    1. Stay cool (Julie F.) [I don’t really know you]
    2. My email address is 28384458383,2828@compuserv.com (Jason T.) [I am socially awkward and wanted to be friends, but didn’t get the nerve to take the first step]
    3. I’m the first to sign your crack. [Right along the binding] (Marty E.) [I think I’m original]
    4. Never change! (Marty E.) [Your yearbook got handed to me, I don’t know who you are]
    5. Always stay the same never change (Joanne H) [I went with the combo, props to you for getting the combo, not everyone gets it]
    6. K.I.T. (Jeff L.) [I have a lot of these to sign]
    7. I wish I could have known you better, but you seem like a really great person. (Jon M.) [Don’t call me, I’ll call you]
    8. Have an awesome summer!! (Julie F) [I don’t really know you]
    9. Let’s Keep in Touch (Alex B) [Probably not]
    10. HAGS (Sherry B) [I don’t know what to write]
    11. HAKAS (Andrew B) [I am pretty clever]
    12. Stay Sweet Always (Melissa B) [I don’t really know you]
    13. 2015 was great this year (Ryan S) [I am a teacher]
    14. Lylas – love ya like a sister (Aimee M) [We know each other from youth group]
    15. Friends forever! (Michelle R) [Probably not]
    16. I will always remember you! (Michelle R) [Probably not]
    17. Class of ’99!!! Next year we RULE THE SCHOOL! (Heather U) [I don’t really know you]
    18. Packing up the dreams God planted, in the fertile soil of you… (Tim G) [My dad is a pastor]
    19.  I know your future will be bright , I will miss you (Stacy K) [I’m not planning on seeing you next year]
    20. 2 good + 2 be = 4 gotten (Barb B) [I don’t really know you]
    21. 2 friends + 2 gether = 4 ever (Scott R) [I still listen to Boyz II Men]
    22. Have fun in the sun and get laid in the shade! (Adam K) [Can’t wait for your mom to read this while you are sleeping]
    23. See you in high school! (Christel A) [I don’t really know you]
    24. YOLO, so I hope you graduate this year finally. (Peter E. M.) [You are a slacker]
    25. To a cute girl with great clothes! (Terri G) [OMG, I can’t believe I got to write in your yearbook]
    26. Had fun with you in _____ class! (Deanna S) [I don’t really know you]
    27. We’ll always have ____ [teacher name] (Adam M) [We had some laughs in class, but we aren’t friends]
    28. I wish I could’ve known you more (Stacey K) [You are cute]
    29. Call me! (Gives someone else’s number) (Josh K) [I am clever for my age]
    30. God will do something good in your life. (Leneita F) [I don’t like you very much, but it’d be rude to not write something, so here you go]
    31. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do (Jeff P) [My summer will be lame, hope yours isn’t]
    32. Live every day like it’s your last! (Jake A) [My summer will be lame, hope yours isn’t]
    33. Birds fly, ducks quack, I’m the first to sign your crack (Brock M) [I think I’m pretty clever]
    34. Too bad we didn’t hang out more……..text me (followed by number) (Jeffrey D) [I’m socially awkward but still want to hang out]
    35. Glad I got to know you (Karen K) [I don’t really know you]
    36. Best Friend 4-Ever (Heather U) [Probably not]
    37. Hope we stay friends, never change! (Mark K) [Emphasis on HOPE]
    38. I never told ya, but I think you have a great ass! (Donn B) [This is my last chance to hit on you]
    39. I’ll always remember how fun it was laughing with you in Mr. So-and-so’s class. (Jennie O) [I’m in AP and you’re probably not, I’m not planning on seeing you again]
    40. Have a bitchin summer. (Bill B) [Have a bitchin summer]
  • Control Versus Self-Control

    Control Versus Self-Control

     

    I’m really struck by the expectations put on parents today.

    A short list of some parental responsibilities:

    • All the basics, like food, and clothing, oh– and a great place to live
    • Unending emotional support
    • Unlimited defense, we’re expected to be like our kids personal attorney + agent
    • Picking the right school, pre-school through graduate school
    • Getting them the right teachers and right academic support
    • Making sure their school work is done, their projects are worthy of a perfect grade
    • Making sure their homework is done on time
    • Getting them to school on time
    • Personally delivering them wherever they need to be
    • Managing their schedule
    • Managing communication with all programs, schools, hobbies, religious activities, social activities
    • Making sure our kids have the right friends
    • Developing our kids social life
    • Making sure they have a hobby
    • Eliminating boredom
    • 24/7/365 safety, we are our kids Secret Service agents
    • 24/7/365 access to the internet, we are our kids IT department
    • 24/7/365 access to clean stuff, we are our kids personal maid
    • Personal chef, make food to their liking
    • Unlimited access to music, movies, television choices
    • A perfect childhood full of warm memories
    • Provide judgement free space for your child to explore personal interests, hobbies, potential vocations, unending ugly boyfriends, musical taste, clothing styles, etc.
    • Memorable family vacations
    • Providing regular educational opportunities
    • All the latest gear, electronics, play equipment
    • Fulfilling dreams
    • A shoulder to cry on when a dream is left unfulfilled
    • Possess a title or career they can brag about
    • Being there for them, upon request
    • Paying for whatever is asked… things with friends, school stuff, church stuff, etc.
    • Don’t forget investing in their spiritual well-being, it’s important that we make sure they are growing in their relationship with Jesus
    • Saving for college, that’s to say any college their 17 year-old self determines is best for their undetermined career goals
    • Unless they want a year off, we’ve got to pay for that gap year, too
    • Sin abatement, if they screw up… we need to provide a way to fix it
    • [Other responsibilities as assigned by a mommy blogger of a 3 year-old or a wanna-be mommy blogger doling out unqualified advice and guilt in exchange for being “blog famous.”]

    Step Back

    Have you ever taken a step back to think… WHAT THE HECK IS THIS EVEN ABOUT????

    Sometimes I’m talking about my life as a parent or talking with a friend about parenting their kids and it hits me: Most of what we’re doing isn’t actually our responsibility. We’ve taken on that responsibility. We’ve decided all of that stuff above is on us.

    And ultimately, it’s about control.

    We want control.

    We remove their control for our own and then blame them for driving us crazy because we think we can help them do things better than they could possibly do for themselves.

    We try to navigate our children’s life for them.

    Refocus on the Goal

    Instead of controlling your child’s life, where we are ultimately lying to them that we can control everything…

    Don’t teach control with your actions. Teach self-control.

    Remember little old self-control? It’s a darned good character quality. It’ll serve your child better than the right school or the right stuff or that unnecessary trip to the children’s museum.

    And if you’re controlling everything, taking responsibility for everything, and making everything easy?

    They’ll never learn it for themselves. They’ll learn that to love someone means to take control of their everything. And that’s icky. 

    Stop teaching control and start teaching self-control. 

  • Long-Range View of Leading Small Groups

    Long-Range View of Leading Small Groups

    I just completed my fourth season of helping to lead a small group of high school guys at my church. (Love being a volunteer and greatly enjoy not being in charge.)

    A couple years back I wrote a post, This Better be Worth It, about the mental game of carving out space to chose investing in high school small groups over investing in a lot of other things in my life– I’m giving up a night of my life each week, it better be worth it.

    But I want to pass along another matrix altogether for week-to-week evaluation of that worth.

    The Promise

    You’re going to have bad weeks. Heck, you’re going to have bad months. You might even have a bad semester or whole school year where you’re pretty sure that you didn’t make an ounce of impact.

    Leading a group of high school guys is often somewhere on a spectrum between herding cats and a DIY root canal. But that doesn’t mean it’s not worth it. Herding cats can have a purpose. And sometimes… you’ve got to do your own root canal.

    I’ve been at this high school small groups thing since 1997, why in the world do I keep going?

    The Long-Range View

    • Week-to-week means nothing compared to a memory sparked 10 years later.
    • High school students will only remember that you were a party pooper and you got pissed that they were talking or you scoffed at turning their small group into a night of American Gladiators… they won’t remember that week you pushed real hard to get through all of the content. 
    • I get real excited about faith steps… those tend to stick.
    • Conversely, I don’t get too worked up about week-to-week attendance. I take notice, but I don’t nag.
    • I call out deflection in an individual, but I also acknowledge that not every teenager is capable of being vulnerable.
    • When the whole group is deflecting I lean into that because I know we’re close to something important… which is why they are avoiding it.
    • I expect immaturity and allow room for it while asking them to push through it, it’s related to the bubble our society keeps teenage guys in. They have a lot of adults who chaperone them but very few who engage them in conversation or ask them to think.
    • I like that they get glimpses into manhood by being around me and my co-leader, but I’m not that interested in pushing them into “thinking like a grown man” and manhood too soon. (A mistake I see many make, almost like a default response to working with teenage guys.)

    Ultimately, I am comfortable in my role. I know I’m not the most important adult male in their life. But I hope to be someone they can know for a long time, someone they can trust, someone they know they can talk to about real stuff.

    After working with high schoolers for almost 20 years… that’s the stuff that I see lead to long-term spiritual growth. High school small groups provides some waypoints. But it’s ultimately mixed in with a lot of other messages, some of which land while others don’t.

    In the end, you have to judge your role in students lives through the lens of your faithfulness to the calling and not on how last week or last month or last school year went. Because ultimately… that’s too soon to know. 

  • My Hobbies Interest You

    My Hobbies Interest You

    The fact that I have hobbies interests you. But the fact that you don’t concerns me.

    Yes, I work hard. But my life isn’t defined by my work. My identity is more wrapped up in who I am than what I do. I’m not an inanimate object defined in a sentence, I’m a person.

    A person made in the image of God. Made in the image of a God so big He can’t be defined; a God so big generations dared not whisper His name, a God we can describe better than we can identify.

    I’m made in that image, I will not be narrowly defined to a one-sentence bio for your convenience. My life won’t fit in 140 characters either.

    I am complex and simple. I’m a dad who still likes the input of his dad. I see myself wholly adequately inadequate. I’m perfect to my 4-year old, impossible to my 11-year old, worthy of an eye roll to my 14-year old. I’m still giddy when a woman I met 20 years ago holds my hand, that she still likes me, shocked that she still loves me; I’m inspired by her daily. Amazed that together we still like doing today together. But a single word I am not, cannot, will not. I am less. I am more. I am simple. I am complex.

    The fact that I have hobbies interests you. The fact that you don’t concerns me.