First I made coffee. Then I drank it. Kristen drank coffee, too. Then I painted the trim in the office. Then I actually measured things in the office and realized the desk was still too big. I used all sorts of tools and the desk is now 16″ wide. Then I sold some plants to a guy named Shawn from the internet. He bought 9 plants and I was super happy. We didn’t shake hands. We bumped elbows like Bernie and Biden do on The Golden Guys. As soon as Shawn left I washed my hands for Pledge of Allegiance many seconds. I tried not to think about where those $27 had been before. I washed my hands again after putting the money in the drawer. Kristen and I disassembled the bed in Jackson’s room and reassembled it in the office without breaking it or cussing at each other. COVID-19 is really bringing us together in unexpected ways. I watched the press conference from the White House but wished I hadn’t. The fed cut rates to 0%. Then the CDC said no gatherings bigger than 50 until after the Rapture. That was weird. I tried to watch the debates but it was more like two old guys arguing at a coffee shop. Remember coffee shops? Remember February? I’ve aged 4 years since February. We’re probably all going to get sick anyway. I’ll get sick right now if I can go back to my regular life afterwards. Deal? Kristen deep cleaned the kitchen today. In a week we will have repainted the whole house and begun construction on an addition. We ate pasta for dinner. Me gusta la pasta. Then we played Monopoly Deal. The family has agreed that when we play board games we let Jackson win. Can tears spread the virus? Just asking. Of all the things I miss, I miss people the most. 

Current body temperature: 97.4
Rolls of toilet paper: 3 cases
Number of times I touched my face today: A million. 
Supplies: I have a secret box of Pinguinos. If I get sick I’m eating them all. They are on the top shelf if I die. 

Social distancing grade: B+

First I wrote a Facebook post. Then Kristen and I picked up two dogs we are watching. One of them swam in the pond 3 times. Then I sold plants to people but tried not to shake their hands. I shook their hands but felt bad about it. I immediately washed my hands. I need to learn a 20 second poem. I counted and I only washed my hands for 10 seconds. Next, I went to Costco with a neighbor to laugh at people buying toilet paper. I bought cheese, coffee, açaí, and creamer. I did not witness a fight at Costco. We found parking easily. We left disappointed. 

I spent the evening retrofitting my office in case Megan comes home for 6 months. I sense she would rather not come home for 6 months. I painted trim in the office I meant to paint in 2016. There’s a lot I wish I could change about 2016. Painting the trim before installing it is one thing I wish I could change. 

Current body temperature: 98.3
Rolls of toilet paper: 3 cases
Number of times I touched my face today: A million
Supplies: We have 25 lbs of flour. 25 lbs of black beans. 1.5 gallons of creamer. 3 lbs of coffee. 

All good in the hood. 

Social distancing grade: D